Part 14

"What do we do now?"

Angel gazed up at his girlfriend, whose abrupt question took him by complete surprise, given the fact they had been talking for hours about everything imaginable, but *that* particular question was never brought up by either of them. No one had dared to ask the question the answer for which was unknown, while on the other hand, whoever asked it first would probably not be the one who'd need to answer it. Now, neither one of them knew what to say.

"I don't know," the vampire whispered quietly, averting his gaze from the Slayer.

She chuckled, pushing herself up from the bed she was sitting on. "That's...not what I was looking forward to hear."

Angel reached out for her arm, waiting patiently until she turned around and looked at him. Once she did, he gently pulled her back by the hand, until she gave in completely and sat down in front of him, eastern style. "Whatever it is, this...decision that has to be made," he brought his fingertips under her chin and propped it up. "Both of us have to make it. You understand it...right?"

"Sure," she nodded, smirk creeping into both her eyes and her voice. "Let me just tell you something here, okay?" She pulled back, losing all physical contact before she began to speak again. "I don't make decisions. I *can't*, every time I try, it results in deadly consequences. The last time I had to play mommy it was to my sister, which, if I should remind you, wound up getting her guts sliced open cuz of a mentally not-so-stable Hell-God and with me dead. That's how good I am at making grown up decisions, behold," she opened her arms.

Angel tried reaching for her, but she darted away again, clearly, still having not finished.

"And you know everything that happened before," she angrily continued from where she left off, seemingly trying to prove a point. "I shut down, *completely*! When my *sister* needed me the most, I simply wasn't there! So this is how it works...with me," she took a deep breath in attempt to calm her voice back to normal and reduce some of the stress. "When I'm pushed to a corner, I either shut down, or take my decision to the extremes. And I'm honestly not sure which of the two is the worst. I *always* knew raising Connor would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. And I'm not talking simple parenting here, I'm not talking about that. Connor was never *just* a baby, nevermind how unprepared I was for one, he was *our* baby. And even though I always knew I'd have to face something like that, I *don't* know what to do now!"

"And you think I know any better?" Angel asked after a brief pause. "Why? Because my actions caused it, because I'm responsible?"

"I *never* blamed you-" she hissed, but he never let her finish.

"I didn't mean that-"

"Like Hell you didn't!" After a beat, Buffy sharply held up her hand, unequivocally indicating she refused to proceed this argument. She stood up again and walked to the center of the room, this time, Angel never tried to stop her. "You know him," she finally whispered.

"I do," he acknowledged.

The Slayer nodded to herself, still facing him with her back. "You know how he acts, why he does what he does..." It suddenly appeared as though she hadn't heard his answer at all. "I mean, the guy was dogging you for years, if there's something I can say about Angelus, he's not an idiot. You must have picked something up."

"It won't help you," he simply let her know, guessing where she was heading with that string of questions.

"*Us*," she empathized, but still didn't see the need for actual eye-contact between the two of them. "Help *us*, last time I checked, he was your son, too. And it will help. It has to, I don't know how I'll do that, but I won't let anything happen to him." The Slayer exhaled a sigh as she leaned her weight on the wall to her right, nervously running a hand through her hair. "Or to you," she added to herself in an inaudible whisper.

"I just-" he never finished what he had to say, thinking it wouldn't make any genuine difference anyway. There was absolutely nothing he could tell her, or himself, for that matter, that would cause either of them worry any less. He understood what she was going through because he was going through the same. And she maybe didn't blame him, but he did, and that was way more than enough. The way *he* saw it and interpreted it was very simple - *he* put in danger the two people he loved the most, that were the most dear to him. Angel sighed, standing up, and after hesitating for only a moment, headed in her direction. When he was standing right behind her, his subconscious inwardly gave her several seconds to walk away, and only when she didn't, he allowed himself to slip his arms around her waist, pressing her back to his chest.

The Slayer exhaled a soft sigh and leaned back into her lover's embrace. "I'm scared, Angel," she whispered, gazing aimlessly away from him.

The vampire turned her around until he could finally look directly into her eyes. "How do you think that I feel?" he tenderly brushed stray locks from her face with his fingertips, lightly caressing her skin. "If anything...ever happens to you, or to Connor, I don't know what I'll do."

Buffy wetted her lips and managed a small smile, lightly brushing her palm over his cheek and through his light brown hair. "Listen to me... I need you right now, I need you to be strong. Okay? Because I...don't know how to win this...twisted game he's playing with us, but I know that we will. Win. And I need you for that." Not waiting for a response, she simply leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around him, the light ghost of a smile from before vanishing from her face as soon as it came out of his view, and fear immerged in its place.

Angel closed his arms around her, swallowing at her suddenly accelerating heartbeat, knowing exactly what it meant. He pulled her closer, embraced her tighter, and inside knew all along it didn't help. "He's got nothing to lose, Buffy," he told her quietly, leisurely combing his fingers through her hair as he spoke. "He'll put everything into his mission, destroy everything that gets in his way, because he has nothing left to lose. I made sure of that." Angel paused and momentarily closed his eyes, lightly pressing a kiss to her crown. "I have everything to lose. He won't stop until he takes it all away from me."

His girlfriend didn't say anything for a while, then she just pulled away from him and, taking him by the hand, led them out of the bedroom.

* * * * *

Willow was the first to spot the Slayer and the vampire, as they were coming, unnoticed, down the stairs into the lobby. She slowly rose from the couch and completely tuned out of the conversation she was having with Fred in the other woman's mid sentence. Something strange was in her best friend's eyes, something unfamiliar, something she hadn't seen in a long while...ever since the final showdown with Glory, to be precise. Fear...genuine fear...it had been sprouting in the Slayer ever since the two women had met today, randomly making its presence known to the witch but never enough to evoke actual solid concerns, or maybe Willow just refused to admit she already *was* concerned. Everything had been going so well for Buffy ever since she was given her life back it almost looked too good to be true, but looking into her eyes now, Willow saw none of that, not even a trace. The Slayer reminded her of a caged animal, trapped, pushed to the wall with no escape from the inevitable, and the witch didn't even know what that inevitable was. And what was even worse, the vampire didn't seem at all better.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly, as she was carefully approaching the couple, knowing inside just how stupid and misplaced that question was, but altogether acknowledging it was the only one her lips complied with.

The Slayer shrugged slightly, looking away from her best friend. She sniffed and embraced herself as a response to some nonexistent chill, and when she finally did speak, it had absolutely nothing to do with the redhead's question. "Where is everybody?" she asked, briefly scanning the lobby that only contained a somewhat thrown Fred aside from the three of them. Suddenly her eyes widened momentarily, as though in panic, as her boyfriend's question came up from behind her.

"Where is Connor?"

Willow glanced from one to another, "I-"

"Willow, where is he?" the Slayer subconsciously grabbed her arm, clearly demanding an instant answer, something the more than just a little bewildered witch couldn't quite process just yet. "Where is he??" Buffy roughly repeated the question, more out of fear than actual aggression.

That moment, Cordelia stepped out of the office, with Connor in her arms. "Hey! What's going on here?" she exclaimed angrily, but before she could finish the thought, the vampire crossed her path, and with no explanation, took his son.

The brunette eyed him suspiciously, trying inwardly to figure the cause for his behavior but failing in all her attempts. Her eyes then drifted off to the Slayer, who let go of Willow and rejoined her lover, seemingly shedding all layers of stress and excitement as soon as he gingerly passed their son over to her. Whatever the two of them had locked themselves in their room to talk about, she sure would like to know. "What's going on?" she repeated the same question from before only now the tone of her voice was perplexed rather than aggressive.

Angel pulled Buffy to his chest and draped one arm around her shoulders. "Where is everyone?" he disregarded Cordelia's question completely, obviously not seeing the time fit to bring that particular subject up for discussion.

"How about you first-"

"Cordy," he clearly was not in the mood to hear any of her protests. "Where are Wes and Gunn?"

She sighed in defeat. "Out. Wes said he had to go, didn't say where, just took Gunn with him. *Now* do you wanna clue me in on why you two've gone psycho-parents?"

Buffy inhaled a deep breath and pulled back from Angel, lightly brushing her lips over her son's head. Her eyes fixed on the brunette, then drifted off to Willow and Fred. "There are things going on...you know nothing about..."

"Get out!" Cordelia cut in. "I don't wanna use the word 'normal' regarding the two of you not to offend the term, but generally speaking, that's what you two'd been...until now. So I *want* to know. What gives?" She could never stand being kept out of anything, but what she could stand even less was being left in the dark by her friends, people, or given the case, vampires too, she cared about. Also it was clear to her if it could craze both the Slayer and the vampire like that, it was something worth knowing.

"Cordy..."

"We'll tell you everything," Buffy promised reassuringly though Cordelia could see she wasn't entirely in the state to try and calm others. "When everyone's here," her eyes briefly skimmed over Willow and Fred as well, "we'll tell you all what's going on." She looked over to Angel as though for confirmation then back at the three women standing in front of her. "I promise."

"A-are we gonna die?" Fred's subtle question came from behind Willow.

The blonde bit her lip and for a moment locked eyes with her best friend, inducing a flicker of fear in her green orbs.

Seeing his girlfriend's rising anxiety, Angel placed a cool hand on her back, causing her to let out a small breath of release. "You're not in danger, Fred."

"A-and what about you?" she quickly looked between him and Buffy. "And Connor?"

After several moments of contemplation he was finally ready to answer, not even knowing what he could say, but was cut off when the hotel's door was pushed open.

All heads turned to the door in alarm, but none like Buffy, who also pressed her son to her chest and was instinctively drawn back, closer to Angel.

"Dawn," she swallowed, allowing herself to relax a bit when she found the newcomer was simply her sister. "What are you doing here?" she managed, trying to simultaneously speak naturally and push away everything that was stressing her up to a moment ago. Unfortunately, she realized only too late this question didn't make much sense.

"I live here," the younger Summers shot back, making her way across the lobby towards the stairs. "Regrettably," she grumbled to herself, unsure whether she really didn't want her sister to hear it.

"Da-wait!" Buffy held up her hand, and when her sister stopped, strode to wards her. "What's wrong?" She put the hand that wasn't holding Connor on her shoulder, turning her around, but Dawn still refused to look her in the eyes. "Dawnie?"

Finally, she groaned, rolling her eyes, and shook the Slayer's hand off of her. "You were supposed to pick me up," she stated coldly. "You forgot. What else is new."

Buffy pulled her hand back, briefly looking down from her sister, "How did you get home?"

"Like you care!"

Buffy locked eyes with her for a long moment, making it clear she was looking for an answer, not for questioning of her intentions. "Ashley's mom drove me," Dawn replied reluctantly.

"W-who is-"

"A friend," she replied steely. "I told you about her. But then again, you probably forgot that, too."

The Slayer sighed, and brushed the back of her palm over her sister's cheek, but the icy stare in her eyes didn't melt nevertheless. "Dawnie, I'm sorry..."

"No you're not," Dawn snapped, darting back and out of her sister's reach. "All you care about is Connor and Angel, as if you came back just for them! Well, newsflash, you didn't!"

Buffy flashed a look at her lover then took her sister by the arm and pulled her aside, to continue that fight given a little more privacy. "That's *not* true," she argued, making sure to keep her voice down to practically a whisper as she went on. "You know that's not true, I'm sorry I forgot to pick you up, I am, but..."

"But what?!" Dawn exclaimed, not caring in the least who would hear. "Something more important came up? Something about *Connor*, maybe? Do you even still remember you're *my* family, too?"

"How can you say that?" Buffy hissed, challengingly gazing her in the eyes, waiting for the cold resolve to melt. When it didn't, she inhaled a shaky breath and sniffed back the tears pressing her eyes, bent on not letting them out now of all times. She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled again before opening them. "I love you," she looked up at her younger sister. "You *are*...*very* important."

"But not like Connor, right?" she questioned, folding her arms on her chest, her own blue eyes watering up though she attempted to not let it reflect in her voice.

"Dawn..." Buffy tried again, searching for something to say that wouldn't reveal anything she didn't want her sister to know but coming out empty handed. "I can't...tell you everything...okay? There are things happening...bad things..." as she spoke, she could almost see the anger dissolve from her sister's orbs, but an inner voice prompted her it wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"And you don't tell me?" Dawn dropped the bomb from an utterly unexpected direction. "Because I'm a kid? Because I'm not *old* enough to understand? To help, maybe?"

"Dawn, I *can't*. This is something Angel and I have to deal with on our own-"

"Angel and you?" she smirked. "And where do I fit into this? Do I even fit into this?"

"I'm trying my best, okay?" the Slayer exclaimed, no traces of the former calm and self-restraint were evident in her voice. "I'm *trying* to work everything out. I'm learning, too, this is hard for me, too. Being a grownup isn't easy, Dawn..."

"Oh, yeah?" Dawn grabbed her schoolbag from the floor, preparing to take off right following that sentence. "Well mom was a grownup, too, and you know what? I *never* came second best for her!" With that, she whirled around and strode up to her room.

"What if she's right?" the Slayer whispered, casting her eyes down to the floor, when two strong arms enfolded her waist from behind.

"She's not," was Angel's instant reply.

She swiftly rotated to face him. "But what if she *is*?" her wide eyes bore painfully into his. "We've been over it this morning, what in Hell do I know about parenting, Angel? Or...anything grownup-related, for that matter? I don't even know how to be there for my sister, who is, by the way, the age I was only a few years ago!"

The vampire didn't say anything, just pulled her to him, tightly wrapping his arms around her. "She doesn't mean that. And you don't mean that. You don't have to know everything, Buffy, the...secret is not *being* the best," he slightly pulled back and angled her chin up with his forefinger, "nobody's the best. It's all about trying to be the best that *you* can be. And you do that. But you have more than one person to take care of, and sometimes different things have to come first, and sorting these priorities is what growing up is all about. And Dawn..." his gaze moved up the stairs where her sister had disappeared, "she wants attention now, but she'll understand that. Eventually, she will."

"She doesn't *want* attention, Angel. Maybe she doesn't understand. But the point is that she's not supposed to. I'm her only family...and she's not supposed to know how to deal with all this, it's my job. And being her sister is also my job. And so far, I've been flunking that repeatedly. So what good am I really?"

"You love her. She knows that. That's the-"

"Only thing important?" she dryly finished his trace of thought. "Then I guess it's not," she shrugged.

He traced her cheekbone with his finger, looking her deep in the eyes. "Buffy..."

Abruptly her eyes widened at something behind him, and all he heard was a husky 'no' escape her lips, before she used her free hand to shove him to the ground, just as the whistle of a flying arrow reached his ears.

"Buffy..." He jumped back to his feet, knowing all the while it wasn't feasible for him to reach her in time. Instantly Cordelia was there, too, retrieving the bawling baby from the Slayer's slackened grip as she was caught in mid fall by the vampire.

"See you next time, Angelus," came a vogue voice from the ajar door, barely penetrating through the cloud of confusion obscuring his brain. His eyes jumped from the wooden arrow protruding from his lover's chest to her face, as her lids were slowly closing down on her dimming eyes.

"Angel," Cordelia moved closer, protectively keeping Connor's face turned with one hand, as her own wide orbs were unbelievingly gaping at the sight in front of her. "What happened...who was that?..." her unclear mind repeatedly produced questions the vampire cradling the Slayer didn't hear anyway. "Angel!" her last attempted composure fell apart and she pulled him by the sleeve when he wouldn't respond.

But he just sat there, as though in some sort of trance, detached from the rest of the world in every possible aspect, his eyes vacantly gazing straight ahead into nothing.

Part 15 -

* * * * *

Dawn tightened her arms around her knees and pressed her back deeper into the wall, as she kept blankly staring at the closed door across the hall. It was shut behind Angel and Wesley no longer than twenty minutes ago, but to Dawn it seemed like forever had passed. Willow, too, had later joined them inside, then had walked in and out several times to bring what Dawn guessed the former Watcher had requested her to. She sighed, wiped her teary eyes with the back of her palm, and closed them, forcing them away from the door. When she reopened them, she was looking at Gunn, who was leaning against the wall opposite to her. One of his arms was draped around Fred's slim shoulders, the little Texan's head resting on his chest, and she was still almost just as scared and confused as she was half an hour ago. Dawn frowned at that, subconsciously letting her mind drift away from her sister for even a few short moments and concentrate on the couple. She had thought something was going on between Fred and Wesley, she certainly hadn't thought Gunn was in the picture... Dropping the subject as quickly as it came up, she turned her gaze away from the two, as all thoughts about them faded off into nothing.

Only Cordelia and Connor weren't present, she noticed, and she knew why. As soon as Angel had but barely returned to his senses, he ordered the former cheerleader to take his son away, to not expose him to any of it, and Cordelia had done just that. They hadn't left the hotel, but the brunette had stayed all the while in another room, the one she normally used herself when she happened to sleep over. She had offered Dawn to join her, too, but the Slayer's sister refused flatly. She *wasn't* a baby and she *didn't* need protection from it and *why* didn't anyone see that?!

She shuddered at the memory, the thought of it alone caused icy shivers to creep down her spine. There was so much blood...Angel's clothes and hands were soaked in crimson, even Connor had some splashed on the side of his face that was closer to his mother's wound. Dawn had overheard Wesley tell Willow it shouldn't have been like that, that the arrow alone couldn't have done it. The bleeding was so excessive because the arrow didn't only pierce through Buffy's flesh, it ripped through it, probably due to her fall and Connor's weight pressing on it. Dawn shuddered again; as much as she tried to restrain these thoughts from her mind, they wouldn't go away. And the last thing she did was to fight with her...

The cracking sound of the door opening snapped her back into reality and she instantly looked up, almost jumping out of her skin from surprise.

"I-is she okay?" she managed, after finding her voice again, climbing up to her feet.

Wesley nodded, sighing. "She's fine," he mustered a smile. "She's a Slayer." He then removed one bloody glove and put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "She's going to be just fine, don't worry."

"Willow?" she searched for a confirmation in the eyes on the redhead that had just appeared behind the Englishman.

"She's okay," the witch assured, using the same forced smile as Wesley had, although the girl could detect the tiny promising flicker in her green eyes. "Can I come in now?" Dawn asked.

Wesley and Willow exchanged a brief glance of concern before looking back at Buffy's little sister. Ultimately, the redhead answered, "Angel is...with her now. She's asleep..." But seeing the girl's face fall, she amended, "You could try..."

Dawn nodded, and only after Gunn, Fred, Willow and Wesley disappeared down the hall, talking, she faced the door.

* * * * *

Dawn stealthily stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, endeavoring not to make a sound in the process though not even knowing why. She swallowed hard, and inwardly counted down from five before turning around. He still hadn't even changed, it was the first thing she noticed, he was still wearing the same bloody clothes from before and he didn't seem to be aware of it, or he simply didn't care. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hunched back facing her, as his face was buried in the palms of his hands.

Dawn's gaze wandered over to her sister, who was lying next to the vampire, unlike him, clean and washed and the only sign to that there ever was a wound being the spot of red that managed to penetrate through the bandages. She was much paler than usually, which could be attributed to the blood-loss, but the serene _expression on her face together with her even breathing that indicated on peaceful sleep induced a sigh of relief from the girl and she almost managed a small smile, but then she looked back at Angel. He still hadn't moved, hadn't given even the slightest sign to that he knew she was there. For only a moment, she wholeheartedly contemplated whether it was a good idea for her to be there at that particular time.

"Is she okay?" she quietly repeated the same question she had earlier brought up before Willow and Wesley, obviously it was more an attempt to start a conversation than to really learn the answer she already knew anyway.

Angel merely nodded, but didn't even look up.

Dawn waited for a moment before carefully asking, "Are you?"

He nodded again, this time adding a muttered, "I'm fine," to go with it.

Buffy's sister awkwardly fixed her gaze on her feet, not knowing what else to say seeing as her two attempts had proven themselves to be futile. Finally, she wetted her lips and looked up again. "She's not...gonna die...is she?" And *that* one, she acknowledged, wasn't an attempt to pursue a conversation. The question had just popped up in her head and as though having a will of its own, found its way past her lips. And that moment she remembered nothing she wanted to take back more than that...

The vampire's back stiffened instantly and he slowly looked up, although not at Dawn. After several tension-packed moments, his voice, which could easily pass for tired and indifferent if she didn't know better, sounded with the simplest of answers, "No."

Three long minutes had passed until she spoke again, "You probably hate me right now. It's okay...you know, cuz then it makes two of us."

The vampire sighed and finally rotated all the way to his lover's sister, who did everything in her power to forestall the gasp of astonishment at the agonizing despair and disillusionment in his eyes, but failed. He didn't say anything, just patiently waited for her to explain herself.

And she did, "I...yelled at her, you know that, you were there. I made her mad...she was mad at me and she wasn't focused, and...that guy came out of nowhere and..." her voice faded off at the verge of tears, but she pulled herself together just in time.

Angel sighed. "Dawn, it's...not your fault. You had nothing to do with it..."

"Yeah?" She folded her arms on her chest resolutely. "Whose is it then?"

Angel looked down from her, not saying anything, as his gaze gradually moved up the Slayer's body to her sleeping face. He reached one hand and, barely coming in contact with her skin, brushed his knuckles down her cheek. "Not yours," he said simply, as he looked back at the girl.

"What are you going to do?" she asked after a while. After glancing at her sleeping sister, she added, "Are you...gonna kill him?"

The vampire chuckled bitterly to himself. Oh he already knew what he was going to do... He only wished that resolving everything with Holtz were the hardest part of it all. "Dawn," he swallowed, gingerly taking one of Buffy's hands into his, "where is Connor?"

She frowned at the sharp change of subject, but chose to let it drop uncommented. "With Cordy...why?"

"Call her here, please," he just said, with no unnecessary explanations, "tell her to bring him."

"O-okay," she nodded, a bit unsure. Something seemed odd to her in her sister's boyfriend's behavior though she couldn't put her finger on it. Something seemed off to her about the situation as a whole. She decided to wait another minute, but seeing as Angel's entire attention was given to her sister, she quietly slipped out of the room, to execute his request.

* * * * *

"You're out of your mind!" Cordelia exclaimed, after Angel had finished laying his plan open before her. Typically, it was the precise reaction he'd expected from her, with the only difference that this time he simply didn't care enough to even consider it.

"We've been over it..."

"And we will be, *again* and again and as many times as *I* want to!"

"Keep it down, Cordy," he hissed, glancing down at the Slayer, who quietly moaned in her sleep.

"Here's an interesting thought," Cordelia only used his hint to her advantage, "why don't I wake *her* up, we'll see what she has to say about it."

Angel stared at her gravely for a long moment, until all intentions to pursue with her idea vanished from her thoughts. "I have to," he said quietly, knowing it wasn't remotely what she wanted to hear and nor was it enough. "There is no other way, Cor, you know that..."

She touched his arm gently, causing him to stop in the middle of folding one of Connor's overalls and look at her. "It'll destroy her, Angel. It's not worth it...okay? *I'm* telling you, that in the long run...it's not worth it."

He held her gaze for another second before breaking eye contact and resume what he'd been doing. "If I don't do that, there won't be a long run to worry about."

"You don't know that!" she hissed.

"And I'm not sticking around to find out." He stuffed the pile of clothes into the already somewhat full bag and zipped it. Still having not completely dried from the shower, he pulled on a habitual black shirt, which was followed by an equally dark coat, but when he was about to reach for the bag, his hand froze in mid motion and he slowly straightened back up.

Angel walked back to the bed and sat down, trying not to disturb it with his weight too much. Another moment of complete silence, and he leaned in, tenderly brushing his lips over Buffy's. "I love you," he whispered softly in her ear before pulling away.

"I'm done," he let his friend know, as he walked up to her with his bag packed and shouldered.

Reluctantly, the brunette passed Connor over to his father, but not before wrapping him in additional blanket. As soon as Angel set him comfortably in the crook of his right arm, Cordelia threw her arms around him, pulling both father and son into a hug.

The vampire wrapped his free arm around her with a sigh, "Cordy, I..." "Shut up," she interrupted him, her voice muffled with unshed tears. Finally, she drew back and looked up at him. "Just...promise me you'll take care of yourself. And...don't do anything stupid...er."

"Cor..." he wanted to say something, but by the time he hardly finished uttering her name, the door was shut behind her. "It's something I have to do," he voiced his thoughts to himself.

* * * * *

"Peaches," a wide smirk spread across Spike's face when he spotted his Grand-Sire enter his crypt. He jumped off of the tomb he'd been sprawled across and came forward to meet his surprise-visitor. "Well...what a pleasant surprise. Who if not Mr.-I-help-the-helpless in a flesh came down to the people to see old friends."

"Spike..."

"What can I do you for?" he hopped into his armchair, crossing his arms on his chest, with the same old smirk seemingly glued to his face. After a beat, he reached one hand behind the chair and pulled out a pack of blood, offering it to the ensouled vampire, "Snack?"

Having had enough of it, Angel grabbed the blood from his Grand-Childe and tossed the little sack into a wall, with such force it was ripped into shreds by the blow alone and the dark red liquid splashed allover.

Spike looked at the stains on the wall and floor, clearly not at all impressed, then looked up at Angel. "Manly, aren't we, Angelus? Must be the Slayer's influence. So," he jumped up from the chair and started pacing back and forth across the crypt, for the first time since Angel had entered it, his _expression was completely serious. "What brings you by? And with the little bugger, no less, what, babysitter's called off?"

Angel looked down for a bit, clearly struggling with the words and with the decision he was about to seal, the one there was no way back from..."I need your help," he said ultimately.

The bleached vampire let out a short laugh, but soon sobered, taking in that Angel's _expression hadn't changed one bit. "You're serious... What'd you-"

"Spike!" With a low growl rising from the depth of his throat, the dark-haired vampire grabbed his Grand-Child by the collar and pinned him to the nearest wall, holding him up in the air as he explained, again, this time, slower, "*I'll* do the talking, you'll listen. You're ready to listen?"

"Fine!" the blond choked out, pushing the other vampire off of him and straightening up his appearance. "What the Hell do you want?"

All traces of rage and annoyance left Angel's eyes and his voice was almost normal as he said, "I need your help." When he saw it had no effect on Spike, he rephrased, "Buffy needs your help."

Spike looked up at the sound of the Slayer's name. "What was I, your last choice? Color me deeply touched," he rolled his eyes and headed to his little fridge for some blood.

"I need you to watch over him," Angel continued, for some reason, maintaining his eyes on the ground the entire time. Inside he couldn't believe he was genuinely uttering these words and what's more, addressing these words to *Spike*. "I need someone who can protect him..."

"So you picked *me*?!" the younger vampire released another laugh, and straightened up, completely neglecting the blood. "Have you lost your bleeding mind?"

At that, Angel's head shot up. "If *anything* happens to him, *you* will answer to me. That's why I know nothing will. You'll do what I ask you to do-"

"You sure?" he cocked a brow.

"Because if you don't do it for me, you'll do it for *her*," Angel held Spike's gaze for a moment, to see if his implication hit home and of course, it did, again, the smirk vanished from his face. The dark-haired vampire dropped the bag with Connor's belongings to the ground and lifted the baby from his shoulder. He looked at his son one last time for a long moment, as he pretended to be busy in fixing his hat and clothes, and placed a kiss on his forehead, only then he carefully handed him over to Spike. "Remember," he flatly repeated his warning, "if anything happens to him..."

"Yeah, yeah, got it, you'll rip my guts out, all nine yards," the blond nonchalantly rolled his eyes, though inside he wasn't at all amused. Even the curiosity as for *why* Angel would trust him with his and Buffy's son was soon beaten by the vow he made to protect that child with his life if he had to, for the Slayer's sake if nobody else's. He knew that, and Angel knew that. "Consider it a favor in the family. Just out of curiosity, for how long am I stuck playing daddy?"

"As long as you have to. Until Buffy comes and picks him up. I say it again, Spike, *one* hair on his head is harmed and I'll do more than gut ripping. I'd bear that in mind, if I were you."

"I'll consider. Oh and yeah," he called after his Grand-Sire, who was already exiting the crypt but stopped nevertheless, just as Spike had known he would. "Have a safe trip. Try to not come back," he flashed Angel a smile, just as the door was slammed behind him.

PART 16

"I love you..."

The three words echoed in her ear, the voice, his voice, was softer than a whisper, barely perceptible even, as though it was emerging right from a hollow dream, where the only reason for it to be heard at all was that simply nothing else existed. it seemed to be fading, becoming less and less reachable with each time, but at the same time, it wouldn't go away. In the nothingness that surrounded her, all there was were these three words.

And she didn't know where was it that she heard them last. She didn't remember.

As the Slayer, she wasn't used to empty dreams, she was robbed of the luxury of meaninglessness when she had received her calling. Not that she never had dreams that meant nothing in particularly catastrophic, she did, but unlike anyone else, subconsciously, she still held on to the fear that they might. But could she ever interpret correctly every single one? Did she even want to?

And what did emptiness mean then? It still kept whispering, kept reverberating inside her head, having no source, no purpose, just existing, just a voice. And it still haunted, still hurt, and she still didn't know why. There seemed to be nothing aside from it, but as faint as it was, there were so many things *in* it, it was deafening. She could trace loneliness, she could trace pain, heartache, desertion...loss...and a promise. There was a promise, but it held nothing within it, there was nothing left to sustain it, it was just there, hanging in the air, no strings attached. Just a promise, and these three words, but that's all there was. Nothing was left, nothing to hold on to, nothing to make it real. Other than that...there was nothing left.

And she still couldn't remember the last time she heard these words.

* * * * *

Buffy opened her eyes, slightly blinking at first from the sting of the sunlight coming from the window. A man's figure was seated on her bed, his back bent, his palms folded together, propping his forehead. It seemed far away and her sight was still a bit blurry, but after the first fleeting strike of surprise, she could still recognize him distinctly.

"Hey," she whispered hoarsely, managing a weak smile. Then she swallowed and added, "I was beginning to think it was about time you finally showed."

Giles turned to her and smiled. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Yeah," she breathed, propping herself up on her elbows, but wincing when a sharp pain shot through the left side of her chest. He reached forward to help her, but she only waved her hand dismissingly, indicating she was alright. After taking a moment for the ache in her chest to subside, she tried sitting up again, this time holding a hand to her wound to forestall any additional painful surprises, and this attempt was successful.

The Englishman sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking down from her. "Wesley said it was...rather bad."

"Yeah, well, you Brits always had a tendency to blow stuff *just* a little out of proportion," she grinned, inwardly wincing again when she lifted her left arm, but showing no outward signs the pain had any effect on her.

"Buffy..."

"Hey, I died twice already, okay?" she flashed him another smile. "I'm not dead now, so let's concentrate on the brighter side, shall we? Besides, I heal fast. No biggie." When his somber look didn't vanish with that, the Slayer reached out and touched his arm, making him look at her. Once he did, he noticed her smile was barely discernible anymore. "I'm just so happy that you're back...that's all. This," she glanced down on her wound, "this, I don't care about. It'll just be another scar before you know it, then it'll fade into nothing at all..." her gaze drifted away as her hand, for no apparent reason, reached up to her neck, to the only scar that had never faded over the years and that moment, Buffy had a strange feeling it never would. She chased these uncalled for thoughts away with a slight shake of her head and focused back on her Watcher. "I just..." her smile resurfaced when he brought his hand to cup her cheek, "I missed you *so* much. You have no idea..."

"I'm sorry," he slightly shook his head, looking away from her again, and pulled his hand from her face, "I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner..."

"I don't care about sooner," the Slayer interrupted him firmly, making the Watcher look back at her. Only when he did, she softly added, "I just care about now. Okay?"

Giles nodded. "You know that I'll...try my best...to be there for you now. I'll be there for you as much as I can."

"Good," she agreed. "So..." her eyes quickly scanned the room, "where are my boys?"

Giles only looked at her, swallowing hard as an abrupt shiver attacked him only momentarily. He turned away his eyes, knowing she'd see everything in them even if he said nothing. Besides, he realized, as his mind worked on what he was about to say, he could never look her in the eyes and lie to her at the same time. The consequences of the last time it happened were destructive, in the least.

"Giles?" she asked quietly, discerning something wasn't right with his reaction to her seemingly so simple question, and he noticed slight traces of foreboding anxiety in her voice. The question why Angel wasn't by her side the moment she woke up had never been brought up and inwardly, the Watcher was grateful for that. The less specific was the question, the better was his chance to get out of it with the least obvious lie. He was just about to answer when...

"Buffy!" came from the entrance to the room, and a second later, the Slayer's little sister all but ran him over to pull her into a hug.

"Ow-wow, Dawn...Dawnie..." Buffy gently pushed the girl off of her, and grimaced a little when she finally let go. "I know I'm alive, but let's also make sure it stays that way, okay?" she clasped Dawn's hand, smiling sheepishly at her sister and Dawn returned an apologetic grin.

"Sorry. I was just...you're okay," she inhaled, as though absorbing the information, then she looked up at the Slayer, her blue eyes flicker with concern she was unable to hide. "You are okay...right?"

Buffy nodded, slightly massaging her injury. "For a used-to-be-impaled Slayer, couldn't be better."

"Are you sure?" her sister questioned skeptically, perching down on the empty side of Buffy and Angel's bed.

"Way sure," the blonde confirmed.

"And you're not...mad?"

The Slayer chuckled softly, rolling her eyes playfully. "Dawn, where is Angel? And Connor?"

Dawn's mouth opened slightly as though she was about to say something, but in the last second, closed back, as her gaze drifted aside to meet Giles'. She didn't know half of what he did, but at the same time, she did know more than her sister and she had no idea whether Buffy should find out like that or now. Ultimately, the Englishman gave his consent, in a form of a barely noticeable nod, and gulping, Dawn looked back at her sister, who was way past restless by now.

"Guys?" Buffy looked between her Watcher and younger sister. "Does *anyone* want to give me a hint sometime today?"

"He-he...left...sort of..."

"Who left?" Buffy didn't understand what Dawn was talking about. If she was referring to Angel, her lover would never go anywhere without telling her first, especially not when she was in the state she'd been in up until very recently. Unless he... "Dawn," Buffy grabbed her arm, "is it Holtz? Did he go there?!"

The girl shook her head, but it only caused her sister's anxiety to break through sky-limit instead of calming her.

"Dawn, answer me," she demanded, looking as though she'd never been more serious.

"I-I...thought you knew, I thought he told you..."

"Dawn, he didn't tell me anything, *where* did he go?!"

"To Spike..." she murmured, casting her gaze down to her lap.

Buffy's eyes almost jumped out of their holes, "*What*?!"

* * * * *

"Holtz."

Hearing his name, the man slowly turned around to face the vampire. There was no fear in his eyes, no surprise, not even satisfaction. Just as Angel had expected, there was plain nothing. "You managed your way in," he observed, briefly passing his gaze over the two people whose hands were cuffed behind their backs and had been dragged in by the vampire.

"You should improve your security, then." Angel tossed the two to the ground to his both sides, making a few more steps towards Holtz. Some more people started advancing at him, with their weapons prepared for using, but the vampire hunter called them all off with a unequivocal gesture of his hand.

"Leave," he commanded.

"But-" a man attempted to protest, glancing at the vampire, but receiving one look from his leader retreated outside, followed by the rest.

"I wouldn't send them away, if I were you, Holtz," Angel suggested, coming even closer when only few of the people were left. They stopped, sending one last unsure glance at the vampire hunter to receive a final confirmation. He nodded and they reluctantly slipped outside. Angel looked around the empty room that only contained him and Holtz now then said quietly, "You know why I'm here."

"Of course, I do. I didn't hire them to kill you for me, Angelus," he glanced at the doorway. "They're here to help me, and to continue what I started...*after* I have my vengeance. Nobody kills *you* but me," he leaned over for a sword but appeared to be too late, when abruptly the vampire's palm closed around his neck, driving him with supernatural strength to the wall behind him and slamming him against it.

"You already have," he hissed.

"No," Holtz replied, making no attempt to free himself from the vampire's deadly grip. "I have only begun."

Angel beheld him for a long moment, the dark anger partly melting from his eyes and his gaze flashing with pain instead as he gradually unclasped his hand from around the man's neck, making two steps backwards but never breaking eye contact with him. "You're killing humans now, Holtz?" he asked, his voice quiet but firm at the same time. "The humans you swore to protect...you're even ready to kill them to get your vengeance? What does it make you?"

"Your bit-"

Angel slapped his face in a force that could have easily broken the bone to get his message through. After a beat, he continued, "She's *human*, so is my son, *her* son, who you could have hit instead. You *aimed* at them."

"I aimed at you," he said indifferently, not showing even the smallest sign of emotion Angel's words might have awakened in him. "She jumped in the way, to protect *you*. If you should blame anyone, it is you. I read all about you, Angelus," he continued after a while, as he started pacing calmly back and forth in front of the still standing vampire knowing Angel wouldn't make a move to stop him anyway. "At first I thought I could only hurt you, who else would a soulless beast such as you care about other than himself? But I learned...that I was wrong, that many things can change in over two-hundred years... many things have. You...have a soul now," he stopped for a moment, looking Angel in the eyes. "The same fiend who murdered my family has a soul."

"You *shot* the woman I loved."

"*You* shot the woman you loved," Holtz corrected him, his face still expressionless. "You did it centuries ago, when you and your vampire bitch fed on my Caroline and my children. *You* have put your loved ones in danger, not I. You made sure, with your actions, that nothing would stand in my way to justice."

"Not justice, Holtz," Angel whispered, looking down for a moment, then back up at the man in front of him, "vengeance. There is no justice to it, nothing you do can bring your family back, you know that. I took everything from you..."

"Yes, you've seen to that," Holtz observed evenly. "When I take everything from you...only then, I will have achieved what I want."

Angel stepped back. "I can't apologize for any of it. I can't make up for it either."

"You're right. You can't," the man apathetically looked down at the sword the vampire was picking up from the floor, but made no move to even try to escape. "Yet you think you can come here and kill me for justice of your own."

"I don't want justice," Angel shook his head, "there's no such thing...for anything. But I won't let them be harmed anymore. Not by anyone...not by you. Only one of us leaves here tonight, Holtz." He shifted the sword to his right hand as he made a step closer. "I'll make sure they're safe even if it's the last thing I do."

"Impressive," the man remarked, though his voice held no indication he was even somewhat impressed. "I never thought I'd hear that coming from you..." After a beat, he added, grabbing a sword of his own, "It only makes things more interesting. I suppose we shall see which one, then."

Angel nodded, and just for a moment, his lips twitched in a slight ironic smile. "Whoever it is though...you should know you've achieved what you wanted."

* * * * *

"And you told him that?! How much more of a dumbass could you get?!"

"You should have come to us first, man," Gunn sided his co-worker, "this is big stuff, you don't just go telling him something like that."

"I thought it-"

"You thought *what*?!" Cordelia snapped, throwing her hands in the air. "It was the 'right thing to do'?! Just like when you thought that telling him he was gonna *die* was the right thing to do?! So almost two years later, we get a yet another mouldy scroll that says he'll kill his son and you *tell* him?! You just...*tell* him?!" She inhaled a sharp breath, taking a moment to regain control over herself. "You should have come to me," she said, striving to maintain a tone as calm as possible to her voice and push her anger with her friend aside for the time being, "or to Gunn, you should have come to either of us and told us first, but..." she sniffed, wrapping her arms around her middle. "This is all your fault," she whispered.

Wesley looked at her in complete misunderstanding, then his eyes traveled off to Gunn's, whose only confirmed there was something the two of them knew and he didn't.

"I knew he was making a rash decision, it wasn't reason enough to split like that, but, of course, I was way off," she started pacing around, moving her hands as though rationalizing with herself, "I attributed it all to his stubborn nobility whenever it's gotta do with Buffy..." the brunette's gaze settled on the former Watcher again. "I get it now though," she acknowledged.

"He split not only cuz of Holtz, he took off not to have his kid sucked dry because *you* told him he's going to," Gun came up and stood next to Cordelia, folding his arms on his chest. "What if that was a yet another mistake?"

Wesley sat still for a moment, taking in everything his two friends had revealed to him in the past two minutes. Suddenly, he looked up, his eyes wide with realization, "Angel-"

"Cordelia!"

All five heads, Fred and Willow's included, shot up to the sound of the Slayer's voice, who several moments later, appeared at the head of the stairs and started making her way towards the lobby, not tearing her eyes from the former cheerleader's. "Buffy?" Wesley stood up, not believing she was so soon out of bed and though not as spry, but behaving and moving almost normally.

"Buffy..." the brunette tried a calmer approach than the Slayer's, in the meantime throwing killer looks at Dawn and Giles, who were following right behind her.

"Where is my boyfriend?" the blonde got right to the point, refusing to waste any unnecessary time.

Cordelia opened her mouth, but...

"Actually, better question is, *where* did he take our son?" Buffy rephrased, a challenging smirk playing in the corners of her mouth as she eyed the other woman, waiting for an answer.

Cordelia released a breath of relief, but was inwardly unsure of just how relieved she should get knowing it remained on her shoulders to tell Buffy the *whole* truth. But for now... "to Spike."

Buffy nodded, not even a little surprised, while Willow's eyes widened in disbelief. "To Spike. And he told that plan to *whom* before he actually *did* take our son and brought him to *Spike* for protection?"

The brunette gulped, knowing she wasn't really expected to answer that.

"And *who* didn't try to stop him?" the Slayer went on.

Cordelia groaned and rolled her eyes, "He could protect him, Buffy, okay? You weren't and," she scanned the Slayer from head to toe, winning her argument better than any words ever could when Buffy momentarily brought a hand to her chest, "let's face it, *aren't* all that supernatural at the moment, maybe after that hole in your chest heals completely. Angel said he trusted him, *Angel* said that, what was I supposed to do?!"

Buffy studied her for a minute, not saying anything. As much as she was against leaving her son in Spike's care, Angel must have had a good reason and yelling at Cordelia now wouldn't help matters anyway. Maybe she wasn't in the position to protect Connor at the moment, in fact, she *knew* she wasn't, and so did Angel when he'd done what he had. But the fact he hadn't even asked her angered her far more than just going and doing the deed itself. Besides, couldn't *Angel* protect him himself? "When your boss decides to come back, tell him we need to talk," she said, then turned around and headed back up to her room.

"Buffy!" Cordelia yelled after her and all eyes instantly turned to her. She inhaled, not believing she was going to do it like that of all timings, but inwardly realizing there was no point in putting it off. She focused at the expecting Slayer, just as an inner voice prompted her to use her last chance to back out. "He's not coming back."

Part 17 - years later

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"November 24th, 2005.

That makes exactly 20 days ticking ever since the official 'End of Days'. Except that, well... 20 days, and the world's still standing. Well, it mostly is, but let's not get into that.

Okay, let's get into that, I'm in way too good a mood not to be talking about bad stuff, however much sense I've just made... Giles is coming back from Europe today (yep, they're flying again, have been for a week), so we'll know more about what happened there. As for America...mostly, unharmed. I guess we're not that big on demonic activity, after all. Sunnyhell was wiped from the face of the earth for good, the price for a permanently closed Hellmouth. LA is in ruins, too. You know, the weirdest thing is that this place is still standing. I can't believe that until today. I mean, with the glowing record of violence, demons, mayhem and whatever other forces of evil... but I guess stranger things have happened. Oh well.

So we still exist, except business' been kinda slow lately, with all the baddies being sucked back into the Hell they originally came from. What we do now is basically clearing up the ones that are still here on earth, so I'm thinking maybe a career change is in order sometime...now.

Buffy's birthday is today. She doesn't look too much of a birthday-gal to me, but in a sense even I can understand that. I took Connor with me for a gift hunt yesterday, I hope she likes it.

And yeah... Angel is still missing."

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"Cordelia Chase!"

The brunette lifted her eyes from the pocket mirror just enough to roll them and look down again. "Go away. Elsewhere. Wherever," she muttered.

Xander chuckled and leaned on the front desk right next to where she was standing. "So, who died?" he asked, grinning slyly, as his eyes roamed down her skin-tight black dress.

She shut the mirror with a click and groaning, looked up. "Remind me *again* why you had to move here?"

"I think that something which's name I can't remember knocking down my entire house had a little something to do with that," he replied teasingly.

"Not *nearly* a reason enough," she retorted, grabbing her purse from the counter.

"So what's the occasion?" Xander followed her to the door, too eager to know to let her go with all these questions unanswered. "Another date?" he quipped.

Cordelia sighed and stopped. Folding her arms on her chest, she resolutely turned around. "*Not* that it is or ever could be any of your business, but yes..."

"Could it be Dennis finally got corporal?"

She smacked him with her purse before he could comment anything else, but it still didn't do anything to stop him.

"Just was wondering who the lucky guy was, that's all. One of the few males in this town who didn't get either dead or maimed *and* managed to keep his money, maybe? I just heard rumors you're not being overly picky nowadays, didn't wanna see your irresistible charms go to waste." He tastefully ducked another close encounter with her purse, chuckling at her reaction.

"Well, as I recall, my standards dropped bellow ground zero back in eleventh grade, didn't they?" she shot back.

He opened his mouth, but before he could even conjure up a comeback, she cut him off.

"And to think that *you* of all would wind up married to a vengeance demon, now *that* must be some life to live, Harris. But you know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether it's really you and not Anya I should feel sorry for. And *now*, if you excuse me," she turned around and headed towards the door.

"Cordy," he called after her and waited until she stopped and gave him enough attention as to look over her shoulder. "You look great," he grinned.

Without dropping her typical confidence, the brunette flashed him a smile of her own, "I know," she said simply, and closed the door after her.

Xander shook his head, slightly smiling to himself as he started making his way out of the lobby. When he and Anya had moved into the Hyperion hotel about two weeks ago, he didn't know what it would be like bumping into his ex on regular basis, possibly every minute of every day. From what he could understand when he'd spoken to Buffy, she had changed a lot since the spoiled rich girl he used to date back in high school, but he still wasn't looking forward to the possible awkwardness of the situation. However, this strange living arrangement had proved itself better than he had imagined, as he had only realized how much he missed their constant bickering when he regained the chance to do that on daily basis. Some things never changed, after all...

Just as he was about to start climbing the stirs, the door swung open, revealing Gunn, who was carrying bags in each hand, and behind him, Giles, with yet more baggage.

"G-man!" he greeted the Watcher cheerfully, forgetting the stairs and walking back the way he'd come. "Back so soon, how was good-ol' England? Still old?"

"See for yourself, he brought it with him," Gunn, gesticulated at the luggage surrounding them.

"I always told him he packed like a chick," Xander patted the African-American's shoulder in playful participation, at Giles' rolling eyes. Still, Gunn's attention was his for a couple of seconds only.

"There's my girl," he grinned, looking from Xander over to Fred, who had just walked into the lobby, and returning him a smile, right towards Gunn. He wrapped one arm around her shoulder, drawing her in for a kiss she eagerly returned. "And how's my man," he whispered, as they both looked down at the baby she had cradled in her arms. "He's been good?" he glanced up at Fred for confirmation.

She smiled, nodding. "Yeah. I fed him just a few hours ago, he's been mostly just asleep ever since. Buffy showed me this trick when you can..." the brunette trailed off awkwardly, glancing up at the second floor. "I think she's better," she whispered, leaning closer to Gunn over their sleeping son. "I mean...better than she usually is during her birthday, and today is her birthday and she's acting...okay," she frowned slightly, realizing her words didn't make much sense.

"Is she in her room?" Giles walked up behind her and followed her gaze up the stairs.

Fred nodded. "She took Connor to get some icecream, they came back half an hour ago."

"Good," he remarked, drawing another confused frown from Fred.

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"Hey, umm... It's...me, again. Obviously... Hell, it gets stupider by the day, I don't even know if it's still your number. I don't even know what I'm calling for, or *trying to*, to be more precise. I don't even know if you get it, I mean, it's just a number and..." Buffy sighed. No matter how many times she did it, she never knew what to say. "I'll find you, you know...eventually, I will. I promise, I will. I guess I kinda hope you'll let me know...someday, if you're okay and...I guess I wanted to say I-" the beep of the answering machine cut her off and she swallowed, pressing the disconnect button on the phone next to her bed. "Love you," she murmured to herself.

"Buffy?"

Her head shot up and her lost expression instantly broke into a smile when she descried the newcomer standing at the door. The Slayer jumped from the bed and into the Watcher's arms, hugging him tightly, and even possessively in a desperate way only Giles was equipped enough to notice.

"Welcome back," she finally pulled back, letting him into the room in the process.

"Happy birthday," he smiled warmly, brushing her cheek with his knuckles.

"Yay," she managed a forced beam of her own but it didn't work on him and she knew it. "Big day for Buffy. Brought me a present?"

Letting out a short laugh, he turned to walk towards the bed.

"So." She shut the door and spun around, leaning her back against it. The Slayer inhaled and locked eyes with the Watcher. "Everyone's alive in the mother country?" she asked, a certain casualty perceptible in her voice, as thought they were discussing everyday matters.

Giles chuckled softly and took off his glasses, sitting down on the bed. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and started polishing the lenses, randomly glancing at his Slayer, who for some reason still hadn't moved from the door. "They're...doing quite well, actually." He felt her eyes rest on him and he knew she knew he was keeping something from her. Finally, looking up, he said, "I knew what I was going to find. Europe always has been the main attraction for all kinds of demonic energies, rather than America, Asia, or any other continent, for that matter. Many cities, even countries are destroyed, but it shouldn't be a surprise. But people are left, and people are still standing." With a small smile, he added, "People will always be standing, Buffy, they can be the most stubborn of creatures when it comes to do with survival. I should better ask...how are you?" His lucid blue eyes captured hers in a tender gaze and she didn't even contemplate averting her gaze, she didn't want to, it would do no good, anyway.

In all her twenty five years, there were only two men who had the power to read right into her soul or make her pour all the pain she wouldn't let anyone else see. There were only two. One of them was gone now... The other...he was sitting on her bed, looking her straight in the eyes and she knew that regardless to how many walls she built around herself, he'd still be the first one she'd come to.

She sighed, and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, pressing her back to the door. When she opened them again, she just stood there for a while, motionless, until she finally pushed herself forward from the door and made a few hesitant steps in the direction of her Watcher. "I feel it...I feel it more every day, I feel it slipping away from me," she began, slowly closing the distance separating them and eventually sitting down next to him. "It's weird... I sometimes think it's weird i still have it at all. That I still haven't lost it completely..."

"And you won't," he looked her way, as he moved one hand to lay on her knee. "Even with all the Hellmouths closed, there is still evil in this world, there always will be. Someone has to fight it. You won't lose it. You only think you do...because you're afraid. Afraid you might, I suppose. I can imagine you would, I can also imagine why, but..."

"What would I do without it?" she interrupted his speech, her head snapping up as the strength of that realization started pouring out of her. "Wh-what would I do? What would I be? How can I *not* be afraid, Giles? If I'm not the Slayer..." her voice trailed off and she looked down into her lap as she softly whispered, "what's left?"

"You," she heard his reply follow after some time, and only the tone of his voice told her how much he meant that one word. "You were never the Slayer, Buffy, that's why...that's why you're so special, that's the reason why...you lasted so long, why you stood so strong..." he reached out and tipped up her chin, "that's the reason I'm so proud of you. Even if you're no longer the Slayer, if...by some reason, you should lose that power, there will be so much left to offer. There always was. There is so much inside you."

Her lips curved in a sad smile as she weakly tilted her head to the side, "There's nothing inside me, Giles. That's what I feel sometimes...that's there's nothing inside me, there hasn't been for years." She swallowed and sniffed, looking away from him again. "That's why I'm so scared. That if I lose it...I will be truly empty. Completely empty. I've done my job, Giles. It was never mine to keep, I get that. I saved the world, time and again, averted so many apocalypses and slayed so many demons I can't even remember them all. And now it's over, there's nothing more for me to do, like there's no purpose to exist for anymore."

"And Connor?" the Englishman asked gently, searching her eyes with his. "He's still a little boy. But whatever's the reason he's here, he is meant for greater things than most of us probably imagine. He isn't a purpose enough?"

Buffy nodded, subconsciously tugging at the fabric of her shirt. "He's everything I have. But even he is...half, of everything. I remember, you know," she stood up and wrapped her arms around her middle, facing Giles with her back. "I still remember...how it felt like, to be whole. But it's not in me anymore. I don't have that strength, that...drive anymore. I lost it." She hung her head, exhaling a heavy sigh, inducing in Giles an instinctive urge to comfort her. But he didn't, and wouldn't, because he knew she wouldn't want him to. Because he knew she was too strong to break anyway.

"Still... you forgave him," he observed, his voice implying he himself never quite had. Probably, never would. He understood why the vampire had done what he had, but seeing what he had left behind, how he had left it...her, Giles still couldn't help but wonder sometimes if it all really was worth the eventual price, or the impact it had on so many things.

He could descry her back shift slightly, though her frame was mostly clad by the shadows, and he knew she nodded.

He nodded, too, inwardly hoping it was the right time to finally ask the one question he'd never dared to. "Why?"

She sighed softly and rotated to look his way. The slight smile that lit her futures took him by almost complete surprise. "Because I love him," she said simply. "Because he's Angel... he's *my* Angel," she added quietly, and the smile disappeared as she cast her eyes to the floor. When she looked back up, the tears shimmering in them were perceptible to him even in the murkiness of the bedroom. "Because I know he hurt himself so much more than he ever hurt me when he left, because he did it for me, for Connor rather than me, even. Because he loved us enough to give up everything he knew would never have again... I will always forgive him...whatever he does, however much he hurts me. Sometimes, I don't know why even, sometimes I hate him for making me so vulnerable, because he's the only who can...make me, forgive everything. When I was trying to find him, after all that time," her voice grew stronger with each word as she spoke now, reaching the bed in only few steps and reoccupying her former place next to her Watcher, "I wasn't doing it for myself anymore. I still don't. Sometimes I think I would give everything if I could just hold him again, if I could just be with him... But I never tried to find him for that. You know, the...part of me that understands reason...it knows that there are things in this world that aren't meant to be." She paused for a moment and moistened her lips. "I just wanted Connor to know his daddy, to at least see him once. That's all. But maybe it's not meant to be either."

"Buffy, he..."

"He was my boyfriend," the Slayer interrupted him, having not finished her trace of thought. "He was my lover...he was so much more. I never loved anyone the way I loved him. Not Riley, not...anyone."

"I know," Giles acknowledged gravely.

She rested her gaze down on her joined hands and her heart skipped a beat when she didn't find the ring where it was supposed to be, just before she remembered she wore it on a chain around her neck these days. She hadn't worn it on her finger for so long even the tan line had vanished... "But he was Connor's father. First and foremost. For me it came first, anyway. I guess everything does when you have this...life that's dependant on you so completely."

"But I see you," he reminded her gently, not intending to push too hard when it wasn't necessary. "I've been there, Buffy, I've...seen you. How you changed ever since he left. It's not right, it's not what I'd..." he contemplated over his words, trying to pick them more carefully. "It's not what I'd want for you."

She gazed at him thoughtfully for a long moment, then emitted a sigh, looking away. "I'm doing my best...circumstances given. I just...sometimes, I'm just so tired," her face flapped right into her open palms and she dug her fingers into her blond hair. "And I miss him," she whispered, before lifting her face and looking at Giles again, a smile playing in her glazed orbs. "Sometimes...I feel he's watching me, that he's thinking about me, sometimes..." she shrugged, like a little girl, too embarrassed to reveal her dreams to a grownup. "And he's almost real. And it makes it all worth it...for a while...."

"Buffy," he touched her arm, claiming her full attention, and she recognized by the sound of his voice he couldn't be more serious. What she also learned was that whatever he intended to tell her, he'd been keeping inside for some time already, struggling with getting it out. In a sense, the fear of the unknown, especially coming from Giles and like *that*, scared her.

The Slayer frowned. "What is it?"

"I..." he took a deep breath, and slightly squeezed her hand. "I may...I may have some news."

"News?..."

"About Ang-"

She clutched his arms before he could let the word out, forcing him to completely face her. Her eyes wide and disbelieving as everything sank in in lightning speed. "You saw him?!"

He didn't know what to say, didn't know if he could face the dullness of the disillusionment taking over the brightness in her eyes once he'd say... "No."

Slowly, gradually, Buffy let go of him, and swallowed, as she slightly pulled back. "Oh... I...see."

"Buffy, listen to me," he put a hand on her shoulder, waiting patiently until she looked up again. "When I was in England, I heard things. I asked around too, but I knew it would be of no use in the long run, no one could find Angel unless he wanted them to. But I heard things, many stories are passing from mouth to mouth among people nowadays, heroic stories... Of people who fought, bravely, in spite of everything."

The blonde looked at him, listening.

"There is such story of a man, in Ireland... didn't surprise me, I'll be honest," he noted. "People say he was 'one of them'," Giles' eyes told her exactly what he meant by that, but he clarified later on anyway. "He was a vampire, and he led an army of men and demons, he led them for survival."

"He did," a shadow of a sad smile touched her lips and the Watcher could detect traces of genuine pride in her eyes.

Giles nodded and ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "They don't think he made it though. He wasn't seen by..."

"I have to pack," she wasn't listening to him, she refused to listen, as she simply bolted from the bed and towards the closet.

He intended to say something else, but eventually decided he better not. Convincing her the man she loved may have died, regardless to the circumstances revolving said death was really uncalled for at the moment. Besides, he himself remember the hope that would fill him as he grasped at every straw, every most worthless piece of news when she had run away all those years ago. So instead, he took off his glasses, and rubbing his eyes, unnoticed by the Slayer, slipped out of the room.

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"Sir?"

Angel's head snapped up as his mind drifted back to the present.

The man behind the counter, in front of him, smiled politely, though he appeared slightly annoyed with that he had probably called Angel several times before receiving any kind of response. "Have you chosen, then?" He looked down at the two necklaces.

Angel appeared to be a bit confused before remembering where he was and why he was there. "I, uh...yes," he pointed at the necklace to the left.

"Wise choice," the shopkeeper approved with a nod and a smile, returning the other piece of jewelry to its place. "I'm sure your wife would love it. Should I have it wrapped for you?"

"My wi-" the former vampire just stared at him for a few moments, digesting the meaning of his words, before his gaze fell down on the Claddagh ring, still worn on his finger like it was always.

"Sir?" the other man started showing slight impatience. When Angel's attention was his again, he repeated the question, "Should I have it gift wrapped?"

Angel just nodded, his mind drifting away again. Not even knowing why, his eyes descended on his hand that lay on the counter, in a pool of sunlight. The strangest part was that with the exception of moments like these, he couldn't believe just how indifferently he had taken his rewarded humanity, as though it was nothing, certainly not a sometimes hopeless dream. He still remembered the times he used to lie awake at night and listen to her heart beat against his chest, hoping one day it might beat in sync with his, he had so many plans and dreams back then. He still remembered each and every single one of them, and they seemed to be so real he could almost touch them. But then he remembered the day all these dreams crumbled to ash.

He pulled back his hand and hid it in the pocket of his black coat. Yes, he still wore black, even outside, in the middle of a warm and sunny day, he still wore black. He had nothing to look for in the world, he shun himself from it even when he finally became a part of it. Alive or not...it didn't matter when all he did was exist.

He accepted the small bag from the shopkeeper and smiled weakly in return, before turning around and wordlessly exiting the store.

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Right outside, Angel stopped, and with a tired sigh, leaned back against the wall. His eyes drifted off towards a mother and her son strolling down the sidewalk across the street. The boy started crying because he wanted something from a toy-store they were passing by, while the woman tried to explain to him that for whatever reason, she couldn't buy it for him. A smile tugged at the former vampire's weary lips as his gaze kept following the two from a distance. He always had this fleeting pang in his heart whenever he would see something like that. Maybe it was the most solid reminder to what he himself had left behind so many years ago.

He wondered if she would like what he bought her for her birthday. She'd never see it, he knew, instead of her, this necklace will end up in a box full with other presents he had bought over the years, for birthdays, for Christmases... for her, for Connor... So many presents he would never get to give them. It would lay there and remain there, probably until the next year comes and something else would join it. And then another year...

He was so deeply preoccupied with his thoughts he only became aware of the boy standing next to him when he started tugging at his pants, claiming his instant attention. Slightly thrown by that at first, Angel went down on one knee in front of the child, carefully studying a face he was convinced he had seen someplace before. "Hey," he smiled. "Who are you?"

"Connow," the boy replied, also smiling, the name alone cutting through the former vampire's very soul.

He swallowed hard, briefly looking down to the ground. "Really?" he managed, saying it more to himself than to him. He shouldn't be surprised though, it was, after all, a pretty common name there. "Are you lost, Connor?"

The boy just shook his head.

"You sure?" Angel chuckled, standing up. He held out his hand and was surprised when the boy grabbed it with complete trust and confidence. "So what do you say we go find your mommy now, ha?"

"She found you," a voice behind him said, and Angel froze on the spot, for the first time almost forgetting how to breathe.

He didn't turn around, he couldn't, it was as if no force in the world could make him do that, but following some inexplicable drive, he reached for his son and scooped him up in his arms, tightly embracing him to his chest. "My God..." he muttered, still not able to look back, only now also because of the flow of tears threatening behind his shut lids.

"I told you I'd find you," receiving no response from the former vampire, the Slayer carefully stepped closer and lay a hesitant hand on his arm, feeling him almost cringe under her touch.

"Please..." he pleaded silently, not sure himself what he wanted to ask her to do, as he finally opened his eyes, finding green ones, equally tearful to his own brown ones. "I..."

His speech was halted when a small index finger lay against his lips. "Don't," she whispered, slightly shaking her head, as her hand, as if driven by a force of its own, slid up to lay on his cheek. "I found you," she just looked him in the eyes for several moments, not saying anything, just looking, as a lone tear slowly made its way from the corner of his eye and stumbled upon her palm in a salty caress. "I don't want to hear any more words. Words...will come. Later. Right now..."

"Buffy," he reached one shaky hand to her face but found himself afraid to touch her.

"Don't," she shook her head, this time with more resolve, and snaked her other hand around his neck, gently urging his head down. "Just kiss me," she murmured softly, right before closing the remaining inch between their burning lips, welcoming a soft kiss, stinging with tears.

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