Too Quiet: Too Quiet
by Alison
Here it goes: I don't own Buffy, Angel, Willow, Xander, Giles, etc. Those fine characters belong to their creator, Joss (Did you notice how everyone around here calls him by his first name?), 20th Century Fox, the WB, and anyone else who owns them that I forgot to mention.



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Hey everybody. This is my first fan fic ever, so be gentle. Feedback to me is like sunlight to plants, I can't live without it. Tell me what you think!

Part I: Afraid

The streets of Sunnydale were quiet. thought Buffy Summers as she walked in the darkness towards her high school.

She hated quiet. Especially on a night like tonight. The blue moon shone full and bright, but a thick fog had settled as the night wore on, covering everything in a erie, silent haze. Everywhere she looked she saw shadows that might conceal vampires, or demons, or both. And it was so quiet.

Suddenly, the wind picked up and rushed through the trees. Buffy spun to face her invisible attacker, and braced herself for battle. But all she saw was the empty street behind her and the shadows of tree branches dancing in the wind. She mentally scolded herself for her paranoia. She was the slayer. Who was she to be afraid of the wind? Or the fog? Or the shadows? Or the silence?

It was so quiet!

She turned around and kept walking. Giles would probably be worried about her by now. She should have checked in with him over twenty-five minutes ago. At least she had an excuse. Running into four vamps on the way back from the cemetery would make anybody late. She picked up the pace a little anyways; she didn't want Giles to worry about her.

Besides, it was really quiet tonight. And when it was quiet all she could hear was herself. Her own thought, and dreams, and fears. When it was quiet nothing could drown out the things that really scared her. She thought, when it was so quiet that she couldn't push her thoughts into the background, about life. Her life. Her future. And she was afraid. Afraid that she might screw up. That she might get herself killed. Or, even worse, get her friends killed. And she dreamed about things that other people expected but she could only hope for. And, of course, she thought about...

"Angel!"

"Buffy," he replied, looking slightly pleased with himself at catching her so off guard.

"You scared me," she said. Her mind had recovered from the shock, but her heart was still pounding.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up. You seemed lost in thought."

"You're so quiet," Buffy accused, but felt bad as soon as she had said it. She shouldn't have compared him to something like that.

Angel was looking at her, still smiling slightly. She guessed that he didn't harbor any negative feelings towards silence.

"Why are you so happy?" she asked him. He should at least pretend to be sympathetic towards her rotten mood.

"Sorry," he apologized again. " I was just remembering how I always used to surprise you, before."

She smiled too, in spite of herself. she thought.

"Would you walk with me?" Angel asked her. He looked hopeful, like he was afraid that she might say no. But how could she say no to him?

"Of course," she replied. He offered her his arm and she took it. She snuggled close into the shoulder of his jacket, even though his body offered no warmth.

They walked slowly on, past the darkened houses and the old trees that lined the street. In Angel's arms Buffy wasn't afraid of the silence. With him she was protected from the unknown.

"We have to go to the Library," she remembered suddenly. "Giles is waiting for me."

"I know," Angel said, understanding. Buffy felt bad for him. Her life as a Slayer came first. All other lives were a distant second.

They kept walking and Buffy felt the silence again. The road before them was cold and gray. The tree branches stretched out bare over their heads but the fog was so thick now that she couldn't see the moon. She looked for the comforting shape of the high school in the distance, but it too was lost in the fog. She pulled herself closer to Angel. It was so quiet.

Part II: Before

Angel put his cheek against the top of Buffy's head and pulled her closer. She was so quiet tonight. He wondered what she had been thinking when he had startled her, and what she was thinking now. It was clear to him that something was bothering her. When he saw her she seemed so lost, so small and alone. He wished he could help her, wished he knew how to help her.

He had tried, you know. He always tried to make her feel better. God, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her again.

He wanted to die, to just stop being, when he came back. Back from the place she had sent him because she had to. And not only because of his memories of the things he had done, the awful things he had done when he had been foolish enough to loose his soul. It wasn't even the memories of the hate, the bloodlust, the rage that was within him when he tried to hurt her in any way he could. It was her face that killed him, the memories of the horror that he saw within her eyes.

He had taken so much pleasure in seeing that horror then. She had loved him. Him! Well, he would make her pay for that, and for making him love her back. She had taken advantage of him when he was weak. He would make her live to regret that. Then he would make her die.

And every time he caused her pain he relished her face. If he couldn't see her, he would imagine the look of anguish, betrayal, hate, and love. Oh yes, there was love in her eyes, even when he tried to kill her. Love, along with fear, disgust, determination, and hope. He had gotten a kick out of the hope too. Hope that he could be saved. That his soul could be restored, and that everything that had happened could be forgotten, like a bad dream.

He loved her now for that hope. For that youthful innocence that allowed her to believe that the prince would always slay the dragon and rescue the princess, and that the children would escape from the witch and return home.

When he saw that look in her eyes tonight he realized something that he had known for some time. Her hope was dying. She wasn't sure anymore that things would work out right, that the good guys would win and they would all live happily ever after.

She might still trick herself into thinking that everything would work out, but in the back of her mind she knew, like he did, that things never end the way adults want you to think they do when you're young. She knew the truth, and that was his fault. He had destroyed her youth by loving her, and by letting her love him back.

And now he was holding her close as they walked down the dark street. Letting her love him again. Because he needed her love as much as he needed to suffer for the things he had done to her. He needed her understanding because she was the only one who could. The only one. And, more then anything, he longed for her to touch him and be unafraid. Because he wanted things to be the way they were, before.

Part III: Reaching

So they kept walking, in no hurry, because who really wanted to get to the future that much anyway? Anyone that happened to be looking out their bedroom window when the couple passed wouldn't have seen them. The fog was so thick now Buffy and Angel wouldn't have been able to see the tree branches above them (reaching towards them through the darkness) if they had bothered to look.

Part IV: Sometimes

"Angel?" Buffy said, looking up at his face.

He glanced down at her and smiled.

"Does it ever bother you?"

"What?"

"The quiet."

He frowned at her slightly, not understanding what she meant.

"I mean, does it ever bother you, when there's nothing to do but think?"

He thought about that for a second.

He wanted to say.

But he didn't say that, because he knew she wanted him to be the strong one. The one to tell her to stop worrying about the future and stop wishing she could change the past.

"Sometimes," he answered. "Does it bother you?"

< I hate it, > she wanted to say,

"Sometimes it bothers me, too."

"Buffy?!" a voice broke the silence. "Is that you?"

They both looked up, startled. They had reached the school and Giles stood on the steeps, peering into the darkness towards them.

Part V: Forget

"Giles? Sorry I'm late, I got held up."

Giles walked towards them. "Angel," he said, nodding a greeting.

Angel nodded back.

Buffy looked at them, the two most important men in her life. She could feel the tension between them.

Giles looked at Angel and saw a monster.

Angel looked at Giles and saw his hate.

"There were some vampires," Buffy explained, trying to break the silence.

"That's quite all right," Giles said. He looked away from Angel and at Buffy. She could see the pain on his face, and relief too. "I'm just glad you're not hurt."

They all stood in silence for a moment, thinking about the things that they wished they could forget.

"I'll give you a ride home," Giles offered.

"Thanks," Buffy replied.

Part VI: The End

She turned to say goodbye to Angel, but he had vanished into the fading fog. She wondered why he had gone so suddenly, but then saw the first rays of sunlight peaking over the horizon. Then she heard the grinding of a car engine, and the carefree chirp of some birds, and saw a jogger out with a dog. Dawn brought light and noise and life. At least now she could forget the silence, for a little while.


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