PART NINE

Ten minutes passed before either of them spoke. They'd been far too depressed to, the past few days had worn them out completely. They didn't bring it up, but both knew that as soon as Angel had his memories back, he would leave again. He was far too devastated to even comprehend staying- as to him, Buffy deserved more, and it didn't matter what she said to try and convince him otherwise. He would leave, like she predicted.

"This is weird" Angel sighed. He was exhausted and it took a lot to even raise his head, let alone think. "I can clearly picture talking to Doyle, watching him lust after Cordelia and w … watching him die…but I don't remember meeting him. I hate this."

He never knew Doyle as long as he wanted to, and the precious memories he did have, he wanted to be able to keep. He was scared he would lose them if he didn't get them back soon.

"This hasn't exactly been Disney Land for me either" Buffy agreed, thinking of Angel's pain, Acathla, Riley, her friends. Life could be difficult when it wanted to be.

"Everything got so screwed up, didn't it? It was alright until we.."

"Made love." Buffy supplemented. "We weren't psychic, we never knew things would change so much…"

She was right, who did?

"I'm sure the Powers That Be had a clue" Angel said dryly.

They arrived at the mansion. The night was wearing on, the sky luminous with stars.

"Here we are. You go on in while I call Cordelia" she said, pointing to the phone box across the road "I need to let her know what's happening, then I'll tell you the last thing you need to know about Sunnydale."

He nodded, but Buffy didn't make a move to leave. Instead she continued talking.

"This is the point where I need to be know what you're going to do after tonight. The last few days with us together…" she sighed "I'd never felt so alive for a long time. Us kissing, talking, thinking…Will you come back to me?"

She stood in the stillness of the night as she waited as she waited for him to reply.

Finally, Angel guiltily turned to her. "It's not that I don't love you.."

That's all Buffy needed to hear. She just put up her hand for him to stop, and stepped away.

"I understand" she managed to say weakly "I'll call Cordy, tell her to swing by and pick you up."

"Buffy"

"Don't, you don't need to go through it all again, nothings changed since the sewer talk, sure. I was able to hope though, right?" she left it there, walking away to the phone box and keeping her back to Angel so he wouldn't her cry. There was plenty they could have said about their relationship, but when it came down to it, she risked her heart, again, and he'd rejected it, again. Despite loving her. Where were fate and destiny now? Certainly not here.

Angel sadly watched her disappear from view. She kept her head high, he could see, but he dreaded the thought that the damage he'd done to her over the past few days was lurking underneath, inside.

He remembered once telling Spike as a 'joke' that the best way to kill Buffy was to love her. Until that day, he hadn't known it was possible. But now he was remembering, he knew that was precisely why he'd left her in the first place. So she could have a chance at happiness, something she could never have with him, not just because of the curse, but because he was a vampire too. He couldn't give her what she wanted. It didn't matter how much he yearned to stay, he couldn't- so he wouldn't.

He stifled back more tears and walked into the mansion. A large, empty house, it echoed how he felt inside. Hollow. Alone. Angel was walking across the hall contemplating this when he saw them.

Two figures, lying on the middle of the large, unfurnished floor, the guy on top of the woman, nuzzling her neck.

It was so erotic he couldn't help but notice it. They were having sex, in his house! Despite knowing this property was still his, Angel felt far too voyeuristic and embarrassed to stay, so turned to leave the mansion before the couple saw him. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable, why interrupt their happiness?

But as he was changing directions, something caught his eye on the guy's rippling bare back. A tattoo. A bird tattoo.

He staggered, then crept nearer to be sure.

Oh God, that was him… He was shocked, confused. He became rooted to the spot, not knowing how to deal with what he was seeing. It was a hallucination, no other explanation to it. Was this the memory that Buffy was going to tell him? A portent to the future? Angel moved forward to take a better look at the woman's face, although he knew who she was by instinct.

Buffy.

Making Love? What about the c-

Suddenly, ghost-Buffy brought her foot back, then slammed it into a bench, breaking it. His own ghost ignored the spat of violence and continued with what he was doing

Angel stepped back, surprised by the outburst. He realised they weren't having sex. Something about this picture was wrong…

His mind whirred and then it hit him with the force of a sledgehammer. He buckled over when he realised what the ghosts were doing. He was a vampire, he should have known it straight away, even if he was exhausted.

No…

He crouched timidly next to them and examined Buffy's face, pleading that he'd gotten it wrong. But her lip was puffed, bleeding. She looked blank, unemotional, dead.

Terrified, he looked at his double, the one sucking and slurping the life out of her neck.

On and On and On and On

He had to get her out of there.

"Buffy!" he shouted, trying to pull her away from the bastard but only grabbing air. "Stop it!"

He watched himself continue, why didn't he stop? Why was he continuing? Couldn't he see that she was dying? He was killing his soulmate…

"Leave her alone!" Angel shouted to the apparition, tears falling freely from his eyes, feeling the pit of his stomach alight in a firey pain he hadn't yet met until that day. His whole world was falling apart around him, he could hear it, the one thing he swore he'd never do, the one thing he was doing. He'd always knew he was a monster, and here, he'd performed the final condemning act. Drinking from Buffy.

The longer they continued, the more Angel had to help her – she was a Slayer, why didn't she just stake him, he knew she was capable. Buffy wasn't dead, he could see she was still breathing lightly, but every time he tried to get her away from him, Angel clawed straight through them, leaving the figures unscathed. The noise heightened, drinking, fasting, living, dying, it went on forever. Angel shouted to himself to stop again- but it just made his ghost more thirsty, more physical. With every breath of oxygen Buffy took, with every violent jolt his own ghost tore into her flesh, Angel wanted her to kill him. Just fight him, defeat him, destroy him. Show no mercy. God…

She never listened, simply moved her head to look in his direction and stared straight through him as if he was from a different dimension. Time was frozen, it had to be, he couldn't still be feeding off her?

Finally, Angel surrendered. It was too late, he couldn't help her, no matter how much he'd tried. He curled up in a ball beside the two figures and sobbed all the hurt in his heart out onto the floor, with the disgusting slurping noise echoing through the rooms.

And then his mind reached out, and he remembered. Like a train of thoughts, they simultaneously came to him, each one stronger than the last- building the pressure, destroying his mind.

Finding the Judge, making love to Buffy, killing a hooker, threatening Willow, stalking Buffy, flirting with Dru, killing, maiming, snapping Jenny's neck, Giles attacking him, resurrecting Acathla, getting his soul back, Buffy kissing him-Buffy stabbing him, hell, hell, hell, returning to earth, an animal, Buffy chaining him in the mansion, finding her in the school basement, brooding, guilt, pain, Faith trying to stake him, Buffy deciding not to visit him again, nightmares and the First, trying to commit suicide, Buffy saving him, starting their relationship again, happiness until the realisation that they couldn't be together, the Mayor, faking Angelus, breaking up with Buffy, the prom, being poisoned, Buffy trying to kill Faith, forcing him to drink her own blood, fighting the Mayor, leaving for LA, meeting Doyle, Cordelia, setting up an agency, fighting for good, the lost day, defending Faith, arguing with Buffy, fighting Riley, fighting demons, his shanshu, killing a good demon by mistake…

All his memories returned, full impact on a continuous loop which repeated again and again.

…fighting the demon in the alley way, killing it and walking across the road, a proposal, a car, being hit…

More time passed. He laid there, eyes fluttering as he received these images, trying to calm down. He felt like he was standing on a precipice, wind whirling around him, cooling his hot skin and looking over the edge into the abyss.

The urgency gradually passed, and time returned to normal pace, leaving Angel sweating, twitching, but alive. He gripped his head as more memories came and settled back down into his mind, but it didn't hurt like needles anymore, it was more of a dull thump. Despite aching all over, he managed to turn on his side and look to where his and Buffy's ghost were re-living that fateful day.

They'd gone.

Angel stretched and managed to get into a position where he could sit up. He was woozy, but the best he had been over the last three days. He sighed a deep sigh of relief. He felt guilt and torment over what he'd done in his life, but now at least he had actual memories, the abyss had gone. The mist had been raised.

It was over. He could remember. Everything.

*

Buffy stood outside the mansion entrance and took a quick breath to steady her nerves as she walked inside.

The payphone was out of order so she'd had to find the nearest one from Crawford Street to call Cordy, hence being ten minutes later than she wanted to leave Angel alone for. Buffy doubted he was suicidal, but if things got too much for him, she wanted to make sure she was there to comfort Angel, rather than leave him alone with his pain.

She was also nervous about telling Angel how she'd made him bite her when he was poisoned. Even though he was ill and confused at the time, he'd fought it so hard that she'd had to hit him three times, full strength, to let loose the demon which she knew would feed off her.

She was scared how Angel was going to react to finding this out.

Buffy let her hair loose from her ponytail to hide the faded (but existing) scar, then walked in resolutely. As soon as she did, she instantly saw Angel sitting oddly on the floor.

God, she had been too long…

"Angel?" she shouted, screeching to his side.

He smiled at her. A tired, content smile.

"I remember" was all he said, before reaching out and pulling her towards him. He kissed her hair, thankful that she never died that day, thankful it wasn't a vision of the future. Devastated he'd done it in the first place. He pulled back her hair to see, with horror, the scar, but she instantly moved his hand to support her back instead, telling him that was in the past. And now was now.

His hand didn't pass through her like it did earlier, because this time, she wasn't an apparition.

Tears of happiness mixed with tears of grief, and they stayed there, together, unwilling to move.

*

It was the early hours of the morning by now, but still a long time until dawn.

Buffy crossed her arms and leant on the mansion door sadly. Cordelia was pulling up in the driveway, ready to take Angel out of her life for the last time, and Buffy saw it like Cordelia was driving a funeral hearse.

"You ready?" Cordy said brightly, trying to alleviate the sad atmosphere that she could feel, even from down the road.

Angel walked over to his work-mate said a few words to her, then came back while Cordy nodded and parked properly, a good distance from them.

"What was that about?"

"I wanted a minute to talk to you so asked her to wait"

"We've been standing like this for the past half hour!" Buffy smirked. Angel's way of thinking had always been different from other peoples.

"I know, but I didn't want to leave without saying it"

"What?" Buffy breathed. Those three powerful words-' I love you'?

"I'm sorry"

"Oh." not what she wanted to hear.

"For everything, this week, the past few years… for biting you…"

"I'm sorry back at you, stabbing you, treating you bad after we broke up, making you bite me"

"But-"

"You need to stop grieving, Angel" Buffy whispered

"I'm always going to grieve about what I've done, it's who I am, but I'd been learning to cope better. Until I got amnesia and had to re-live it all, that is. I met my lowest ebb today, I'd never felt so bad in my life"

"But you'll be alright? I mean, this, uh, experience… won't scar you, will it?"

"I don't know, it shouldn't do, but seeing everything through your eyes... Look at me" Angel said pointing to himself "I'm a wreck, but a shower, and I reckon I'll be fine again, or the Angel-equivalent. And I guarantee I'll feel good when I burn this shirt, starched green does nothing for me."

They both laughed, it felt good, like the past few days of angst had never really happened. But they knew it had, so the laughter soon trailed off.

"But you'll be back to you're brooding self?" Buffy asked, concerned

"You can pretty much count on it, but I'm happiest that way, a constant guilt-fest."

Angel using slang, it was cute.

"Life is weird." she said instead.

"I know." Angel agreed "Buffy, about us- I'm sorry that I can't.."

She shook her head. "I know. The curse thing. I'm not gonna pretend to like it, but I do understand why you made that decision. We'd better stay in touch though, otherwise I'll make you go through all this again, amnesia or not"

"I'd like that- the keeping in touch bit. Promise to live your life to the full?"

"I'll do the best with my lot. Promise to make lots of money with your agency?"

"I'll do the best with my lot"

They stared at each other, basking in the moment.

Cordelia honked the car and broke it.

"I'd better go" he said, looking at the Angel-Mobile and taking a step backwards. "And Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"Thank-you."

"I love you". She said, giving him a small wave goodbye

"I love you back" he said sadly, then turned away.

And with that, Angel jumped into the car- the best he could when being sleep-deprived- and drove out of the street without looking back.

Buffy stood there a while longer.

*

Half an hour passed, and she finally decided to walk home.

Buffy was crossing the road to leave Crawford Street, when she heard a car honk. She glanced up to see the familiar car driving back.

She stopped, midway across the road, shocked. She turned numb with anticipation, had he forgotten something? Had he remembered another memory? Had-

Angel climbed out of the car and ran down the road at top speed. He scooped Buffy into his arms and kissed her passionately.

Nothing else mattered except that moment, the rest of the world couldn't touch them. They sought each others lips again and again. Pressed together, in the middle of the road, they carried on, oblivious to a little audience that was forming that watched, mainly people from the cars, angry or bemused that the lovers were blocking the road. Cordelia got out of the Angel-mobile and watched with awe, the way those two were going, she thought they'd turn to stone kissing.

They finally stopped, Buffy coming up for air. A whoop of claps started, but they only heard each others voices

"You're right" Angel said

"About what?" she asked, giggling inside, elated, screaming with ecstasy.

"Us. Fate may have screwed us around a bit, but we *are* destined to be together, we were never meant to be apart. Our love is too strong for even death to stand in our way, after all the things we've been through We're soulmates. That is, if you want me still…"

Angel said this, knowing full well that not everything was down to destiny or fate but to themselves. He loved her so much, and even if he had no good reason to think she'd reject him, his entire body knotted as he waited for her reply. What she said next would change everything for them. They could make it work, if they found ways around their problems. Besides, when it came down to it, things paled in comparison to the strong love they held for each other.

"Well, duh" Buffy grinned in true Buffy fashion, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"I don't know if it was right or wrong for me to leave last year, but I do know I can't do it again." Angel admitted

"Good" Buffy laughed, more tears replacing her old ones, but tears she wanted to feel "That's what soulmates are- they're tested and tested and one day they stop being tested and things turn perfect."

"Maybe today's that day"

"Or it could be next Tuesday, I hear fate likes Tuesdays." Buffy said, wrinkling her brow and then grinning.

They embraced again, realising that it was too late for even the Powers that Be to pull them apart. They *were* for keeps, even though it took a lot of self discovery to get there.

Together they were strong, apart they were weak. Romantically, fighting evil- In more ways than one…

"Hey, uh, guys?"

They continued kissing, Buffy taking lead and working her way all over Angel's face, eyelids and lips.

Angel returned the gesture willingly, and began kissing her right ear, then traced his lips down her neck and onwards. No thoughts of the scar and its meaning at all.

He'd finally found his home, alongside Buffy.

"You rabbits gonna listen?"

The lovers looked at Cordelia, Buffy's lipstick smeared all over Angel's face, both embarrassed at forgetting they were in a public place.

"Hate to break up your reunion, but two things. First, you're blocking traffic, and second, you know it's snowing, don't you?"

They glanced up, and true enough, small shards of snow were falling down from the sky- sporadically like crystal drops. They were only light flakes, but Buffy and Angel glanced at each other, and knew what it symbolised.

Suddenly, Angel doubled over, yelling something in Latin. Buffy grabbed him and he fell limp in her arms. She adjusted to the weight and turned his face towards her in time to see his eyes glowed yellow for a second, then he erected back up, surprising her by how quick he'd recovered.

Something was different. Then, like a small voice whispering in his ear, he worked out what it was.

"Buffy, my clause" he whispered excitedly.

"What about it?" she asked, eyes wide

"…I think it's gone. I don't feel restrained anymore, my soul, it feels…strong"

"You mean-"

"-I have my soul for keeps" Angel managed to choke, the importance of this had rocked him- a secure soul, everything they wanted.

But why?

They stared back up at the sky, to where the soft snow was coming from, and they could almost see them- The Powers That Be. The ones who'd given them something so precious, so important, something that would literally guarantee their happiness from then onwards.

They shouted with joy, and giddily spun off the road towards the mansion.

Cordelia stayed on the road, happy that they'd achieved the peace they always deserved. Suddenly, a siren of beeps and honks woke her up. She noticed all the cars that was waiting behind the Angel-Mobile, and quickly got back into the drivers seat then pulled it out onto the main road, embarrassed.

As she drove to the hotel again, she wondered if the love-birds would even bother to leave the mansion over the next day, seeing as the sun may be out of work for the next twentyfour hours.

Strangely? Not their priority.

*******************************************

EPILOGUE- A FEW WEEKS LATER

"That movie was great" Buffy garbled, mouth full of choco-chip ice-cream and putting her fork in the tub for another bite.

Buffy and Angel were walking back to her house in the romantic moonlight, discussing the evening they'd had.

Things couldn't have been better, and frankly, Buffy was scared that because things were so good that they'd start going wrong like it always did. But things were different now, more solid. And she knew it was just her paranoia talking.

The curse was lifted. No explanations, no diagrams, just one day Angel had a soul that was exchangeable, the next he had it for good. The Powers that Be were obviously involved, no question about that.

Life was amazing, they'd never been happier or more into each other. For Angel, the past few weeks had been a lot like the lost day- without the human incentive, the Buffy memory loss and him being weak bits of course. What he meant by that was it was perfect, he and Buffy, the woman he was addictidvely in love with, were in a real, long-lasting relationship, something they'd both always wanted.

That night, they'd double-dated with Tara and Willow to the movies, and had enjoyed themselves. This was the normal dating stuff that they'd never really experienced, sharing popcorn, making out when waiting in the queue for the tickets, things like that. And when Angel eventually Shanshu-ed, they'd have a lifetime of it. They had a real future, and this excited them both deeply. They'd never had a future before.

Buffy, remembering the tip Willow had given her before the two couples had parted ways, glanced at Angel. When he wasn't looking, she dunked her nose in her ice-cream and waited for him to turn back and notice.

He saw her do it from the corner of his eye, but played along, performing a double take when he saw the ice-cream blob on her nose then giving her an appraising smile.

"Here, let me get that" he said seductively, holding her shoulders to keep her still and slowly licking the ice-cream off her nose.

Buffy tingled all over, then kissed him on the mouth.

They reached her house and stopped outside.

"Want an early night?" she asked in her most sensual voice, wanting to grab him and make love to him right there, in the sidewalk.

"I want to...but I'd better finish setting up the mansion for when you move in tomorrow. It's a mess at the moment"

"You're cruel" Buffy moaned, finding pleasure in the thought of what they'd get up to when they began living together, but wanting some quality time now.

Angel saw what she was thinking, and moved closer to her.

"If you want to come back and help…" he whispered heavily into her lips "…you can"

"No, I think maybe you're right." She said, then remembered what she'd overhead her family talking about earlier "Also, mom is apparently planning a surprise breakfast for me and she'll be angry if I'm not there. Dawn too"

She opened the door and longingly looked at him, then noticed his face had washed over with concerned.

"What's wrong?" she asked

"I wasn't sure how to say this, I wasn't sure if I was remembering wrong or not, but now I know…"

"Say it, Angel" Buffy said, closing the door again and standing back out on the lawn with him.

"Dawn"

"Yeah?" she asked, wigged by his worried face.

"Buffy, you don't have a sister. You're an only child"

Almost in slow motion, she dropped her ice-cream to the floor. She looked up at Dawn's window where her younger sibling was pressing her face to the window pane, watching them back intently.

She turned back to Angel.

"So who is *she*?"

She fumbled with the lock and they both entered the house together.

"This was going to be an all night coffee session." Buffy whispered to him, extremely confused.

"I'll call Giles" Angel replied, picking up the phone.

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