SPIKE: What am I doing here?

(starts to walk off, but runs into Angel and Lorne)

ANGEL: Yeah, Spike. I thought you hated these kind of things.

SPIKE: I would've thought the same of you.

LORNE: Oh, no, he's doing great. He's already not killed, like, 100 guests.

SPIKE: He doesn't have to. Party's already dead.

LORNE: Oh, really, Spike, would it kill you to be a little more positive? Hmm?

MALE VOICE: (announcing his arrival) The Archduke Sebassis!

(Sebassis walks in, and people gather around him, kneeling and kissing his hands and feet.)

LORNE: Mmm. OK, sport. You're on, and please, for me, can you try to be nice to him? Just this one time, huh?

SEBASSIS: Yes. Fine. Sycophants, worms. Don't writhe all at once. It's sickening.

ANGEL: Archduke Sebassis!

(Sebassis holds out his hand to be kissed, and Angel shakes it vigorously instead)

ANGEL: Thanks so much for coming. Yes, well—

ANGEL: Really, really thrilled that you're here.

LORNE: Artode, welcome. Welcome. Love the jacket, by the way.

ARTODE: It's Pylean.

LORNE: Oh, made in Pylea. Ha. My home dimension.

ARTDOTE: Not made *in*, made *from*. I skinned it myself. Anybody you know?

LORNE: (Laughs nervously) Well, great. Thanks for dropping by. Ha ha. (walks away)

ANGEL: And you look just— well, I don't have to tell you how awesome you look. You know how awesome you look. He knows how awesome he looks, right?

LORNE: Angel, hey. We don't wanna be greedy with his eminence. Thank you, your lordship.

SEBASSIS: Thank you.

ANGEL: Absolutely. Really. Thrilled to have you here.

(Lorne pulls Angel away from Sebassis)

LORNE: Okey-dokey! OK, that'll do it. Thank you. Come on.

• Goofy/Vain/Dorky Angel

written by: Ben Edlund; Original transcript by CariCranberry. Edited & formatted by me.. Full transcript at:
http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/season5/transcripts/5x05_tran.php