Ginsu Knife Cordelia: Part Two A
by Kevin Latcher
INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
Giles, Xander, and Willow watch in horror as the sword wielding Tao Li vampire NINJA charges toward them.
GILES: Scatter!
XANDER: (already running) You don’t have to tell me twice!
The trio disperse in three different directions around the library as the Ninja leaps into the air. With brutal force and a scream he slices the table were Willow had been sitting in half.
Giles makes it upstairs while, Xander and Willow hide among the first floor’s offices, and book rooms. The Ninja blocks the exit. Cowering in a book room Xander and Willow watch the ninja.
WILLOW: (trying not to panic) This is not good, this is definitely not good...
XANDER: Don’t go Rain Man on me Will.
WILLOW: But that sword looks so sharp. We need to be out of here like two minutes ago..
XANDER: Unless you’ve been getting tutored by Jackie Chan after school, there isn’t any way we’re getting through him.
WILLOW: What about Buffy’s Bag of Weapons? If that ninja really is a vampire they should still work.
XANDER: (looking around) I think Giles keeps them around here somewhere. God I wish I actually paid attention to this kind of stuff!
The Ninja begins searching the library, while keeping his back to the exit.
WILLOW: (looking across the room) Over there in the locker, I think that’s the weapons bag.
XANDER: You think?
WILLOW: Well I think is better than, no I don’t see any weapons anywhere and we’re all going to die isn’t it?
XANDER: Good point. Okay, here goes a tremendous act of unparalleled bravery and stupidity.
Xander slinks out of the book closet and attempts to hide behind tables, book stacks, and in other closets and offices, to make his way across the room. Willow watches in fear as the Ninja begins upending books, tables, and card catalogues in his systematic search of the library.
Xander continues to crawl closer to the locker and the weapons bag. He accidentally knocks over a stack of books attracting the ninja’s attention. The Ninja slowly creeps toward Xander as it prepares for the kill.
WILLOW: (to herself) Oh no..
Mustering up all her courage Willow picks up a book and comes out of hiding. Xander scrambles into an office but realizes he’s cornered as the ninja gets closer to his position. Xander holds his breath as the ninja comes closer.
The Ninja’s attention is suddenly drawn from Xander when a thick copy of Volume one of “DAMON’S ENCLYOPEDIA OF SATANIC PRACTICES and RITUALS” hits him in the head. The Ninja angrily spins around as Volume 2 hits him in the face.
WILLOW: (heaving Volume 3 at the Ninja) Take that!
The ninja slices Volume 3 in half before it hits him.
WILLOW: (gulping) I see you’re very good at taking..
Willow throws up Volume 4 to shield her face as the Ninja throws out half of dozen razor sharp ninja stars. Two of the ninja stars embed themselves in the book like shield while the others gut a near by door and cabinet.
WILLOW: (running back) Eeep!
Willow dives for cover as more ninja stars go flying her way. The ninja comes charging across the room toward Willow. Suddenly from the second floor of the library Giles leaps down on to the ninja. He lands hard on the surprised vampire and both hit the ground with a thud. The stunned vampire begins to struggle with a bruised Giles for his sword.
GILES: (shouting out) Xander the weapons!
As Giles begins to lose the struggle with the Ninja, Xander bursts out of his hiding place and runs toward the locker. The Ninja, using both of his feet, kicks Giles off him and sends Giles crashing into a table. The Ninja lets loose another barrage of ninja stars. Xander to avoid the stars drops to the floor and goes sliding into the locker.
He feverishly attempts to work his way through the weapons bag. A recovering Giles grabs the Ninja. Willow, coming out of hiding also pounds on the Ninja with Volume 5. The Ninja with a martial arts move sends Giles crumbling to the floor. He then turns to Willow and throws out his left hand. A net explodes out of his hand trapping Willow. Although both failed to stop the ninja they bought Xander enough time to assemble and arm the crossbow.
XANDER:(taking aim) Hey Bruce Lee, let me point you to the door!
Xander fires the crossbow and an arrow lands a direct hit in the ninja’s heart. The ninja is knocked to the ground by the force of the arrow. Xander runs over to the ninja and his incapacitated comrades. He stands over the ninja and sees the arrow sticking out of his chest. The problem is that the ninja hasn’t turned to dust as he is wearing protective armor. The Ninja lurches awake and grabs Xander’s cross bow.
XANDER: That’s no fair! You’re not supposed to be able to have armor!
The Ninja using a sweep kick upends Xander and stands up. He steps on the cross bow, crunching it into tiny pieces and then looks down angrily at Xander.
XANDER: (helplessly) I don’t suppose I could interest you in a career in the movies, a guy like you could really clean up..
Entering through the front doors of library is CORDELIA. Oblivious to the battle that has just occurred she has already started talking.
CORDELIA: Giles, you better find a new place to put those weapons of yours, I just heard from Tabby Mainer who heard from Jason Collins who works in the principal’s office that Principle Synder has gone berserk and is going to start some--
Cordelia stops when she sees Willow struggling to untangle herself from a net, Giles sprawled out on the floor, and a Ninja with a sword drawn at Xander’s jugular. The Ninja turns around to see Cordelia and growls.
CORDELIA: (stopping) Oh, you guys are busy..
The Ninja roars and charges Cordelia. Cordelia lets out an ear bleeding scream before reaching into her bag. In one swift move she pulls out a small can of pepper spray and sprays the Ninja in the face with it. The Ninja clutches his face and roars in pain as his eyes actually begin to give off smoke. A recovering Xander and Giles quickly tackle the screaming Ninja. Using all their strength and Volume 5 as a hammer, they slam down on the arrow lodged in the ninja’s chest until it pierces the armor. The Ninja fades away into dust as the arrow strikes pay dirt.
Giles sighs with relief.
GILES: Thank God you showed up Cordelia.
XANDER: (helping Giles up) Now that’s something you don’t hear Giles say.. ever.
GILES: (leaning on a table in pain) Yes, well, I suppose there is truly a first time for everything. Tell me Cordelia what was that you sprayed the Vampire Ninja with?
CORDELIA: Pepper Spray, I bought it after Buffy went AWOL.
XANDER: Vampires don’t like pepper spray?
CORDELIA: This isn’t just pepper spray, this designer pepper spray. It costs twice as much, has a blend of thirteen different peppers inside, as well as a mega dose of garlic. Now is someone going to tell me what’s going on instead of waiting for me to ask?
GILES: That was a Tao Li Vampire Ninja. Angel called them in from Asia to kill Buffy and everyone she holds dear, including us.
CORDELIA: Even me?
XANDER: Yes, even the mighty Queen Cordelia.
WILLOW: (still struggling with the net) Hey, can I get a little help with this net thing?
Xander goes over to Willow and tries to help her out of the net. Willow squirms as Xander tries to remove it.
XANDER: (struggling) Sorry, this is some net and I think it’s caught in your hair.
CORDELIA: (seeing the Ninja’s sword) Why don’t you cut her out with ninja freak boy’s sword.
Cordelia reaches over to touch the sword.
GILES: (shouting) Don’t touch that sword!
Cordelia (stopping just short of the sword) Gee, let’s overreact shall we, what’s it got, coodies or something?
GILES: Tao Li Vampires are not like the typical vampires we see roaming the streets of Sunnydale. The Tao Li have a very mystical orientation and persuasion.
XANDER: (finally getting Willow out of the net) Meaning what?
GILES: Among the many dark arts the Tao Li practice, they are very good at the art of soul transmigration. Every Tao Ninja has a unique relationship with his sword. When a Tao is killed in battle the ninja is able to channel his soul directly into the sword where it waits to claim another physical form.
As if on cue the sword glows for a brief second.
WILLOW: So you’re saying that anyone who touches the sword becomes a vampire?
GILES: Not only a vampire, but that person takes on the soul of the Tao who previously owned the sword. Some Tao Ninjas have been legendary for surviving slayings by taking on new bodies of individuals who come in contact with their swords after the battle.
CORDELIA: So how do we get rid of the sword?
GILES: There’s a complex ritual involved in expelling the demon from the sword which I don’t have at the tip of my fingers at this moment. However, burying or smashing the sword in half are equally effective. Just don’t let the sword come in contact with your skin.
XANDER: Well I’m all for smashy smashy.
GILES: (covering the sword with an empty box) The sword is not my chief concern at the moment. We can dispense with it later. Right now we need to find another item the Ninja was carrying, a ruby ring.
Willow picks up a small silver ring with a ruby in the center. The Ruby glows red every other second.
WILLOW: I found it!
CORDELIA: Willow don’t touch it!
WILLOW: (dropping the ring) Oops. You don’t think anything transmigrated into me?
GILES: (taking the ring and wrapping it in a handkerchief) Not likely. The ring is harmless by itself, but it confirms my worst suspicions. This Ninja was a scout.
WILLOW: If that was a scout.. oh boy.. then that means there’s more ninjas coming, scouts scouting for a large group and all.
GILES: It’s vintage Tao strategy. The scout attacks the opponent until he wins or is killed. The battle is transmitted on a sort of mystical two way camera on this ring. Thus the rest of the scout’s sub-clan can better analyze and weigh the opponents strengths and weaknesses. I’m fairly certain the rest of the sub-clan knows Buffy is no longer in Sunnydale.
CORDELIA: So they’ll go looking for her right?
GILES: Not before dispensing with the four of us as well as Oz and Buffy’s mother.
WILLOW: So how many vamps in a sub-clan?
GILES: Fifteen to twenty five give or take..
Giles walks over to a bookcase and pulls out a book from the bookshelf.
GILES: (flipping through the book) The Tao Li, which loosely translated means Stinging Death, are an ancient order of Vampires founded by a Grandmaster Yochin Li. The Tao are a combination of vampires from Japan, China, Korea, Thailand, Mongolia, Siberia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and other parts of Asia. Their language is a hodgepodge of all the cultures they came from and is extremely difficult to translate which keeps their enemies off guard.
XANDER: So what’s on their resume?
GILES: (looking through the book) Their hands are in everything black in the continent’s history. They’ve often been responsible for or used the cover of disasters to kill millions. Genghis Kahn’s march through Asia and Europe, the Japanese Invasion of Manchuria, the Cambodian genocide, the list of atrocities goes on and on.
CORDELIA: If these guys are so big, how come they haven’t tried coming here before?
GILES: Vampires may have a lot in common, but when it comes down to it, sometimes they can be even more petty, vindictive, and divisive than humans. Eastern Vampires of the Tao Li have traditionally hated and even fought Western Vampires such as the Master and even Spike and Drusila. Something to do with feeding rights, culture, and power. As a result of this feud both groups tend to try to stay out of each other’s hemispheres in large numbers.
XANDER: Kind of like East Coast, West Coast Rappers right?
WILLOW: So how come, Angel, knows, I mean knew them?
GILES: In the 19th Century, a decade before he was converted into Angel, Angelus attempted to end the feud through diplomacy. It almost worked, as the Tao greatly admired Angelus’ thirst for chaos and destruction. However, when Angelus was cursed he was unable to finish negotiations, and Spike did not make a very diplomatic replacement, by impaling grandmaster Yohchin on a railroad spike. I’m assuming that Angelus before his last battle with Buffy probably not only promised to hand over a slayer, but Spike as well.
WILLOW: So much for honor among vampires.
XANDER: I don’t know about the rest of you, but I say we seriously consider the perks of the witness relocation program.
CORDELIA: Yeah, let’s just take a school trip out of town for a couple days to somewhere nice and safe like Big Bear or Lake Arrowhead.
GILES: I’m afraid that’s out of the question. The Tao usually travel a day behind the scout. If they arrive in Sunnydale and don’t find any trace of their prey, they’re likely to burn the whole town down. They’ve done it before.
WILLOW: And what do we tell Buffy’s mom? Right now she doesn’t know what or who to believe. She isn’t going to want to pack up and leave any time soon without Buffy.
XANDER: Hello, we can’t go ten rounds with a clan of vampire ninjas. That might even be out of Buffy’s league.
GILES: (gravely) Since Buffy’s departure, I had been planning and preparing for a scenario such as this.
WILLOW: So you’ve got a plan, a real good plan, a Nobel prize winning plan?
GILES: I’m afraid it’s just a plan, and not a rather good one at that. We’ve got a day to prepare, so we’re going to go on the offensive. This school is going to be the sight of our last stand.
XANDER: There’s a finality in that I don’t very much like.
CORDELIA: It can’t be at school! That’s what I came to tell you, that imp Synder freaked over the whole finding a dead slayer in the library thing. This week he’s starting mandatory weapons inspections of teachers and students. He’ll be poking around everywhere, including here!
XANDER: (imitating Giles) Then an abandoned warehouse downtown shall be the sight of our last stand!
GILES: Very funny.. Since, you thought of it Xander, you and Cordelia can go location scouting. Pick up Oz and brief him on our ordeal.
XANDER: (exiting) Come on honey let’s go pick out a nice fixer upper out by the ocean, maybe the shipping docks?
CORDELIA: (exiting) Don’t even joke about that.
WILLOW: (eagerly to Giles) What do you want me to do?
GILES: We have to start going through Ms. Calendar’s old files and spells immediately.
WILLOW: Any spell in particular we’re looking for?
GILES: We’re going to be looking for several dozen of them actually, and I’m going to need you to make a phone call.
INT. GILES’ OFFICE -HALF HOUR LATER
Willow sitting at Giles’ cluttered desk picks up the phone and dials in a number. She listens as the phone begins to ring. With a click some one answers with a “Hello”
WILLOW: (nervously) Yes, can I please speak to Amy, tell her it’s Willow.. Thank you..(waiting) Hello, Amy? Yeah, hi, its me. I’ve got a tiny favor to ask you. Do you still have your witch’s brew and cookbook?
EXT. SUNSHINE MOVIE THEATER, SUNNYDALE - 2:00 A.M.
The run down and boarded up one screen theater looks like it hasn’t been in use for years. The faded and torn posters for the last movie the theater ran,” Last Action Hero,” dot parts of the boarded up and locked down exterior and ticket booths. The only thing out of place in the decaying theater is the fact that the lobby lights are on.
A stretch limo drives down the empty streets of Sunnydale and pulls in behind the theater.
INT. MOVIE THEATER
A congregation of 15 Tao Li have gathered in the theater and sitting in the movie theater seats. The vampires appear to be unpacking items such as their ninja clothing, ropes, weapons, ninja stars, smoke bombs, and swords. Gagged and handcuffed to a seat is a terrified Asian WOMAN in her early twenties. She squirms in her seat as the Tao loudly chat among themselves. The doors to the back of the theater are suddenly thrown open, and all the Tao become quiet.
Two Tao Li dressed as badly as mobsters enter the theater. They are followed by the only non-Asian in the room, ADAM LESTER. Lester looks like a shark in an Armani suit. In his hands he carries a thin but long black briefcase.
All the Tao stand to attention as Lester passes them and heads toward the woman. Lester’s goons pick up the woman and uncuff her and ungag her. They hold her as Lester runs his hands over her hair.
LESTER: (with a Bostonian accent) I’m sorry about the rough treatment Miss Lu but all of this was thrown together so last minute. We had to find a vessel before madam arrived and she insisted it had to be of Asian descent.
Lester opens the briefcase to reveal a razor sharp Tao Li sword. The sword glows indicating it is occupied by a soul. Lester picks up the sword.
LESTER: On behalf of the Tao Li I’d like to in advance say sorry. Don’t think of this as death, think of it as a privilege.
Lester’s face reverts to its vampire form. The woman screams and struggles as her head is lowered to the ground. Lester touches her head with the sword. The sword glows and a bright energy passes into the woman. The woman stops struggling and looks up with a vampire’s face.
LESTER: Welcome back to the land of the living Mai Minn.
MAI MINN now occupying the woman’s body growls and shoves both Tao Li off her. She takes the sword from Lester and twirls it around taking a few slices of air.
Mai Minn stretches and feels her self over.
MINN: (not at all amused) Is this the best you could find me? A Psychology Major from Harvard?
LESTER: I was in a hurry and you insisted on Asian.
MINN: I see you didn’t.
LESTER: Could not be helped, a slayer got the drop on me in Boston 1983. I would have wound up in the harbor had Adam Lester Attorney at Law not found my sword. It took a little getting used to, but I’ve adapted quite nicely to my new home.
MINN: So long as you remember your roots “brother.” What is the status of our query?
LESTER: The Slayer, a Buffy Summers, has yet to be located. Rumor has it is that she fled town after killing Angelus.
MINN: And what of Spike the loathsome.
LESTER: Equally absent.
MINN:(trying not to lose it) You mean I traveled all this way and through two bodies for nothing! I feel a massacre coming on! Something with lots of fire..
LESTER: Before we break out the napalm our scout has confirmed that the slayer’s mortal allies and watcher are still here.
MINN: You’ve seen one mortal, you’ve seen them all. I say we vaporize Sunnydale and take this show to Los Angeles.
LESTER: (trying to be diplomatic) Well, these mortals managed to kill the scout, which means they are technically a liability and there’s an added bonus, I’ve been checking around and apparently Sunnydale is sitting on a genuine hellmouth. There would be some value of setting up shop here before we take a trip to LA.
MINN: Not as if it matters, but what’s your recommendation?
LESTER: As the Tao Li’s lawyer I recommend we take care of Buffy’s friends and watcher. Guilt by association and all, and leave behind a small detachment to supervise the hellmouth, if you can spare the time sister.
MINN: You have completely lost your sense of fun Chang Minn or do you want me to call you Adam now? (addressing the rest of the of the ninjas in Tao) The will of the Grandmaster is to see the slayer and those she holds dear slaughtered for their crimes against unhumanity! Tomorrow night we shall serve to the Grandmaster an offering of the charred bones of the those tainted by associating with the slayer! Stinging Death to all who defy the will of the Tao! Stinging death to the friends of the slayer!
The rest of the ninjas begin to loudly chant the same phrase over and over again. Lester slumps in a seat and sighs.
LESTER: (to himself) How cliché..
This story archived at: The Slayer\'s Fanfic Archive
The Slayer\\\\\\\\'s FanFic Archive - http://www.slayerfanfic.com/viewstory.php?sid=1151