(A vampire pins a girl against the wall, moves in)

GIRL: (screaming) Aaaah!

SPIKE: Evening.

VAMPIRE: Get lost!

SPIKE: Already am, according to some.

VAMPIRE: What?

GIRL: Help me!

VAMPIRE: I don't think you heard me. Get out of here.

SPIKE: Can't do it.

VAMPIRE: You just made the biggest mistake of your life—

(Spike quickly dispatches the vampire)

GIRL: Thank you! Thank you! That thing was gonna kill me!

SPIKE: Well, what do you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood? I got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit.

GIRL: What?!

SPIKE: I mean, honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take two steps, break your bloody ankle.

GIRL: I was just trying to get home.

SPIKE: Well, get a cab, you moron. (calling after her as she walks away) And on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van! (under his breath) Stupid cow.

LINDSEY: Believe me now?

SPIKE: What, your victim vision? Please. Can't throw a bloody stone in this town without hitting some bimbo in trouble.

LINDSEY: Tough guy, huh? Nice work, by the way, takin' out that vamp.

SPIKE: (deadpan) Oh, yeah. Epic battle. My finest hour.

LINDSEY: You just saved a girl's life. It's nothing to laugh off. Though you could try being a little nicer next time. You almost made her cry.

SPIKE: Next time?

LINDSEY: Well, that's up to you. A lot more people need saving.

SPIKE: News flash, sparky: Don't need your help. Been saving people long before you showed up.

LINDSEY: Not like this. You just helped a person when there wasn't anything in it for you. That's not like the Spike I know.

SPIKE: Oh, is that right? And what Spike is that?

LINDSEY: The Spike that's only out for himself. The one who does good deeds to impress...women.

SPIKE: (angrily) You'd best watch your—

LINDSEY: I'm just sayin'. You did good. From what I hear Angel didn't save the girl on his first mission.

SPIKE: What's Angel got to do with this?

LINDSEY: Well... nothin'. Not anymore.

• Funnies
• Spike & Lindsey

written by: Brent Fletcher; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x10_tran.php