35

// The idea of being paired up with Bethany Sanford put a sense of dread deep inside Adam's heart. There was nothing he wanted *less* than to work with her. His best friend had only laughed at his misfortune while other members of the class offered sympathetic glances his way. It was Adam's worst nightmare come true. The last thing he wanted to do was work with the Ice Princess of Porter High School.

"I'm as excited about this as you are," he told Bethany. "Working with you isn't exactly my dream here."

"It's not exactly mine, either," Bethany replied.

He grimaced. "Since we're here, we might as well make the best of it."

"Might as well. Wanna meet at my house? Say around two-thirty? We can sift through my dad's library and see what we can come up with."

"Fine," Adam said. "The quicker we start this project, the quicker we'll finish. Less time we'll have to spend together."

Returning to his seat diagonal from her, Adam couldn't see the look of disappointment written on Bethany's face.\\

Angel read over what he had just written. Taking Julia's advice, he had begun writing his and Buffy's story two weeks earlier, shortly after his sorrow had allotted him the energy. In the three weeks since he heard the news about Buffy and her new boyfriend, Angel had been trying to move past his grief, which hadn't been easy. The pain he felt in his heart - from his love's betrayal - would never go away. He truly believed he would never get over her.

'That's not how it happened,' Angel thought after he had re-read the scene. 'Buffy never did that. She was uninterested, not mean. God, why can't I get this right? I lived it, it shouldn't be all that hard to remember what we said to each other. I can remember everything else clear as day. Every word, every smile, every touch…'

Highlighting the words with his mouse, Angel pressed the DELETE key and the marked text disappeared. With his fingers poised over the home keys, he prepared to write the scene over again. But the ringing of the telephone caused him to stop.

He looked over at his Caller I.D. to see who it was. Buffy. Sighing, he closed his eyes as if in pain. She called nearly every single night, but Angel always refused to pick up the phone, knowing that if he did, Buffy would tell him that it was over between them. And he didn't want to hear it.

'I shouldn't let her get to me. I have the power here. Maybe if I keep not answering the telephone, she'll stop calling. Then she will think I met someone and she can't break up with me. I'll break her heart before she has a chance to break mine. Buffy won't win. I won't let her,' Angel swore.

"Hi, you've reached Angel's room. I stepped out for a couple minutes, but if you leave your name and number, along with a brief message, I'll call you back as soon as I get in," his answering machine stated.

There was a momentary pause after the beep. "Angel, it's me. Buffy. I…you haven't returned any of my phone calls and I really need to talk to you. I'm sure you're very busy with school and everything, but could you call me back whenever you get this message? It doesn't matter what time you call, I'll be home all night long."

Angel listened to her message, and the sound of her voice triggered something inside of him. All of his anger and hurt seemed to disappear upon hearing Buffy's sweet voice. He wanted to pick up the phone and tell her how much he loved her and needed her, even if she didn't feel it back. Maybe then the breakup wouldn't happen.

Her message continued. "I love you. And I miss you, so please, please call me back. I need to hear your voice. Love you. Bye."

After she hung up, Angel stared at the phone, wishing he had picked it up. "Love you," he repeated scornfully. His anger had returned the instant he stopped hearing her voice. "I loved you a hell of a lot more than you ever loved me."

***

The next night after dinner, Buffy pulled her car into the Riches' driveway. She was determined to find out what was wrong with Angel and why he hadn't returned any of her phone calls. Possible scenarios went through her mind, none of which she liked very much.

Knocking on the screen door in the front of the house, she waited patiently for either Mrs. Riches or Melissa to answer the door. They were home, she knew that for a fact, both cars were sitting in the driveway.

Melissa walked to the door when she heard the doorbell chime. When she saw who it was, an evil, devious smile played upon her lips, but she wiped it off before she came into sight. "Buffy, hi," she greeted cheerfully. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry for bothering you, Melissa."

"It's no bother. I was inside doing my Biology homework and Mom went to bed early. What can I do for you?"

Buffy smiled sheepishly. "I was hoping maybe you could help me out with something. It's about your brother."

"I'll do my best."

"Thank you. Is he…okay? I mean, is something going on at Emerson that I should know about? Did something happen to Angel, maybe?" she asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"For the past three weeks, I haven't been able to get in touch with him," Buffy informed Melissa. "I've left dozens of messages and he hasn't returned any of them. And I thought that something might have happened. *Did* something happen? Should I be worried?"

Melissa shook her head. "No, Angel's fine. He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I thought he told you. I'm such an idiot; he said he was planning on telling you weeks ago."

"He was gonna tell me what, Melissa? Come on, you can't stop now. It has to do with me, doesn't it?"

Somberly, Melissa nodded her head. 'This is going to be so much fun,' she thought. 'Seeing the expression on Buffy's face is going to be worth it.' "Yeah, it does. I just can't believe Angel hasn't told you about her."

"Her?"

"Julia. She's a girl on his floor at school. They sort of hit it off at orientation and…"

She raised her eyebrows. "And?" she prodded. Fear gripped her insides at what Melissa was about to say to her. Deep inside, Buffy knew what was coming next.

"Buffy, they started seeing each other. It's only been three weeks, but they're pretty serious."

Buffy clutched her stomach, feeling nauseous for the second time that day. "No. You're joking with me. Angel wouldn't do that to me. It's supposed to be forever. We swore we'd stay faithful to one another."

'I swear, those two are sharing a brain or something. Both of them said the exact same thing.' "Angel should have been the one to tell you. I thought he had. I'm sorry."

"What-what did he say, exactly?" She trusted Angel's sister, believing that their truce over the summer had been genuine. Buffy had absolutely no reason to think that Melissa was trying to break up her and Angel; the thought never entered her mind.

"Not much. She's an aspiring actress -"

"I don't care about her!" Buffy exploded. "What did Angel say about me? About us? Is it really over?"

"Just that he met Julia and it was love at first sight. He feels really bad about having to hurt you, but he's very glad you made him go away and the money your dad gave him was extremely helpful. But…he said you were a stepping stone, a means to an end."

She cast her eyes to the ground. "The rebound girl," she mumbled. "No matter how many times he told me otherwise, I knew it. I never meant a thing to him. Not a damn thing."

"My brother is a jerk for hurting you like this, especially after all you've given to him. You gave him his self-confidence back, love, money and a chance to live out his dreams. And this is how he repays you."

Buffy backed away. "I can't hear anything else. Tell Angel he's about to lose…never mind, don't tell him anything. I have to live with this now. This is something I'll have to deal with on my own."

"I'm sorry," Melissa apologized.

"Not half as sorry as I am. I should have known. I knew he'd meet someone else. All his promises never meant a thing. *I* never meant a thing."

Melissa watched as Buffy trudged to her car. She had never seen anyone look so devastated. A small part of her felt guilty, but she knew what she had done was to help her brother find someone more suitable. 'Bye bye,' she said to herself. 'Now Angel can meet someone who deserves him. The Ice Princess should've known she didn't stand a chance in hell with my brother.'

***

Mr. Summers was concerned. Buffy hadn't left her room in over twelve hours; hadn't come downstairs to greet him when he came home from work the night before, didn't join him for breakfast and refused to attend classes in the morning. Granted, he knew she was still upset with him about the 'Angel situation', but holing herself up in her bedroom wasn't like Buffy.

He softly knocked on her bedroom door. "Honey? Are you okay? Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine" came the muffled reply.

"I have to go to Los Angeles for the day, would you like to come with me? I'll drop you off on Rodeo Drive and you can buy whatever you want. On me, of course."

Had she not been so brokenhearted, Buffy would have jumped at the chance of going on a shopping spree. "No thanks. I wanna be by myself for today." 'And every other day for the rest of my life.'

"Okay then. See you tonight."

He went back downstairs, wondering what was wrong with his daughter. It had sounded as if Buffy had been crying, but he couldn't be sure. 'Must be something seriously upsetting if she doesn't want to go shopping,' Mr. Summers said to himself. 'I'll let her be today, but come tomorrow I will make her tell me.'

As he was opening the front door on his way out, he found Buffy's best friend walking up the steps. "Good afternoon, Cordelia," Mr. Summers greeted.

"Hi," she replied with a cheerful smile. "Is Buffy home? She wasn't in class today and I stopped by to see if everything was okay."

"She's upstairs in her bedroom. I don't know what's going on with her, she wouldn't say. But she hasn't left her room since last night and won't tell me what's wrong. Maybe you'll have better luck than I did."

"I can't guarantee anything, but I'll try. Buffy could never keep a secret from me. I'll pry it out of her."

He smiled and nodded. "Thank you. It's times like this when I wish Buffy had a mother to talk to. Joyce would know exactly what to say."

"Don't worry, I'll find out."

She stepped inside the house and headed straight for her best friend's bedroom. The door was tightly closed, but Cordelia could hear low sounds coming from inside.

"Buffy?" she called. "It's me, Cordy. Can I come in?"

Ten seconds went by before she got an answer. "Sure. Yeah. Come in."

Cordelia opened the door, finding Buffy sitting Indian-style on her bed, wearing a gray shirt and black pants. A mahogany-framed picture sat in her lap. Her green eyes were red and puffy with tears, her cheeks stained black from running mascara.

"You've been crying," she stated rather than questioned. "What happened?"

Buffy took a deep breath and began to open her mouth to speak, but tears fell instead. Deciding to let her friend get her emotions out, the brunette picked up the picture, wanting to see who it was of, thinking it was the reason for the tears. She, at first, thought it would be of Mrs. Summers, but was shocked to see that it was Buffy and Angel. Then she understood.

"It's Angel, isn't it?" guessed Cordelia.

Buffy only nodded her head, unable to speak the words.

"Did something happen to him? Was there an accident of some sort? He's not dead, is he?"

"He's…not…dead," she said between sniffles. "In fact…Angel's…better than good."

"Then what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is it because you miss him?"

She wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand. "We made promises to each other. Together forever, no matter how much my dad tried to keep us apart, no matter what happened, we'd stay together."

"Buffy -"

"I was supposed to transfer to Boston College in the spring so we could be closer to one another. He and I made all kinds of plans, like getting an off-campus apartment, and getting married after we graduated. We talked about having children, having a *lot* of them! And now it'll never happen."

"You're overreacting, Buff. You dad isn't still mad at you about the whole 'Angel thing'. I think maybe a part of him admires what you did. You and Angel triumphed over adversity, so to speak. All for the sake of true love," Cordelia said to her.

She couldn't hold it in, not after all the things her best friend had just said. "Angel cheated on me!" she blurted out.

"What?" Cordelia was dumbfounded.

"Yeah, he found someone else. Some girl he met at orientation his first week there. Julia-something. Love at first sight, as cliched as it sounds."

Cordelia shook her head. "No way. He wouldn't do that. Not after Kelley did it to him. How can he do that to you when he knows how it feels, how awful it feels?"

"He did." Her face burned from the welled-up tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall. "Angel didn't even have the decency to tell me himself. Melissa told me last night."

"You heard this from Melissa? And you actually believe her? That girl would love to break you two up."

"It's true, everything she told me. I really *was* his rebound girl."

She sat down on the bed in front of Buffy. "That is *so* not true. Angel loves you."

"No, he doesn't. All I did was keep his mind off Kelley until someone better came along. This-this Julia girl. And now he's using my father's money to buy her everything she wants. Romantic dinners, jewelry, probably a house!"

"He wouldn't do that. Melissa is lying to you."

"If she's lying, then why hasn't he called me? It's been three weeks and I haven't heard a word from him. I've left messages upon messages on his answering machine. And not a single word in reply. If it's all just a lie, wouldn't Angel have called me? Wouldn't he?"

"That's…that…no way."

"Yes."

Cordelia sighed. It was all so hard to believe. Angel cheating on Buffy with some other girl? The gall of him astounded her. 'How could he use her that way, after he knew how she felt?' "Buffy, he's a fool. A big jerk, if you ask me. He made all these plans with you, and he forgets them for the first pretty girl who bats her eyelashes at him? What an asshole."

Buffy bit her lip. "Don't say stuff like that about him. You don't have to make him the bad guy."

"But that's the best friend's job. Vilifying and grousing."

"I-I can't. It's…it's so hard trying to imagine my life without him. I've been in love with him for the better part of thirteen years." Buffy let the tears fall. "All to be some summer fling for him."

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. It must be horrible for you."

Buffy looked her best friend in the eye. "I think horrible is still coming. Right now it's worse. Right now I'm just trying to keep from dying."

"Oh, Buffy."

Cordelia put her arms out to comfort her grieving friend. Instead of hugging her, Buffy rested her head on her legs and cried into the denim material of Cordelia's pants. "I can't breathe, Cordy. I feel like I can't breathe," she sobbed.

There was nothing she could say that would make her feel better. So Cordelia placed one hand on Buffy's shoulder and stroked her blonde hair with the other. "Shh. You'll get through this. I'll help you."

"I just wanna die. I don't want to live if he's not a part of my life."

A horrible thought went through Cordelia's mind. "Don't do it. You have too much to live for, Buffy. Please, don't do anything drastic over a stupid guy."

Buffy looked up at her with questions in her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Suicide. Don't you even think it. There's plenty of other guys out there who'd give anything to be with you. You just have to find one."

"I wasn't…I could never do something like that. I'd never kill myself."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god. The way you were talking, I thought you might want to…well, forget it."

"No. There's too much for me here, too much to live for. My friends, my family, school, etc.. I love Angel, and yes, I'd die for him. I'll always love him. Even if he's not with me, I have a piece of him with me. Nobody will be able to take that away. Nobody."

***

36

//The last thing Adam Robertson ever expected was to love and be loved in return by Bethany Sanford. They had next to nothing in common, save for the fact that they grew up in the same town and attended the same high school. They were from two completely different worlds; Bethany, the daughter of a wealthy businessman, and Adam, a poor young man from the wrong side of the tracks. He was a loner, intelligent but almost always kept to himself. She was popular, but quiet, a beautiful girl who never thought of herself as such, with more ex-boyfriends than she could count. Separately, they were fire and ice, polar opposites. Together, they sparkled and erupted, a combustible force to be reckoned with.\\

***

//Thirteen year old Bethany carried her lunch tray to an empty table in the middle of the cafeteria. She had nobody to sit with, her best friends, Catherine Cutler and Hope Krandall, were in the next lunch period, so she sat by herself, either reading a book or watching enviously as the other students talked and laughed and ate. There was nothing she wanted more than to be one of those laughing students. But they never let her into their group.

She sat down and picked up her grilled cheese sandwich, preparing to take a bite of it. As she raised it to her mouth, a balled-up piece of notebook paper hit her sandwich, and an eruption of laughter followed.

"Blubber Butt!" someone called. "Time for a diet, don't you think?"

Bethany took several deep breaths, trying to keep her emotions under control. No way did she want to show them her fear or her anger. 'Ignore them and maybe they'll go away,' she told herself.

From the table of students directly in front of Bethany, Melanie Robertson turned around to face her. "Hey, Princess, didn't you hear him?"

"Shut up, Melanie," Bethany croaked out.

"You know, they say if you stop eating altogether, your body feeds off its fat stores. Given a couple of weeks, you might lose enough weight to fit into a size thirty!"

She hung her head. It wasn't her fault she was overweight. But every time someone made fun of her about it, she would go home from school and eat until the pain and humiliation went away.

"Melanie, that's enough. Leave Bethany alone," a boy's voice said from the other end of the table. "If I were you, I wouldn't talk. You're not perfect either."

It was Melanie's brother Adam who was sticking up for her. Adam Robertson, the smartest boy in the eighth grade; Adam Robertson, with his dark brown hair and chocolate eyes; Adam Robertson, the boy Bethany had dreamed about every night since she was five years old.

He picked up his lunch and sat down at Bethany's table, choosing the seat across from her. "I'm sorry about Melanie."

"That's okay. I'm used to it by now."

"Can I sit with you?" he asked.

"They'll make fun of you, too."

He smiled. "No they won't. Not if they know what's good for them. Besides, right about now, I don't want to be seen with my so-called friends. The stuff they are saying is downright mean and untrue. You shouldn't listen to them."

Bethany shook her head. "No, they're right. I'm fat."

"No, you're not. Nobody's perfect, you know."

"I don't know about that. Your sister seems pretty close." 'I wish I looked like her.'

Adam leaned his head toward hers. "I'll let you in on a little secret about Melanie. She has to wear head gear at night because her teeth are so crooked."

She laughed. "You're joking."

"Scout's honor." He looked closely at her. "You have a really pretty smile, Bethany. You should do it more often. Smile, that is."

"Thank you," she replied shyly.

"You're welcome. Trust me, when we get into high school, you'll be breaking hearts left and right. I bet you'll even be Prom Queen when we're seniors."

She shook her head once more. "I doubt it. I'll never be Prom Queen. I'm not pretty enough."

"We'll see about that. Are you going to the eighth grade dance? It's the last dance before we graduate."

"I don't know," Bethany responded. "Catherine and Hope want me to go with them, but I haven't decided yet."

Adam smiled at her. "Well, if you do decide to go, would you save me a dance?"

"Sure."

"I'm giving you fair warning, though, Bethany. I have two left feet and I might step on you. Truth is, I can't dance to save my life. Melanie gave up trying to teach me. Guess I'm not perfect either."

"That's okay. I can't dance very well myself."\\

***

//He was filled with both passion and dread. Never before had two such different emotions clutched his heart at the same time, both with equal strength and vigor. Part of him was panicking, fearful of what was to come. Another part was perfectly content, blissfully happy about the recent turn of events.

They'd only been together for three weeks, hardly a drop in the bucket when compared to the amount of time he had been with Kristine. And it was less than twenty-four hours since he and Bethany expressed their feelings for one another. She loved him; had for thirteen years and Adam had never known. Hell, he never even suspected she had those types of feelings for him. He himself was shocked when he realized he was in love with her, too. And now they were about to culminate their love for one another by making love for the first time.

That was what filled Adam with such dread. Certainly he loved Bethany with all his heart and soul, and wanted to share that experience with her. He couldn't deny that. But he was terrified, despite the fact that he loved Bethany. There was a reason.

He was a virgin.

After dating Kristine for three years, they had never gone all the way. It simply wasn't something he wanted, or needed. And it drove his first love into the arms - and bed - of another man. With Bethany, though, he wanted and needed to physically show her how deep his love for her ran. What terrified Adam was the mere thought of doing something wrong and disappointing her.

Bethany had had other lovers before him, that he was sure of. For years, he'd heard the guys at school talking about their experiences with her. Her talented mouth, roaming hands, arousing body; she was experienced in matters of sex. Adam was not.

'What if I mess up?' he asked himself as he felt Bethany's hands run up and down his bare back, still wet from the rain outside. 'How can boring old me compare to some of the guys she's been with? There's no way I can. I'll disappoint her and lose my true love forever, I just know it.' \\

***

//Across the crowded dance floor, he caught sight of her. Her back was to him, but Adam knew it was Bethany just by the long blonde curls cascading down her back. He had to see her, had to say something to her. Had to tell her.

"Beth?" he said when he stood behind her. He was close enough to touch her, close enough to physically turn her around and crush his mouth to hers.

She turned to face him. "Adam," she whispered. Her heart fluttered upon seeing her love.

The ten years that had passed since their heart-wrenching breakup hadn't changed her all that much. Bethany's hair had grown several inches and she'd lost any semblance of baby fat she'd once had. If anything, she had grown more beautiful in his eyes.

Adam held out his hand to her. "Would you dance with me? For old time's sake, of course."

She nodded. "I'd be honored to."

Guiding her to the dance floor, Adam found an empty space and pulled her into his arms. With her body moving as one with his, he felt like he had returned home. Right there in her arms was where he was meant to be.

"How have you been?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged. "I'm okay. It's been a rough few years."

Adam frowned. "I heard about your husband. I am sorry about that. A plane crash, how awful for you. And for him. You have my deepest sympathies."

"Thanks. I'm fine now. Michael had just filed for divorce when it happened, we were having some major problems at the time."

"I had no idea."

"Not many people did. We kept up a happy facade for my father's sake. But there was no love there," she told him. "What about you? Have you had better luck in the marriage department than I did?"

Adam shook his head. "Nobody else has ever captured my heart like you did. And nobody ever will."

"Adam…"

"No, Beth, let me say this. There's been nobody else. I never got over losing you. I loved you ten years ago, I love you now and I will love you until the day I die. Whether you feel the same way or not."

She lifted her head from his shoulder to look him in the eye. "Me, too. That's why Michael was divorcing me, because I was still in love with you. And I still am."

"Why?" he asked. "If we love each other still, why didn't we make it work?"

"Long distance relationships don't work out, Adam. It was a longshot, we both knew that when you left town. Distance tore us apart."

"Do you still love me?"

She nodded her head. "Yes. I never stopped, not for a minute."

"Then what is stopping us from trying again? Absolutely nothing. If we love each other, we can make it work. I can move back to town, or you can move to New York with me. You are the only reason I even came to this reunion. And I won't leave without you."

"I love you. I don't care where we are, as long as we're together. What do you say we leave this place and have our own private reunion at my house?"\\

***

Angel tried to gauge Julia's expression when she put the last page of his book down on the bed, on top of the other pages she had just finished. "Well? What do you think?"

***

37

Julia stared at her friend for what seemed like forever before giving any kind of an answer. She was dumbfounded at what she had just read.

Angel, on the other hand, was worried when she didn't say anything. "Jules? Is something wrong? Was it that bad?" It was the first time he'd let anybody read his work and the wait was nerve-wracking.

"That…that really happened? All of it?" she asked.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, for the most part. Everything except for the ending is completely true. I couldn't have made it up if I'd tried."

"All of it…wow. I never thought that could happen to anyone. It was like something out of Days of Our Lives or some show like that. A guy and a girl from opposite sides of town falling in love, even though everyone else wanted them to break up. Did your parents actually go out back in high school or was that for dramatic effect?"

"Really happened. Dated for a month or two when they were eighteen. It's a small world after all."

"It amazes me, though. Buffy was in love with you for years and she dumps all of it - her hopes and dreams for half her life - after being away from you for only a month? There's a fly in that logic ointment somewhere. Maybe her dad got to her and convinced her to go out with that guy and Melissa saw it and took it to mean she wanted it to be over."

With a shake of his head, Angel disagreed. He'd gone over every possible reason for Buffy leaving him, and none of them made any sense. "I don't think so. If that were the case, Buffy wouldn't have been telling anyone who'd listen that it was over between us. It's not like her."

"You're probably right. You know her better than I do." She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "That book, it reads like fiction. You'd never think it really happened. It grips you and doesn't let go. You have an amazing talent, Angel. I couldn't put it down. I could tell it was written from the heart and not the mind."

Angel frowned. "It's what you told me to do. Now it's time for the next step in the healing process."

"What next step?" Julia wanted to know.

"Letting go of the past. I'm going to burn it."

Julia picked up the three hundred pages he had written, holding them against her breast. "You can't do that. I won't let you do it. Forget what I said about taking the next step."

"What are you doing? Give me the pages so I can end this once and for all."

She shook her head. "Not on your life. You poured your heart and soul into this book and now that it's done, you want to destroy all of your hard work? It's not gonna happen. This is too good to end up in a wastebasket."

"What do you expect me to do with it? Keep it? No, I lived it, thank you very much. Every last word is etched into my memory. I have no need for it, now let me burn the pages," Angel said to her.

"I want to keep it."

"Excuse me? Why?"

"Because I want to, okay?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "I want to re-read it. Is that okay with you?"

He relented. "Go right ahead. Just don't mention it to me. I'd kinda like to forget it, if at all possible. Promise me you'll burn it when you're done."

"Deal. What do you say you and I got out to celebrate? It's not every day one of my friends writes his first novel. Come on, it'll be my treat."

"Thanks, but no thanks."

She glanced curiously into his eyes. "You know, Angel, it's been over a year. Don't you think the mourning period is over? It's time to go out there and meet someone."

"I don't feel like going out."

"Well, you certainly aren't going to meet anyone when you're in your room, brooding twenty-four/seven, are you?" she asked pointedly.

"I don't want to meet anyone."

With an aggravated sigh, Julia placed her hand on his shoulder. "You still love her, don't you? Never mind, don't answer that, because I already know the answer to that question. I want you to listen to me. I'm your friend and I care about you too much to see you like this. You and Buffy broke up fifteen months ago. You're going to have to face the world sometime."

"I'm not ready to."

"You're stuck in limbo, do you realize that? Angel, you haven't even been home to see your family since the breakup. You took summer courses and stayed here for winter break. Don't you think you should face your demons back in Sunnydale? Lay the past to rest, so to speak."

"I'm a hell of a lot happier here by myself. Besides, my mom and sister came here to visit me for Christmas. I've seen them," he stated.

"You're miserable, though. Don't pretend I don't see it, 'cause I do. What you need is to get out of here and meet someone who'll take your mind off of her."

"Julia, you don't get it. I've had two girlfriends my entire life, starting from the age of fourteen. I loved them both and gave them everything I possibly could. And do you know where that got me? Nowhere. They both fucked me over. So, pardon me for wanting a little time to myself," Angel exclaimed.

"I'm sorry. I-I won't bring it up again," she apologized.

***

Angel knocked on the open door to Professor Lockley's office. "Professor? You wanted to see me?"

The young, pretty, blonde-haired professor looked up from the papers she was grading. "Yes. Please, come in and have a seat. Would you mind closing the door behind you?"

He did as the professor asked of him. "I got the message you left for me on my answering machine. Is there something I can do for you?" It had seemed strange to Angel that she had called him. He'd never taken a single one of her courses.

"It's more along the lines of the other way around, Angel. I believe I can do something for you," Professor Lockley told him.

"I'm afraid I'm not following."

"A friend of yours is in my Creative Fiction course on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Julia Michalek."

Angel nodded. "Yeah, she's one of my good friends."

"A few weeks ago, she stopped by my office and asked me to read something one of her friends had written. I could never turn down the opportunity to read something fresh and new, so I, of course, agreed." She picked up the stack of pages in the corner of her desk, holding them up for him to see. "Do you recognize it, Angel?"

He saw the title page. FIRE AND ICE by Angel Riches. It was his book. "It's mine, that's the book I wrote. Julia gave it to you?"

"She wanted me to read it, as I said."

"I'm gonna kill her," he muttered.

"When I read it, I was in awe that a nineteen-year old could write something this brilliant. You have a colorful imagination and quite a way with words for someone so young. Which is why I sent it to a friend of mine at Pocket Books. He's a literary agent who is always on the lookout for new talent. Quite often, when I am impressed with a student's work, I'll send it to him. I certainly hope you don't mind that I have let him read it."

Angel's jaw dropped. "You sent him my story?" 'That story is so personal and private…now people I don't even know are reading it. They're reading my thoughts and feelings, reading about my love for Buffy.'

"Like I said before, I hope you don't mind. You are a very talented writer, which I'm sure is why you were accepted here at Emerson. A great number of graduates have gone on to become award-winning authors. That being the case, I figured you wouldn't mind. Perhaps that was your goal all along."

"It is. One of my dreams has always been to be a writer. And no, I don't mind. It's just a little disconcerting, that's all."

Professor Lockley smiled. "I don't doubt it. Anyway, I received a call from him last night. He's interested in publishing your book, Angel."

"What?" Angel wasn't sure if he'd heard correctly.

"He wants to publish it. His name is Daniel Markins." She handed him a business card. "This is his phone number. Daniel wants you to call him and set up a meeting so you can go over the specifics of the publication."

"I…I'm speechless, Professor Lockley."

"This type of thing doesn't happen every day. You're one of the few, one of the lucky. Angel, this might very well be it. You are truly on your way."

'A published author by nineteen years old,' he thought. 'If only I could tell Buffy. She'd be so proud that I achieved my goal. She really did make my dreams come true. Except for one. I can't share it with her.'

***

38

Cordelia squeezed Buffy's hand as they walked through the mall two days before Christmas. "Thank you *so* much for coming with me while I do all this last-minute shopping."

"No problem. I know what a procrastinator you are," Buffy said. "Besides, I needed a reason to get out of the house."

"Yeah, tell me about it! It's like pulling teeth to get you to go out anywhere these days."

"Sorry," she responded half-heartedly. "I guess there hasn't been too much reason for me to go out lately. It's a lot easier to stay in. With you away at school and Harmony in New York trying her hand at acting, there isn't anybody here for me."

At the beginning of their sophomore year, Cordelia transferred to UCLA to study drama. Buffy, despite her plans to move to Boston, remained at UC Sunnydale, studying photography.

"Are you trying to give me a guilt trip about going away to school? Because frankly, my dear, after a year and a half, it's not going to work."

Buffy smiled. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I had my chance to leave and I didn't. That was my choice and I have to live with it."

"That's not your fault," Cordelia reminded her. "Circumstances beyond your control and all that stuff. It wasn't like you planned on it happening."

"Doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know, maybe I'm getting nostalgic for high school. Life seemed a lot simpler back then."

Cordelia bit her lip. "Right now probably isn't the best time to bring this up, but I thought you'd like to know."

"Know what?" Buffy asked, her curiosity piqued.

"He's back in town."

She didn't reply right away; too many feelings were rushing through her mind at once, too numerous to keep track of. "Oh. Wh-when did he get back?"

"The day before yesterday. I ran into him at the supermarket this morning and said hi. He was there with some girl I've never seen before."

"Probably his girlfriend," Buffy said in a small voice.

"God, Buffy, I'm so sorry. I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"No, it's okay. I need to hear this. There's no chance of me and Angel getting back together. A part of me still thinks it'll happen, though."

"You never know, it could happen. Hell, you could make it happen. All you have to do is tell him. Then there's no way he can walk away from you again."

Buffy shook her head. "I can't. Too much time has passed and he probably wouldn't even care. On top of that, he has a girlfriend."

"You're giving up too easily."

"No, I'm not. I'm being realistic. Look, can we drop it? It's just going to bring me down."

Cordelia raised her eyebrows, but was happy to oblige. The subject of Angel wasn't her favorite one, especially considering what he'd done to her friend. "Whatever you want. It's your life."

"You're right, it *is* my life. Do you mind if we stop at the bookstore? I want to pick up the new Stephen King Book for my dad."

"Not at all."

The two walked in virtual silence to the bookstore on the other end of the mall. Cordelia knew she'd hit a sore spot when she'd mentioned Angel, but didn't want to press it. Her friend had gone through too much in the past two years, Angel Riches being the reason for most of it.

No sooner had they walked into the store when Buffy stopped dead in her tracks. Her friend almost collided with her. "What's wrong? Why did you stop like that?"

"I - that," she answered, pointing to a display.

At first, Cordelia couldn't understand why a book display would cause Buffy to come to a screeching halt. Then she saw it. "Buffy, just keep walking."

"I can't. It's his book. I-I have to."

"No. You don't have to do anything. You said it yourself, he's out of your life. He has a girlfriend. I thought you wanted it over."

"I owe it to Angel to read his book," said Buffy, picking up a copy from the display. "No matter what's happened between us."

Cordelia took it from her, putting it back on the shelf. "You don't owe him anything. He cheated on you, remember? If anything, he owes you."

Buffy read the back of the book after picking it up again. She surmised the premise of her Angel's book. "It's about us. He wrote about us, Cordy."

"You don't know that for a fact."

"'A touching story about finding true love in the last place you'd expect…what happens when the poorest boy in town falls in love with the wealthiest girl?' You can't tell me that doesn't sound a little familiar."

"So what? Why put yourself through the hell of reading it? Buffy, you lived it; you already know how it ends."

Shaking her head, Buffy clutched the book to her chest. "You can't stop me, Cor. This is his side of the story. Maybe I'll be able to find out the reason he left me behind. I need that piece of mind. Don't I deserve that much?" she asked.

With a grimace, Cordelia relented. She knew there was no stopping her best friend when she set her mind on something. "Fine. But don't come crying to me when you read something you don't like."

***

(June 7, 2007)

"My next guest is an award-winning author at the age of twenty-four. His first book, FIRE AND ICE, shot to the number one spot on the New York Times Bestseller List after only three weeks in print. And now, the movie version is set to open on Friday, starring Kirsten Dunst and Joshua Jackson. Please welcome, for the first time on this show, Angel Riches!" Rosie O'Donnell announced.

Smiling shyly, Angel stepped out from behind the wall and approached the talk show host, giving her a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek. After doing so, he sat down in the guest's chair.

"Angel, can I say something? You are a cutie patootie!" she commented.

He laughed. "Thank you, Rosie. I can't say anybody's ever called me that before."

"I have to tell you, I couldn't put this book down the first time I read it. It's one of my favorites. How old were you when you wrote it?"

"I started it when I was eighteen and finished it three months before my twentieth birthday."

Her eyebrows shot upwards. "You're just a kid! It's so hard to believe that somebody so young can be so talented."

"I got cut a really lucky break. A friend of mine gave it to one of her professors to read, who sent it, in turn, to a literary agent at Pocket Books. It all just snowballed from there."

"I read in your press kit that this book is semi-autobiographical. Is that really true?" Rosie asked. "'Cause it seems like such a far-fetched plot."

Angel nodded. "Most of it is true, with the exception of the ending; that didn't quite happen. The character of Adam is…basically, he's me."

"And Bethany?"

A shadow of sadness washed over his face only for a split-second. "My ex-girlfriend. But names and places were changed to protect the innocent," he said with a laugh. "I didn't want to ruffle any feathers back home."

She picked the book up off her desk, opening it to the third page. "I wanted to mention something before we move on to the movie. The book is dedicated to…may I read the dedication?"

"Sure."

"'To my beloved, my inspiration for everything I do. But fire and ice just aren't meant to be, I guess.' Angel! That had me in tears the first time I read that!" Rosie admonished.

He bit his lip in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. But it's the truth."

She turned her attention to the studio audience and the television viewers. "Everybody, run out there and get this book. It's well-worth it. Our entire studio audience is getting a free copy." After the applause ended, Rosie faced Angel again. "Tell us about the movie."

"Well, if you read the book, it pretty much follows the same pattern. I wrote the screenplay and kept it as true-to-life as possible. Even the cast, I helped in the casting and made sure that the actors remotely resembled the real person. Kirsten Dunst plays Bethany, the rich beauty who falls in love with Adam, played by Joshua Jackson. The movie spans twenty-three years, the progression of their love and the things that tear Bethany and Adam apart."

"I saw the sneak preview Tuesday night and let me tell you, this is such an amazing movie! You didn't tell me you had a small part in it."

"A very small part. I'm a writer, not an actor," stated Angel. "But I play Patrick Aston; he steals Adam's first girlfriend, Kristine. I think I'm onscreen for a total of thirty seconds."

"The movie's rated PG-13, is it not?"

Angel nodded. "Yep. So take your parents, grandparents, some random person on the street…just go see it."

"I know a lot of girls out there are dying to find out if you're married. So am I, for that matter. So, spill. Are you?"

"Not married. In fact, I'm so single, it's pathetic. I haven't had a date in years."

Rosie grinned. "I find that very hard to believe."

"Ask my roommate. My writing keeps me pretty busy. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not looking for Ms. Right. If she's out there, I'm sure I'll find her."

***

No sooner had Angel opened the door to his Upper West Side apartment when the telephone started ringing. 'Probably Daniel wanting to know when the next book in the "Slayer" series will be finished. God, I hate having writer's block!' thought Angel.

"Hello?" he said when he picked up the receiver.

"Angel, it's Missy."

"Are you calling to make fun of my interview? I sucked, I know that already. I don't need you reminding me of it." It was two o'clock and he knew that the Rosie O'Donnell Show had already aired in Sunnydale.

"That's not why I called. It's…it's Mom," Melissa said with a touch of panic in her voice. "She's in the hospital."

Angel nearly dropped the receiver. "What?"

"I woke up and found her on the floor in the living room. They said she had a heart attack. You have to come home, Angel, as soon as possible. It doesn't look good. The doctors don't think she's going to make it."

***

39

It took him six hours, but Angel made it. He ran into Sunnydale General Hospital like a bat out of hell once he exited the taxi. All he could think about was his mother, and the thought of her lying in a hospital bed made him queasy. Angel was more scared than he'd ever been in his entire life.

A nurse stood behind the Nurse's Station. "Can I help you, Sir?" she asked when Angel breathlessly approached her.

"My mom was admitted earlier today and I don't know what room she's in," Angel told her.

"What's her name?"

He exhaled nervously. "It's Adrienne Riches. R-I-C-H-E-S."

The nurse punched the information into the computer. "Yes. She was admitted at nine o'clock this morning. Your mother is in the Cardiac Care Unit on the fifth floor. Room 563."

"Thank you."

The elevator wasn't fast enough for him, and Angel felt like he did not have the time to waste. So he opted for the stairs. He ran up the five flights to the fifth floor, too focused on finding his mother to care how much his body was screaming in agony at the exertion. When he stepped into the hallway of the Cardiac Care Unit, he found his sister sitting in a chair nearby.

"Missy!" he called upon seeing her.

Melissa jumped out of her seat and flew into Angel's arms. It had been almost a year since they'd last seen each other. The previous September, the two had gotten into a fight over how her boyfriend was treating her. "Oh god, Angel. Thank you for getting here so quickly," she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I came as fast as I could; took the first plane out. What happened to Mom?"

"I was so scared! I woke up for work this morning at eight-thirty and went into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. The television was on, so I walked into the living room to say hi to Mom. She-she was lying face-down on the ground. I called 911 and an ambulance came five minutes later," she explained to her brother.

Angel shook his head in both sadness and in disbelief. "How is she? What did the doctor have to say?"

Melissa sniffled. "I tried calling you all morning. You didn't answer your phone at the apartment and your cell phone was turned off."

"I didn't want it ringing during my Rosie O'Donnell interview. Then I stopped at the library. But you never answered my question. How is she? What's wrong?"

Tears filled Melissa's brown eyes. "Massive heart attack. According to the attending doctor she had a heart attack. I feel so helpless, like nothing I can do will help her. And I hate it."

"I know how you feel. Can we see her?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah. She's-she's been in and out of consciousness, though. I just saw her and she was out of it, then I came out here to wait for you. Mom was asking for you earlier."

Angel solemnly nodded. "Do you mind if I go in there? Or do you want to go back?"

"Go on. Only one of us is allowed in at a time. I…I don't think I can take it right now. I think I need to be by myself for a little while."

"Okay." He could understand.

Angel walked down the hall to room 563. Peaking through the window, he saw his mother lying in the hospital bed, all kinds of machines hooked up to her. Taking a deep breath to collect himself, Angel entered.

As soon as he sat down in the chair next to the bed, Mrs. Riches' eyelids fluttered open. She stared at him for a moment before a weak smile spread across her lips.

"My Angel," she whispered. "You came."

"Of course I did. You know I'd never stay away if something happened to you. How do you feel?"

Mrs. Riches closed her eyes as if in pain. "It's not good. I know that."

He took her hand. "You're gonna be fine, Mom. Nothing's going to happen to you. You've got my word on that."

"No. I'm too sick." She locked her brown eyes on his identical ones. "There is something I need to tell you."

"It can wait until you feel stronger. Let's just concentrate on getting you well and getting you back home."

"Are you going to leave and go back to New York?"

He shook his head at her question. "I'll be right here as long as you need me. I'm not going anywhere until you're better."

"You gave up so easily, Angel."

"What are you talking about?"

"With Buffy. You gave up too easily on love. You can't do that when it's true love," she told him. "Trust me on that."

"That isn't something we should be talking about now."

She gripped his hand as tightly as she could. "Listen to me. We have to talk about this now or we'll never get the chance again."

"You need your rest. It can wait."

"I need to talk to you. I love you, Angel, and you're a smart boy. But when it comes to love, you're stupid."

"Mom…"

"You still love her. I see it in your eyes when I say her name. You will always be in love with her, you and I both know that."

"Stop worrying about my love life. I'll be just fine. I'm happy, you know that."

"No, you're not. You're lying to yourself. You'll never be happy without her. Be with her, you know you want to. You *need* to."

"Just concentrate on yourself. That's all that's important."

Mrs. Riches took a labored breath. Breathing had become difficult since she entered the hospital that morning. "Promise me something."

"Anything. What is it?"

"When I pass on, you have to take care of her."

"You're not going to die, Mom," assured Angel. "Think positive."

She tightened her grip yet again. "*Promise* me."

"Okay, I promise."

"Take care of Abby."

Angel knit his eyebrows together. He'd never heard of an Abby before. "Who is Abby? Why do I have to take care of her?"

"You have to take care of Abby," his mother repeated. "Take care of both of them."

"Mom, who is she?"

"She's yours. Watch over her. Love her."

Nothing Mrs. Riches was saying made any sense to Angel. "What on earth are you talking about? Who is this Abby person?"

From his right, the heart monitor began to beep loudly. His mother's eyes widened and she focused them on her son. "Take care of Abby, Angel! She's yours!"

Doctors and nurses ran into the room and Angel stood by helplessly and watched as they worked on his mother.

"BP is falling," one nurse stated.

"Heart rate is down. We're losing her."

One of the nurses looked over at a stunned and terrified Angel. "I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to leave, Sir."

Without saying another word, he walked out of the room, heading for the waiting room as if in a trance. Melissa noticed the expression on his face and immediately ran over.

"Oh god, what is it? What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know exactly. The machine started beeping and then all these people came in. One of them told me to leave. Something happened to Mom."

Together, they sat themselves down and waited for word on their mother's condition. Neither of them said a word, but they clasped their hands together to comfort one another.

Five minutes later, a doctor came into the waiting room. "Melissa and Angel Riches?" he called.

They stood up. "That's us," Melissa said. "How is she?"

He shook his head sadly. "We did everything we could. Your mother suffered a second heart attack, but her body was too weak from the first one to fight it. I'm sorry; she didn't make it."

Angel stood in complete shock while his sister broke down and cried. She let tears slip onto his shoulder. "Thank you," he said to the doctor.

"Would you like me to make any arrangements for you?"

"No, thanks. I can do all that."

After the doctor walked away, Angel put his arms around Melissa, patting her on the back. "It'll be okay."

"She's gone," she whimpered. "Only fifty-two years old and she's dead. I never got a chance to say good-bye to her. Or to tell her how much I love her."

"I'm sure she knew."

"What are we going to do without her?"

He frowned. "We'll manage. You and I will get through it. Mom's watching over us, wherever she is."

***

Go to Part 40