WHAT HE CAN DO: 1
by Spikes Queen
Buffy closed the door of Wood’s garage and sighed. She ran home, hoping to find Spike on the way. She found Spike smoking on the front porch. “Spike?” Buffy asked, going toward him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just thinking,” Spike answered, throwing his cigarette to the side.

“You know I had nothing to do with that right?” Buffy asked, going to sit next him.

“I know. If you wanted me dead you would have done it yourself,” Spike said.

Buffy smiled. “You wanna go patrolling, cuz I’m not ready to go in yet,” she said.

“What the hell. Why not?” Spike said, walking beside her down the walk way.

Buffy and Spike entered a cemetery and strolled around.

“Spike, what happened with Wood?” She asked.

“He tried to kill me, because of his mother,” Spike said, softly.

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” she said.

Spike looked over at her and smiled.

After almost an hour, they only staked two fledglings.

They ended up just walking through the cemetery. “How’s Dawn?” Spike asked.

Buffy smiled a little. “Just a scratch. Don’t worry about it. We didn’t know what was gunna happen,” she said.

“Couldn’t stop. Didn’t really know was happening,” Spike said.

“You wanna talk about it?” Buffy asked.

Spike sighed and sat on one of the benches. “I do, but I don’t know if I could handle talking about it,” he said, softly.

Buffy sat next to him and grasped his hand. “Spike, I know I always feel better when I talk to you, so tell me. If you really don’t, I wont push,” she said.
Spike squeezed her hand. “It’s about my mum and things I wished I’d never done,” he said.

“Like what?” Buffy asked.

“When Dru turned me, my mom was really sick. There was no cure for it at the time and I didn’t wanna lose her. So I turned her,” Spike whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

Buffy gasped. “You what?” She asked.

Spike stood up and walked away from her. “I thought it would fix her. Buffy, I wasn’t ready to lose my mom. When I turned her, I made her monster she didn’t love like Dru and I did. I killed her and let loose a demon, but I knew. I knew she loved me, so I staked her. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” Spike paused and wiped his tears.

“With Wood, his mother didn’t love him,” he said, turning to face her.

“Yes she did,” Buffy said, tears in her eyes.

Spike shook his head. “Not enough to give it up. She shouldn’t have had him if her life wasn’t gunna be devoted to him. Not fair to him. She took him out patrolling,” Spike said.

“The slayers are always alone. No matter how many people they have around them. If she had given it up, he would’ve had a child hood. And for some reason I think it was also about you,” he said.

“Me?” Buffy asked.

“Come on Slayer. Not one person around you can stand the sight of me. The only reason I’m still here is because you asked me to,” Spike said.

Buffy looked at the ground them back at him. “Isn’t that enough?” She whispered.

Spike smiled. “Yeah. It’s enough,” he said.

Buffy smiled back. “Good. I can decide who and what is best for me without anyone’s help,” she said, standing.

“Never said, you couldn’t,” Spike said, walking beside her. “We should get home. You need sleep.”

“I don’t sleep,” Buffy said.

“Why not?” Spike asked.

“Cold, lonely, flashes. Nothing that’s gunna help me sleep,” she said.

“You’re gunna tire yourself out, Luv,” he said.

Buffy paused and looked at him. “You called me ‘Luv’,” she said.

Spike looked at her. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Buffy nudged him lightly. “You idiot. I just meant I haven’t heard you call me that in awhile. I just missed it is all,” she said, pulling him along.

Spike looked over at her. “Didn’t know I was allowed to. A lot of things I can’t do, just working on some of them,” he said, as their fingers entwined.

Buffy squeeze his hand. “Like what?” She asked.

Spike sighed. “I’m still trying to figure out if I’m even allowed to talk to you,” he said, softly.

Buffy looked at him. “Spike you can always talk to me. You can touch me, you can patrol with me, you can call me pet and luv and goldilocks and you can love me,” she whispered. “Just don’t hurt me.”

Spike released her hand and moved away from her. “Buffy, I can’t keep apologizing for that cause it’s not gunna make it better,” he said.

Buffy went up and wrapped her arms around his waist. She leaned her cheek against his back and tried to make her tears go away. “Spike, I don’t want you to keep apologizing. I just want to be together again,” she whispered. “Please? Can’t we try again?”

Spike turned and looked at her. “Only if you really want it. If you don’t’ want this, I’m not gunna give my self to you, only to be rejected,” he said, softly.

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a gentle kiss. “I want this, Spike. I want everything,” she whispered.

Spike kissed her again softly and the kiss deepened.


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