Three Conversations In the Wreckage: Conversation Three: The Basement of the Hyperion
by MattK
Willow. Are you sure this is what you want?

It’s not what I *want*, Angel. It’s what I need. I’d do something myself, but I thought, you know, you’re kind of an expert—I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I—

No, you’re right. I am. But why? Couldn’t you talk this out with someone?

Who? I hurt them all so much. I don’t think I could face them.

I know what you mean.

That’s why I came to you. You’re the only one who could possibly understand.

Faith came to me for the same reason. Only she wanted me to kill her.

Please don’t. I hated her so much for what she did. Now I’m just like her and I’m having a little trouble getting used to that.

I’m not sure if you’re just like her. Her will was free from start to finish. You didn’t lose your soul like I did, but the magics did poison it. And you got back on the magics for a good reason. No one can blame you for wanting Tara back.

Angel—

And from what you tell me, this Warren and this Rack were evil. They’d been victimizing other people for a long time. The world is better off without them.

Angel, please. That doesn’t help.

It’s probably a good sign that it doesn’t. But do you really think this will?

I don’t know, but…didn’t it help your guilt, even a little, that you went to Hell? Wasn’t there even one time when you said to yourself: "I’ve been punished for that. I went to Hell, and I suffered. I’ve done my time. Time to let that one go."

Truthfully? No.

It’s my only hope. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m going crazy.

Then it’s not much of a hope. This is a bad idea, Willow.

It wouldn’t be my first.

Are sure about this? *Sure*?

I told you. I can’t take it anymore. If you won’t do this, then I’ll do something on my own.

No. You win. You remember those rules I discussed with you?

Yes. I let go, even on the very first one, and it’s over. No starting again.

That’s right. Okay, brace yourself. Here it comes.

(Crack of a bullwhip)

One.


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