Disclaimer in part one
This part is rated NC-17 for a love scene (C/D
consensual sex) and mature content (issues of rape).
* * * * * *
PART THREE
The months passed and slowly Cordelia healed. She was different though, softer, more considerate and accepting of other people. In the beginning she spent a lot of time at the crisis center, talking things over with the women there. But as the months went by she began to spend time there as a volunteer instead of a victim. The time between auditions lengthened until she finally stopped going altogether. I guess the final sign of the change in Cordelia was the day she arrived in the office loaded down with admissions information for UCLA.
Business picked up and we were no longer struggling to make ends meet. Kate found out Angel was a vampire and that there really are monsters in the dark. She was shocked at first. And angry. Despite her protests, Cordelia and I both swore she shot Angel on purpose three weeks later as they chased a Malkani demon, a small revenge for dashing her romantic hopes. But as time passed she adjusted to the limits on their relationship and became an important part of our little family of misfits.
Cordelia and I settled into a comfortable routine as roommates that just happened to share sleeping space. But I was happy. Happy to watch her study, happy to argue with her over whose turn it was to cook dinner, happy to hold her as she slept. But I still hoped that someday she would be ready for more.
Kate, Angel, Cordelia and I had settled into a routine of meeting on Friday nights at Good Times, my favorite sports bar. I'd managed to teach them the rudiments of darts which in turn led to many hours of laughter and a lot of spilled beer. One Friday night in January, Angel and I arrived late; delayed by a random vampire that refused to be staked.
They were deep in conversation as we arrived. Kate speaking earnestly, and Cordelia nodding in understanding. They looked up as we approached and stopped speaking. Kate took hold of Cordelia's hand and squeezed it. "Remember what I told you."
Cordelia smiled tentatively. "I will."
"Remember what?" I asked as I slid into the booth next to Cordelia and took her hand.
"Nothing important. Just some information for my psych class."
"Psych class? Are you going to start profiling demons now?" I cringed as Angel poured us each a beer. "Remind me to be out of town when your first paper is due."
Kate laughed, "Why Doyle? Afraid of what she'll say about you?"
"No, afraid she'll ask me to type it."
We all laughed and moved onto the dart game. But I could tell that Cordelia had something on her mind. Several times I caught her biting her lip, deep in contemplation of the ice in her glass.
"Are you okay?" I asked as we left the bar and headed towards the car Cordelia had recently leased. "You seem like there's something bothering you."
"I'm okay." She tucked her hand into the crook of my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. "I just have some stuff on my mind."
"Anything I can do?"
"No, not now. This is something I need to work out for myself." Pulling her keys out of her pocket, she handed them to me. "Drive me home?"
She was silent for the short ride home. I wasn't surprised when she quietly said she was going to get ready for bed. I waited anxiously in the darkened living room, uncertain of what I should do.
"Doyle?"
"I don't think I'm ready for bed yet," I said as I turned around. "Oh..." I breathed, "You look lovely."
Cordelia smiled tentatively as her fingers toyed with the sash of the short silk robe she wore. "You like it?"
"It's beautiful. You're beautiful." As I spoke Cordelia slowly crossed the room and took my hands. Staring down at our entwined hands she spoke softly. "I don't want to be afraid anymore."
I tipped her chin up and stared into the deep brown eyes I had grown to love. "You're sure?" I asked. "Cause if you're doing this because you think I want it then we shouldn't. Cause I don't."
Her face reddened in embarrassment and she started to pull away. "I'm sorry, I thought..."
"Oh God, I'm such an ass." Reaching out I grabbed her arm and pulled her back against me. "Sweetheart that didn't come out right. Come here. Let's talk for a minute." Dragging a reluctant Cordelia behind me, I headed over to the couch and sat. With a gentle tug I pulled Cordelia down and settled her in my lap, wrapping my arms around her. "Cor, wasn't what I meant to say. I guess what I wanted to ask is if you're really ready. Don't think that I'm going to lose interest in you just because we haven't made love. I just want you to want me as much as I do truly want you."
"And I do," she whispered into my neck.
I smiled and tipped her face up for a kiss. "Well then, can we forget I stuck my foot in my mouth? I'd much rather be nibbling on something else right now." To prove it, I leaned over until I caught her earlobe between my teeth. She giggled and pulled out of my arms.
Standing just out of my reach, she beckoned me to follow. Without saying a word I did. I stopped short when I entered the bedroom. Candles glowed on every available surface and soft music played in the background. After several seconds I recognized Enya's "Watermark". "Nice music," I said as I watched the glow of candlelight on Cordelia's skin.
"I know it's silly. But I thought..."
I cut off her words by taking her in my arms and kissing her softly. "It's perfect," I whispered against her lips. She responded by wrapping her arms around my neck and molding her body against mine. The kiss deepened and I took the time to learn the feel and taste of her. I'd kissed her many times over the last year, but they were chaste, gentle, affectionate kisses. Now I finally felt able to put all the passion I felt for her into a kiss. Cordelia whimpered quietly into my mouth as her hands slipped around my neck and her fingers ran through my hair.
Long minutes passed as our lips dueled. Finally I pulled my lips away from hers and rested my head against her shoulder. "Wow."
"Wow yourself," Cordelia said as her fingers moved up to the buttons on my shirt. "I've wanted to do that for a long time."
"Really?" I asked as I slid my hands up and down her silk covered back. I was trying desperately to ignore the heat I could feel building as Cordelia slowly undid the buttons of my shirt. "What stopped you?"
"I guess I was just afraid of changing things between us. But then Kate and I talked tonight. And I realized that there was nothing to be afraid of." As she said that she pulled my shirt out from my pants and pushed it off my shoulders. I shuddered as her cool hands touched my bare skin.
"You don't need to be afraid of me. And as for this," I said as my hands untied the sash of her silk robe. "This is nothing to be afraid of. This is me," I kissed her. "Showing you," I pushed the robe off her shoulders. "Exactly how much," my hands slid up her bare arms. "I love you."
Cordelia stopped suddenly and lifted luminous eyes to face me. "You love me?"
I brought my hand up and rested it against her face. "With all my heart."
"Oh. You never said after that one time...I wasn't sure."
"I do."
She kissed me then and smiled a brilliant smile. "And I love you too."
After that there was no need for words, only soft caresses and smoldering kisses. Slowly I edged backwards until I felt the edge of the bed behind my knees. Wrapping my arms around her, I fell back unto the bed. Cordelia squeaked in surprise at her new position but quickly adjusted as I slid my mouth down her neck and across her collarbone.
"That feels nice."
"I'm glad," I said as I reluctantly pulled my lips away. "Cor, sweetheart, I need to get a little more comfortable." She looked at me with a confused expression in her eyes. I pulled a hand away from her back and gestured at my pants. "They're just a little uncomfortable now princess."
"Oh," she said as her face reddened. Rising to her feet she held out a hand to me. I took it and stood up next to the bed, frowning in confusion when she slipped past me and slid under the blankets. "Silly...Get comfortable and come join me," she said as the held the blankets up in invitation.
"Sorry, all the excitement...I get a little dense sometimes." I quickly shed my pants and slid under the covers next to her. "Now where were we?" I asked as my lips returned to the soft skin of her neck. Slowly I let my lips travel down her neck to the swell of her breasts where they lay hidden under the silk of her negligee. "Oh Cor," I whispered as a slowly pushed the thin strap of silk aside. "Let me see you."
Pushing herself up into a seated position Cordelia slowly pulled the silk nightie over her head and then lay back down next me. She blushed ever so faintly as I tenderly slid my hand over her bare skin. "Oh, you are so beautiful."
Still moving slowly, I returned my lips to the skin of her breasts. Ever so gently I moved my lips over them. Slowly letting her become used to the feel of this intimate contact. She shuddered softly as my hand traced a path down her side and onto the satin skin of her thigh. As my hand slipped down and over the dark curls at the junction of her thighs I returned my lips to her face. Carefully I placed soft kisses over her closed eyelids. "Princess, do you want me to stop? I don't want to hurt you."
Her arms wrapped around me and pulled my body down onto hers. "No, don't stop. Please," she whispered. "This is wonderful..."
I smiled as her voice trailed off. "Okay. Just trust me. I'd never hurt you." Slowly I slid my hand down between her legs and gently slid a finger between her delicate folds. She shuddered and pushed against me. "Shush," I murmured as I kissed her. "All in good time."
Long moments passed as I gently stroked her sensitive core. I was concentrating so much on the feel of her body moving against mine that I was momentarily surprised when I felt Cordelia's hands push at my boxers. Lifting my weight I helped her push them off. Settling back down on the bed I gasped as Cordelia took me in her hands. "Oh sweetheart," I breathed.
"Doyle, please...I want..." Cordelia panted breathlessly.
I moved my body over hers and slowly lowered myself until we touched skin to skin, heat to heat. With one slow push I felt myself slide into her warm, moist heat. I held still, allowing her to get used to the feel of me. "I love you," I said as I rained small kisses down on her face.
Cordelia opened her eyes and smiled at me. "Show me," she said as she slid her arms up my back and pulled me against her. Smiling, I began to move slowly, enjoying the feel of her wrapped around me so intimately.
After what seemed like an eternity, I could hear Cordelia's breathing quicken and feel her muscles tightening around me. I gasped and quickened the rhythm of my movements. She shuddered in climax against me and I followed, collapsing against her.
We were silent for several minutes, enjoying the new intimacy between us. Rolling onto my back, I pulled Cordelia close and wrapped my arms around her. "I love you," I repeated.
"And I love you. For this and for everything you've done for me this year. I never would have made it without you."
"Well I'm glad I was here to help. Glad that you let me." I brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead.
"It's hard for me to accept help. But somehow I could never say no to you." Cordelia smiled and ran her hand down my chest. "You're pretty persistent."
"Only when it really matters." I could feel her relaxing against me and I kissed her forehead once again. "Go to sleep now."
"Hold me?"
"I'll never let go," I promised.
~fin~