Pinky the Vampire Slayer and the Revenge of Catherine the Great: Part Twelve
by Kirbyclause
The rest of the week passed fairly quickly, for time flies when one's mind is occupied. The remaining spells became easier and easier to deal with as they came up. Not because they were any less dangerous, but because the most dangerous one was the most expected one and the others were...well comical.


* * *
Those that lost a body part (such as a mouth or sight as the cheerleading was cursed by Catherine) were instantly counter cursed to regain it. Although Xander had a difficult time explaining that he needed to be uncursed. Afterall, with his pants zipped it didn't look like there was anything missing.


* * *
Two days after the body switching incident, Angelus rushed Buffy from one of their patrols to Ms. Calander's home when the Slayer appeared for the patrol wearing a halter top, nylon shorts with the words "Queen Slayer" embroidered on them, and 12 carat gold jewelry hanging from wherever it could hang despite its absolute tackiness. It was fortunate that he did, as Buffy swore she was a "stone cold sistah" and "'bouts to play da race card up in 'dis mutha'". When asked to explain herself, she did. In a rap.

Rap of the Queen Slayer, Buffina Summers

Yo, yo, yo... I go to school, I break all the rules. The teacher says "stop", I stake 'em and dey drop. How you like that stone cold extra funky mutha' &$&@*#' *@$! ? I hope you can hold on to it while holdin' yo' scrawny &*^ %$#@ !

I'm the queen of all Slayah', Kendra a sistah 'cause I made 'er. I need a real man, not no punk ass player. Hopes you got a tre' o' dem' dere rocks, 'cause by the time I'm done, dem monster's bees callin' da cooooops.

The condition eventually became so problematic that Giles' resolve to never use the Ebonics to English Dictionary furnished him for review by the California Education Dept. withered away. It took the Englishman nearly fifteen minutes to look up the word "ign'ant". "Dat's why you ign'ant, pops.", Buffina scolded him.


* * *
The most potentially frightening was when Pinky's thought capacity was increased exponentially. The mouse completed Xander's trig homework, helped Willow with a logic problem in a Turbo C++ program, and even found a chemical coumpound which gave Cordelia's hair more bounce with more body. The Brain was extremly pleased with this development of his Slayer that the following conversation occured.

Brain:Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:I think so Brain, but if several thermonuclear missiles (T56-Gammas of course) were accelerated with solar wind ion drives and detonated on the surface of Luna, the heavenly orbital would escape its trajecotry and collide with our fourth planet. So would the resultant asteroidal configuration be reffered to as "Man" or "Moors"?

Brain:The more things change, the more they stay the same. Change him back Amy.


* * *
Larry had an recieved an influence to become very...talkative about a certain high school student he believed he knew a little something extra about. Xander. Hence, he had a long talk with Cordelia trying to convince her that if she was truly Xander's freind she would stop being his 'cover' and get him to admit his attitude to the world. Cordelia was of course ignorant of Larry's point, and Larry told her that she wasn't much of a freind and probably being played for a fool if Xander hadn't told her the 'real' reason he was 'hiding behind' her.

That conversation resulted in another in which Cordelia alternately laughed at and mocked Xander's knack for putting his foot in his mouth.


* * *
The night before the full moon that signified the night Catherine the Great was to return was also a night for Oz to be chained up to contain his werewolf form. However, after Oz was chained, his time before his transformation was complicated by Willow aquiring a dominatrix complex. Although the leather outfit was a benefit, the forced...tasks were quite the detraction.

After Oz turned into a werewolf (and stopped responding to Willow's demands) she came to Xander's house. Xander was not chained down, shown by his taking the option of running away. (Running away came immediately after Xander's comment of "Too much self confidence can be freaky Willow." and Willow's response of "You haven't begun to see freaky.")

Giles perhaps handled the situation the best. He arrived at Ms. Calander's and Amy's residence after a mere 5 hour drive from the Library with Willow. Why did the drive take 5 hours? Those...details might best be left to those who participated in the drive.


* * *
But the inevitable came. The night of the full moon signalled the coming freedom of Catherine the Great. A howl signalled Oz's incapacitation. A soft sigh signalled Buffy's acceptance of Angelus in her life. Everyone prepared in their own way for that night. Because in many ways, nothing would be the same.


This story archived at: The Slayer\'s Fanfic Archive
The Slayer\\\\\\\\'s FanFic Archive - http://www.slayerfanfic.com/viewstory.php?sid=1238