The Bunker of Debunking

The Myth: Spike is abusing Buffy

10-Feb-2002

This page based on input from Ivytree, Chen, Lisa, Mistral, Melissa.

Spike said "Leave my crypt" and Buffy didn't, in both Once More With Feeling and in Gone.

Buffy has all the power in this relationship, both physically and psychologically. She abused Spike through seasons 4 and 5 (occasionally aided by Riley), when he was unable to strike back. In Season 5, the Glory arc has already demonstrated that Buffy is far stronger than Spike, physically. He spent almost all of Season 5 completely whipped by Buffy!love.

Quoting Drew Greenberg (BtVS writer) on The Succubus Club:

And was it supposed to be a specifically a physically abusive relationship? Buffy? Super strong? Hello! She may be a girl, but I don't like it when people just assume that because she's a girl that means that she's weak. In fact, this happens to be a character who has super strength and she's super strong and when Spike hits her, it's a little bit different. It's like hitting Superman. It's a little bit different. So if you're going to look at it literally, literally, then you have to keep in mind that this is not a girl who's being hurt by being hit. So, you have to look at it like that. Now, do I think physical violence is right? No, of course not. It's wrong. Is it a metaphor for the emotional pain that both of them are in? Yes, of course. It's definitely supposed to be about the back and forth between them and the taunting and the adversarial relationship.

On a sexual level, through Gone, Buffy initiated all of the sexual activity, including kissing. Even in Double Meat Palace, she went after him; it's only in Dead Things that Spike begins to feel confident enough to initiate sex.

Buffy's agenda of a secret sexual relationship is taking precedence over Spike's desire for an open, romantic relationship. This has led (in Gone) to Spike's taking verbal abuse from Xander that he could refute if he made the relationship public. He is clearly unhappy with Xander's leaping to conclusions about what he was doing in his bed (naked pushups - yeah right), yet he respects Buffy's decision to keep the relationship secret, even while she taunts him.

Spike wants to talk out their differences, but Buffy gives him the passive-aggressive silent treatment.

Spike has never once tried to bite Buffy, even while she slept next to him, and even while she wore the handcuffs in their sex games.

When Buffy beat Spike up in Dead Things, after his initial attempt to stop her from going to the Police he never once lifted a hand to her. Not once, while she turned his face into hamburger.

In short, Buffy gets what Buffy wants, and Spike makes do. IF either one of them is an abuser, it's Buffy.