Thoughts At The End: Xander
by Sinister
Note: Most of the actions and quotes are strait from the episode Chosen. I wrote a few extra things myself especially for Xander because he’s not in the battle much, but most is from the episode. All of the thoughts, however are my own writing. I can't figure out this whole italics and bold thing so I had to just put lines. Every other block is a thought and the ones that arn't thoughts are actions/quotes. Feel free to review I like to know how I'm doing. I will return the favor.
I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I know I’m gonna die and yet it feels ok cuz I know I’m doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing right? I mean I’m gonna help save the world like I always do. I mean hey, last year I saved the world all on my own so I can do this. So why does this time seem much…much more scary then the other times?
Xander walks into the hallway that he and Dawn have been chosen to guard. Dawn is already there setting up little traps to help them fight the Turok-Han.
Look at Dawn…she’s so young…too young. I can’t believe we let her come here and do this. She has her whole life ahead of her. She can’t die now, here. I mean I guess we were her age when we started helping Buffy fight the good fight but still…I don’t want that for her. Dawn has always been like my little sister and I have to protect her. Hey…check me out…I’m growing. I’m more worried about someone else then I am about myself. I mean it’s not that I usually only care about myself or anything but I’m usually much more scared for myself then anything. My best friends are both girls and they can take care of themselves way better then I can. I finally have a purpose in the group. Buffy’s the slayer, Willow is the all powerful witch and I’m the protector, Dawn’s protector. I’ll guard her with my life. No one dies on Xander watch.
Dawn and Xander can now hear and see the Turok-Han heading strait for them.
Oh God…getting scared again, very scared. Gotta focus, gotta protect Dawn, gotta kill these ass holes. I can do this. Positive thinking will make me stronger.
The Turok-Han come strait for them and the battle begins.
Oh shit…oh shit. Need to be strong, need to focus. Dawn? Where is Dawn? Is she ok? Oh good there she is. Wow, she’s almost doing better then I am. Sister of a slayer…I should have known.
Xander and Dawn fight the Turok-Han that come their way. Dawn pulls a rope, opening a hole in the ceiling letting sunlight come through. The sunlight lands on 3 of the Turok-Han, setting them a blaze.
Wow…Dawn is pretty damn smart. I didn’t even know she set up that trap, makes a guy proud.
“Call it the greenhouse effect…very dangerous.” Xander is tackled by a Turok-Han.
Ouch…oh great job Xander. You would think I would have learned by now that sly remarks only get me into trouble.
Dawn goes after the beast that has Xander pinned and takes it out.
Saved by a girl once again. One of these days I’m going to start feeling like an inferior man. Ok she may have saved my butt but I still need watch her back also. Where is she? Oh good she’s right there…totally kicking that Turok-Han’s ass. Go Dawny.
Another Turok-Han grabs Xander from behind and puts him into a chocker hold.
Oh shit, guess I should pay less attention to Dawn, who’s actually doing good, and more attention to myself. How am I gonna get out of this? These things are way stronger then me. Ahh…I feel my air being cut off. This is it. It’s over for me. Now I won’t be able to protect Dawn. What’s going to happen to her? My friends…I didn’t get to tell them how much I love them. Anya…I have to live through this. I still love Anya. I could never love another woman as much as I love her. I want to marry her. She’s the one. I need to get out of this. I need to tell her how I feel.
Dawn grabbed a wooden flag pole and jammed it into the Turok-Han’s heart.
“Thanks Dawny.”
“No Problem.” The battle continued.
Wow…she saved my ass again. And here I thought I was supposed to protect Dawn. Maybe Buffy wanted us together so that she could protect me. Haha…what a smart little slayer. We’re going to make it through this. Dawn will, I will, we all will. I can feel it. We’ve all been through too much to lose now. That Hellmouth is going to close for good and that basterd First Evil is going down with it.
At that moment the earth began to shake underneath them. Most of the Turok-Han Xander and Dawn were had faced were dead and the others had gotten by them so they were alone. The ground shock violently.
Oh God, I never do get used to these damn earthquakes. I hope everyone is ok. I mean is this a good earth shaking or a bad earth shaking? I better get Dawn out of here and go check on Willow. I hope the spell and everything worked. I hate not knowing. Oh man, we gotta get out of here fast.
Xander and Dawn run out of the hall they were in and into the main hall towards the exit. Potential slayers are running down the hall as well.
Where is everyone else? Willow? Buffy? Anya? I have to find them. Oh good there’s Willow. One down.
Xander helps Kennedy grab Willow and take her out of the building. Xander stopped. Everything around them was falling down.
Oh shit. This whole place is coming down. Where’s Buffy? What’s going on? And Anya…where is Anya? I need to find her. I can’t leave here without her, I wont.
“Anya? Anya?”
Dawn grabbed Xander’s arm and pulled him out of the building.
No…I can’t leave without Anya. I need her. Why is Dawn pulling me away? Oh God there’s not enough time. Maybe she got out already…I don’t see Andrew either. Yea that’s it…she got out already. She’s fine, everything is fine.
Xander and Dawn run out of the building and towards the bus that all the other new slayers are running to.
She’s on the bus already. She has to be. There’s Andrew about to get on the bus…I know she’s on it. If Andrew made it Anya definitely made it.
Xander and Dawn get on the bus and sit down. Xander looks around.
Oh God. I don’t see her. She didn’t make it. How could she have not made it? She was so strong. I don’t understand. She was stronger then me. I never got to tell her how much I still loved her and how I want to be with her.
Everyone on the bus looks terrible. The slayers are bloody and bruised. Xander grabs a cloth and just looks around.
Focus Xander. Anya is gone and there’s nothing you can do about that now. You have to help the people who actually have a chance.
He puts the cloth on one of the slayer’s faces to stop the bleeding. He makes her more comfortable and hears Andrew in the seat behind, “Why didn’t I die?”
Why didn’t he die? This makes no sense. Anya may have done her share of bad things when she was a vengeance demon but she’s helped a lot of people since then. A lot more then Andrew ever has. Why did she have to die and he have to live? Why couldn’t it have been the other way around? Don’t think that way Xander. What’s done is done. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I just wish I could have told her. I hope she knew how much I loved her.
The bus came to a halt. The door opened and everyone who could walk started getting out.
I wonder what happened. I heard some pretty damn loud noises just a second ago. I guess I should go out there and check it out. Wait…I’ve been so preoccupied with losing Anya that I didn’t even notice Buffy wasn’t here. Where is Buffy? Oh God please tell me I didn’t lose one of my best friends too?
Xander, Willow and Andrew stepped out of the bus. Xander looked towards the back of the bus and saw Buffy embraced in a hug with Dawn.
Oh thank God. Buffy’s ok. I don’t think I could handle losing her and Anya. Anya…I still can’t believe she’s gone. I wonder if Andrew knows what happened.
Xander stopped Andrew as he was walking, “So did you see?”
“I was scared…I’m…I’m sorry,” Andrew couldn’t even look at Xander.
Damn it if this kid doesn’t tell me what happened I’m going to start getting angry. Keep calm Xander he’s just shaken up it’s not his fault. Keep calm.
Xander stopped him from walking away, “Did you see what happened? I mean was she…”
Andrew looked at Xander, “She was incredible. She died saving my life.”
Hmm…that’s my girl. She’s always doing the crazy thing. I’m so proud of her. She was incredible he said. That’s my Anya…she was incredible.
Xander smiled and laughed a little, “That’s my girl…always doin the stupid thing.” He put his hand on Andrew’s shoulder and almost began to cry.
Keep it together Harris. She would want me to be happy that I made it out even though she didn’t. She’d never admit that of course. Huh…she’d probably say something like, “Why do you get to live and I had to die? You’re the one who cheated on me and it was more your battle then mine because it was your friends and everything.” God I’m going to miss that girl.
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