Spike looked at it, poking it with his fork. He picked up a piece and eyed it thoughtfully. "Your mother was a hamster."

Everyone giggled. I didn't get it. And I wasn't amused. Seeing my glare, Rupert cleared his throat. "Yes, well, perhaps you should try it?"

Spike and Xander looked at it, then at each other. With perfect synchronicity, they both started singing. "Bravely bold sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot."

Then they both bit into it. Rupert must have nudged Willow because she bit into it too, but not before singing "He was not afraid to die..."

"Oh brave sir Robin!!!" Spike and Xander obviously survived their first bite.

"That's quite enough, all of you." Rupert was probably the only thing in the world that could get them to shut up.

But not for long. Spike and Xander were having too much fun, and I saw Rupert's inability to stop smiling. "That's no ordinary rabbit".

Spike smiled. "What do you mean? An African or a European swallow?"

"Wolf nipple chips! Get them while they're hot! They're lovely!"

Everyone (everyone that is accept me) burst out laughing.

"Do you get wafers with it?"

"Course you don't get fucking wafers with it, you cunt! It's a fucking albatross, isn't it!"

Rupert completely lost it at that point. Buffy laughed so hard she almost fell out of her chair.

It went on all through lunch. They all had a great time. I started hating them even more.

Rupert gave them a ride home. He was gone for quite a while, and when he finally came back he took me to his bedroom and opened up a box he had brought with him. He pulled out a present for me - a bathrobe, a perfect copy of the one I bought him (the same one the little brat kept wearing), only smaller.

Too small. "Rupert, don't you think it's a little small?"

He looked at it thoughtfully. "I'm quite sure it's Buffy's size."

Years of playing these games allowed me to appear calm. "Well, I guess you know her better than me."

So much for a present for ME.

I woke up in the middle of the night at the feeling of something creeping into our bed. I was about to scream when I recognized the blond. She placed herself between Rupert and me.

"Buffy?"

"I'm having nightmares." I could hear the pout.

He put an arm around her and they went back to sleep.

By some miracle, she managed to kick me every thirty seconds or so. It took me a while, but finally I lost my patience and went downstairs to sleep on the couch.

My back hurt when I got up, just in time to see Rupert climb down the stairs. "Good morning. Buffy is feeling better."

I stared after him as he went into the kitchen. It was bad enough that he bought her a present without bringing me as much as a bottle of juice, but now he acted like it meant nothing that she literally kicked me out of our bed in the middle of the night.

I followed him into the kitchen. "Damn couch killed my back."

He looked at me innocently. "Why didn't you sleep in Buffy's room?"

I couldn't stop myself. "Why didn't BUFFY sleep in Buffy's room?"

"She was having nightmares." He said through clenched teeth. "You'll do well to remember that she's sick."

He left for the bathroom and I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. Her being sick was damned inconvenient.

I talked Rupert into taking Buffy to the doctor. There was no doubt in my mind that Buffy was playing this up as much worse than it was (that's not what I told him, of course. Him I told that she's been sick for a long time for such a little bug...) I went with him, I had to see what would happen when he found out she'd been playing him for almost a week.

Well, the doctor said she was fine. Buffy gave me a dirty look, knowing full well what an effect that would have on her games.

I sent a triumphant look her way, then looked at Rupert.

God help that man. He smiled at her, kissing the top of her head. He didn't get it!! He just didn't get that there was nothing wrong with her! He was happy that she was GETTING BETTER! I could just strangle that man with my bare hands.

And just how did she get an electronic thermometer to show that she had a fever of 40 degrees, that's what I'd like to know.

The End