A Spike fan's guide to "Him"

by Mary

This episode should have been better. It had great lines, good acting, and more than one second of Spike. I think there is like 3 whole seconds of Spike this week. So why do I feel displeased?? Well, since you asked, besides my usual bad disposition, the fact that everyone is told of Spike's soul offscreen and no one seems to care too much about it really got me mad. One year it is a cliffhanger, the next it is barely a plot device. Swell. Also, this episode just does not fit at all with the last one, the oh so brilliant "Selfless." Buffy's personality is totally different, D'Hoffryn is sending over lame assassins to take out Anya... Well, I know, I won't just tell you about the inconsistencies, I will show you. **Insert moving music here**

The episode starts with Dawn and Buffy helping to move Spike into Xander's place. Xander is comically upset at the situation i.e. he calls him names when he invites him in. He questions Buffy's concern for Spike, and she gives him some lame answer about not wanting to leave him in the basement where something was making him crazy. No one buys it, we all know she loves him. I suspect it is really Morphy Buffy here. At any rate, Spike does not seem to want to be there but Buffy, after jumping in fear or something at his touch, is firm that he is staying and he drops it like a good little boy. He looks really good with his hair back and a foxy black shirt but I was wondering,"Did I miss an episode?" I did that once with "Forever", thought it was a repeat and missed it and was kind of lost the next week. I mean, why on earth did they decide that Spike should move in with Xander?? What was the discussion like? They both can't stand each other so you would think one of them would say NO. And how did Buffy come to this decision anyhow?? Was there something about almost killing Anya that made her think,"Hmm, Spike and Xander should live together"? No sense, it makes no sense I tell you.

Following this bizarre scene, we go right to another one. Buffy and Dawn are having a chat about Buffy/Spike and love in general. Dawn is a bit confused about Buffy's behavior and who can blame her really? So am I! There is a message in there somewhere I just know it, but I did not pay enough attention. I was busy wondering why they are suddenly making it seem like Buffy cares for Spike. I know their tricks, something horrible is going to happen soon. Oh yeah, and after Buffy leaves, Dawn spots that football player with the jacket we have all heard so much about. She likes him a lot.

Then things really get weird. Suddenly, Buffy is fighting with a demon at Anya's place. Of course she kills him because she always does but it turns out D'Hoffryn sent it to kill Anya. Why? I thought he was going to be patient and let the thing from beneath that devours take care of it. And this leads to Buffy and Anya bonding which makes even less sense when you think that they tried to kill each other just last week. Is this Morphy Buffy and Anya?? I think so, otherwise this makes NO sense.

Back to Dawn. She is in extreme lust with this football player and he is not interested in her for some reason. Maybe it is those pools of drool she is leaving around. At any rate, she takes Buffy's old cheerleader uniform (why I don't know) and tries out for the cheerleading team who is having emergency try outs . She stinks at cheerleading even worse than Buffy did and she does not make the squad The scene is pretty funny, but it was funnier in season 1 with Cody and Buffy and Amy. Then there is a whole scene with Xander and Buffy trying to get her out of the bathroom where she is wallowing in her misery . I think Spike may be insulted here but I am not totally sure as I was daydreaming about me visiting Spike in a costume of some sort.

I keep up the daydreaming, while Dawn is trying to get the scoop on her beloved football player RJ. She hears he is not going to be starting the next game, that another guy is getting the nod. I am wondering why on earth I should care when BOOM Dawn pushes the other guy down the stairs and looks pretty proud of herself. Maybe there is hope for her yet. Then we see her at the principal's office where she lies and then talking to RJ, where she makes plans to meet him after practice. Yada yada yada. Did I mention everyone was told about the soul offscreen??

Cut to the bronze, where Xander is complaining about Spike not picking up his wet towels. Yep, I joke not. That is what things have come to for our Spike. Buffy and Xander see RJ dancing with a really slutty chick who looks like Buffy in "When She was Bad" and they make all sorts of fun of her until the find out it is Dawn. The horrors. Dawn and Buffy fight, Dawn storms out, Dawn and another chick fight, Buffy intervenes, and Dawn and Buffy fight more. Spike has not been onscreen in a long time. I am displeased.

In honor of Buffy, I balance a pencil holder on my head during the following scene where Principal Wood chews RJ out for not doing his homework. I keep it up while Buffy chews him out too. After she gives him what for, she is trying to walk away when he puts on the jacket and suddenly she is in love with him too and rubbing her neck while the romantic music is playing. It would have been really funny if he was not a student!!!!! What is with Mutant Enemy these days?? **I will control my rant, I will control my rant** Has anyone seen Spike?????

I think controlling my rant made me miss the next scene, which was some kind of heart to heart with Buffy and Dawn. Suddenly, Buffy is getting RJ out of a pathetically easy math class. This bothers me for some reason but not as much as what comes next. Cordy takes Conner to a dark classroom and starts making moves on him. Wait, that is the other show, this is Buffy and RJ. I sit in horror as these two well eww I don't know for sure what they did but it is horrifying. Dawn sees them and dispatches Xander to put a stop to it. I take a break to wash out my eyes with bleach, something I am doing way too often on Whedon shows these days. Spike, where are you???? My eyes need a treat!!!

Back at Casa Summers, Dawn is crying AGAIN, and Anya and Willow are trying to comfort her. Buffy refers to RJ as her "lover' much to my dismay. Dawn is not too happy with it either. Xander interjects that he thinks it might be a love spell. Absolutely nothing gets past that boy, and we go flashing back to Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, a much much funnier episode. Sadly, the flashback does not last too long and we get to see more Dawn fits.

Xander decides to go visit Lance, RJ's brother, to get the scoop on all of this. He takes Spike with him for some reason. Hey, it makes no sense but who cares? Spike is back and still wearing that sexy black shirt. His brother, who was "da man" in high school, is now a pathetic loser. Xander chats him up while Mr. Sexy looks around the place. After sadly turning some porcelian angel away from him, he notices a picture of Lance wearing RJ's jacket. Ba da bing, a few more words from Lance and they have it all figured out. Spike and Xander are acting like old detective pals here (???), and they leave knowing the full score, with Lance calling after them to stay. In case it was not clear, Spikey is looking really good here.

Back to the bickering ladies. RJ comes over to find Buffy, but Anya says something like,"No Buffy for you." I think of the soup nazi on Seinfeld and crack up. But then they fall under his jacket spell as he walks away. Nooo, not my Anya!! Suddenly, Willow and Anya are fighting over him as well and it is much funnier than Dawn versus Buffy. Buffy and Dawn get in on the action and the bickering continues until all the ladies depart to go prove their love for RJ. Buffy is going to kill the principal, Willow is going to turn him into a girl, Anya is going to rob a bank (why I don't know), and Dawn is going to kill herself. Somehow, this is all very funny. You would think it would be more sad than anything. It is not Drusilla hitting on Xander the first time they did this episode funny but still pretty good stuff.

I am ready for the mayhem to begin! Sadly, Xander stops Willow before she turns him into a girl. I am very disappointed as that would have been hilarious. Spike is standing around though and the lighting flatters him so I am not too upset. Still, you would have thought they would have come up with some reason for him to take off his shirt. They all go rush off to stop Buffy next. She is about to take out Wood for good when Spike tackles and stops her. They struggle for a second and all I can think of is "the love is back." Then he runs off with her weapon with her in hot pursuit and I crack up. Finally, we have her chasing after Spike. I may watch this scene several more times. It is a season highlight.

They all end up back in the car, looking for Dawn. They get her off the tracks in the nick of time and Willow and Buffy are worried Anya is off seducing RJ while they are wasting time. I am worried we are wasting time with another fluff episode so I can relate. La la there is some Dawn - Buffy dialogue and then we have Spike and Xander staking out RJ. They talk about and implement their detailed plan, which is really jump on him and take away the jacket. I swear you would think these guys were best pals, forget all last year and this year to boot. Spike and Xander are a team. Yeah, I don't get it either.

La la flash to the jacket burning in the fireplace and everyone commiserating about their jacket experiences.No Spike so if you have to leave early feel free. However, it turns out Anya did pull off the back heist. She always was a woman of action. I am suddenly filled with burning anger and fear. If she goes to jail for this after all the crimes like say murder folks have committed and not gone to jail for, I will be so mad I can't tell you. They better not do that to her! And while I am at it, who is dressing Anya?? She is too cute for these atrocious outfits. Fix that now people! Grrrrrr.

So there you have it, your guide to "Him". It is kind of a funny episode if you overlook all other episodes that have ever occurred, especially the last one, and if you don't mind being blinded with Buffy and the teenager. Also, how many episodes have we had now that don't move the plot much???? I am ready for something of merit to happen already. Whatever it is, I am sure the crack team of Xander and Spike can handle it. Their friendship will show them the way.

I crack my own self up sometimes.

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Mary