(campus. Willow & Buffy study. Xander flicks open a lighter and offers it to Buffy)

XANDER: Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day?

BUFFY: Stop flicking at me.

XANDER: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down o n the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.

WILLOW: Aren't you two young to be a bartender?

XANDER: Oh contraire, mon frere.

BUFFY: Mon frere means brother.

XANDER: Mon girlfrere. Behold (holds up a fake id) Behold.

WILLOW: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.

XANDER: What gives it away?

WILLOW: looking at it.

XANDER: Well no one's going to see it anyway. Now I'm the bartender. I kick people out.

BUFFY: You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking. Mixing drinks for instance.

XANDER: Well, I've seen cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake.

BUFFY: Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace.

XANDER: ooh unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now.

WILLOW: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up.

Xander looks confused

WILLOW: That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.

XANDER: Gets my Oscar nod.

• Xander's identy issues & insecurities

written by: Tracey Forbes; Transcribed by Lilybunny (lilybunny@hotmail.com). Full transcript at:
http://www.studiesinwords.de/61beerbad.html