Coma: Chapter 3
by Wolfkin
Author's Note: Well, here's the completed chapter, with the next chapter underway, I assure you! Sorry it took so long to finish. Gods, I'm so glad the writer's block on this story broke!
Oh, and I'm changing thoughts from being enclosed in these, 'Like this' to [Like this]. If it's in [ ], then it's the person's thoughts, okay?
**************
Chapter 3
Willow backs away from the bed, her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide and staring in horror. She slowly starts to shake her head, then the babble commences. "No! Tara, baby, we didn't... Well, yeah, but we fixed... You came to our room, asked me to kiss you. W-we m-made love all night! A-and a lot the next day! A-a-and Dawnie saw us and was happy. Then Warren..." she stops, shuddering. After a moment, she adds, "You came back home. Back to me." Water flows freely from emerald eyes as the witch pleads, "Oh baby, you have to remember! Please? Try to remember, please?"
Buffy moves to the side, just inside the room, her own eyes damp as she watches the emotional plea. Feeling a little uncomfortable, she looks around the room, wanting to move her eyes off the distraught pair around the bed. Looking back toward the door, her discomfort turns to pity, then a certain amount of anger, directed toward her best friend.
Her anger fades after a moment, as she remembers what she did the night she found out Angel was alive and back, how she ditched Scott Hope instantly when she saw Angel and how much he needed her. Recalling that, she can kind of understand what Willow is going through, but, for the first time, she can see the other side as she takes in the lost and despondent look on Kennedy's now haggard appearing face.
The brunette teen watches the tableau in the middle of the room with a growing sense of dread. She knows, for a solid fact, that she's fallen in love with the quirky redhead now pleading with her former lover. Kennedy was certain that Willow was falling for her as well, though she was by no means sure.
Now, watching, she feels the world she was building crack and start to crumble. She had asked, quietly, about Tara. Dawn had been very helpful, after the younger girl had satisfied herself why Kennedy wanted to know, so the potential was sure she knew what the two witches had meant to one another. Watching, and, more importantly, listening, she realizes she was wrong. She also realizes she's lost her.
Kennedy watches Willow's tearful reunion, as she sees it, for a moment more, then she turns and slips out of the room, never noticing Buffy watching her. She doesn't go far, though. Her time in Sunnydale has taught her that she is a target, unless in a group, so she only goes to the nearest set of chairs and takes a seat, waiting for Buffy and her...
[God,] she thinks. [Were we even together long enough for me to call her my ex?] Unbidden and unfelt, the first tear finally slips free and finds it's path down her cheek. It isn't lonely for long.
******
Tara just stares at Willow, unsure how to answer the stream of words the redhead had launched at her. On one level, she normally loves to hear Willowbabble and part of her soul feels lighter just hearing it. On a more practical level, nothing of what she said makes sense. She distinctly remembers the night she'd ripped her own heart out and squeezed it dry, the night she'd left Revello drive and returned to her dorm room.
Her eyes drop as she remembers that she hadn't been able to leave her room for days afterwards, she'd missed Willow so badly. Even after she could function again, she'd purposely avoided the redhead as much as she could, simply cause that left the pain only a constant dull ache. The morning she'd seen her come in with Amy had nearly killed her, simply because the her first thought was that since Willow obviously had a new girlfriend only days after she'd left, that Willow had never really loved her.
When Willow had explained who the other girl was she'd been somewhat reassured, but Willow actually looked happy, which had undermined the optimistic thoughts. Then, Amy had bragged about Willow's mystical abilities, about how powerful she was, and she'd known then that Willow hadn't changed, even after she'd torn them apart.
After that, she'd stopped coming to Scooby meetings, avoiding nearly everyone in her desperation to not see Willow, not feel how much the other witch wanted her back. How much she wanted Willow back. Buffy, Goddess bless her, had not let her disappear from their lives. She'd constantly sought her out, keeping her apprised of the gangs comings on, Willow's progress after that awful night when she'd conjured a demon and hurt Dawnie.
Dawn herself could usually be counted on to not let more than two days go between either a phone call, or, more usually, a visit, a request for help with homework or a trip to get mochas. The teen made no secret of how much she wanted Tara back in her life and house, preferably back with Willow. Tara repeatedly told her that it was probably not going to happen, but the teen was undeterred. She viewed Willow and Tara as near parents and, having lost one set, she was determined to not lose another pair.
The blonde's last memories told her that that may have been a little more possible than she'd first thought, but, from what Willow was saying... But that wasn't possible. Was it?
The blonde witch turns her soulful, but exhausted blue eyes back to the woman who was once hers. With a heartfelt sigh, she slowly shakes her head and tells her, "I'm sorry, Willow. I just don't remember any of that. I k-know you w-want me to come b-back, but I just can't." Her eyes drop to gaze at her bed again as she repeats, "I'm sorry."
Willow feels her eyes open to their widest, but doesn't notice her head start to shake in denial. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth in horror. She stares at Tara for another minute, then, with a heartbroken sob, she turns and flees the room.
Buffy watches her go, then turns back to her friend in time to see Tara wiping away her own tears. Unable to think of anything else to do, the Slayer forces a little smile onto her face and softly says, "Hey."
Tara looks up a little startled. She'd barely noticed anyone besides Willow was in the room. "Oh, hey, Buffy." She tries for a smile, but in her weakened state, it's a very wan smile.
Buffy pauses for a second, wracking her brain for something to say, then finally goes with, "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you." She mentally kicks her self, thinking, [*That's* the best you could come up with?]
The witch looks at the door thoughtfully and absently asks, "I do? When was that?" Her eyes tracks back to the Slayer as she continues. "Because the last time I remember seeing you was the day after your birthday."
Buffy frowns, thinking back over a year to that particular day. They'd Just gotten Halfrek to release the wish Dawn had made and Tara had been one of the last people to leave that night. Buffy can even remember the long smiling look Tara and Willow had traded as the blonde witch had went back to her dorm.
"Okay, that does kinda explain some things," she says, nodding slightly before looking Tara right in the eyes. "That was about four months before you were... shot." She pauses and her face gets a worried look. "They told you about why you're in here, right?"
Tara nods a little, the effort seeming to almost drain her for a few seconds. "Well, they said I was severely injured and that I'd lost a lot of blood. They said I'd been here for nearly a year?"
"Yeah, that's about right. You were... injured, about the middle of last May." Buffy stops, trying to think of some easy way to say what she needs to, but nothing occurs to her. She decides to go for honest. "Tara, you need to know, we... we thought you had been killed. We even held a funeral for you."
Tara gazes at the Slayer in astonishment. "So, that's why Willow was acting the way she was? She thought I was dead?" The petite blonde nods, her eyes sad. Tara closes her own eyes and lays back. Tiredly, she make a request of the friend standing beside her bed. "Buffy, could you tell me what happened, please? I-I'm not sure I w-want to know, but I need to." Her eyes open once more and lock onto the Slayer. "Please?"
"Sure," Buffy tries for a comforting smile. "Do you want to know what happen for the entire four months, or just the end? Cause, no offense, but you look wicked tired. Sure you wanna do all of it now?"
Tara lays her head back on her pillow and thinks for a moment. Buffy has a point about her being tired, she realizes. "How about just the high points, except for the last bit."
"Okay, we can do that," Buffy agrees. She takes a deep breath and begins. "You said the last thing you remember clearly was my birthday party?" The other blonde nods. "Okay, after that..."
******
Sitting in the waiting area a little ways from Tara's room, Kennedy slumps and tries to think, but one thought just won't go away, the thought that she should just give it up. She could plainly see that Willow still loved the other girl, no matter what had been happening between her and the witch.
The potential drops her head into her hands with a barely stifled groan. Her thoughts begin to race as her mind turns inward and the thought of giving up is suddenly and violently contested. [No! She's mine now! Tara sent her away over a year ago, then died as far as anyone knew. She has no claim on Willow at all!]
Both voices are balanced by third that tells her, [It's Willow's decision, not mine or Tara's. I know I love her and I could plainly see that Tara still does, but neither of us can force her to pick one of us.] The brunette potential starts to massage her temples without realizing it as the three loudest thoughts begin clamoring for her attention once more.
Sensing movement, Kennedy looks up just as Willow bolts from Tara's room. Her first reaction is to follow her and find out what's wrong, but she hesitates for a second, as she wonders if she'll be welcome. Then, she hears a sob and she immediately surges from her chair. "Willow! Wait up!"
Running after the distraught redhead, she finally catches her as she goes out the front door. "Willow, wait!" The teen gently grabs her arm and forces her to stop. Continuing to move, Kennedy walks around until she's facing Willow and feels her heart break once more as she sees the streams of tears on the face of the woman she's in love with. It's all she can do to keep the Slayer in her in check, when all it wants to do is go hurt the person who hurt her girl.
Without thought, Kennedy pulls Willow tightly to her, her arms slipping around the wicca. After a second's pause, Willow collapses into the potential, the sobs she's tried to hold back break loose immediately. Kennedy just holds her, letting one hands rub lightly up and down the redhead's back, while the other strokes her hair.
Whispering little reassurances the whole time, Kennedy looks around a little and spots a park bench nearby. A few minutes later, when she feels Willow's frantic hold lessening a little, she pulls back just enough to enable the two women to walk and steers them to the bench.
Sitting down, the potential tries to look the redhead in the eye, but Willow keeps her head ducked, like she's ashamed or something. Keeping her voice soft and comforting, Kennedy asks, "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Utter misery in her tone, Willow replies, "No. Yes." Her head comes up and Kennedy has to look away, the lost expression in the green eyes she's come to love too much for her. "Sh-she doesn't remember." Tears flow freely once more as Willow once more collapses into the younger girl's arms. "She doesn't remember coming back to me!"
Not knowing what else to do, Kennedy just holds and comforts the witch, whispering "It's okay. It'll be okay." softly in her ear, stroking her hair. She tries desperately to damp down the elation that attempts to take over her own emotions. [Just because Tara doesn't remember anything doesn't mean Willow won't choose her, so shut up for now. Besides, am I being happy that the woman I claim to be in love with is miserable?]
That thought sobering and tempering her, Kennedy is suddenly content to sit and wait until Willow feels ready to talk to her. She doesn't know how long they sit wrapped up together, Willow crying, her offering what she can, but after a while, Willow's sobs ease and she draws away from the dark haired girl a little. Kennedy lets her go.
Willow wipes at her tear stained face, trying to dry her cheeks, though it appears to be losing battle. "I'm so sorry for all this. I-I didn't mean to break down an-and I got you all wet and I probably have make-up running everywhere and..."
Kennedy resists her first impulse, to stop the babble with a kiss. Instead, she puts 2 fingers on Willow's lips and says, "Shhh! It's okay. I understand and I don't care about the wet." She smiles at the redhead and lightly brushes the back of her hand across a snowy cheek. "And you're always beautiful, so that's not a worry either."
The wicca blushes and looks down again at the compliment. Suddenly her eyes fly open and she pulls back, her head coming up to stare at the potential, her hand covering her mouth. "Oh my Goddess! Kennedy!" Fresh tears appear as she looks at the teenager. "I did it again. Oh, you must hate me!"
Half blinded by tears, Willow stands and tries to run away. Like a shot, Kennedy is off the bench and in front of the distraught woman, holding her, not letting her twist away. "Willow!" When she won't stop and look at her, Kennedy gives her a little shake. "Willow!!"
Finally, the redhead stops trying to run away, but still refuses to look up at the brunette. Kennedy sighs, then gently tilts Willow's face up until she can see it. "Willow, believe it or not, I kinda understand. I won't lie to you and say it doesn't hurt or that I'm not jealous as hell, but I do kinda get it."
"How can you?" the redhead asks, fresh tears following now well established paths. "I don't understand any of it! I mean today, I was so happy, and you were planning a picnic for us and that's all I wanted, to spend time with you." She stops as a sob hitches her voice. "Life was just starting to be good again after so long and you're the reason for that. You showed me how to live again, made me want to live again. A-and now, I get the one thing I've wanted most of all for almost a year back and I don't know what to do!"
She collapses forward once more, and again, Kennedy catches her, pulls her close for a moment before guiding her back to the bench. Once there, she sits, Willow on her lap, just holding her, letting her cry. A part of her mind screams at her for contributing to the redhead's pain while another part argues it's not her fault, it's all Tara's for confusing her Willow so badly.
[It's not Tara's fault she's alive!] the potential snarls at herself. [She didn't ask to be in a fucking coma for a year and she sure didn't ask for that asshole to shoot her. And she's not 'confusing' Willow! Will knew and loved her a hell of a lot longer than she's known you existed, so just get over yourself!] The young brunette's thoughts continue this self castigation for several minutes, all the while, she keeps trying to offer Willow comfort.
The redhead herself just buries herself deeper into the potential's chest, her sobs quieter, as her tears ease. Her thoughts center around all the memories she has of Tara and their time together, especially what the blonde witch herself can't remember. She also wonders what she's going to do now, not only with her Always alive and all that means, but with her feelings for Kennedy.
She thinks back to just a few shorts hours ago, Kennedy was planning a picnic and she was realizing and admitting to herself that she was falling in love with the dark eyed beauty she's clinging to. That feeling hasn't changed she knows, even with the missing part of her soul alive and returned to her.
Willow remembers, several years ago when her feelings for Tara were as new as her current feelings for Kennedy, when Oz came back into her life. The chaos that he'd accidentally unleashed and the soul searching he'd made her undergo. "Follow your heart," Buffy had told her and she had, right to Tara's arms.
Now, even though the same advise seemed to be what she needed, she knew it was more complicated this time. When it was choose Oz or choose Tara, it was easy, simply because she was in love with Tara, but not Oz. She'd known where she belonged.
This time, while the majority of her heart wanted nothing more that to be back in that hospital room, begging forgiveness and for Tara to please come back to her, there was still this small part that wanted to stay where she was. To feel safe within the circle of the strong arms that held her.
Kennedy felt Willow take a deep breath and, without thought, presses a kiss to her temple, letting her lips linger for a moment. "Feel a little better, now?"
Willow sighed, her eyes closing as she feels the lips against her skin. She pulled away from Kennedy's embrace, just enough to see the SiT's eyes. "Kinda yes, mostly no, you know?" She tried a little smile and mostly made it.
The potential chuckled involuntarily. "Yeah, that kinda makes sense." She pauses for a few seconds, then reluctantly asks, "Do you want to go back in now?"
Willow considers her answer for a moment, then responds with, "Desperately, but not gonna." She sees Kennedy confusion and adds, "She doesn't remember us getting back together and I don't want to push. Plus, I kinda like where I am." She surprises Kennedy by kissing her lightly, but quickly.
"Willow?" Kennedy says, a multitude of questions in that one word.
The witch blushes at her action and lays her head back on Kennedy's shoulder to hide it. "Can we wait until we get home to talk more about this? Please? Can you just hold me right now?"
Still confused by what the kiss means, or might mean, Kennedy just nods, then replies, "Uh, yeah. We can wait, if that's what you want." She smiles a little as her arms tighten slightly in answer to the redhead's request and Willow settles against her with a deep sigh.
AN Yeah, I know. A long wait, then confusion. Sorry about both, but don't worry, it'll get weird from here!
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