He's been better lately, and they want to know why. Why now, after all this time? After we killed his links to the living -- except Lockley, but she'll never matter in the long run -- why has he seemed … refreshed, ready to take on the Apocalypse?

I know.

She survived.

Funny, she's like a cockroach, you know? No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get rid of the bitch. She's little miss perfect, all golden hair and sunshine smiles.

Well, not anymore. At least I can take part of the credit for those shadows in her eyes, for the tortured Good Guy she's become. I helped get rid of those idiots of hers …

*they weren't idiots*

Shut up!

Damn, damn, damn! Not now, goddamnit! I don't wanna hear this shit!

*but it's true*

"NO! NEVER!"

/crash/

That's okay, I never liked that chair, or that window. I feel better now.

*ready to face facts?*

No …

*yes*

/whimper/

"Stop, stop, stop, stop talking to me … "

*I can't*

"Why?"

*you know why*

/sob/

Yes, I know why. You're in me, always in me, always with me, dogging my steps, questioning my choices, saying nonsense, you're …

*I'm you*

Yes.

It's funny, how things work out. I suppose if I actually went to a shrink -- and I know those lawyers are this close to pushing into the business counselor's office -- they'd find out I was certifiable. The voices are always there, but that is the loudest and the most persistent, refusing to go away.

It reminds me of HER.

They all do, in some way, but that one … it takes the prize for most annoying.

*why is that, do you think?*

Hell if I know.

*oh, you know, you're too scared to admit it*

"SHUT UP!"

*no*

/scream/

*feel better?*

/whimper/

Annoying bitch of a voice in my head, I know how to make you go away.

/pop … hiss … chug/

Ahhh, that's it … a nice few bottles of my old friend Jack oughta do the trick. Ha! No more voice.

*do you really believe that?*

Shit …

/chug, chug, chug/

*I'm not going away*

Maybe not, but Jack makes it haaarder to /burp/ hear you. Yep, it's startin' to fade away … just fade away … like me …

Fuck! No, I don't wanna fade. Wanna go out on top … blaze a glory … no fucked up knives and rooftop jumps … because … because … because of Bu …

It all comes back to HER -- the voices even agree on that.

Wonder what that Lockley bitch thinks of the Super Duper Vampire Screwin' Slayer?

You know, in all the time since I've played for this team, I've never once screwed a vamp? Oh, I know it sounds off, totally unlike me, but the assholes wouldn't come near me! Me!

Bet they line up to fuck HER.

*you have issues with Her*

Tell me something I don't know.

*okay. you're in love with Her*

Huh? "NEVER!"

*don't tell me you don't remember*

"No … "

~she was so sweet, her honey so delicious~

" … no … no … "

*she fit so perfect, felt so good*

" … stop, damn you, stop … "

~and when she shattered it was the most beautiful sight to behold~

/sob/

Mirror, where's the mirror? Ah ha, there it is.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall … "

*which one's the truest of them all*

They're all true.

/crash/

Shards everywhere, little slivers of glass on the floor. I see some, but some are lost in the dark. Kinda like me and the voices … little slivers of myself that have taken on lives of their own.

I guess that's what happens when a Slayer goes bad without any supernatural help. We go insane -- it's a safety precaution. At least they can't take over my body without my permission … but at this rate they won't have to.

Even I can see the way those lawyers look at me. They might send me a shrink, but they'd rather just kill me. It'd be easier, and they would -- but I'm too damn good at killing things and people for them.

Some days, though, I wish they would just do it. Get it over with.

But not yet.

We have a reckoning coming, me and Her. I'm not goin' out 'til it's done. One way or the other. Me and Her, Slayer to Slayer.

*like last time?*

What do you know?

*I know everything … and you know why*

I know.

Little slivers in the dark, that's what the voices are.

Just little pieces …

Of my soul.

 

The End