destructo-girl.com

"The End?"

Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net

Buffy hit the alarm and slowly opened her eyes. There *had* to be a law against getting up before the sun was fully risen. She was sure of it. Something this horrible could not be legal.

With a yawn, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, stretching her arms. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw her husband sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed and envied him. Oh, to have *his* life.

Resigned to the fact that Angel's life was Angel's, and she was stuck in hers, Buffy got up and headed to the shower.

By the time Jacob started crying at six, Buffy had already showered, dressed and put her hair up. Feeling pretty good about her time efficiency, she entered the nursery and lifted the crying baby from his crib.

"Hi Sweetie... you hungry?" She asked her six month old son as she carried him over to the rocking chair and pulled her shirt up to free her breast from the confines of her bra so that she could feed the baby.

Hungrily, he latched on and fed from her. Buffy looked down at him and couldn't help but feel a warmth in her heart. No matter how depressed or stressed she got about her life, holding him in her arms made it all go away. He was worth it.

Instantly, she felt guilty about the thoughts that had been going through her mind in the previous days. Seeing everyone else at school being able to spend all their time out of class studying, without the worry of diapers or getting up in the middle of the night for a feeding... talking about the parties they were going to go to... it made her long for a piece of that normalcy.

A part of her that Buffy wished to bury and never think of again wanted to be a normal college student. She wanted to have only school and friends to worry about, as opposed to a son and husband.

Buffy loved Jacob and Angel with all her heart. She would die without them. And she didn't regret having her life with them... not really. It was just that every so often she wanted to have fun and be young. Sometimes it felt so overwhelming, and Angel was almost... suffocating...

Realizing Jacob was full, Buffy burped him and changed his diaper. She smiled as she saw his eyelids heavying already. With just a small amount of rocking, the baby was asleep again.

It was nearing eight o'clock when Buffy returned home after her workout. She was drenched with sweat and her body ached from the exercise, but she felt good. Her morning regimen was always such a release, and it was worth the sleep she missed to do it.

It didn't sound like anyone was awake yet, and for that she was grateful. With any luck, she could shower and dress before Angel and the baby got up and she became Mommy. She definitely needed her "Buffy time."

After she reached the top of the stairs, she peeked her head in Jacob's room and saw the baby resting peacefully with his thumb in his mouth. She couldn't help but smile when she saw him. He was truly the light of her life.

Creeping into the master bedroom, she saw that Angel had spread himself out on the bed like he was Jesus Christ himself. Good thing she didn't want to get back in bed!

Annoyed for no single reason she could name, Buffy didn't bother being quiet as she stripped out of her clothes. Angel, of course, didn't so much as stir. Buffy tossed the clothes in the hamper and went into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

"I need to register to vote. You know, in all my years in America while being a vampire, that was one thing I always really yearned to do. Vote. I better make sure I do it soon, so I can vote in the presidential election."

Her husband didn't even notice the comment as he continued perusing the Saturday morning newspaper. He never noticed. Buffy had been growing more and more discontented for quite some time and Angel didn't notice a thing!

Why would he? He was too busy going to work five days a week. He spent nine hours a day out of the house. Angel got to talk to people and... not be cooped up with talk shows and soap operas as the only form of entertainment.

Oh, but he knew Buffy existed. He knew because every time Buffy mentioned a party she might want to go to, Angel got very worked up and reminded her that while she was in college, she was also a mother and Jacob came first.

But Jacob would be fine without her for a few hours. She looked over at him on a blanket on the family room floor, playing quite happily with his activity gym. He was busy batting at the objects hanging down, kicking his legs and laughing. Why couldn't his father feed him, change him and hold him for a few hours that night?

There was no reason he couldn't, so there was no reason she couldn't go to the party. And she would. Only this time, she wouldn't ask if he thought it was okay or wouldn't mind. She would tell him.

As Buffy set his plate in front of him, Angel looked up at her and smiled. "Looks delicious."

As Angel began devouring his food, Buffy figured she had his attention. "I don't remember if I told you already, but they're having a party at Alpha Delt tonight. Cordelia and I are going."

Angel swallowed the food that was in his mouth and looked over at his wife. "You're going to a frat party tonight?"

Buffy kept her face totally casual as she placed the frying pan in the sink. "Uh huh."

"What do you mean? I'll make sure I get plenty of bottles ready for Jacob and I won't stay out all that late. You can take of him for a few hours."

"Yes, I can, but that's not what I mean. I don't like the idea of you going to a *fraternity* party! I have heard about those..."

"And you've *been* to one of them. Remember when we went to that Halloween party? Come on, it's not all like those movies."

"Buffy, for one thing, *I* was with you at that party. And for another, you were *pregnant*!" He argued.

"Oh, so now that I don't have you to protect or babysit me or whatever and I'm not huge, I can't go to one?"

"What are you saying then, Angel? Why can't I go? Why can't *I* get a break and have fun for a few hours tonight?"

"Because... what if someone puts something in your drink! I have seen that on Dateline and so have you!"

Angel clenched his jaw and was silent for a moment. Buffy bit her bottom lip and waited for him to say something.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I *am* going." Buffy retorted. Yes, he was her husband. But he was *not* her father.

Angel stood up. "No you aren't. I'm your husband, that should count for something."

"It does, Angel, but this is ridiculous! Maybe you don't want to admit it, but you don't want me spending a night having fun with *guys* my age. Maybe you're afraid that they'll take advantage of me, but I think you are more afraid that they won't. You're afraid that I'm going to cheat on you!" Buffy shouted.

Buffy looked at him incredulously, even though she had pretty much known it was true. "Of course not!"

"Well how should I know? How can I trust you? You're acting like a spoiled brat!"

"How can you?! What, you don't love me anymore? What about your son? Are you bored with him now, so now you hate taking care of him? Sorry, Buffy, he's not a doll that you can just throw away!" Angel shouted right back at her.

His words were like a knife through her heart. "How dare you! Just because I don't want to spend every second of my life taking care of him doesn't make me a bad mother! You're just so damn overpossessive that you will say *anything* to control me!"

Hearing his parents argue was quite upsetting to little Jacob, so he interrupted their argument with high pitched cries. Buffy immediately rushed past Angel to pick up the baby, holding him against her chest and trying to soothe him.

Meanwhile, Angel just stared at her, his eyes burning with anger as his heart was breaking. This was his worst nightmare, the thing he had been worrying about for a long while. Buffy was so young when they got married. Possibly too young. And she wanted the things that she was missing out on... so she was going to leave him for it.

Well he would be damned if he was going to let her go to some party without a fight.

"Buffy, you aren't the average college student. You have a husband and a son. Deal with it. You don't get to go to frat parties." He told her, keeping his voice even. "Now, I am going to go shower."

His words left Buffy dumbfounded. He was telling her what she could and couldn't do? Wife or not, she was a human being, and adult. She didn't have to take orders from him!

Buffy turned to see Spike gingerly coming out of the basement, until he saw that the blinds were closed and he was safe.

Buffy sighed. "I used to be able to argue with you... but now I am in agreement. I can't believe he's acting this way! It's like he thinks he *owns* me, Spike!"

He watched silently as Buffy walked into Jacob's nursery and handed the baby to him. She pulled out a bag and set it on the changing table before opening the dresser and pulling out clothes.

"Packing." Buffy replied matter-of-factly before closing the bag and taking it to her bedroom.

Hearing the shower running, she quickly pulled a suitcase out of the closet and placed it on the bed. After she had gotten it open, Buffy began stuffing clothes of her own inside it.

"Slayer, are you really sure this is the best idea? You know I was just kidding about throwing Angelus out. I don't think either of you should leave."

Buffy sighed. "I can't stay... because he can't *listen* to me and treat me like... an adult. I'm old enough for him to have sex with, to marry, to have his son... but I am not old enough to go out alone on a Saturday night. I can't live like this!"

She opened the bathroom door slightly so that she could reach in and grab her makeup bag. Once she'd retrieved it, she tossed it in the suitcase before closing it and pulled it off the bed, slinging Jacob's bag over her shoulder.

Reluctantly, Spike followed her back down the stairs and watched her slip on some shoes and grab her purse.

"What am I supposed to tell him when he gets out? You know how he is... he'll think I killed you and hid your body."

"Tell him... tell him I *am* an adult and I *can* and *will* take care of myself and my son." She replied, taking the baby from Spike and kissing his forehead.

Spike sighed. "Look, tell *me* where for my own peace of mind. I swear I won't tell him."

"I honestly don't know." Buffy replied sadly. "I'm just gonna drive until I see a place I want to stop."

She kissed Spike on the cheek before opening the front door and leaving the home, carefully balancing the luggage and her baby.

Spike rolled his eyes and shook his head, already cursing himself for what he was about to do. Racing back up the stairs, Spike went right back to the master bedroom and pounded on the bathroom door, hearing that the water in the shower was no longer running.

A few seconds later, a soaking wet Angel with a towel around his waist opened the door. "What do you want?"

"Oh, I just thought I'd let you know your wife packed a bag for herself and your son and is leaving you."

"If you hurry, you might be able to stop her." Spike replied as Angel raced past him.

Angel ran as fast as he could down the spiral staircase, through the living room, and out the front door... just in time to see Buffy backing out of the driveway.

He wasn't sure if she saw him or not.. he just knew she didn't slow down... she took off.

"This isn't a game! I don't want you to... play with me... now *where* did Buffy go?"

"I already told you... she didn't have any plans for a definite place so she *couldn't* tell me where she was going." Spike replied wryly, watching Angel pace back and forth in front of him.

"What the Hell is she thinking?! How can she drag a baby just wherever she feels like going on a whim?" Angel ranted.

"Well.. I figure knowing you... you're rather neurotic. You probably worried that Buffy was going to wake up and say 'Hey, I'm young, I'm beautiful... who needs this?' so you tried to... not let her... by not giving her the chance. But by keeping her close... you pushed her away."

"Shit, when did I become Dear-Fucking-Abby?" Spike muttered to himself before standing up and heading to his basement bedroom in search of cigarettes.

Buffy quietly opened the door to her hotel room, struggling to carry her suitcase, purse, Jacob's bag and the carrier which held her sleeping son. She cursed herself for not bringing the stroller in her hasty exit.

At least she had a room. A nice bed to sleep in. Air conditioning... and a television. She'd be fine. At least for a few days. All she needed was to get her head together... and then she would go back to Sunnydale.

The question was, would it be to her mother's home or to the house she shared with Angel?

That was the first thing Angel realized when he woke up on the couch. The second thing was the reason *why* he was on the couch. He had been on pins and needles for two days, hardly ever sleeping or eating, while Buffy and Jacob were gone.

He hoped that it was Buffy calling, as he did every time the phone rang. Reaching over to the coffee table, he picked up the cordless.

Angel closed his eyes in disappointment. Where in the Hell was she? This was tearing him apart!

The woman on the other end sighed sadly and Angel's went out to her, knowing she was just as worried. He had called her soon after Buffy had left, in hopes that his wife would go see her mother before going... wherever. The two of them had spent the entire weekend agonizing over Buffy and Jacob.

"Angel... I'm sure she is fine.. and that Jacob is fine. You know Buffy would do anything for him and she has the credit cards, right? So it's not like they can't afford a hotel room."

"Well, I need to go to the gallery today. You can have the day off if you want... unless you want to try and take your mind off of things."

"I'm sorry Jake.. I should have brought more of your toys." Buffy sighed, trying to entertain her son with his favorite teddy bear. "But I promise, you'll be back home with your toys in a few days. And Daddy... do you miss Daddy? I know *I* do. Even if he is a big jerk."

Jacob laughed and Buffy couldn't help but smile. He was the sweetest baby and she couldn't imagine her life without him. Then again, she couldn't imagine her life without Angel and that seemed like a distinct possibility.

She just didn't know what to do. She'd spent the past two days thinking, crying and being a mom. What had happened to them? They used to be so loving and happy. Buffy had been content to be Angel's wife and Jacob's mother. But as time went by, she felt a need for something else. Just some freedom and time to herself. Was that so wrong?

Buffy bit back tears. What if it was? What if the fact that she wasn't content to just play those two roles meant she *was* a bad mother? Sighing, she reminded herself what she had seen on Oprah. It *wasn't* wrong. She wasn't just a mother. She wasn't just a wife. She was Buffy and she deserved time to herself.

Of course, that brought her back to square one. She wanted and deserved some freedom and Angel didn't want to give it to her. Buffy really doubted that it was really because he felt she would be neglecting the baby. It was because he didn't trust her. So what were they going to do?

Xander looked up from the videos he was returning to the shelf to see Angel walking down the aisle. "Hey Angel, any news on Buffy?"

Angel looked so tired and worried that Xander actually felt bad for him. He hadn't even had the heart to make jokes about him ever since Angel had called Saturday afternoon.

"No... I had the idea to call the credit card companies and tell them my wife had gone on a trip a few days ago and I was supposed to meet her, but I forgot exactly which city and the name of the hotel. Finally, I called the right company and they told me that's she's in a hotel in Monterey."

"Well, that's a relief. What are you going to do?" Xander replied, again reshelving the videos that had been returned.

"Aww... I saw that... someone's sleepy." Buffy smiled as she watched Jacob yawn. They'd just gotten home a half hour earlier, after Buffy had forced herself to eat dinner and they'd gone on a walk.

Once they had gotten back to the room, Buffy had showered while Jacob was content in his carrier seat and then she'd turned the TV on and sat on the bed with the baby in her lap.

However, it was after eight and way past his bedtime, so the Jacob's eyelids were growing heavy. Despite her lack of activity that day, Buffy was just as tired so she lay back on the bed, setting Jacob on her chest, softly stroking his back to lull him to sleep.

When he did fall asleep she would set him down next to her and make sure to block the edge of the bed like she had the previous two nights.

However, as Jacob conked out on her chest, Buffy was already half asleep herself, so he remained on top of her as both their breathing evened.

"Hi... I'm going to need a *big* favor." Angel said as he approached the front desk of the hotel he had been told Buffy had checked into.

There was a girl just a few years older behind the counter and Angel could tell he could have her wrapped around his finger quite easily.

Giving her his most charismatic smile, Angel began to lie like Hell. "My wife is staying here. Now, I don't have a key or even the room number, but I wanted to surprise her... so I was hoping you could tell me the room number and let me get a key?"

Angel gave her the puppy dog look. "I know you aren't supposed to, but couldn't you just... bend the rules this time? She used one of our joint credit cards to pay, so I could show you my card... same number. Plus, I have ID, so I can show you we have the same last name."

"Did you get it?" Xander asked as he saw Angel walk out the door to the hotel lobby.

Angel held up the key triumphantly before heading in the direction the girl had said room 305 was in.

"Dare I ask *how* you got it?" Xander asked, following Angel into an elevator. "You didn't kill anyone, did you?"

They reached the third floor and got out, in search of Buffy's room. When Angel found it, he took a deep breath and put the key in the lock. Slowly, he unlocked and opened the door and found Buffy asleep on the bed with Jacob sleeping on top of her. The lamp on the nightstand was still on, so he assumed she must have just fallen asleep.

Xander peered in behind him, but remained silent. Quietly, Angel pulled his car key out of his pocket and handed them to the younger man.

"Take my car to my house. I'm waking Buffy up and bringing her and Jacob home, so we'll get there soon after you and I can drive you home." Angel informed him.

"Are you for real? Buffy's gonna flip!" Xander replied, still keeping his voice low.

Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, Xander left the hotel room and headed back towards the parking lot. Hopefully *he* wouldn't have to face Buffy's wrath when she got home.

After closing the door behind Xander, Angel took a moment just to admire the sight of the woman he loved with their child. He had missed them so much... and he loved the both of them tremendously.

Walking over to the bed, Angel carefully lifted Jacob off of Buffy, causing her to instinctually grab for the baby and open her eyes.

"Jacob!" She gasped before she saw that he wasn't rolling off of her, but that her husband was lifting him.

"Shh... it's okay." Angel whispered, cradling the baby, smiling down at him as his eyes opened for a few seconds before settling back to sleep in his father's arms.

Buffy was disoriented at first, trying to remember why it was so unusual to see Angel and where she was. And then the past three days came back to her.

"Angel, you can't just do that! You don't own me and you can't tell me what to do?!"

"Buffy would you please just pack your bags so we can get out of here and get home? As it is, it's going to be two in the morning before we get home."

"Maybe I don't *want* to go home." She retorted, staying on the bed. Actually, what she wanted was for Angel to *ask*. Even better, *beg*. He *used* to acknowledge the fact that she didn't have to obey him.

"Fine. Stay here. Hitchhike home. Whatever you want. But *I* am taking my son to his *home*."

Buffy stood up and shook her head. "I can't believe you! The least you could have done is let me go home with *him*! Or am I not allowed to be alone with Xander now either?"

"We won't discuss anything! We never do, Angel! I complain and you dismiss it as me being selfish and make me feel bad! Well, I don't know what your issues are, but I don't have to deal with it!"

Angel just stared at her, not knowing how to reply. He was too proud to kneel in front of her and beg her not to leave him like he feared so much... besides, he wasn't sure if it was too late for that. She acted like she hated him.

Luckily, Buffy gave up on getting a response from him and resigned herself to going home. She'd have to figure out what to do from there. There was no way that she would leave her son and if Angel insisted that Jacob stay at home... he would stay at home.

Angel looked in the rearview mirror and met Buffy's eyes. It was the first words she had said to him since they had left the hotel two hours earlier.

After her last outburst, Buffy had packed up their belongings and allowed Angel to help her take them down to his car. She had gotten in the backseat next to a still sleeping Jacob and hadn't said a word.

Angel hadn't attempted to spark up a conversation either, not sure of what to say... or if he should say anything at all.

Luckily, there was a rest stop a mile away. Angel pulled into the parking lot and turned the engine off. In the backseat, Buffy wordlessly pulled out a blanket and quickly unbuttoned her shirt, careful to cover herself as she pulled at the velcro on her maternity bra so that Angel wouldn't see her breast. For some reason, she didn't want him to see her topless now that she was mad at him.

Buffy pulled Jacob out of his seat and held him to her breast. He immediately stopped crying and latched on to her nipple. As he fed, Buffy looked out the window, staring at the darkness without really seeing anything. How had they gotten like this?

Angel leaned his seat back so that he could rest for a bit. He closed his eyes and yawned. "Wake me when he's done."

As soon as Xander woke up and saw Angel standing over him he jumped up. "Is she mad?"

Angel chuckled humorlessly. "It's not you she is mad at. Do you want to go home or sleep here?"

Angel nodded and headed through the house to the front door to drive him home. The he could come home and curl up in bed. It was almost three and he was exhausted.

Buffy was half asleep as she set Jacob in his crib and tossed the bag with his clothes on the rocking chair. She'd worry about it later. Moving to the master bedroom, she stripped out of her clothes and pulled on a nightshirt. She moved towards the bed before pausing and thinking twice about it.

Deciding she didn't want to sleep with Angel, Buffy turned and headed to the guest bedroom.

At long last, Angel was home. He made sure to lock the front door and set the alarm before heading up the stairs to his bedroom. Just in front of the doors, he paused and turned around so that he could go look in the nursery. He was just so happy to have Jacob home... he *needed* to see him.

After he had looked in on his son and watched him sleep peacefully for a few moments, Angel went back to the bedroom and crept inside... before realizing Buffy wasn't in bed.

He hadn't seen any lights on downstairs, so he doubted she was down there... his heart began to pound as he left the bedroom in search of her... terrified that she was gone again. But she wouldn't leave Jacob! There was no way!

Opening the guest bedroom door, he saw her. She was curled up in a ball, sound asleep. She seemed so calm when she was sleeping, like she didn't have a care in the world.

Sighing sadly, Angel snuck inside the room and kissed her forehead, praying she wouldn't wake up. When he stepped back and saw that she hadn't, he turned and left.

Closing the door softly behind him, Angel sighed. Would they ever be able to fix this?

"What are you going to do?" Cordelia asked as she and Buffy browsed the dress racks of the store.

"I really don't know. I'm so confused about what I want. It's like sometimes I want to just hug Angel and tell him I love him, but other times I want to go file for divorce. I'm so angry, so unsure... and I'm scared."

"I know... that's not what I mean." Buffy told her. "I'm scared that this is the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love Jacob, and I love that I can spend every day with him and not have to leave him with a sitter... but I feel like I am missing out on stuff. I mean, I know that I don't get to have a life like you do. As a mother, I have to make certain sacrifices. I can't sleep in until eleven. I can't just go off and do whatever I want, when I want. But why can't I go to a party every now and then?"

"Yeah, I really didn't get that. It's not like Angel refuses to take care of Jacob. It wouldn't be a big pain in *his* ass to do it for a few hours. I don't see why he had a problem with it."

"Me either. I *don't* understand him. I mean, he was never really loving the idea of me going to college, but he made it seem like he was just worried I would push myself too hard with all the work and the baby. He never cared before we got married." Buffy told her friend. "It's like he doesn't trust me anymore."

"Have you talked to your mom? Maybe another married person will be able to offer you some advice that will actually help." Cordelia asked.

Buffy shook her head. "She's been running around, getting the stupid party on Sunday arranged. I mean, she would make time if I asked her to... she's really worried, but when I talked to her on Tuesday, I told her we just had a fight and it was nothing."

"Well... we talk a little, I guess. Basically it's all about Jacob, though. Like, he'll offer to change his diaper or whatever. But that's it."

"It is." Buffy replied dully, feeling even more depressed just thinking about it.

"Well, you better figure out what you're going to do the day after tomorrow. If neither of you say a word to each other and Toby's party, your mother is going to notice."

"Well... try talking to him. *Really* talking. You know, tell him how this is making you feel and make him explain why he is acting this way."

"So scream. Ask Spike to watch Jake tonight and go out somewhere with Angel. Tell him what's up, get him to talk, and scream all you want. Maybe then you guys will get somewhere."

Buffy looked at her strangely. "You know, that actually sounded like good advice."

Buffy kept herself busy that night doing laundry while Angel watched television. Spike had gone out as soon as the sun set, intent on having a fun Friday evening. Buffy had sadly watched him go, remembering when she had gone to the Bronze to celebrate the birth of a new weekend.

Now she hid from her husband. She couldn't believe this was what her life had degenerated to. She was more pathetic than a happy little homemaker. Actually, that probably wasn't so bad. There was technically nothing wrong with a woman who spent every day caring for her family, if that's what made her happy... but Buffy yearned for more.

However, she was resigned to the fact that she wouldn't get more. And, to boot, she could barely speak two words to her husband. She had even caught herself counting the days to when Jacob would be eighteen. Buffy didn't know why, but she felt that it would be like her date of freedom.

Why didn't she just divorce him? The idea had swam through Buffy's head several times, not just in the past week, but for several months. But every time she thought about it, thought about life without him, she felt an ache in her chest. She couldn't be without him.

"Are you sure you don't mind watching Toby all day today? I know he can be very tiring."

"Joyce, he is my son. You are spending the day running errands for *our* son's first birthday party. It's only fair that I spend the day looking after him. Not that I mind it at all. I missed seeing him all day when I had to work this school year." Rupert assured her as he sipped his tea.

Smiling, Joyce set her own cup of tea down at the kitchen table across from him and grabbed a pen and her pad of paper to make a list of the things she needed to do. She was very excited about this party, since she hadn't been able to throw one for Buffy when she was Toby's age. However, Joyce was much more financially independent now than she was then, so she had the time and money to do this for him.

She was about halfway through the list when there was a knock at the door. Rupert told her he would get it, so Joyce continued with the list as he left the room.

"Hi, Mrs. Giles." The young woman greeted. "Giles said he had to get Toby dressed, and I needed to talk to you, so he directed me here."

"Hello Cordelia." Joyce replied, gesturing to the chair Rupert had been sitting in. "Have a seat. Would you like some tea?"

"Oh, no thanks." The girl replied, looking a little uncomfortable, which was very unusual for her. "I needed a favor from you, though."

"Well, I feel kind of wrong for coming to you with this, since it's sort of going behind Buffy's back, but it's not *so* wrong if it's to help her, right?"

Joyce nodded, growing nervous. She knew that all was not perfect in Buffy's life, but she also knew how trying it could be when you were a young mother, so she had hoped things were somewhat happy for Buffy.

"Well, I don't think Buffy told you the whole story about what happened last weekend to make her leave Angel. It wasn't just a little fight. They have serious problems."

"Well, I have only heard Buffy's version, of course... but for some reason, Angel is way possessive. She wanted to go to a frat party with me and he freaked out on her. And she just seems so depressed. I mean, I know that when you're married and it's not going really well, you're depressed, but it's more than that. I don't know how to explain it, but... Buffy's not Buffy right now."

Cordelia shrugged. "I'm not totally sure. I mean, ever since she had Jake she's been different than she was a year ago. Right after she had him she was just dead tired all the time. And now... they have their routine and I *think* she's resting more... but she's not same old Buffy. She's like... the Buffy Lite. You know... not quite as good as regular Buffy... a little... less."

"I think I know what you mean." Joyce replied, shaking her head sadly. "I can't believe I never noticed this. I've been so caught up with my own life, I rarely even see Buffy anymore."

"Well, I *have* seen her a lot, but I just wrote it off as being a mom, or whatever, so don't feel bad. Do you have any idea what might be wrong?"

Joyce nodded. "I think I do. And I think we can fix it. But it's going to take lying and being very very sneaky. You up for it?"

Angel focused on the road before him as he drove his wife and son to his mother-in-law's home. The ride was silent, save for Jacob's occasional babbling from his carseat. Buffy stared out the window, and didn't say a word, as usual.

Things had completely fallen apart in a matter of a week. Okay, he knew that things hadn't been perfect before then, but at least Buffy had been able to look at him. Now, not only did she regret marrying him and yearn for a life of freedom, she hated him.

He pulled to a stop in front of the house that was decorated with balloons tied to the banister on the porch, as well as a big 'Happy Birthday Toby' banner. Buffy hopped right out of the car and opened the backseat's door to remove the baby from the carseat and grab his diaper bag.

Angel sighed and walked around the car to walk to the door with her. They had to pretend to be at least a somewhat happy couple. It was going to be a *long* day.

Joyce hoped everyone was buying that she was just a happy mother celebrating her child's first birthday. She had invited all of Toby's playgroup over, so there was a dozen toddlers running around, as well as quite a few babies.

She glanced over at the couch and saw Buffy and Angel sitting next to one another awkwardly. When they had first arrived, they had been polite and doted on Toby for a bit before sitting down and growing practically catatonic.

"Jacob! Oh, I have hardly spent *any* time with my grandson!" Joyce gushed as she lifted the baby out of her daughter's arms. "Do you mind if I show him off?"

Joyce took the baby, leaving Buffy and Angel alone to sit... even more awkwardly.

Two moments later, right on cue, Cordelia burst through the door and rushed over to Buffy. "Oh thank God you're here!"

"No! Of course not!" Cordelia replied as she grabbed Buffy's hand and hauled her to her feet. "Come with me!"

Angel watched with a curious look on his face as Cordelia dragged Buffy away. Before he could decide if he should follow, he was interrupted by Giles.

"What is going on, Cordelia?" Buffy asked as Cordelia shoved her into the upstairs bathroom.

There was no window in the room, therefore no natural light, so Buffy moved to hit the lightswitch. However, when she flipped the switch, nothing happened.

She turned and tried the knob, but found that the door wouldn't budge. Buffy began to slam her fists against the door and scream, but got no response.

Cordelia bit her lip and took a step back after she had slid the lock Giles had just installed on the door into place. Buffy sounded *very* pissed. As soon as her work was done, she was booking it.

Hoping that Buffy would stop making such a commotion before people at the party started hearing, Cordelia walked down the hallway to the stairs to do the second half of her job.

Back downstairs, she saw Angel standing in front of the couch with Giles carefully keeping him occupied with conversation. Cordelia could see relief in the older man's eyes as she approached. He had been wary of this idea from the start, but his wife had insisted.

"Buffy needs me?" Angel asked, upsetting them both. He was *supposed* to be so worried that he didn't ask any questions.

"She is *very* ill! I was thinking hospital, but she swore that all she needed was you, Angel. Go! Go take care of your wife!"

She led him to the bathroom door, where thankfully Buffy had given up on pounding, and discreetly unlocked the bolt. Quickly, she opened the door and Giles shoved an unsuspecting Angel from behind, pushing him into the dark room.

Cordelia slammed the door shut and relocked it before taking a sigh of relief. Her works was done! She had led the horses to water, it was up to *them* to drink!

"Cordelia said you were sick and had asked for me." Angel explained, carefully getting up off the ground... and his wife.

Once his weight was off of her, Buffy stood up as well. "Cordelia is a dead woman."

"I have no idea... all I know is Cordy got me up here, led me in, and as I was trying to turn the light on she slammed the door shut and locked it!"

"I guess after that she came downstairs and got me, she and Giles came up with me, and Giles pushed me in here before they locked the door."

"They were both in on it! Maybe my mom too. Probably my mom too. I don't think Giles could mess with the lights in here and that they could put a lock on the door without her knowing."

"Or... we could do what they want. We could talk. That *is* what they want, isn't it?"

"I know that in the past I have done that... but you gave me a wake-up call, Buffy. All week, I have done nothing *but* think about us... and my issues. And I am ready to share them."

"Okay..." Buffy replied, taking a deep breath. Why not give it a shot? At least it was something to do. Besides, if this was as hard as she suspected it would be, at least she could majorly guilt her mom and Giles for doing this to her when she came out in tears.

Buffy put the lid down on the toilet before planting herself down. "Maybe you should tell me why you've been acting this way. I've already told you what's bugging me and I don't feel like screaming accusations at you. Again."

Angel sighed. "Okay... Well, I don't really know when it began. Maybe it has always been in the back of my mind, but I have never had to deal with it until a few months ago. I always had a reason to brush the thoughts away... and it worked for me."

"That you were going to change your mind. Buffy, you were only eighteen when we got married. That was so young. You are *still* so young. Granted, you are more mature than most people your age, and it's not extremely rare for people as young as you to get married. But still... you are still growing to grow up some and my biggest fear is you will grow up and away from me. That you'll see this whole new world at college and at these parties... and you will like that world more. I'm terrified you are going to leave."

"You do now, Buffy... but what about in three years? What if you change and the person you become doesn't love me? I was always able to brush it off before. When we first got married, it was so new and wonderful, I thought our bliss would never end. And then you started to show, you know, when you were pregnant. And every time I looked at you, I saw the physical evidence of our love. It seemed so impossible that you would ever hate me. And that's truly what I feared. You would grow to hate our life together, and feel trapped, and hate me for it."

Buffy knew that this time, he was speaking from the heart. He wasn't trying to hurt her with his words. However, it didn't make the words any less painful. The tears overflowed from her eyes and streamed down her face.

"But like I said, I brushed it away. When you had Jacob, I could tell that you loved him so much. And you were the *best* mother. Even when you were tired, I thought that you loved doing it." Angel told her. "I guess it was when he was two months old... maybe younger... than things started to change. Actually, I think it was fairly soon after we started making love again. You seemed so withdrawn. I don't know... something changed in you, Buffy. You weren't the same old Buffy. You seemed kind of sad, like you didn't want to be there..."

Angel stopped talking when he heard a sob erupt from Buffy. Moving through the darkness, he found her on the toilet and pulled her on top of him, hugging her tightly to comfort her.

"Shhh... I didn't want to hurt you. Please don't cry." Angel begged, grateful that at least he didn't have to see her cry. He hated that.

"You're right, though... I don't know why but I just was depressed all of a sudden. I couldn't pinpoint any one thing that made me that way. I just was."

"We'll get through this, Buffy... we'll make you better. We'll make *us* better." He swore.

They sat in a peaceful silence for a few moments, Angel's slight rocking calming the both of them.

"It'll never happen. I'll never leave you. I *know* that I will never stop loving you. Even if you piss me off."

Angel chuckled. "I guess this means that I need to get used to the idea of you going out to a party every so often, huh?

"You definitely should." Buffy replied, smiling in the dark. "But on the bright side, after spending a few hours with *boys*, I will appreciate my *man.*"

Angel couldn't help but laugh. At long last, they were in a room together... and enjoyed it.

Buffy put the knife in the mayonnaise jar and started to pull her hand back to finish making the sandwich when a hand covered hers. Buffy's eyes followed as the hand pulled hers back to the hand's owner's mouth.

Angel tenderly kissed the back of his wife's hand and smiled down at her. "Are you doing okay?"

Buffy nodded and returned the smile. "I'm feeling a lot better than I was a week ago."

"I promise." She replied, standing on her tiptoes to give him a peck on the lips.

Angel moved his other hand around her waist and gave her a squeeze as he kissed the side of her neck. "You sure you don't want me to help you with this."

Buffy shook her head fervently. Angel had a propensity to make her kitchen a disaster area. "You are supposed to be watching Jacob. Where is he, anyway?"

Buffy turned and looked where Angel was pointing and saw Jacob sitting on a blanket, banging two toys together and laughing. The couple smiled at their son, feeling their hearts melt at the sight of him. The product of their love.

"Happy Father's Day." Buffy said before she finished making the last sandwich for their picnic.

She and Joyce had decided to have a big family picnic in honor of Giles and Angel. They hadn't spent a lot of time together as a group in quite a while. Besides, Joyce decided that Buffy definitely needed more familial support.

When Giles had finally unlocked the bathroom door a week earlier, Buffy had been asleep on Angel's lap. He'd taken her out to his car before getting Jacob and putting him in his seat. After driving them home, Angel had ordered a pizza and insisted on giving Buffy a relaxing night.

The next day, Buffy had brought Jacob to the gallery and had Angel take care of him while she and her mother went out to lunch, as Joyce had insisted before letting Angel take Buffy home the day before. The two women had talked, completely honestly, and Joyce had let Buffy know that the feelings she had... they were completely normal.

She was suffering from post partum depression. And just knowing that... it made all the difference to Buffy. She still felt a little down every so often, but she knew she could tell Angel. And he knew to look out for it.

Things hadn't been perfect. Buffy had even broken down crying a few times that week... but they were a lot better. It was like a ray of sunshine had broken through.

"Is everything all done?" Angel asked, picking up the picnic basket Buffy had set on the kitchen table.

"Yup. I just have to put a few things in Jacob's diaper bag and I am good to go. How long do we have before we are supposed to meet them there?"

"Twenty minutes." Angel replied, taking the fruit salad Buffy had put in a tupperware out of the refrigerator and putting it in the basket. "What's your mother bringing?"

"The drinks, plastic cups, paper plates, plastic forks, potato salad and cherry pie."

"Mmm." He smiled at the thought as he stuck a bag of potato chips in the basket on top of the sandwiches he had added.

Buffy put all the dishes in the sink and went into the living room to put some sneakers on. Jacob had dropped his toys when she walked past him and was watching his mother. Pointing at her, he grinned and cooed.

"I thought so." Buffy laughed as she got up from the couch and grabbed the diaper bag off the floor.

After making sure he had plenty of diapers, Buffy found the little baseball cap she had bought for the baby and put it on his blonde head. Quickly, so that he wouldn't know what was happening before it was too late, Buffy moved Jake on his back and shoved his Weeboks on his feet.

"How come when *I* try to do that, he scrunches his toes and makes it impossible?" Angel asked, standing in the doorway.

"Because I have had a *lot* of practice." Buffy grinned down at her son before leaning down and pretending to bite his belly, making the baby laugh.

"We're ready." Buffy answered, picking the baby up as well as the bag and following Angel and the picnic basket out the front door.

Angel chuckled as he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed the top of her head. "I bet you'll be hungry again in three hours tops."

"Oh shut up!" Buffy retorted, all the while smiling as she snuggled her back against her husband's chest.

Joyce smiled as she watched the two of them. They were so in love... she knew all the scheming she had done a week earlier had been worth it. Her daughter deserved all the happiness she could get.

As soon as they had arrived the baby had pulled the hat off. Buffy had put it back on. Jacob had taken it off again. Buffy had sighed and put it back on. After half an hour, she gave up and prayed he wouldn't get sunburnt.

So... Toby could see the baby's blonde hair, which he just loved. However, it made Giles incredibly nervous. He didn't want him to accidentally hurt Jacob.

"Careful, Toby... don't hurt Baby." Giles said calmly to his son. The boy just grinned at him and patted Jacob again.

For his part, Jacob didn't mind. He just laughed and looked up at his uncle, trying to grab his hand.

"Oh, you!" Buffy laughed, smacking his arm playfully before teasing him pushing her bottom back into Angel's crotch, getting a response from him immediately.

Angel put down his magazine to look at the bathroom door where his wife was standing. Much to his surprise, she was wearing her hair pulled up loosely, with ringlets framing her face, and a black short silk robe.

"Don't forget to open your other father's day gift." She smiled, walking towards him.

"You mean the tie and the book weren't the entire gift?" He asked, smiling as she straddled him.

"Of course not. Those were from Jake. This..." she said, pulling the two halves of the robe apart and revealing a sheer black babydoll dress, "is from me."

Angel chuckled as he helped slide the sleeves of the robe down her arms until the material fell in a puddle on his lap. He couldn't believe how responsive he was to her every look, every touch. But, then again, they hadn't made love in months. Mostly because their relationship had been so strained. In the past week, Angel had purposely focused on cuddling.

Angel very rarely wore a pajama top, and this night was no different. Somehow, Buffy managed to remove Angel's pants and underwear, while keeping him moaning and groaning with desire.

Buffy stroked his erection, giving him the most sexy smile he had ever seen. She had a way of making him feel things he couldn't imagine being possible. All with just a look. Or a touch. She was amazing.

Angel realized that Buffy was just as aroused as him when he felt some of her moisture seep onto his thigh. With a smile, he also realized she wasn't wearing any panties.

With a chuckle, Buffy began pulling the material over her head, with help from her eager husband. Once the babydoll was off, Buffy tossed it over the side of the bed and moved her hands to Angel's shoulders so that she could position herself directly over Angel's hardness.

Slowly, she slid down onto his length, hissing at the feel of him inside her. It had been far far too long...

Once he was completely filling her, Buffy resisted the urge to move and instead dipped her head down to kiss Angel passionately. It felt so good to be joined as one again. They had missed each other terribly.

When neither could stand it any longer, they both started moving against each other. Buffy moved languidly above him, her head falling backwards as waves of pleasure rocked through her. Angel kept his hands on her hips, guiding her as he bucked his hips up.

It was when Buffy felt herself growing close to her second orgasm, she could tell Angel was about to climax as well. Reaching behind herself, Buffy reached between his legs and gently squeezed his sac.

That was enough for Angel. With a grunt he spilled his seed deep inside Buffy as she came as well. Her body still shaking from the tremendous release, Buffy collapsed on top of him.

They had spent the previous ten minutes in silence, coming down from their orgasms. The couple had reveled in the pleasure that came with being intimate after such a long hiatus.

Seeing Buffy yawn, Angel reached over and turned off the lamp on his nightstand, leaving the room in darkness.

Buffy seemed to agree as she rested her head against him, her fingers drawing little patterns on his chest. "Angel?"