On the Road: Home Sweet Home
by littlewiccan
Xander sat in the kitchen of the Ladies Night club washing dishes. He had been working there four and ½ months and he almost had enough cash to buy a new car.
Pike had left a few months ago, basically right after the whole arcade incident. He had went to well he didn’t say but Xander figured wherever he was Pike was having a much better time then Xander was now.
Xander heard the phone ring and he could hear Sam, his boss pick it up. He didn’t mean to but Xander couldn’t help but over hear the conversation:
“What do you mean you’re sick?! I can’t get another guy on this short notice! You’re on in a ½ and hour! I don’t care if you’re sick your ass down here! He hung up great. He is so fired,” Sam said coming into the kitchen, “What am I going to do?”
“You know I could always go on,” Sid, offered. Sid was greasy, dirty, balding, missing teeth, not to mention what he had were yellow and rotting, and he had a bear belly the size of…..the size of…the size of something really big like Cordy’s ego or Angel’s forehead Xander thought as he giggled at his own mental joke.
“Xander?” Sam said as though she just got a great idea.
“Yeah?”
“You’re on.”
“What?!”
“You can take his place.”
“No way.”
“If you do it I’ll give you whatever money you need to get your new car.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Great. I’ll go get your costume.”
“Costume?”
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Xander looked at himself in the mirror; he was supposed to be Xander the sexy carpenter. I have no shame Xander thought. He was wearing a yellow hard hat, jeans, a tool belt, and an unbuttoned flannel shirt.
“Xander, you’re on,” Sam said coming into his dressing room.
“Hey! I could have been naked!” Sam raised her eyebrows, “It’s the principal of the thing.”
“Come on,” she said pulling Xander out of his dressing room and towards the stage.
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Xander stood scared and nervous behind the curtain that led to the stage. He could hear Sam’s voice boom through the microphone, “Ladies, I have a very special treat for you tonight. I’d like you all to welcome in his debut appearance the sexy carpenter.”
Slowly, Xander walked on to the stage. He gave everyone a lopsided grin and a little wave. This is awkward he thought. Oh god please don’t make me do this, intervene divinely or something. I promise I will never ogle girls again. Okay, I won’t be rude when I do it. That’s when the place was flooded with vampires and the ladies began to scream.
“This is your idea of help,” Xander said, looking up towards the ceiling, “And all those times when I begged that you’d help me lose my virginity, nothing but now you decided to help.”
Quickly Xander jumped off the stage and grabbed a chair he broke the legs off to make 2 stakes and then he set to work. Xander was able to kill a few vampires but their sheer numbers were just too much. One vampire picked him up and flung him into the glass shelves behind the bar. Xander fell down onto the floor behind the bar hard. Okay I have to think what would Buffy do, Xander asked himself and that’s when he noticed the bottles of high proof liquor. Xander smiled as he grabbed some rags and soaked them in the liquor he then proceed to stuff them into the necks of various bottles leaving a little bit hanging out like a fuse. He then lit one and through it over the bar at one of the vampires. He watched as the vampire went up in flames and then turned to dust.
Xander kept throwing his make shift bombs at them until they were too scared and ran away out of their own need for self preservation.
“Yeah, you better run,” Xander yelled after them.
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Xander was pleased as he drove down the rode towards home in his new car well okay maybe it wasn’t new but it wasn’t entirely made out of rust either. Okay, so he hated visited all 50 states or even 48 of them. He had had an adventure, okay it had been the worst summer of his life. That wasn’t true, it wasn’t as bad as that one summer his parents sent him to military camp, they had applied to late and all the good camps were full. He had wanted to go to space camp with Willow but no it just wasn’t going to happen. Xander smiled as he cranked up the radio. I guess this summer wasn’t so bad after all Xander thought.
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When Xander got home everything was pretty much the same except for the fact that he now lived in the basement and pays rent. Yeah, that kinda sucks but he was glad to be home. He hadn’t told the Willow, Buffy, and the others he was back yet but that was only because he didn’t want to help them move. He had worked all summer and now he was going to relax he thought as he lay down on the couch and picked up the remote to turn off the television and that’s when his power went out.
“Dad?” Xander called.
“You forgot to pay your electric bill,” his dad yelled down.
“Yup,” Xander said to himself, “Home sweet home.
*The End*
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