Same Old Song: Thoughts of a tortured mind
by Shay
At first the darkness is unbearable. You are alone in it for days, not knowing what is going on outside of the dark…if there is an outside. Then the darkness becomes a close friend, the only touch you have is from the tendrils of dark, as it flows past your body. You start out worrying more about your friends…or the ones that are still alive. Will Xander be okay? Are Buffy and Giles going to be able to help us? Then your mind starts to run through the others. My mother, Oz, Cordelia. And now Xander will probably die as slow and torturous a death as me.

I had a lot of time to think when I was conscious between the torture. And as I thought, I blamed myself for all the deaths. If only I had never done the spell to save Angel. But I was being selfish. Angel had been a friend to me. And Buffy needed him. Then I started to question if I had even done it for Buffy. Or had it all been for Willow? I know deep inside I did the spell because I thought it was best for everyone, but it was my fault that I never told anyone.

None of this would have happened if only I had let Buffy kill Angel. The only good thing that came out of the whole ordeal was that Acathla had never been found, and could not suck the whole world into hell.

I began to ponder on Buffy’s feelings. Did she feel responsible for the deaths of our friends, and the missing status of Xander and me. And Giles, he was probably beating himself up for something he had not done. It had all been me.

I’m brought out of my reverie as Angelus enters the room, all sashay and grace. A little twinge of lust bubbles up in my stomach, before quickly being replaced by revulsion and fear. Angelus is not an ugly vampire. Quite the opposite, I’ve always found him attractive. But he had always been Buffy’s. Now he was evil again, and I couldn’t help occasionally having lusty feelings for him.

As he got closer to me, I felt my body freeze up. I had been left naked, hanging from a hook for days, being force fed blood from various victims, as well as the vampires themselves.

I had feared at first that the process of drinking their blood would turn me into a vampire, but I remembered Buffy’s description of a “suck fest” and realized they would have to drink from me to the point of death.

They did occasionally bite me, and take a little blood, but never more than a mouthful here and there.

My mind again slid to Xander’s well-being as Angelus began his physical assault on my body. He poked and prodded, pinched and pulled in the most painful of places. Or course my whole body was in so much pain at the moment that every spot was one of the ‘most painful of places.’

I loathed myself for being helpless against the servitude of my body. Willow, witch wanna-be is all I was.

“And now has our luscious red-head been?” Angelus breathed into my ear as he bit the corner.

“Please-” I began, but choked on the dryness of my throat.

“Is our pet thirsty then?” Spike stood in the doorway, watching Angelus’ mouth move down my body.

I can hardly rasp out another ‘please’ before Spike is directly in front of me, and Angelus has moved his attack to my back.

I can’t protest as Spike bites into his own wrist, and thrusts it into my gaping mouth. I feel dirty as the liquid is forced down my throat. My body turned on me days ago. Without water, or actual food, my body forced me to accept any moisture I found. Unluckily for me the only moisture around was blood.

“Have I missed the party?” Drusilla glides into the room, waving her arms in the air as she dances in circles.

“Party hasn’t started yet luv.” Spike reassures her, forcing his wrist closer to my mouth one last time, before ripping it away.

“Ohh goody.” Drusilla sighs, gracefully dancing to Spike. She grabs his wrist, and licks at the bite that was already beginning to close.

Spike’s eyes grow distant for a moment, before he is brought back by Drusilla pulling her mouth away.

“When?” Drusilla asks simply, moving up and down on her feet.

“In a few hours Dru.” Angelus responds to her questions as he pulls away from my body.

As the leave the room, each with an evil grin upon their face, I begin to worry about what is happening in a few hours. And I have all of those hours to let my fear grow.

***

A/N: The chapter is finally finished! I know it's a little short, but I promise the next chapter will be very interesting. For those of you who have waited for this for nearly a year, I am very sorry, and promise to not make you wait any longer! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!
-Marissa


















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