A/N: Yep another fic for me. This was written for a ficathon. I hope you alll like it. Plz,plz,plz, review. I would appreciate hearing what you all think.

Chapter 1


Buffy was having a great time dancing the night away; the pill she had popped a little while ago starting to take effect. She loved the high the drug gave her; it was like the whole word fell away from her and nothing mattered. Only the here and now. The moment was all that mattered. All the pain of the past was gone. This had been her state for the past two months; every night almost it was a different club with different people and a lot of drinking and drugs. Because for a little while she felt fine, carefree. And that was all that she wanted.

Buffy ground her ass into the crotch of the person who had started dancing behind her, she didn’t care who they were, and she never did when she was this high. She started moving around dancing wildly to the thumping beats of the music that sounded through the large club, the blaring lights swirled around, illuminating the faces of all the dancer. Most of whom who were just as full of drugs and alcohol as she was, and enjoying it just as much too. The lights made it easy to see all the hundreds of bodies writhing together on the dance floor, there were so many people you couldn’t really tell who was with whom. Everyone blended into one another and it didn’t matter whom they were with. The only thing that did matter was the rush. The blood that pumped through your veins making you feel so good and taking you higher. Taking you to a place that you never wanted to come back from. The music that blasted all around, the sounds and beats taking you to another world where you and your enjoyment were all that mattered. And the most important thing, that warm sweaty body that was grinding with you, knowing they wanted you so bad and that they were completely at your mercy in that moment. Yeah, those were the important things.


Buffy turned to face the person dancing with her, wrapping her arms around their neck as she continued to move her body to the beat. The music was pounding in her ears and she loved it, as impossible as it may seem, this place full of noise had become her sanctuary in the past months. It was her escape, and escape was really all that she wanted to do. She panted for breath as she continued to dance as her partner leaned down to whisper in here ear

“Wanna go someplace else?”

Buffy nodded her consent and allowed herself to be led from the club. Drugs were all well and good for making her feel better, but for now she was going for a different kind of ecstasy. And that would work just as well for a little while.



Buffy moaned and panted for breath as she came down from her orgasm. It was a high that didn’t last quite as long as the drugs did, but hell it felt just a good. She grinned like a Cheshire cat, as she rolled over in the bed as her lover crawled up to the top. Buffy just lay there for a few moments, letting that content and somewhat happy feeling wash over her for a while. But that feeling never lasted forever and soon she was climbing out of the bed and throwing her clothes back on. Her lover lay on the bed watching, not in the least bit concerned to see her prepare to go. That was the point, it was casual, it was a one-time thing. No emotion involved. Emotion led to badness and she wasn’t interested in feelings at this point in time. She had had her fill of that. She finished dressing and turned back to the bed.

“It’s been fun,” her lover said with a wide smile, “maybe we’ll do it again some time.”

“Maybe, see you later Faith. I’m gone,” blowing her one last kiss over her shoulder Buffy walked out not looking back or thinking twice. Just the way she liked it.



She had decided to go straight home after leaving Faith’s, it was around 4am and most places were closing. She knew of a few all night bars but she couldn’t be bothered going back, instead she went home and had a few drinks in the living room. But now, as the effects of the drugs she had done earlier that evening began to wear off, the pain inched its way back in and the memories came crawling back. This was why she had been living the way she had for the past couple of months, she didn’t want to remember these things, she didn’t want to keep feeling the pain of having her heart broken over and over again. But when the drugs wore off the pain was still there. It was like acid and it was eating her up. The memories were what made it so bad, because she could see the events so clearly in her head; it was like looking in a photo album.

What was it that caused her so much pain? The answer to that was simple, men. It seemed to Buffy that all they wanted to do was trample on her heart repeatedly. Her luck with men had been zero. But she had thought she had finally found one of the good ones, someone who cared about her thoughts and feelings and treated her like a queen. That was why she agreed to marry him, she had loved him and she had truly believed he would never hurt her. But she couldn’t have been more wrong. He had been a jerk, just like the rest of them. He cheated on her so many times and there was always more than one other person at a time. And as well as that he had been violent. He had only hit her sometimes but that didn’t make it any better. And she would not marry that kind of man. So she had given him his ring back and walked out the door. But she had loved him and although she had been the one to leave she still hurt. She hurt because she felt like maybe she wasn’t worth loving and so many other things.


She had given up on men after she left, that didn’t mean she hadn’t been with any men in the past couple of months. But she had never even thought of letting it develop into anything serious. She was after a good time, nothing more and nothing less. And she had found women could be just as good for that at times. She had turned to a life of drugs; partying and sexual experimentation and she enjoyed it. Well at least she enjoyed it at night when the pain wasn’t there. When she woke up in the morning to the reality of everything she didn’t enjoy it quite as much. But she had a simple solution, she went out got high and pushed the feelings aside, she refused to feel.
 

Chapter 2


Buffy groaned as she rolled over in her bed. Her head was pounding after another very late night of partying, drinking and drugs. And the worst part was that it was Monday morning, the weekend was over and she had to answer to the real world. Which meant going to work. Having fun and doing what she did was all well and good in her opinion but she still had bills to pay. That wasn’t going to change. So she forced herself to sit up in bed, closing her eyes against the bright light of the morning. She was going to need a different kind of pill this morning, aspirin. Finally she managed to drag herself out of bed and to the kitchen where she fished around in a drawer to find the aspirin. Pouring herself a glass of water she swallowed two of the pills and used the water to wash them down. Looking at the clock she grumbled to herself and headed to the bathroom to have a shower and try and wake her up a bit.



Buffy worked in an antique store. They sold all sorts of things, including books, albeit extremely old books. She had been working there since she was19, which meant she had been working there for almost two years. She enjoyed the work most of the time. She worked for an older couple and the customers were nice enough. The important thing was that the shop made a lot of money and therefore the pay was decent. Her bosses had no clue about her extra curricular activities and they didn’t need to. She tried as best as she could to keep that separate. The way it worked was the drugs she did mostly on the weekends, and the partying only a couple of nights during the week. But she would drink at home during the week. So far nobody had noticed anything different, at least she didn’t think they had. But when she went into work, she put a smile on here face and to the outside world Buffy Summers was fine, just a normal, hard- working 21-year-old girl.


Buffy smiled at another customer, most of the customers were regulars. Collectors of the kinds of things that were sold in the store. So the people who came in and out of the store always stopped for a chat when they had paid for their purchases, it could be tiring. Especially on the bad days when all she wanted to do was get through the day and go home to a fresh bottle of vodka. But most of the time she enjoyed her work. It was one of the few times where she could be sober and not feel so bad. The people who came in and out were nice and friendly and they treated her well. Like an actual human being. And she enjoyed that. She enjoyed the actual work too, originally when she had taken the job it was out of the need for money. She had dropped out of college after the death of her mom, she was too stressed with everything that was going on, but since she wasn’t at college she needed to live. But over time she had found a real interest in the work. She enjoyed learning the history of the items that were brought into the shop and later sold. Some things went back to such interesting eras, and many were old family heirlooms and in researching the product you learned an entire history, which Buffy had found to be fascinating. So sometimes a product would be brought in that would take her mind off her troubles for a while and it worked as well as the drugs did. But it didn’t work as long, it was good for a few days and she felt like maybe things would get back to normal but eventually there was no more she could learn.


She sighed as she waved goodbye to one of the regulars, an old lady who came in a couple of times a week. She didn’t always buy something but she liked to come in and look at the items and reminisce about her childhood. Pointing out items that were similar to the ones that her home had held when she was young. Buffy always smiled and nodded her head dutifully, listening to the old lady who wanted nothing more than to keep her memories as close as possible. Buffy wanted to forget but she could not grudge an old lady who simply wanted to remember days gone by and so she listened. And she could see the smile that lit up the old woman’s face at having someone to tell all these things to, and it was worth it.

“Buffy,” she heard her name being called and looked around to see her boss Mr. Baker.

“Hey, what can I do you for?” she asked in the perkiest voice she could muster.

“Well, we have been asked to do an attic clearance. Someone who thinks there may be some items of worth. The woman who called well her mother just passed away a few weeks ago and they have no need for the things and apparently her mother had spoken of bringing them here so they want us to have them. I was wondering if you would go with the others to decide if the items will sell after all you do most of the selling and therefore you know best what the customers want.” He gave her a warm smile as he waited to see what she would say.

“I would love to, but the shop-“

“Not a problem, I have arranged for Jonathon to come in tomorrow and cover the shop so that you can go,” the man said.

“Ok then, sure that’ll be fine.”

“Good,” with one last smile Mr. Baker once again retreated to the back of the shop where he spent his days while Buffy did all the selling out front.



Buffy had made a conscious effort not to drink too much the night before knowing that she had a busy day ahead and when you went on these clearances the days were long and you needed to be on top form. She was dressed appropriately, nice enough to look respectable since she was still working but also comfortable enough to be digging through an attic all day.

There were two other people with her when she knocked on the door of the house she had to clear. They were experts on these things that the Bakers would bring in once in a while when there was a clearance. So she was dressed in a pair of black slacks and a cream sweater. She awaited the answer at the door and smiled at the middle- aged woman who opened the door,

“Hi, I’m Buffy. I’m here from Golden Oldies antique store, for the attic clearance,” Buffy had learned always to be polite and friendly to the people she was dealing with.

“Oh that’s great,” the woman said, “why don’t you come on in.” She stepped aside to let Buffy and the others pass. When everyone was inside, she turned to face them, I’m Nancy Taylor, I’m so glad you could do the clearing on such short notice. My mom had been talking for a while about taking these things into the store and I thought she would like for them to still go there. I’ll show you up.”

Buffy followed behind the woman up the stairs. It was a large house so it was a few flights up. Then there was a door, which led to the attic. The woman opened the door and let Buffy past. Buffy stopped when she reached the last step. The attic was full of things that she would have a field day with,

“This is amazing,” she breathed.

“Yes, my mother was quite a collector,” Nancy smiled, “you’re welcome to anything. I’ll leave you to it.”

When only Buffy and the two others were left she looked at them and then to all the items lying around,

“Well, let’s get to work,” she declared.



Buffy was amazed by the range of things she found in the following few hours, it went from vases and dishes to furniture and mirrors. Most of it was Victorian from around 1860- 1880 from what she had heard from the experts. And the stuff was beautiful, but she did have a few favourite items so far, and they still weren’t finished looking through everything. Her favourite things so far were a set of walnut wall shelves; a bookcase and a rosewood mantle clock. The pieces were beautiful. But there was also a huge box of books to look through and also jewellery and clothes. Buffy had offered to go through the books as that had always been her favourite part, you found so many interesting things within the covers of a book sometimes. So she made her way over to the corner and pulled the box open to be met with probably 100 books. There were a few original copies of Dickens novels and much more, but one thing caught her eye. There was a leather bound book that you could tell had been used. Whereas most of the others in the box still looked brand new apart from the obvious signs of their age. But the book Buffy pulled out from the bottom of the box was different, you could tell its pages had been turned many times over the years. But it was not so used that it was ruined. No, it was a book that had been handled with love and care. She flipped open the front cover, careful not to tear any of the pages

“Journal of William Giles- 1880”

Buffy smiled, the words had been written with such care, just as the book itself had been. She was about to flip to another page when one of the others called out

“we’re done now, anything there that you want to take,” Buffy quickly shoved the book behind her back.

“Yeah, the books in here should do okay so we can take them too,” she waited for one of the men to carry it away before she grabbed the journal and put it in her bag. She would be reading it in greater depth later.