I'll Never Forget (Redone): Buffy in LA, How could you?
by Sinister


Back in L.A., Angel, Cordelia and Doyle had just gotten back from slaying a nest of vampires. Exhausted, the three friends walked into the office and plopped down on some chairs. Out of breath and weak they began a conversation.

“Well…that was exhausting,” Doyle said while gasping for breath.

“I actually kind of enjoyed it. It’s been a long time since I fought a nest full of vamps. Lately it’s been demon this and demon that. Vampires were kind of refreshing I thought,” Angel said as he got up and walked to the fridge to get Doyle and Cordy some water.

He handed them each a water bottle and sat back down, “Easy for you to say…you’ve got that whole vampire strength thing. Poor Doyle and I with our measly little human strength found it the opposite of refreshing,” Cordelia contradicted.

The boys laughed a little and then Doyle and Cordelia stood up to go home. It was 2am and they had been out fighting for almost two hours. Needless to say they were all exhausted. Even Angle was ready for bed. Cordy and Doyle said their goodbyes and walked out the door.

Angel breathed a sigh of relief. He loved his friends but he also enjoyed his alone time. Time to reflect and brood, he did it every night before going to sleep. This night was the same as any. He went down the elevator to his apartment and walked to the bathroom. He took off his cloths and stepped into the shower. It was his routine after battle to take a shower, relax for a while and then go to bed.

As he took his shower and relaxed, he couldn’t help but think of Buffy. After what happened it seemed that every free minute he had to just think was filled with thoughts of Buffy. Since that day he kept going over it in his head over and over again trying to convince himself that he did the right thing, but he missed her. He just couldn’t push the picture of her crying and telling him not to do it out of his mind. It hurt more then he could ever have imagined.

He thought about how fast he made his decision. He couldn’t help but think that maybe he should have thought it over more, asked for more time. He was just looking out for her in his actions but he just couldn’t help thinking that he may have made a mistake. He dreamt of her every night. Every night was the same. She was in his arms and they were never going to let go of each other. The dreams made it even harder. He would never admit it to anyone but this was hurting him even more then when he had to leave her. He had hurt her so many times now and it was killing him.

When Angel got out of the shower he walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He took out a pint of blood and poured it into a mug. As he was microwaving the blood his thoughts were interrupted. He sensed something. He felt as if someone was there in his apartment. At first he couldn’t really tell who or what it might be so he pretended as if he didn’t notice it and prepared to fight if this situation called for it. As the person or thing got closer he sensed familiarity. And then…he knew.

“So…what…you just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a super hero?” Buffy said softly but with a firm, pissed off tone.

Angel just turned around slowly and stared. He had a look of extreme shock and confusion on his face.

Buffy just stared back at him with her arms crossed trying to keep a strait face and not brake down, “I told you I’d never forget.”


* * * *


Angel and Buffy just stood there and stared at each other. Angel’s face turned from confused to sad almost instantly. Buffy, still trying to keep from braking down, finally decided to speak.

“Would you mind telling me what the hells going on?”

Angel didn’t know what to say. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he finally got out, “You weren’t supposed to…”

“Well I did,” Buffy interrupted knowing what he was going to say.

Angel looked down at the floor, again not really knowing what to say. After a little while of silence he finally spoke, “What do you wanna know?”

Even now Buffy didn’t know what to say. The whole way to L.A. she had thought of a million things to say but now she couldn’t think of anything at all. It was as if all thoughts were flushed from her brain. She had planned it out so perfectly on the bus.

“I had a dream,” Buffy started, “Only it felt more real then any other dream I’ve ever had…I know it was real,” Buffy paused for a second, and then picked up again where she left off, “The demon that attacked us the day I came here, how did you know how to kill it?”

Angel hesitated a bit and then tried to give an explanation, “I…I told you. I had a lot of time to read…” he was interrupted.

“Bull Shit!” Buffy snapped, “Why can’t you just tell me the truth Angel?”

Angel looked at her still with a confused and upset face, “I don’t understand what’s going on…the oracles said no one else would remember…this isn’t supposed to be happening.”

“So it’s true? My dream…it really happened. You were human…and we really…” she trailed off. She had tears in her eyes.

Angel looked at her with remorse in his eyes, “Yes.” It was all he could think to say.

For a while both of them just stood there, suddenly Buffy couldn’t take it anymore, she broke down and began to cry, “Why?” She said fiercely with tears coming down her checks. “How could you do this? You didn’t even think to talk to me first?”

“Buffy I…” Angel tried to explain.

“Don’t!” Buffy interrupted, “Don’t even try to make an excuse. You made a decision that effects both of us and you made it without me,” Buffy yelled.

“I made it without you because it was my decision to make,” Angel refuted, “I did what I thought was best for you and for all those people we help. I couldn’t live with myself if…if something happened to you because of me.”

“Don’t give me that Angel. It’s not your job to protect me. I do that fine on my own,” Buffy refuted. After a few more moments of silence Buffy went back to what she was saying, “We could have found another way, I’m the slayer, I always find a way around hard situations. It’s what I do! I found a way around the whole ‘no one knows but you,’ thing didn’t I? I could have found a different way. We could have done something…”

Angel just looked at her, tears still forming in her eyes. He felt so helpless. He just wanted to make sure that she would be ok. He thought that the only way that could happen was if they weren’t together. He was just trying to do the right thing but now all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be ok.

Buffy had calmed down a little. She was still upset but was able to control her tears a bit better. She spoke softly now, “It’s not fair. You can’t keep doing this to me. I felt everything in that dream…I remember lying with you…I remember listening to your heart beat.”

Angel’s heart was braking. He didn’t expect this to happen. He could handle the pain, but he couldn’t handle seeing her in pain, he never could.

“Buffy…I…I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, you know I never would. I hate seeing you like this. I can’t stand to see you cry and know that I’m the cause of it.” Now Angel’s eyes were getting watery too. He didn’t know what else to say. He still felt that he did the right thing but seeing her again and seeing how upset she was, he almost wasn’t sure. Either way it didn’t matter. It happened, it was over, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Buffy was trying to right back the tears again, “Then why Angel? Why is it that the only time I do cry is because of you? I just don’t understand how you could do this to me…to us.”

This was what pushed Angel over the edge. The tears were now forming in his eyes as well and he wasn’t even trying to hold it back anymore. “Buffy I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I know I’ve hurt you…plenty of times and that’s why we shouldn’t be together don’t you understand? All I every do it hurt you and it’s killing me. I love you so much and yet I’m always the cause of your pain.”

As he was saying these things he moved closer to her and put his hand on her cheek. He gently wiped away her tears with his finger as his own began to fall. “Please don’t cry,” he said softly as he moved in closer to her and put his other hand to her other cheek. After wiping away the tears on her other cheek he started to snap back into reality and realized that he was to close. He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t keep getting close when he knew in the end he would have to pull away. He slowly put his hands down, turned and walked back to the spot he was standing in before, trying to secretly wipe away his own tears on the way.

When he turned around they looked at each other, both with red tearful eyes. Finally Buffy spoke, “What happens now?” she asked not know what else to say.

Angel, not knowing what to say either, just replied, “I’m not sure.”


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