Sexy guys!: Sexy Guys!
by willow_qwert
21. Riley Finn- The old saying is true. “Only a bad ass can make a girl’s heart beat faster.” I’m sorry for all you nice guys. You deserve much more attention, love, and respect than us stupid girl’s give you. Riley was a bit too nice and a bit too dumb. But when he takes off his shirt, he’s forgiven.
20. Richard Wilkins, III- I find powerful men erotic, even when old enough to be my dad.
19. Rupert Giles- I found smart men erotic, even when old enough to be my dad. He and Mayor Wilkins were tied until I remembered Giles can play the guitar and sing. True, Mayor Wilkins is evil. But that’s only one plus. Singing and playing the guitar are two entirely different plusses. Besides, the Mayor was “a family man.” He might frown on an affair with a younger woman. I don’t think Giles would have much compunction about throwing me on his bed and shagging me for the ten minutes he could manage.
18. Daniel “Oz” Osborne- He also play s a musical instrument, but he doesn’t sing. He’s short, but he’s much younger than my father. In the end, he’s cuter than Giles, so he gets the edge and slides into spot 18.
17. Angel- Before Boreanaz put on weight towards the end of Angel, he had a nice body. I’m honestly not a big fan of the face. But then he was a daddy to little baby Connor. So, while I was making sweet love to him, I’d definitely think, “If he knocks me up, he’ll be such a good daddy to our little love child.” Until, of course, our love child is kidnapped, raised in hell, and returns. Then he’ll be a pretty crappy father. But by then, I’ll hopefully be able to take over.
16. Mr. Trick- His voice was a little wimpy, as was his build. But he had brains, looks, and a really bitchin’ wardrobe.
15. James Stanley- He was the ghost from “I Only Have Eyes for You.” He was cute, if not corporeal. Maybe he could just let me look at him while I took care of business on my own, so to speak. I can usually get things done faster than a guy anyway.
14. Ben (Glory’s Host)- You want to put me in a dress and sacrifice me to a demon goddess to destroy the word? Fine. Just give me twenty-six minutes of carnal pleasure first, please.
13. Angelus- He has Angel’s body. (+1). He has Angel’s face (-1). He’s evil (+1). He’s smart (+1). Leather pants (+50). Yep. He’s #13.
12. Charles Gunn- Handsome and tough. And yet he falls for Fred. What’s with that? I’m hotter than Fred. And I’m not hotter than many people.
11. Xander Harris- Goofy can be sexy if it’s done correctly. Xander does it correctly.
10. Andrew Wells- First of all, no one ever really proved Andrew was gay. I mean, you saw the hot women he hung out with in Rome, right? I like my men a little androgynous, a little evil, and yes, sometimes I like my men a little dumber than I am. True, he was a Dungeons & Dragons geek. But nerds are the one who make the money when they get older.
9. Spike- He was hottest while dominating Buffy. Second hottest at the beginning of season two with Dru. Third hottest while treating Harmony like s***. (I told you only a bad ass can make a girl’s heart beat faster.) But all the times he was all puppy dog in love with Buffy or in a wheel chair . . . ew. Except of course when he took his shirt off during those times. Half naked Spike is always sexy.
8. Graham Miller- The Initiative guy that worked with Riley and didn’t get killed was cute and buff. Why couldn’t Buffy have dated him instead of Riley?
7. Vamp Willow- Yes, Vamp Willow is a female. Yes, I am a straight woman. But labels be damned! If Vamp Willow would have me, I’d totally do her. However, she’s not technically a guy. That’s why I have 21 choices instead of 20.
6. Robin Wood- Yes, Robin. Speak to me in that deep voice as I stare into your gorgeous eyes or at your perfectly structured face. *drools* Sorry. I went away to a happy place for a moment. I’m back now.
5. Vampire Xander- He looks like Xander, but he’s smart and evil and in leather. And the way Vamp Willow rubbed against him like a cat on a scratching post . . . bitch. I’m so jealous of her. Unless, of course, she has sex with me.
4. Lindsey McDonald- Handsome lawyer. What’s not sexy about that? As for him being evil . . . have you seen the rest of my list?
3. Marcus Hamilton- Smart, evil, built. Nice face, great suits, and perfect voice. That’s why I hate Harmony. Okay, she slept with Spike. Everyone wants to do that. But Marcus was my little secret! I was the only one who noticed he was hot. Please, Marcus, let us run away to the Caribbean where we will sit on a beach, drink Mai-Tai’s, and make evil plans (and perhaps evil children). I’ll wear one of my bikinis. You wear one of your suits.
2. Parker Abrams- He can have a one-night stand with me anytime. Just don’t tell my boyfriend. (When are you people going to get it through your heads?! Only a bad ass can make a girl’s heart beat faster!)
1. Connor- I would totally go into a coma to have his evil demon goddess love child. I like skinny, androgynous guys. So sue me. Besides bneing pretty and having the third best voice on either show (see my comments on Robin Wood and Marcus Hamilton), he’s strong, fast, and a little insane. He has the strength, flexibility, and stamina to make wild, crazy, skinny love to me all day and all night. Plus, he’s the best of both worlds. He’s a badass (BA-BUMP, BA-BUMP, BA-BUMP), yet still a loyal puppy. He could give me his happy puppy look any day. Then he could lick my face and beg me to rub his tummy. Oh crap! I need to go feed my dogs. Be right back.
I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I found out the actor who plays Connor was over 18. I felt so dirty. Except when he had sex with Cordy. Then I was like, “well, I’m younger than Cordy, so it’s probably okay if I have sex with Connor in my mind.” Then I went to a happy fantasy place. The less said about that, the better.
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