"Falling Apart"
Author:
Holli
Email: summersfinn@hotmail.com
Sunnydale, 2000
He breathed softly on her neck, trying to wake her from her deep sleep, but she didn’t move. "Buffy?" he cooed in her ear. "Buffy, honey wake up," he whispered in her ear, kissing her neck softly. She still didn’t move. He pushed back the sheet, revealing her naked form.
He drank in her luscious body for a few moments before he, lazily, began kissing her. He feathered kisses over her neck and down her chest until he encountered the swells of her breasts. She stirred a little when he ran the pad of his thumb across her nipple. He decided to up the torture one level, taking her nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue.
Getting no response from her, he bit down gently, smiling as she arched into his touch, moaning his name. He moved further down her body, down her flat stomach, stopping to dip his tongue into her navel. As he continued his trip south he realized that her body was hotter now than when he’d first started. He had a feeling that she knew exactly what he was doing, so he upped his tribulation.
Parting her legs, he placed them over his shoulders as he dipped his head between her thighs. He breathed heavily on her, then he touched his tongue to her center.
Her eyes flew open. Well, that’s a way to wake up in the morning, she thought. She sat up, twining her fingers in Riley’s hair as he began to stroke her rhythmically. He began paying ample attention to her distended clit and when she thought she couldn’t get any hotter, she did. Riley then took her clit into his mouth and sucked…and she came.
She collapsed onto the pillows her body hot and very aroused. As Riley crawled over her, she pulled his lips down to meet hers, seeking more fulfillment from him. As Riley sought haven in her mouth, she pushed him away, breathlessly, gasping out to him, "I need to shower."
He watched as she slid out of bed, pulling a t-shirt over her head. Without another word, she left the room. He buried his face in the pillow for a few moments before throwing back the sheets.
"Denied," he muttered to himself as he slid out of bed, sliding on his boxers. "I’ve been denied six months and after one night of blissful sex she’s gonna deny me, I don’t think so," he spoke to himself as he headed for the bathroom. Finding the door partially open, he knew that he’d been setup.
Standing underneath the constant stream of warm water, Buffy heard when the door clicked shut. She smiled as she heard Riley’s feet hit the base of the bathtub. When his arms circled her waist, pulling her against his naked body, she asked, "What do you think you’re doing?"
"Well, Madame, you played a very wicked game this morning. I had been trying an entire hour to wake you up, forgetting how hard you sleep, but upon reaching the conclusion that you were awake and wanting me to play with you, I am seeking refuge."
She turned around in his arms. "Refuge or revenge?" she asked as they ambled underneath the water.
He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips, and her chin, down her throat, to the soft swells of her breasts, then her stomach. "Refuge, my dear wife," he told her, standing up only to pull her forcefully against him. "And it’s *you* that I am taking refuge in."
"Oh? Well, what if I resist. What if I deny you?" she asked him, planning, of course, not to deny him. Especially not after the night they’d had last night…and the morning she’d just had. She shuddered just thinking about it.
He buried his head in the crook of her neck, backing her up against the wall, pinning her arms above her head. "You won’t," he said simply as he started nibbling and sucking the sweet skin of her neck.
"It’s been a long time since we’ve done it in the shower…that was always a fun time…Did get kinda wet, though," she said, jumping up slightly to wrap her legs around his waist. Reaching between their bodies she found his cock and guided it to her entrance.
One push and he was in. She wasn’t as tight as the night before, but she was just as hot and wet. "As I remember it, our shower excursions were wet in more ways than one." He watched the blush crawl up her neck; he found it extremely sexy.
He couldn’t help but wonder if this was how it was going to be once they got home. Would it be like it was now or would she close herself off from him again? Focusing on Buffy, he let that fade to the far corners of his mind as he heard Buffy moan his name. Then, she spoke those three magical words.
She knew that those words had a profound affect on Riley; each time she got a different reaction from him. She felt those oh-so-familiar sputterings in her stomach and she knew that she was close, but she didn’t want to reach the pinnacle without Riley. "Riley, slow down," she whispered in his ear.
He ignored her request. He was about to come as well so he continued riding the wave of ecstasy that they were on. She reached behind him, grabbed hard onto his ass, digging her nails into his buttocks and that’s when it happened. He came and came and came, straight into Buffy.
They both stood still, trying to regain their normal breathing, waiting for the shaking of their bodies to stop, staring deeply into the other’s eyes. "That was…it was…" Buffy tried to form the words, but couldn’t. There were no words for what they’d just done.
Pulling out of her, he unwrapped her legs from his waist, setting her on her feet in front of him. He kissed her lightly on the lips, before taking her hand and leading her back underneath the warm spray. He soaped them both quickly, then together they stepped out of the shower. Wrapping towels around their bodies, they left the bathroom kissing and cuddling.
Buffy parted from Riley, walking toward the refrigerator. Holding open the door, she asked, "So, what are we doing today?" over her shoulder as she searched for something to eat.
Riley sat down at the table, watching as her towel rode up her body, showing the firm cheeks of her butt. "I was hoping that we could spend the day by ourselves…you know, not leave the bedroom or the bed. Whichever is fine with me."
She turned around, giving him a dirty look. She closed the refrigerator after taking out a bowl of grapes. Climbing atop his lap, straddling his legs, she placed the bowl on the table in front of them. "Well, darling, that is a *very* good idea," she said, loosening her towel a bit to better accommodate her position. "…but we *do* have to save something to do tonight," she said as she began feeding him grapes.
She did have a point, but he was pretty sure they’d have plenty of fun all day as well as that night. "Well, I heard they’re having a boat auction down at the marina." She gave him a skeptical look, making him laugh softly. "I didn’t mean that we’d go *watch* the auction, Buffy. I thought we’d go for a sail. You can make up a picnic lunch. There’s this bluff that I know of, we can spend the whole day there. Swimming…and stuff just to be alone. It’ll be fun."
She slid off his lap. "Good. I’ll go get ready." With one more sweet kiss on the lips, she left him sitting at the table while she disappeared into the bedroom.
Riley stared at the closed bedroom door for a few moments, debating whether or not to go surprise her and lure her into making love again, but he decided to hold that impulse of his. Those tiny boats were big enough. Doing it out on open water…now *that* sounded like fun. With that fresh in his mind, he headed into the room to get dressed.
Willow had given up hope. There wasn’t anything in the books that gave way to explaining the switch or even summoning a reverse spell. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. And it was beginning to piss her off. Even Anya’s endeavors had been fruitless; she’d tried to contact D’Hoffryn for a reversal spell, but all attempts had been rebuffed.
Staring at the phone, she wondered what Buffy and Riley were up to. She hadn’t talked to either for two days and she was beginning to get worried. She returned her attention back to the book at hand and the answers just popped out at her. There it was in black and white. What she’d needed all along. "Giles! Giles! I’ve found it."
Xander, Spike, Anya, Graham and Giles cloaked around her. "The reversal spell is a mixture of two spells. The Seeking Spell that Anya and I did at first to Buffy and another one. It’s a Germanic incantation. It’s tricky, but it can be done." She scanned the paragraph some more. "…but…"
"How did I know there was a but?" Giles asked.
Spike sighed, shaking his head. Were they really so clueless? He thought. "There’s always a but. Haven’t you learned that by now?" Spike asked him.
Xander rolled his eyes. "But what, Will?"
"There’s a defect."
All faces clouded. "Defect?" they all repeated.
"If the spells are not done the *exact* way as explained, then there’s a chance either one or both Buffy’s could get lost in another dimension. If that happens, no one would be able to track them; they’d be lost to us forever."
All faces in the room, including hers, fell into deep contemplation. If this was the only way they’d not only be risking two innocent women’s lives, but also the lives of the two men that cared about them, both their families and friends and also Buffy and Riley’s children. "So, what does this mean?" Graham asked.
"Everything that the spell tells us to do, has to be done. If we get just one tiny thing confused, if one word is mispronounced, then we could risk the lives of our friends…both sets of them."
Xander stepped forward. "Won’t that be kinda hard? I mean, those spells…some of the words are hard to pronounce," Xander said, trying to make light of the serious situation.
Willow slammed the book shut, jumping to her feet. She paced for a few moments, running a hand through her short red hair. "Look, guys, I don’t have all the answers for this. It’s a risk that we will just have to take. This is the first lead that we’ve gotten in days and right now it looks like the only way to undo what Anya and I did. You’re either with me or you’re not."
Everyone nodded. "Good. Okay. We do the spell tonight. I want to try to undo this as soon as possible." Turning first to Xander, Willow began shouting out instructions. "You go to the magic shop." She took a few moments to scribble down some ingredients then handed him the paper. "Tell them to put it on my tab."
Once everyone had something to occupy their time, Willow turned lastly to Graham. "I need you to find Buffy and Riley. Tell them what we’ve found out and get them here as soon as possible." Watching as Graham jogged toward the door, Willow muttered to herself, "I just hope that this isn’t a failed effort…"
Riley steered the boat he’d rented for the day as he watched Buffy. Her blonde hair was blowing in the wind as she rocked up and down with the boat as he coasted them in the direction of the bluff.
She looked so beautiful, he thought, unable to take his eyes from his wife. Blonde hair cascading around her shoulders, she showed off her tanned skin in a skimpy electric blue tank top along with baring her long, tanned legs as well in extremely short white shorts.
Now, he wasn’t complaining because it gave him more to think about and left him less to divest her of, if indeed things went that far. He wondered if Buffy was naïve to think that he was whisking her away to a secluded bluff just for a fun day in the sun.
Buffy scooted toward the edge of the boat. Gripping the metal rail with one hand, she let the other float into the water. It was warm and it felt good. It was seriously hot outside and she desperately needed to cool off. "How long before we get to the bluff? My ass is starting to hurt sitting here and it so damn hot," Buffy said, turning to look at Riley, her green eyes hidden behind her dark shades.
He smiled down at her, watching as she began to wet her arms and chest. "Not too long, I think. But if your ass hurts, why don’t you stand up? You can come stand by me," he offered her.
She stood up to stretch her legs, realizing at that moment that he had shed his shirt sometime since they’d left the marina. His bare chest glistened with sweat, caused by the hot sun and the humid weather. When she’d normally be greeted by his blue depths, they were hidden today behind shades just as dark as hers. "If I go over there, do you promise not to jump me?"
Riley couldn’t help but laugh. Now there’s a thought…Even though he’d been thinking about it off and on since they’d left the marina, he couldn’t do to her what he wanted until they got to the bluff. Once there, he’d bide his time before he make a move on her. He was taking her there for the two of them to be alone, away from the world. No interruptions.
She walked toward him, sliding between him and the wheel, purposefully, pressing her body against his. "How do you know about this bluff anyway? You haven’t lived in Sunnydale all that long. I don’t want you taking me there if some girl you dated took you there and you two had sex and you want to recreate that with me."
She smelled good. Her hair smelled of vanilla and her body…it was a mix of the Ivory soap they’d used in the shower, her Shower to Shower powder, her Eternity perfume and musk. He wanted very much to stop the boat, throw her to the floor and have his way with her there, but he held that impulse.
Instead, he focused on her question about the bluff. He chuckled softly, noting the twinge of jealousy in her voice masked with avid curiosity. "You don’t have to worry your pretty little blonde head off, Buffy. No girls took me there and I am not taking you there to recreate anything. And, for your information, Graham was the first one who showed me the bluff. We’d gone there fishing a few times…with our weekends off for the Initiative, he, Forrest, Kevin and I would all go camping out at the bluff. No demons, no Walsh, no all-night keggers, no women. Just us."
Buffy watched as the little inlet came into view. Trees surrounding most of it, all that was visible was the stretch of beach and the little hut a few yards away from the shore. It looked totally isolated. She wondered if it was as Riley pulled the boat beside the dock. He pulled on a shirt, jumped out and tied the boat so that it wouldn’t float away. Once the rope was fastened, he extended his hand to her.
He took her hand, pulling her out of the boat. "It’s kinda empty here, Riley," she said as he started leading her down the dock toward the beach.
"That’s the entire point, Buff." She pulled him to a stop. He turned around to face her. "Is something wrong?" Watching her closely, she casually took off her glasses and he immediately saw the tears in her eyes. He broke the space between them, encircling her in his arms. "Sweetie, what’s wrong?"
She held him close as she tried to control her soft sobs. When he pushed her back and began wiping away her tears, asking her once more what was wrong, she finally was able to choke out, "You called me Buff."
He smiled at her, continuing to wipe at her tears. "It’s your name."
She shook her head. "No, Riley. *Buffy’s* my name. Only you and Xander call me Buff…and you haven’t called me Buff in a long time," she told him, clutching at the flaps of his shirt.
"Well, if it makes you that happy, I’ll keep calling you that." He leaned forward, pressing his lips softly to hers.
"Please." He started to walk away again, but she grabbed his hand once more. "I just wanted to tell you…I just want you to know…" she took a deep breath. "…I just want you to know that I love you. Only you, always you."
He wrapped her in his arms, kissing her forehead softly. Laughing softly, he whispered against her hair, "No matter how many times you tell me that…it’s still going to have an affect on me."
She leaned back, staring deep into his eyes. "All because of what I told you that morning in the bedroom? Right?" He nodded. She fell onto her knees in the sand, pulling Riley with her. She ambled over to him, circling her arms around his neck. "Listen to me Riley and listen well. I love you. I don’t know how much more simply I can put it. That morning was…I regret everything that happened that morning just as much as you do, if not more."
He opened his mouth to protest, but she placed a finger over his lips. "You don’t need to sugarcoat this for me, Riley. Everything that happened that morning…it was all my fault. Not even you can deny that. I even take the blame for what you are blaming *yourself* for and what I told you…you know I didn’t mean it. How could I stay married to you for seven years, how could I make love to you all those years if I didn’t feel something emotionally for you?" She took one of his hands in hers. "You know me, Riley. Am I that kind of person?"
He shook his head. "No, you’re not." He looked up, meeting her gaze. "That’s why it was so hard to believe, Buffy. I didn’t want to believe it; everyone told me *not* to, but you’re my wife and I trusted everything you told me. I took the affair and you telling me that you didn’t love me at face value."
She let out a jagged breath. "You know since I’ve been on this honesty kick there’s one more thing that I ought to tell you…," she said. Meeting his gaze, she looked deep into his eyes.
"I am actually disappointed that you believed me, Riley. I mean, I know I wanted you to, I was counting on it, but all those times that we argued, all I ever wanted was for you to tell me that you didn’t believe it, then sweep me into your arms, carry me to bed and make love to me. That’s all I ever wanted you to do. The cooked up affair wasn’t really about making you go away, it was about *me* disappointing *you* and some of disappointing myself."
"Above all with you gone, it would make me hurt more. I was responsible for losing our child and with both of you gone…" She was unable to finish because Riley interrupted her thoughts.
"Stop, Buffy." He grabbed onto her forearms. "This has got to stop. You can’t go blaming yourself for the miscarriage. You couldn’t have known that the thunderstorm would get so horrid and you certainly didn’t know that some idiot would be driving drunk. It is not *your* fault. Please, *please* stop blaming yourself," he half begged her.
A tear fell from her eye, rolling down her cheek. She looked up to meet Riley’s gaze. "I can’t help it, Riley. It *is* my fault that we don’t have another child…it’s my fault that we may not be able to have anymore *ever*."
He gathered her into his arms, holding her close as she began to cry. There was nothing that he could tell her to make her pain go away. He would love nothing more to tell her that she wasn’t to blame and to have her smile and accept it. But he knew he that would be asking for too much. He had to tell her *something* though.
He pushed her back, wiped her tears from her face, and then looked deep into her green eyes. "We can’t bring back what is lost, Buffy," he told her, smoothing back her hair, "but we can try to create something new; something just as precious, just as special."
She shook her head. "I’m afraid that if we do that, Riley, and get ourselves riled up over the prospect of another child that our hopes will only be dashed when we don’t get what we want. I don’t want to have to go through that again. For years we tried and then out of the blue our wishes were granted and then…" He placed a finger over her lips.
"I said that we can *try* to create something new. It doesn’t hurt to try Buffy. And just look at it this way, we’ll be spending oodles of time together and there isn’t anyone I’d rather spend all that time with than you."
She touched his cheek softly with the back of her hand. "Me, too, Riley. I love spending time with you, but…I’m scared."
"What do you have to be scared of, Buffy? Me?"
"No, not you. Of course not!" She dropped her hand into her lap and tore her eyes away from him. "I’m just…I’m scared that we spend all that time together, making love, hoping that everytime could be *the* time and it isn’t. We’ll be disappointed…you’ll be disappointed and then you’ll decide that you want more kids and if I can’t give them to you, you’ll…" He pulled her into his arms, kissing her into silence.
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye as she gave into Riley’s kiss. The gentle probing of his tongue was doing things to her body that she didn’t want to think about, but, as the kiss became more passionate, they fell back into the sand. She raked her fingers into his hair as Riley’s hand slipped beneath her tank top. Just as Riley started to push her tank top up her chest, she pushed him away. "No. We can’t do this."
Sitting up, Riley was not happy. "And why not?" he asked her. "It’s not like we haven’t done it before."
She smiled at him, then slapped his hand away when it slipped back beneath her tank top. "I know that Riley. I was there everytime, remember?"
He cocked his head to the side. "Actually, I remember Christy Turlington a few times and Winona Ryder, but never a pretty blonde."
"Is that right?" she asked him, watching as he nodded simply, a smirk playing on his lips. She pushed him backward into the sand, falling on top of him. "Well, I guess that’s where we’re different," she said, straddling his waist. She leaned close to his ear, nibbling momentarily on his earlobe, pausing for a second to delve her tongue into his ear. Whispering breathily, "…because when I make love to you…it’s you that I see; you’re the only person I want inside me, you’re the only man I want to make love to."
She sat up her eyes meeting his, his eyes not leaving hers. "Not Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise or anyone else. You, Riley."
Riley sat up abruptly. Taking her face in the flat of his palms, he cradled her beautiful face in his hands, making her meet his eyes. "I was joking, Buffy. I would never dream or picture another woman when I am with you. You’re the only woman that I want the only woman that I fantasize about, the only woman I love. All the other women in the world…" He shrugged his shoulders. "I barely notice them. I may find them attractive, but none of them compare of the wonderful, carefree, beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous woman that I am married to."
She was getting teary-eyed just listening to him, but she remained silent and kept her sobs in check. "I don’t want to keep telling you this, but I will if I have to. If I have to tattoo it to your forehead, I will. I love you, Buffy Anne Summers-Finn. I’ve loved you for almost nine years and that won’t change. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. You’re a part of me and you will be until the day we both die. Because God knows that if you die before me, I wouldn’t be able to function. I would be miserable. Exactly like I have been…"
He swallowed hard. "But it would be worse if you went before me. Where would the twins and I be? We wouldn’t have anyone to fuss over us if we stole one of the brownies that were supposed to be eaten *after* supper. You wouldn’t be there to instruct me to pick up my boots for Logan to pick up his trucks and for Kennedy to pick up her dolls. No one would be there to make us breakfast, tuck the twins in bed and I certainly wouldn’t have anyone to cuddle with and make love to."
She threw her arms around his neck. "You aren’t going to lose me, Riley. I’m not going anywhere. I swear to you."
He hung onto her as if at any minute she would disappear and he’d be all alone. "I am *so* scared, Buffy. You’re the Slayer; that doesn’t change. So much can go wrong…I just don’t want to lose you. I’d die …"
She leaned back and plundered his mouth with a searing kiss, which left Riley speechless, breathless and craving her. Upon breaking the kiss, Buffy rested her forehead against Riley’s. "I don’t think about dying and I don’t want you to think about it either. Please?"
"I just…the last few weeks, months, have been hard on me, Buffy. I can’t help but be doubtful about everything."
Buffy leaned back. "What’s been happening lately has been all *my* fault, Riley. I’ve pushed you away, not caring how hard it would be on you. I never took into account how you’d feel and I’m sorry about that…about all of it. But, if something would happen to me, Riley…if there was an accident or if I was attacked by one of those supernatural forces that I am destined to fight, I don’t want you to wallow in self-misery. I’d want you to move on. I’d want you to marry again. I’d want you to find someone new to love."
He pulled away from her, standing up. "I don’t think I could do that, Buffy. I live and breathe you. I couldn’t just move past you like that," he said, snapping his fingers.
Buffy held out her hands, which Riley took pulling her to her feet. "I’m not asking you to seek solace with someone else before I am cold in the ground, Riley. I just don’t want you to have to live your life alone."
"I wouldn’t be alone. I’d have the twins, our friends, my memories."
"Your memories would tear you up inside, Riley. To live in our house, to sleep in our bed…could you really bear with those memories?"
He really doubted that he could. Running his fingers through his hair, he said, "I don’t know if I could, Buffy, but I could try. Why are we talking about this? I’m becoming avidly depressed."
Buffy laughed softly. "Yeah, me, too," she said, digging her feet into the sand. Taking her eyes away from him, she looked out at the vast ocean, before looking back at Riley. "So, what do we do now?"
Riley looked at her, his blue eyes brightening. One question, a million possibilities.
Sunnydale, 2007
Riley was getting very highly pissed at Angel forever coming between he and Buffy. It had gotten to the point where they couldn’t even hold hands or anything as such without Angel butting in between them. Since that one night in the bedroom after what they’d done during dinner he hadn’t had any time alone with her. He smiled as he remembered how they’d ravaged each other that night.
He was standing in the kitchen, listening to Graham and Xander discuss their aspirations for their boys with sports, glaring at the vampire. He hadn’t seen Buffy all morning so he was wondering where she had disappeared to. Then, all questions were answered, when she breezed through the door, holding Kennedy's hand. Her mom, Giles and Cordelia were directly behind her and upon spotting him, she stopped, a smile spreading across her lips, lighting up her entire face.
"Buffy. Hi, I…" Angel stepped in.
Buffy turned to look at him, her smile fading for a split second. "Shut up, Angel," she said matter-of-factly. She moved past him and immediately sunk into Riley’s open arms. Hugging him briefly, she leaned back and surprised not only him, but also everyone else crowded in the kitchen with a long, endearing kiss.
When she broke the kiss, he was extremely disappointed, satisfied, and weak all at the same time. Silence loomed between the two of them for quite some time before he finally opened his mouth and was able to say, "So, where’ve you been?"
She hit his chest playfully, not realizing how hard she’d hit him. "Great news! I think we’ve found a way for us to get home."
Wow, that was a turn of events, he thought, rubbing his chest. "How?"
Buffy grabbed his hand and led him into the living room, everyone else following closely behind. "Well, Giles said the easiest way would be to open a portal. It would guarantee us getting back to our own world, plus we wouldn’t have to worry about winding up anywhere else."
Seeing the happiness in her eyes, he asked, "When do we get started?"
Sunnydale, 2000
All of Graham’s efforts had been fruitless. He had no idea where the hell Buffy and Riley had disappeared to. They hadn’t been at the apartment, at the Bronze, or the beach. He’d checked places he’d thought they might have gone, but he’d come up empty at each one.
He’d taken a chance and gone back to the apartment. This time, however, he chose to look for some kind of clue as to where they could have gone. That’s when he spotted the note on the refrigerator.
G & W: Buffy and I have gone out to the bluff for some ‘alone time.’ Shall an emergency arise, beep me. I have your beeper, but it’s for emergencies only. Other than that leave us alone. --Riley
Graham pushed the slip of paper deep into his jeans’ pocket then ran out of the apartment, back towards Giles’. Hopefully, Willow wouldn’t kill him *too* much.
They lay in the sand, wrapped in each other’s arms, staring up at the pitch black, star-filled sky. Her head resting on Riley’s chest, she listened to the constant thrumming of his heart as she skimmed her foot along his hair-roughened leg.
Conversation had ceased a while ago and she didn’t really want to ruin the moment, but she did anyway. "Riley?"
He moved a little. "Hmm?"
She propped herself up on an elbow. "If we were, in the future, to have another child, by some miracle, what would you want?"
He stared at her for a few moments, contemplating answering her. "Well, I never really thought about it. Either one would we wonderful…when you were pregnant with the twins I hadn’t put much thought into it then either…" he said, lying.
"You are such a liar!"
"What?"
"Riley, you had our child pegged as a boy from day one."
He laughed softly. "Well, you weren’t much better, Buffy. You were so sure that it was a girl. You even used that ‘mother’s intuition’ hoopla on me. Guess the Slayer’s not always, right, huh?"
She stuck her tongue at him, both laughing softly at the way they had grown to be so comfortable with one another again. So much time had been spent apart, so much damage had been done that neither had thought they’d be back here again, yet, here they were.
Riley pulled her back down to him. "What do you want? Have you thought about it?" he asked her, lacing their fingers together.
"A little. Since the miscarriage, I’ve been obsessing over it. For a while I just thought that maybe it was a Slayer curse or something. Maybe I just got lucky when I had Kennedy and Logan. Maybe I really *won’t* be able to bear anymore children."
"Don’t even think about that. We *will* have another child, Buffy. As long as we stay positive about it, it’ll happen."
She shifted in his arms, turning to face him. "You’re right." She met his eyes. "When’d you get all philosophical on me."
He couldn’t help but laugh. He hugged her tight, kissing her forehead softly. "Living with you, I have no choice." Silence insisted for a few moments. Riley was the breaker this time. "You never told me whether you wanted another boy or girl."
"Well, I’m not sure which I prefer. I think we were lucky to have a boy *and* a girl the first time around and having just *one* now…I don’t know. A boy would be good because Logan would have someone that would look up to him, but yet if we had another girl she’d have a big brother and a big sister. Kennedy would teach her how to put on make up and they could gab about boys together and Logan would be there to fend off all her boyfriends."
"And I thought that would be *my* job."
"Well, it would be, but Logan would be your partner in crime. He would be your little spy."
"I kinda like that. Father and son teaming up. But I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t mind having another son. I haven’t been there for Logan like I should be. He’s been babied by you since he was born and if we had another son I know that I would try to correct all the mistakes I’ve made the first time around."
"You haven’t made any mistakes, Riley. You’re a wonderful father. The twins adore you. Sure, you’re not there as much as I am, but that’s normal. Most fathers do work and the mothers are the children’s sole parent."
He sat up. "But I don’t want you to be their sole parent, Buffy. Like I told you a few nights ago when we were discussing the divorce. I wouldn’t let any other man raise my children and I don't intend on letting you raise them alone, either. If we have another child I want to be there to change them and bathe them and feed them."
She smiled at him. "I’m glad that you’re all for helping. It’s really sweet, but it’s up to you to support us. The twins know you work and they love when you’re home, so do I. I’ll admit that I’d love for you to be home more, too, but--" He clamped his hand over her mouth.
"It’s settled, then. If and when we finally conceive a child, I plan on being there with the both of you. I don’t care how tired of me you get. You’ll be stuck with me like glue."
She smiled up at him. "I kinda like that thought."
He rolled her beneath him, straddling her tiny body. "Why don’t we get a headstart on this child conceiving business?"
"Riley we’re in the sand…"
"Point being…what?"
He was not letting up. When he unsnapped her shorts, she didn’t stop him. Right there on the beach, they melted into each other’s arms, catching up on months spent apart.
Willow sighed, falling onto Giles’ sofa. "Well, I guess alone time is a good sign. I guess we’ll have to put the spell off then." She wanted to experiment as soon as possible, but if the two of them had gone off on a romantic interlude then the spell could be put off.
Graham fell down beside her, patting her leg softly. "It’s a good sign, Will. At least they’re together and when they do get back, everything between them will be like it should…" He sighed. "Hopefully," he added in a small voice.
Willow glanced at her boyfriend, then lay her head in his lap. "Yeah, you know I really hope you’re right, Graham. I hope that things between them are back to normal."
Arriving back home at the apartment that night, Buffy was too tired to walk by herself so Riley carried her through the door. Somewhere between Earth and dreamland, Buffy whispered to Riley, "I want to take a shower."
Reaching the bedroom, he lay her gently on the bed, watching her heavy eyelids flutter. "I know you want to, but you need to sleep now."
She yawned, managing to say, "But I’m dirty."
He laughed softly. "No, you’re not dirty," he assured her.
"But I feel gritty. I have sand everywhere…" she said, pushing him away. She swung her feet over the side of the bed, then toppled onto the floor.
Chuckling softly, Riley kneeled beside her, lifting her into his arms. "Well, if you insist on showering, then I am going to give you a full body scrub."
He heard her laugh softly. "You just want to see me naked again," she whispered to him.
"You’re right about that." As he ran the water, he sat her down on the toilet as he shed her tank top and shorts for the second time that day.
"Bubble bath," she said.
"What?" he asked, looking up at her.
She smiled. "Bubble bath…in the water. I like bubble bath in my bathwater."
"Oh." He moved away from her, pouring some bubble bath into her water. As he knelt in front of her, she flashed him a rueful smile. Lifting her naked body into his arms, he placed her gently into the warm water.
As she sunk into the bubble filled water, she watched as he headed for the door. "Uh! You’re leaving me?" she spat at him.
"Well, uh, yeah. You want to take a bath in peace, don’t you?" Watching she pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She pointed to the toilet and as if on command, he sat back down.
She sunk back down into the water, closing her eyes as she said, "My whole body hurts. I didn’t do anything strenuous, but it feels that way. And I have sand in unimaginable parts. It’s all your fault, Riley."
"My fault? How’s it my fault?"
Her eyes flew open. "Because you took me to that bluff with seducing me in your mind and I think you succeeded plentifully."
He moved off the toilet, kneeling beside the bathtub. "Yeah, but I didn’t even have to put on any charms. You were putty in my hands from the first kiss."
"Yeah, well, you’re just so damn good at what you do, how the hell am I supposed to turn you away?" she said with a smirk, wondering where the hell her energy had come from. Before Riley was able to say anything more, Buffy butted in, saying, "I thought I was supposed to get a full body scrub. You lied."
Oh, she *so* knew how to get her way. The pouty lip thing…she’d used that on him before and had used it on numerous occasions to get her way. Sighing, he picked up the liquid soap and dripped some onto her stomach.
The smirk on his lips tweaked her curiosity. Not only had he opted *not* to use a washcloth, but he was massaging her skin, and, at the moment, her breasts, with his large, callused hands. Now, she wasn’t complaining because the sex they’d had on the beach of the bluff had been…well, it was so good that she couldn’t describe it using words.
He moved from kneeling beside the tub to sitting on the arm. His feet now rested beside her body. She closed her eyes, surrendering to his hands and before she knew it, he was lying atop her in the bathtub, his lips on hers, his tongue delving to the nether regions of her mouth.
He pulled away from her quickly. "Sorry, I, um, it couldn’t be helped."
Both were silent as he continued to soap her, making sure that she was no longer ‘gritty.’ Once he was finished, he helped her out of the bathtub and left her alone so that she could do whatever she pleased.
While Buffy was in the bathroom, he made sure all the lights throughout the apartment were turned off and all the doors were locked. He then adjourned to the bedroom. He turned down the sheets, stripped off his clothes, then climbed underneath the sheets. He had just began to dose off when he felt Buffy climb into bed beside him.
He felt her fingers skimming along his back, then he felt her lips touch his flesh, instantly heating it to the highest degree. He had no idea what she was up to or what she had planned, but he wasn’t too tired to resign.
So, when she pushed him onto his back and straddled his body, her naked body in full view for him, he didn’t detest her. Instead, he savagely pulled her to him and insinuated his tongue into her mouth as he ran his hands up and down her bare back.
She pulled away from him, staring down into his blue eyes, the moonlight streaming through the window accentuating his fair skin. A smile crept across his lips as he pulled her lips down to meet his once more. Tongues dancing, pelvis’ crushing together, Buffy wound her fingers into Riley's hair as they rolled over, Riley gaining the top position.
Lips moving from hers, he blazed a trail of sensually hot kisses down the column of her throat, down her chest. Encountering the swell of her breast, he nipped, licked, sucked and feathered kisses along each inch of her round breast as she arched into him. As he was moving to do the same to the other, he felt Buffy stiffen up beneath him. "Buffy?"
She sat up quickly. "Did you hear that?"
He listened for a few moments. Nothing. "I don’t know what you…" he paused. He heard it now. It was like a scratching noise. "Wait here," he instructed as he jumped out of bed, tucking himself back into his shorts.
"You’re gonna leave me?" she asked, pulling the sheets around her body.
The smile on her lips, her flushed cheeks, among some other attributes of hers made him want to stay exactly where he was, but he was alarmed by the noise. "I would never leave you. I’m going check out that noise then I’ll be right back. Stay *right* here. Don’t go anywhere. I plan on finishing what we started." After a quick kiss on the top of her head, Riley left Buffy to go inspect the noise.
Riley stealthily made his way out of the bedroom, down the hallway, listening attentively to each noise. Upon reaching the living room, he immediately found the source of the noise: the backdoor was left unlatched so the screen door was beating in time with the wind. He latched the door, then made his way back to the bedroom.
Buffy was lying in the bed, her head propped up on her elbows, a smile from ear to ear. "I was getting lonely."
He closed the door with his hip, saying, "Is that so?"
She nodded as he crossed to her, jumping up in the bed, tackling her. She exploded into a fit of giggles as Riley attacked her, holding her down on the mattress by his knees, and began to tickle her mercilessly.
After a few moments he stopped tickling her and watched, listened, as her laughs slowly came to a stop. "What?" she asked, running her hands up his toned arms.
"You’re beautiful." He watched the blush crawl up her neck. He slid away from her momentarily to wrench the sheet from her body, drinking in her luscious body. Stretching out beside her, propping his head up on his elbow, he ran his fingers lazily up her body, starting at her ankles, moving up.
Circles. He traced circles on the inside of her thigh, smiling as her small moans hit his ears. Male pride surged through him as she breathily whispered his name. Grasping her by the waist, he picked her up and placed her higher into the bed before settling back beside her. He picked up her left leg, taking the skin of her inner thigh between his teeth, biting and sucking, gently.
"Ri-Ri-Ri-Ri," she breathed.
He rose up on his elbows, towering over her. "Buffy," he said her name softly. He traced her jawline with his finger. "Open your eyes." Slowly, so very slowly, she opened them, her eyes meeting his.
He watched as she tried to catch her breath. Her chest was heaving, albeit she hadn’t had an orgasm yet. Yet, he smiled wickedly. "This isn’t fair, you know."
He lowered himself on her body, pressing his hardness into her wetness, listening to her involuntary gasp. "What’s not fair?"
Her jade green eyes fell upon his. "I was supposed to seduce you…this isn’t fair game."
"You know damn well, you can seduce me if you tried, but you’re not trying. I honestly think you *like* being seduced by me."
"I think somebody’s a little conceded."
"Oh, I am?" He pressed his lower body harder into hers, listening to the moans and purrs coming from her. "I’m not conceded, Buffy. I just know that you’d much rather be pleased than do the pleasing."
Unable to take any more grinding of Riley’s erection into her moistened core, Buffy sat up abruptly. "Riley, shit, stop fucking with me. You want me just as much as I want you. You know it and I know it. If you’re going to touch me then do it. If you’re going to taste me, knock yourself out, but shit do something! And quick!"
Legs straddling her body, Riley sat back on his heels, tracing the contours of her lovely face. He ran a single finger across her nose, down her throat, continuing a downward spiral, until he reached her silky soft thighs. "Before I go any further, I need to know something…"
She took a few deep breaths. "Oh? What’s that?"
"How much you love and want and need me? Tell me, Buffy." Slowly, he slid a finger into her slick channel, listening to her quick intake of breath.
She shook her head. "Riley, I…I…"
He added a second finger. "You what, Buffy?" he asked, pumping harder into her.
She sat up and began controlling the jerking of his hand. "I love you, Riley. God, I love you with every part of me and I want you *NOW* and need you…God, I need you."
Satisfied, he attacked her lips with his, keeping his fingers inside her, moving rapidly. Within seconds, her body was convulsing, an intense orgasm wracking through her body.
Suprisingly, she flipped him onto his back. This time, she was the one grinding her body into his, listening to his groans of pleasure. They switched positions again. "Dammit, I was just on my back!"
Lifting her arms above her head, he held her wrists down. "This is where you’re supposed to be. I am nowhere finished with you, yet," he said with a cocky half-smile.
As his lips trailed down her body, her body began shaking; not because she was nervous, but because of anticipation. When she felt the first hot breath on the peak of her sexuality, her body began convulsing in spasms, which stopped as immediately as they’d began as Riley trailed his tongue down her leg.
Listening to her moan his name, he knew what had to be done. He knew she was craving it, had been for some time. Placing himself at her entrance he inhaled the scent of her arousal, then made the first touch his tongue to her center. She arched her back, her fingers gripping the sheets hard between her fists, as he worked his magic on her.
Riley listened as her breathing became more labored. She was panting heavily and her moans…God, her moans were driving him insane. He remembered the first time they had practiced oral sex on one another. "But Riley, that’s…I’ve never…and you…" were her arguments. She tasted just as good back then as she did at this moment.
He began paying more attention to her clit to ensure her much needed orgasm soon. As she began to wriggle beneath him, he dug his fingers hard into the flesh of her thighs as he bit down hard on her. Her body spasmed with shockwaves over and over. He collapsed beside her on the bed as she came down.
She couldn’t form a rational thought at that moment. She just knew how badly she needed him inside her. She reached with her left hand for him and wound up grasping his rigid cock in a tight fist. She listened to his audible gasp, then covered his body with hers. "Now," she told him, reaching underneath her body to glide his shorts off. He rolled her off of him so that he could jump out of the bed and disperse of his shorts.
Once they were gone again, he joined Buffy on the bed, moving between her open legs, which were open in invitation in regard for his entrance. She pulled him down, forcefully, on top of her and immediately attacked his lips.
His tongue slid between her lips at the same instance he buried himself inside her. She groaned loudly and nibbled softly on his lips.
Buffy closed her eyes, listening attentively to the words of love and devotion that Riley whispered in her ear as they raced toward ecstasy together. When he spotted her tears of happiness and fulfillment, he kissed them away and held her as she cried.
Riley lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He knew that Buffy wasn’t asleep yet so he chose his next words very carefully. "Nights like this…I would dream about night after night after night," he started.
He knew he’d gotten Buffy’s attention because she’d stopped tracing the circles that she’d been on his chest. "I’d lie awake until you got home. I’d hear you bang your knee against the dresser and I’d hear your clothes hit the floor. I had to restrain myself not to reach out to you; I was scared of being rejected again. But I would listen to the rustle of the sheets…everytime you moved, every little movement you made…it was so hard."
He listened to her sigh and felt a warm tear hit his chest, but he dismissed it as he kept talking. "Every night I’d hope that maybe you’d come home and reach out to me, touch me, but you never did. I thought many times about having an affair. I thought that our marriage was over, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I knew that would hurt you and I couldn’t picture myself doing that to you."
She finally butted in. "Why are you telling me this?" She asked through soft sobs.
This time he was the one who sighed. "I just thought you should know."
She laughed softly, kissing his chest. "I wish that you wouldn’t have ever had to feel that way," she said, laying her head on his shoulder. "But you know what?" she asked, smiling.
He returned her smile. Her skin was still flushed from their bout of lovemaking and he had to say that she looked best like this: hair tousled, lips swollen from his kisses, skin flushed with desire and slick with sweat. "What?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.
"It’ll never happen again. I can promise you that. I couldn’t live without…*this* again."
He rolled onto his side so that he was facing her. "This, being what we just did or this, being us?"
"Both actually," she said, laughing softly. "Can I be completely honest with you?"
"Oh, geez, how come I get this tingly feeling all throughout my body when you say that?" he asked her.
She ran her fingers softly across his lips. "Well, cuz, uh, you love me, which isn’t a valid reason for the tingly feeling, um, I am very desirable and turn you on very easily. Does that sound right?"
Chuckling softly, "Yes, actually, it is very near to the truth," he agreed. "Okay, we’re getting off-topic."
"Anyway, like I was saying. I missed our lovemaking the most. I feel close to you when we're making love and without that, without our intimacy, I felt a million miles away, a galaxy away from you."
Riley sat up, Buffy's head falling into his lap. He stroked her back as she spoke: "I've wanted that back for so long, Riley. I've wanted you, *us*, back for so long. I'd lie awake at night hoping against hope that I'd wake up the next morning and all the pain and resentment would go away, but it didn't. We grew distant and I let myself believe that there wasn't a Buffy and Riley anymore." She sat up meeting his eyes. "But that's not true..."
He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close. "No, it's not and it never will be. I will make damn sure to that." He bent down, kissing her lips softly before laying back on the maze of pillows. "Come on, let's get some sleep." He pulled her into his arms and it didn't take her long before she was out like a light.
Just as sated as her, Riley tried to sleep, but couldn't. He was too alive. Every pulse in his body was racing. He slid out of Buffy's embrace, kissing her when she stirred. He pulled on a pair of boxers and sat in a chair across the room, watching her.
Blonde hair cascading across the pillow, long legs enveloped by the sheet, she was laying on her stomach, her thighs and butt covered by the thin white sheet. He listened to her even breathing, a bittersweet smile on his face. He had his Buffy back and there was no way he was going to risk losing her again. Not for anything in the world.
Sunnydale, 2007
Buffy was asleep in his lap, completely drained from all the researching they'd done. Pulling her into his arms, he carried her up to bed. He'd just laid her down on the bed, when her tiny little hand, grasped the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to meet hers.
He stretched out on top of her, surrendering to her kiss. Before he knew it, his shirt was on the floor with her shirt and bra and she was easing down the zipper of his jeans. This was the most time they'd had together in days and he was savoring the moment. All the kids were in bed and Angel, last he'd heard, was out patrolling, so he was pretty sure he and Buffy would be left alone for the rest of the night. Just to be on the safe side, though, he slid away from her momentarily to close and lock the door.
But just as he'd rejoined her on the bed, there was a knock on the door. He looked down at Buffy, noting the perturbed look on her face. "Go. I'll be here when you get back."
Riley pulled back on his shirt and zipped up his jeans. Opening the door, he found Graham standing on the opposite side. Closing the door, he asked, "What's up?"
"Giles found something for that portal spell. He said it's best done when she's asleep. So, he thinks we should try it now. Is she asleep?"
Riley opened the door, putting a crack. Her eyes were closed and her chest was heaving, up and down, signaling that she'd fallen into a restful slumber. He turned back to Graham. "Yeah, she's asleep. I want only Giles and Willow up here. Nobody else." He ducked back into the room.
Sitting down beside her, he picked up her hand, bringing it to his lips, kissing it lovingly. He had never trusted the magicks, even though Willow and the entire Scooby Gang had reassured him that not all the spells and incantations went awry. He just hoped that this particular incantation didn't separate he from Buffy permanently.
Sunnydale, 2000
Graham had snuck out early that morning to see if, by some chance, Buffy and Riley had returned. He hoped that they had because the sooner they did the spell, the sooner everything would be right in the world.
It wasn't that he didn't like knowing where he would be in seven years, that he would be with Willow and have kids, but having Buffy and Riley around, he realized how complex his life would get. The responsibilities of being married and having children and working in the Marines...it was all just too consuming.
He wanted to marry Willow. He wanted to have children with her. And he wanted to be a Marine. However, those three things didn't necessarily mix well.
Being a Marine didn't safeguard a future. There was a chance he'd get sent off into battle and wind up getting injured or worse, dying. He wouldn't want to leave Willow stranded with children, without a husband to support her and take care of her.
But a life without Willow? He couldn't dream of that. He'd wanted to marry Willow from the first moment that she'd confessed that she loved him. It had taken seeing an ex-boyfriend of hers one last time to say it, but she'd said it. He hadn't told anyone but he'd bought an engagement ring in hopes of proposing to her in the near future.
He wanted a future with Willow, but in order to do that he had to make her understand what being a Marine wife entailed and if she couldn't handle it, then she wasn't who he thought she was.
Spying the little apartment building, he sighed. "Please be there..." he whispered as he picked up his pace.
Mornings like these were one-in-a-million. Well, they had been.
Waking up with her in his arms was something that he'd cherish for a lifetime to come. He'd been awake for an hour just watching her sleep. He'd watched her steady breathing, the way her chest would heave and her breasts would rub against his chest, eliciting a fire deep within him. He had thought about taking her while she was asleep, but had thought better of it.
He smoothed back her blonde hair softly with one hand as he moved closer to her. God, how he wished God would grace them with another child. Buffy wanted so bad. So did he...He wished there was something that he could tell her, something that he could do for her, that would give her hope that there was a chance, that someway, somehow they'd have another child. But what?
"Mmm..." Buffy cooed softly, signaling to him that she was wakening slowly. Her eyes fluttered open and he was greeted by her green depths. "Morning," she said, smiling, pressing her lips lightly to his.
Riley shifted in the sheets, pulling Buffy against his chest. "Sleep well?" he asked her as his fingers danced across her bare back.
"Yes. Very much. I can’t tell you how relaxing making love right before bed is," she said, turning her face up to look at his reaction. The smile on his lips spoke volumes to her. "And you know what is almost just as good?" she asked as her fingers skimmed along his torso.
"No, but I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me."
She pushed herself up, pulling the sheets around her body. Flinging one of her legs over Riley’s, she straddled his waist, then stretched out on top of him. "Making love in the morning was always one of my favorite pastimes...so I was thinking..." she trailed off as she began administering kisses to his neck.
Don’t expect me to object, my love, his inner voices were saying. As Buffy began applying pressure to the side of his neck with her teeth, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
"Riley? Buffy? Are you two in there?"
Graham’s voice.
"I guess this is important," Buffy said, sliding off Riley to her side of the bed. She smoothed back her hair and fixed herself so that she was at least partially covered by the bedsheets. "Come in, Graham," she called.
Graham sighed. At least they were there. Walking in, however, he wished he wouldn’t have ran those last four blocks...
There in the bed, together, sat Buffy and Riley. Not only were they flushed and cuddled close, but by appearances they also looked naked. By the looks of the clothes strewn about the floor he guessed that was a sincere possibility.
"Should I maybe come back later?"
Buffy shook her head. "No, no, come on. Sit," she said, patting the bed beside her. "You look like you came here on strict orders. What’s happened? Or what have you found out?"
Graham swallowed, then sat down next to Buffy. Her green eyes were fixated on him as if her life depended on his next words. "We’ve found something that we believe will send you home..." he didn’t finish so that he could see her reaction.
As he thought, her eyes lit up to everlasting proportions as she threw her arms around his necks in a brief, friendly hug. "Graham, that’s great news!" she exclaimed before turning to Riley.
"We’re going home!" she said, then fell into his arms.
Riley held onto Buffy as his eyes narrowed on Graham’s. There was more. He could feel it in his gut. With good news, came bad news. Graham was holding something back...
"Wait, Buffy. That’s not it."
And now Buffy’s heart would be shattered once more, Riley thought, feeling her freeze in his arms. She pulled away, spinning around to face Graham. "What are you talking about? What more could there be, Graham? You found a way to get us back to our kids. That’s all I need to know."
Graham shook his head. "No, Buffy. What you *DO* need to know that is if we take this route, if we do this spell that we found, there’s a chance that you won’t return home. There’s a chance that..." he began choking on his words. Why did Willow leave the heartwrenching stuff up to him? Why couldn’t Xander deliver the bad news?
Buffy could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that Graham was going to tell her there was a chance that she’d never see her children again. That was something she wasn’t sure she’d be able to take lightly. "There’s a chance that what, Graham? Please, just say it."
After a desperately needed deep breath, Graham said softly, "There’s a chance that you could wind up in another dimension, Buffy. You and the other Buffy would be lost to Riley, your children, us, to everyone who loves you...forever."
"Graham, that just can’t be. Please tell me this is some sort of cruel joke," Riley said close to tears himself.
"I wish it were that simple, Riley. I wish this wasn’t true. I wish I could say without reservation that we could do the spell without any drawbacks, but this is one huge drawback. If we do this and something goes wrong, *EVERYTHING* goes wrong."
Buffy chose this as her moment to speak through the sobs that had taken hold of her voice. "What do you mean that everything goes wrong?"
Graham hopped off the bed and began pacing the room. Willow owed him big time... "We’ve been researching this for some time. What we found, it wasn’t heartfelt, okay? If one thing gets screwed, everything gets screwed. If the spell goes wrong and you get shipped to another dimension, Buffy, that will have a severe impact on not only this world, but also the future."
"Wh-Wh-What kind of impact?"
This was really hard, he thought. Really, really hard. He debated telling Buffy, but had no other choice. "Time would roll back...Buffy Summers would cease to exist...so would Buffy Summers-Finn so would..." he was interrupted by Buffy.
"...so would Logan and Kennedy Finn," she finished for him. Buffy pushed away from Riley, not able to be in such close contact with him knowing what could happen if she decided to do the spell. "I’ll need some time to make my decision."
Graham nodded. "I respect that. You have by sunset. Willow can only wait so long." With that said, Graham turned and left, closing the door behind himself.
Buffy slid out of bed, wrapping her body with the bedsheet. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. What was she to do? Do the spell and risk her life, her friend’s lives, and their memories? Would it be selfish for her to do the spell knowing what could happen?
She felt Riley sidle up behind her. "Don’t touch me, Riley. I need to be by myself for a while. This is my decision to make. I need to have a clear mind and a clear heart to make it," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I’ll respect that, Buffy," he said, grabbing her hand. He forced her around to face him. "But this isn’t just your life you’re playing with, it’s mine and it’s the lives of the twins and your friends, too. Take all of us into account when you make your decision. I love you and I’ll respect whatever you decide to do, but just think of me, of our family before you come to a decision. Please?" he begged.
She nodded slowly, then ambled to the bathroom. Once inside, she closed the door and slid to the floor, all her frustration, hate and fear hitting the surface.
Sunnydale, 2007
Stepping off the train, Forrest took Jules’ hand in his, his eyes lighting up as he saw the twinkle in her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her.
"Yes, I am sure. C’mon, let’s go visit our friends," Jules said, tightening her grip on Forrest’s hand.
Twenty minutes later, the small little yellow cab pulled to a stop in front of the last place they remember Buffy and Riley living. "Do you think they still live here?" Jules called to Forrest who lagged behind her, struggling with their luggage.
As he followed Jules up the crosswalk, he yelled, "Yeah, I do. Besides, it reads ‘Finn’ on the mailbox. Dead giveaway, Jules."
Jules turned around to shoot him a glare, but upon seeing how he was struggling with her bags, ran to his aid. She took a few bags from him just as Graham walked out of the house, Nick running behind him.
"Dad! Wait!" Nick yelled at him.
"Nick, go back inside. Dad wants to be alone," Graham yelled at his son, oblivious to Forrest and Jules standing there.
Nick’s blue eyes sprang with tears as he turned around and bolted into the house, slamming the door behind himself.
"What is wrong with me?" Graham muttered to himself. Never, never, EVER had he once raised his voice to his child. He never even raised his voice to Willow. The two of them never argued. Hell, it was like they were still in the first year of marriage.
But he was worried about Buffy and Riley. Both sets. None of them were sure if the portal would work. Giles was doubtful so if Giles was doubtful, so was he. Though they hadn’t breathed a word of such to Riley.
Graham sat down on the steps, his head falling into his hands.
Forrest sat down next to Graham. "Wanna talk about it, buddy?" he asked his longtime friend.
"No, Forrest, I really don’t." Then, after what he’d said set in, Graham’s head popped up to realize who was sitting next to him. "Forrest!" Graham had never been happier to see one person in all of his life.
Graham threw his arms around Forrest’s neck and held on for dear life and unbeknownst to him, began crying. Forrest looked up at Jules who stood behind Graham and tried to soothe Graham with comforting words even though he had no idea what had drove one of his best friends, also one of the manliest, to crying like a girl.
Inside the Finn household, everyone was bustling around a tranquil Buffy eager to began the spell. Riley sat beside her, refusing to leave her side. No one was allowed to go near her. He wanted everything peaceful.
Giles laid a hand on his shoulder. "Riley, you should probably move so that we can get started," Giles informed him. "You can stand beside me while perform the incantation if you like."
Riley gave Giles a rueful smile as his eyes drifted to the woman who held his heart. "No, thanks, Giles. I can’t watch this." Kneeling beside Buffy, he pressed his lips to hers. "Come back to me..." he whispered before he rose to his feet and left the room.
Tears had formed in his eyes and he was eagerly batting them away as he headed for the staircase.
"Riley?" he heard Willow call.
"Please, Will. Don’t. Just promise me that you’ll try to get her back safe and sound."
"You know I can’t promise that, Riley."
"Then lie."
When Willow opened her mouth, Riley was already halfway up the stairs. "He’s taking this well, don’t ya think," Cordelia said sarcastically as she came up behind Willow.
"He’s not taking this at all, Cordy and I’m afraid that if we screw up and he loses her, we’ll lose him." Willow turned around and crossed into the living room. Taking her place around the circle, she joined hands with Angel and Giles as they began the spell that would hopefully bring Buffy home.
Sunnydale, 2000
The sun had set while Buffy had been out walking. She’d made up her mind and there was nothing that Riley, Graham, Willow, Giles or Xander could say about it.
Riley remained quiet all throughout the ride to Giles’. He hadn’t asked if she’d made up her mind when she’d asked him to drive her to Giles’. He’d simply rose from the sofa, grabbed the keys and followed her out to the car.
Now as Riley pulled up in front of Giles, she realized that he would want to know what she’d decided. "Please don’t be mad at what I chose, Riley. I know that it could hurt you and everyone involved in the long run, but I have to do this. I can’t not and risk staying here. I want to go home. I want to be with my kids."
For the first time since they’d reunited, fully reunited, Buffy’s voice quivered at the mere mention of their kids. He slid across the seat, pulling his wife against his chest. "I want to go home, too, Buffy. I want to be back with our kids and work on extending our family. I just don’t want you to risk your life to make that happen."
"Just tell me you support my decision, Riley. Please. I just need to know that you’re okay with this," she begged him.
Riley tightened his arms around Buffy, then answered, "I love you, therefore I support you. Just make sure you come back to me because I can’t..." before he was able to finish his train of thought, Buffy covered his mouth with hers.
The moment Buffy and Riley walked through the door, conversation ceased. All eyes stopped on Buffy. "Let’s do this," Buffy said flatly.
Willow, Graham and Xander all jumped to their feet. "Buffy, are you sure? You have to be 100% perfectly sure. If you have the slightest doubt, if there’s a twinge of incapability, this may not work. You have to be sure you want to do this," Willow told her.
Buffy squeezed Riley’s hand. "I’m sure. Ready everything," Buffy told her.
While Graham helped Willow ready everything for the spell, Buffy grabbed Giles, Spike and Xander, and led them outside.
"What’s up, Buff?" Xander asked her once they were outside.
Buffy took in all the concerned faces and put on a brave smile. "If something happens...if anything goes wrong, I want you to promise me that you’ll look after Riley."
"Of course we will," they all said quickly.
Buffy shook her head. "No, no. Listen to me, guys. Riley will be devastated if something happens to me. I want you to make sure that he doesn’t do anything drastic. Please? For me."
"We promise," they said in unison.
The door opened and Riley poked his head out. "Sorry to interrupt this little pow wow, but Willow’s ready."
"Thanks guys," Buffy said. "Can you tell Willow to give me a few minutes?" she asked them as they walked past her into the house.
"You wanna be alone?" Riley asked her.
Buffy shook her head and walked to the swing a few yards away. "Come. Sit."
Riley did as she said, sitting down next to her so that their thighs were touching. Buffy rested her head against Riley’s shoulder, taking his hands in hers. "If push comes to shove and I don’t return..."
"Don’t even say it," he warned her.
Buffy lifted Riley’s hand to her lips, kissing them softly. "I have to, Riley. If push comes to shove and I don’t return, you are to move on. If it happens that time turns back and there happens to not be a Buffy Anne Summers, then so be it. But if you have the memories of us and our children, you my loving husband are to move past me."
"Buffy--" he started to object when she placed a finger over his lips.
Buffy shook her head. "No. If I would be on my deathbed, this would be my one final wish, Riley. Indulge me a little."
Riley sighed deeply. "You won’t stop until I’ve succumbed, will you?" he asked, unable to stop the smile that spread across his lips.
She shook her head. "You know me so well, don’t you?"
"Oh yeah," he said before his lips descended on hers. The kiss originally intended to be just a simple pledge of devotion, eagerly turned passionate as Buffy thrust her tongue past Riley’s lips into the sweet depths beyond.
Quickly, she straddled his legs and sought out more of him to touch. Her tiny hands slipped beneath his T-shirt and contacted warm, hard flesh. As Riley’s lips left hers to blaze a sensual trail of kisses down the column of her throat, Buffy whispered his name in his ear.
When he didn’t stop to answer her, she whispered, "Make love to me," in his ear.
He stopped and met her eyes. "Buffy, we ..."
Buffy placed a hand over his mouth. "Riley, now. Last night was spectacular. I hope that we can have more nights like that, but if we can’t, I want to take one last time with me. Please?"
He shifted her in his arms and held her to his chest as he stood. "You ain’t gotta beg me, Buffy. Show me the way."
"Behind the building," she said with a giggle.
Twenty minutes later, Riley followed Buffy back into Giles’ house where everyone was waiting patiently in the living room. All the furniture in the living room had been taken out. A large circle had been made with small stones. To the side sat a black cauldron, a purple crystal and a few other odds and ends that Buffy didn’t recognize.
"Buffy, are you ready?" Willow asked her.
Buffy nodded, then turned around to face Riley. "I love you," she whispered to him.
"I love you," he whispered back. He pressed his lips lightly to hers, then urged her away.
Willow instructed her to lie in the middle of the circle and close her eyes. She felt someone pick up her wrist. She opened her eyes to see Xander lifting a small blade. "Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing," he told her.
She smiled up at him. "I know," she said as he cut into her skin. Her blood hit the surface of her skin and dribbled onto the floor. She heard Willow reciting something as a cloud of purple smoke began lifting around her.
Riley watched as Willow dropped ingredients into the cauldron and began stirring as she read the incantation out of a thick black book. Buffy was breathing perfectly, everything seemed to be going just fine.
However, the ingredients of the cauldron began bubbling. "Uh, Will, is it supposed to do that?" Graham asked her as they watched the cauldron’s containments boil over onto the floor.
"No."
"Okay, here’s another question. Is it supposed to do *THAT*?" Graham asked, watching as the green-bluish goo from the cauldron began circling the circle that Buffy was lying in.
"Buffy," Riley whispered.
Feeling the commotion around her, Buffy’s eyes flew open and she tried to move. However, she was paralyzed. "Willow? Will, I can’t move. Will, I can’t move!" she yelled.
"Buffy?" Willow’s focus moved from the goo to her best friend.
Then, paranoia set in as Buffy began sinking into the floor. Unable to move, Buffy couldn’t break free from the circle. "Riley! Riley!" she yelled.
Riley lunged for the circle, but was thrown back as an impenetrable shield forbade him from getting to Buffy. By the time Riley had his bearings back, Buffy had disappeared.
Anya, Giles, Graham, Riley, Spike and Willow stood around the circle, staring at the spot where Buffy Summers-Finn had just lain.
Was that the last time they’d ever see her? That was the question going through each of their minds.
However, in Riley’s mind, he was saying goodbye to the only woman he’d ever loved and ever would.
Sunnydale, 2007
The spell being performed on the other Buffy Summers seemed to be going perfectly fine. To the eye of the beholder, that’s what anyone would think. However, look what happened to the other Buffy Summers.
Giles stood at the north side of the circle, the Pandora’s Clock Circadian in his hands, reciting the spell from the book. To the east stood Angel, to the west Willow and to the south Wesley.
As Giles spoke the last line of the subtext, he closed the book, watching as a green mist wafted over Buffy. As the mist settled over her body, she was taken with it. With a sharp thunder bout, a lightning force, Buffy disappeared just as she had from the past.
Angel, Giles, Wesley and Willow stepped toward the circle and were thrown backwards just as well.
Giles was the first to speak. "I think we have a problem."
"You think?" Angel mimicked.
Suddenly, Riley flew into the room and immediately his eyes fell upon the circle. "Where is she?" he asked breathless, realizing that Buffy was nowhere to be seen.
Willow found the words. "She’s gone, Riley."
"What do you mean, ‘she’s gone’? She can’t be gone. Please tell me she’s not gone. She-she-she can’t be gone," he said as he walked zombie-like toward the circle. Unlike Angel, Giles, Wesley and Willow, when Riley stepped close to the circle, it didn’t cast him away. Instead, it sucked him in and just like Buffy, he was gone.
"Okay. Where’d Riley go?" Angel asked.
Then it happened. "Grandpa?" Giles spun around to find Kennedy standing behind him, her headless doll touching the floor, her blonde hair mussed from sleep, her thumb in her mouth.
Giles kneeled down so that he was face to face with his grandchild. "What is it, Princess?"
Kennedy looked over Giles head, then back at him. "Where’s Mom?" she asked.
Giles looked back at the three remaining occupants of the room. "She, uh, she had to leave for a while."
Kennedy nodded as if she understood. "Oh. Well, where’s Dad?"
Giles sighed. "He had to leave for a while, too...with your Mom. They’ll be back soon, though."
"Oh," she said again. "Can you come lay with me? I had a bad dream."
At last, something he could do! Giles scooped the child into his arms and whisked her away upstairs, hoping against hope that her parents resurfaced by dawn. For if they didn’t, he was afraid of what the world and his family would suffer against.
Sunnydale, 2000
Giles stood at the window, watching Riley. The man had been outside pacing back and forth, forth and back for the past three hours. Since the shield around the circle had collapsed, they’d all been busy trying to figure out what the hell happened. Riley, however, had been outside not wanting to find any answers as to where his wife had gone.
"Is the poor chap still out there pacing like a sissy man?" Spike asked, handing Willow a nail file.
"Spike, shut up!" Graham, Willow and Xander exclaimed in unison.
Spike shrugged his shoulders. "What? You know you all were thinking it."
Willow walked to the window and watched as Riley kicked gravel. "He’s hurting, Spike. He loved Buffy," she cringed. She was already talking like her best friend was dead. "He loves Buffy," she corrected herself.
"Don’t start building her tombstone, yet. Little Miss Buffy is like a cat. She has nine lives and she’s still on her first one," Spike said as he threw open the door. "Yo, soldier boy. Get your arse in here."
Riley stopped kicking gravel, pausing to glance up at the dark sky. Filled with a million tiny, twinkling stars and a full moon, he realized how romantic the setting was. Buffy loved staring up at the sky. He remembered nights when they’d go outside in the backyard after putting the twins to bed. They’d sit in the twins’ sandbox, cuddled in a blanket and each other’s arms.
He’d miss that. He’d miss her smile, her laugh, the way she burned toast. He’d miss waking up trapped in her embrace every morning. He’d miss every single inch of her beautiful body and all the attributes being married to Buffy entailed. God, how he was going to miss her.
But he’d learn to live without her. He and the twins could relocate to Iowa. His parents would be happy to see them around the farm. Stephanie and Toby would love to have their niece and nephew running around. Sure, they’d be sad that Buffy was gone, but they’d deal. So would he. Hopefully.
Reluctantly, he turned on his heel and walked into the apartment. Graham met him at the door. "Hey buddy. You okay?" he asked, slapping his back.
Riley offered Graham a rueful smile. "Yeah, Graham, just peachy. My wife just disappeared into hardwood. I’m jumping up and down. Let’s go to Disneyland. Who’s up for it?" Riley said sarcastically.
"Riley," Willow said valiantly, reaching out for him.
He cowered back. "No, Willow. Just let me be. I need to get outta here," he said, then turned and bolted out the door.
Graham ran after him, but stopped at the door, when Giles grabbed his arm. "Let him go. He needs to let off some steam."
Even though he didn’t want to, Graham obeyed Giles’ orders. He closed the door and joined Willow on the sofa. As conversation started around him, his mind stayed focused on Riley and what he was afraid his best friend would do to himself.
Purgatory
Buffy had no idea where she was. The last thing she remembered was lying on the floor waiting for Willow to do the spell that would send her home and then...Holy shit! Was it possible that she was...? No, it couldn’t be. Could it? Was she, in fact, dead?
She was walking down a tunnel of blackness and it looked as if the tunnel wasn’t coming to an end anytime soon. "Riley! Riley! Riley, where are you?" she called.
"He’s not here," a voice spoke from the darkness. "Unfortunately."
Buffy spun around, searching for the voice. It was a very familiar voice. "Wh-who are you?"
"Who am I? Huh, that’s a great question. I could ask you the same thing, but fortunately I know exactly who you are because we’re one in the same, honey."
"Excuse me?"
The source of the voice stepped into the light of the blackened tunnel and Buffy blinked twice to make sure her eyes weren’t deceiving her. "Either you’re my twin or it looks I’ve finally came face-to-face with the future Mrs. Riley Finn."
Buffy’s hand flew to her mouth. "You’re *HER*!" she exclaimed. She shook her head. "I mean, me. I mean, I’m you. We’re each other. Right?"
Buffy nodded. "The real question now is how the hell do we get back to our respective times with our respective love."
"Buffy! Buffy!" they heard someone yell.
"What the hell?" they both asked in unison, turning toward the voice.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Riley appeared. Neither was sure *which* Riley he was. He looked left, right, then fainted. "Which of us you think freaked him out more?" the elder Buffy asked.
"Just the fact that there’s two of us freaked him out plenty," the other retorted.
Buffy rolled her eyes at the younger version of her. "Come on, let’s try to revive him," Buffy said, falling onto her knees on the floor. She pulled Riley’s head into her lap. "Riley, honey. Riley, honey, wake up."
For a few minutes, he lay still, unmoving, then his eyes started twitching then his blue orbs landed on her. "Buffy? I thought I’d lost you."
Buffy had to swallow hard and blink a few times, fighting back the river of tears that was threatening the rims of her eyes. "No you couldn’t lose me. You just misplaced me is all," she said as she felt a light tapping on her back. Suddenly, as she stared into Riley’s eyes, she realized the eyes that were staring into hers, were from years past.
"Excuse me, but that’s my boyfriend you’re sweet talking."
"Oh. Right." Buffy jumped to her feet and watched the heartfelt reconciliation between the two lovelorn young adults.
As Buffy began walking, she was overcome by memories of her and Riley’s tryst outside Giles’ house. It was hot, raw sex and it had been a long time since they’d let their mutual lust overwhelm them.
But unfortunately she’d never have that again. "Buffy?" She spun around to run smack into the wall known as Riley. Before she could fall, Riley caught her in his arms.
As she sunk into his embrace, Buffy’s defenses immediately began to fall as she realized that she would never see her family, her children, her friends, her Riley, again. Shielding her eyes from the blackness and loneliness that surrounded her, she shut her eyes as unwanted tears streamed down her cheeks. "I want to go home," she sobbed into his chest.
Riley kissed the top of Buffy’s head as the other sidled up beside him. "I know you do and maybe in time..." he started to say as Buffy yanked on his arm.
"Riley, look."
Glancing above Buffy’s head, Riley noticed what had gained his girlfriend’s attention. Balanced in midair behind Buffy’s head was a small portal. In his arms, Buffy turned around and gazed into the portal.
Peering inside, a smile swept across her lips. "My babies," she said proudly as she saw Kennedy and Logan curled up in each other’s arms sound asleep, Giles sitting beside them. Suddenly, her mom came up behind Giles and laid a hand on his shoulder.
She felt Riley’s hands on her shoulders. "They’re great kids."
"I know," Buffy said, reaching toward the twins’. When her hand touched the portal, it sent a shockwave through her, albeit it went straight through. She quickly pulled her hand back, then turned around to face Riley and Buffy.
"Go," Riley told her. "We won’t be here long. Ours will come soon."
Buffy smiled at the couple. "Good luck," she told them watching as the portal stretched to aid her heighth.
"Buffy?"
She turned back around as Buffy approached her. "A word of advice...watch out for Angel. He’s intent upon destroying your marriage, what’s left of it anyway. So, just make sure you know what you want."
Buffy nodded her head, with a wispy smile on her face. "I know what I want. Don’t worry. And it’s not Angel."
"Well, that is certainly good to hear."
buffy turned back toward the portal, then turned around again. She looked past Buffy at Riley. "And you know what you want?"
Buffy nodded her head emphatically. "Oh, yes. But, I plan on settling in with Riley, though. There were things about Riley that you didn’t know when the two of you got married...I know all those things already."
"And the fact that you’re still with him shows a lot. I just hope-"
"You need to go. NOW," Buffy said interrupting the other. She pushed her toward the portal again. "You have two kids awaiting you, your family and friends, and above all, your husband. Now, go."
Buffy walked toward the portal and with one last look at them over her shoulder, she stepped through the portal...