Newsflash!

Headline: "End of Buffy Season Uncovered!"

9 March -- In a surprising revelation, a source has revealed the top secret twist ending to season six of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Speaking on condition of anonymity, the source divulged key plot points for the former hit series.

"Buffy was never resurrected to her correct dimension," disclosed the source. "She's been living in an alternate world all season, which is why the timeline has seemed wonky and the continuity appears to be hanging by a thread. Time does not run the same way in that dimension, it was meant to be a clue to the viewers that something was amiss. As was the erratic behavior of the characters, which is why they change so drastically from episode to episode and why events from previous episodes are never resolved or discussed in the episodes that come after. Those were practically anvils! The viewers should have known!"

When pressed for more details, the source revealed that while Buffy has been enduring the torture of this hell dimension, life has continued without her in the "real" world. In the final episode of the season, the misplaced Slayer makes her way home only to discover her friends have moved on happily with their lives. Xander and Anya have married, Willow and Tara never split up and are contentedly practicing magic together without fear of wacky addictions, and in the biggest surprise of all, lovesick vampire Spike and former Watcher Giles have finally admitted their deep attraction for one another and have set up a household to care for Buffy's sister, Honor Roll student Dawn Summers.

When contacted about this information, Mutant Enemy Productions refused to discuss the rumor, but added that a series special is currently in the works to air after the season finale. In an effort to alleviate the confusion caused by the season six story arc, Executive Producers Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon will tape an hour long explanation of the plot, complete with flowcharts and a small puppet show. Staff Writer Doug Petrie plans to appear as well, but will simply be on hand to display his impressive comic book collection.

In other news, a crazed fan of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was recently taken into custody and charged with kidnapping after having been found in a locked room with a vial of thiopental sodium, a tape recorder, and several missing members of the Mutant Enemy writing and production staff.

"But it was my wish! I wished it!" She reportedly screamed as she was led away from the scene.

- Fenchurch