Part 13
Cordelia--
I followed Reiff blindly, my eyes too full of tears to see more than a blur. Thankfully, he didn't speak as we made our way to the center of the village. I didn't want to talk to him, or to anyone. What I wanted was to hide in a corner and let the rest of the world fade away. Sucking in a breath, I ordered myself to get it together. I'd been rejected before, more times than I cared to admit, this wasn't any different.
But, it was. Doyle was my friend. Doyle was my maybe lover. He was the guy who had somehow crawled under my walls without me even noticing. He was the guy I thought gave his life to protect innocents.
Now I didn't even know who he was. Fresh tears ran down my face, stealing the last of my vision, and before I knew it, I was face down on the grass.
"Cordelia?" Reiff asked, his voice gentle as he knelt beside me. "Are you okay?"
"Great. Fine." I shot back bitterly. "This has been a once in a lifetime vacation. I'll be sure to do it again in another hundred years."
Reiff frowned, rocking back on his heels to look at me. I glared at him as I climbed to my feet. He looked up at me, his young face making me feel small somehow. "You don't understand."
"No argument here." I answered, folding my arms across my chest, and using every inch of the bitch that I was to stare him down. "But I'm starting to get it."
"You are?" Reiff asked hopefully, jumping to his feet. He reached out, grabbing my hand with a smile. "Then we should go talk to Doyle now."
"Why?" I questioned, pulling my hand free of his. "Doyle doesn't want to be in my life. I get it." I paused, feeling my tears threatening to break free again. Opening my eyes wide, I willed them not to fall as I continued. "He wanted out of the fighting, and the evil, and the general yuckiness of our lives." Another thought hit me, pushing the tears out of my eyes. My stomach lurched as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to force the thought back out of my head. "He wanted out of the visions." I whispered brokenly, suddenly wishing that Angel was with me.
"What?" Reiff inquired, his face blending into the shadows that surrounded us. "Visions? The ones Doyle used to have...before? He doesn't get them any more."
"I know." I answered slowly, my limbs turning to ice. This couldn't be happening. Everything in me fought against thinking that Doyle had done this to me deliberately. Even now, even after we found out he was alive, somehow believing that he would sentence me to his old life was unthinkable. "Can we just get to your place?" I pleaded, my voice breaking with the strain of the night. I didn't want to think any more, I didn't want anything more than oblivion.
Reiff stared at me for a second longer, and then nodded. "Of course." He held out his hand and I took it gratefully, following him silently to a small house on the edge of the village. Smiling reassuringly at me, he led me inside.
The room we entered was small, but clean and airy. A fire roared in the corner, with homemade pots settled off to the side. An older couple sat at the table, their hands clasped together. They looked up when we entered, both of them offering me open smiles. I tried to smile back, but couldn't. I didn't have the energy to fake politeness.
"Cordelia." The man greeted me, and I turned, looking closer at him. Reiff threw another log on the fire behind me and the room brightened enough for me to recognize the man as the one who had told me about Doyle being half-demon. I stifled a cry as memories of that night flooded back to me. One stupid night that had haunted me for months, and didn't end up meaning anything at all. "I'm Keiden. This is my wife, Bydel."
"Hello." I answered automatically, my eyes dropping to stare at the floor. "Thank you for letting us stay."
"We're honored." Bydel replied, getting up from her chair and walking over to the fire. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No." I whispered numbly. "I just need to make a room safe for Angel."
"We've already done that. We thought he might need somewhere to stay for the day." Keiden answered, pointing to a door off to the side of the kitchen. "We thought you might want to stay there too, but if not..."
"It's fine." I interrupted him, "Thank you." He nodded, staring questioningly at Reiff and I. I stood silently, unsure if there was something else I was supposed to say, or do. Reiff tugged my arm, and I turned to him.
"I'm going to wait for Angel by the main fire."
"Thank you." I whispered gratefully, watching as he made his way out of the house. Turning back to his parents, I spoke. "He's been so helpful."
"He's a good boy." His father replied fondly. "I don't know that Doyle would have survived if it weren't for Reiff."
"What?" I blurted out the question before my anger had time to keep my mouth shut. "Why?" Panic swirled in my stomach as I waited for his answer.
Keiden looked at his wife, then at me, his face clearly showing his confusion. "You don't know?"
"I don't know anything any more." I admitted, pushing my hair back behind my ears. "Was he hurt?" I asked, my voice more strident. "You have to tell me!"
"Daddy?" A small voice interrupted us, and I swung around to face the source. A small girl scurried across the floor, flinging herself into her father's protective arms. "Daddy, I heard strange voices."
"That was just us and Cordelia." He soothed her, rubbing his large hand over her hair. "Do you remember her?" He questioned her gently.
The small child peeked from under her father's arm, her eyes still blinking sleepily. "No."
"Cordelia helped Mr. Doyle, when we were in the ship." Her mother informed her, coming around to stand behind her husband and daughter. "She's his friend."
My stomach tensed at her words, but I forced a smile on my face as I spoke. "Hi. What's your name?"
"Belina." Her voice was muffled into her father's sleeve. "It's a pretty name."
I smiled at her words, leaning forward slightly to answer. "It is a pretty name."
"Mr. Doyle thinks it's beautiful." She told me, her little face peeking out again. "He said it's as beautiful as I am."
I swallowed the sudden rush of pain her words brought. How could it be that he could do something so mean to us, and make this little girl so happy? "He's right."
"Of course he's right." She answered indignantly. "He's the teacher, he's always right."
I sucked in a breath, my eyes searching out Keiden. "Teacher?"
Keiden shook his head, his face closing off to me. "I think you should get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow."
I bit my lip, almost arguing with him, but at the last minute I nodded, not wanting to frighten the little girl sitting on his lap any more.
I left the room quickly, climbing into the bed, surprised at how comfortable it was. Pulling the covers up to hide my head, I let the tears fall freely, unable to stop them. My anger was fading now, and as it did, a horrible feeling was taking over. Something had happened, I was sure of it. Something that had prevented him from coming back to us.
A little voice in the back of my head argued with me, insisting that Doyle had just wanted out. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I waited for Angel to return. I was ready to listen.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 14
Angel--
When Doyle ran into the woods, I was torn once again between them. Should I follow Doyle or check up on Cordelia? After a moment's indecision I returned to the main fire, thinking that maybe Reiff, or one of the others might have better luck with Doyle. Reiff was waiting for me there, his young face full of sorrow as he led me silently to a simple cabin on the outskirts of the small village.
"He ran into the woods." I said, hesitating outside the cabin. "I didn't know if I should follow him."
Reiff shook his head, looking up at the sky. "Dawn is coming." I followed his gaze, seeing the light filling the sky, warning me to take shelter. "He'll be back come morning."
"I don't know." Doyle's face flashed in my mind, the pain on it making my stomach tighten. "He thinks Cordelia was rejecting him."
"He'll be back." Reiff said confidently. "He has class, and he won't disappoint the children."
I nodded, staring off into the forest, hoping somehow that he would reappear. "Does he...is he ever..."
"It's been hard for him." Reiff answered before I could finish. "Teaching gives him a purpose, and the kids give him the only happiness he gets. I'm not sure if he fakes it for them, but I do know I've never seen him frown around them."
"I'm glad." I whispered, grateful that he had something to hold onto. "We'll help him." I promised Reiff as he opened the door.
"Come in." He whispered, stepping into the cabin. I walked behind him, my hands folded together as we stopped before Reiff's parents. They smiled at me, nodding their heads to the left. I followed their gaze to a door that stood slightly ajar.
"She's sleeping." Reiff's father whispered. "We put up protection for you in there."
I nodded, "Thank you." Nodding once more, I made my way across the room, stepping quietly into the room and pulling the door tightly shut behind me. I knew Cordelia, I understood her anger, but I wasn't sure Reiff and his family would.
She was curled up on one of the beds, her body covered by blankets. Only a thin strand of dark hair peeked from the covers. Sighing, I lowered myself to the floor next to the bed and leaned back against the wall. The sun was rising on the other side of the wall, and my body craved sleep, but all I could do was watch her, and think of Doyle.
"What happened?" She whispered softly, her head still hidden under the covers.
I started slightly, smiling fondly at her hidden form. "He ran away from me."
"No." She corrected me, pushing the blankets down to turn and stare at me. "What happened to him? Why did he leave us?" Her face was very young in the dark room.
"He didn't think he had a choice." I whispered, afraid to speak any louder. It was nice in the room, warm and dark and very safe. "He wanted to protect us."
"From what?" She asked softly, lifting her head off the bed and resting it on her arm. "I don't understand."
I moved closer to her, settling my body against the frame of the bed. Looking up at her, I answered. "He isn't human Cordelia."
"What do you mean?" Tears filled her dark eyes, spilling down over her cheeks. She reached out with one hand to touch my shoulder. "I saw him."
"In demon form." I whispered sadly. She didn't see it yet, and for some reason that gave me hope for both of them. "He's all demon now. There isn't anything human."
"Is he evil?" She asked slowly, her eyes begging me to make it okay.
"No." I shook my head. "He's not evil."
"I don't get it then." She wiped the tears from her eyes, her voice trembling as she continued. "Why did he let us hurt so much?"
"Because he hurt." I whispered, seeing her understanding grow with every word I spoke. "He isn't human." I repeated, still not sure that she truly understood what I was saying.
"He's still Doyle." She replied in an uncertain voice. "Isn't he?" Her voice dropped lower as she continued. "He called me princess."
"He's still Doyle." I confirmed for her, watching as a tentative smile crossed her lips. "Where it counts."
She was silent for a minute, a dozen different emotions racing across her face. Finally she seemed to settle on one, her dark eyes dimming. "Why didn't he tell us? It wouldn't have mattered."
"I know." I responded as a surge of relief coursed through me. As much as she had grown from her time in Sunnydale, I had still doubted her ability to accept him. "But maybe he didn't."
"Because of me." She whispered, bowing her head. "You would have accepted him, he would have known that."
"Don't." I whispered, placing one hand under her chin and lifting her face up. "It isn't your fault."
She shook her head, her eyes refusing to meet mine. "You don't usually lie to me Angel." She whispered reproachfully. "Please don't start now."
"I'm not. I don't know what he was thinking Cordelia. It must have been terrible for him, and he wouldn't want us to suffer with him." I spoke softly, but firmly. Maybe Doyle had decided that Cordelia wouldn't accept him, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. It didn't matter anyway, even if he had thought it, he was wrong. "It's been hard for him. He didn't really accept being half-demon, and now..."
"How?" She interrupted her voice thick with tears. "How did it happen?"
"The ring of Amara." I whispered. "Something must have happened when I smashed it. I thought it was destroyed."
"The ring." She repeated, sitting up in bed and staring at me. "But it only protected his demon half?"
"Yes."
Her face collapsed slowly, the last pieces of her control breaking free as sobs racked her body. I climbed onto the bed with her, holding her in my arms as she wept. "What did I do?"
"Don't." I begged her, my hand running gently through her hair. "You didn't know."
"I should have known. He was my friend. He was always good to me..." Her voice wavered brokenly as she spoke. "I'm the monster here."
"No, you aren't." I argued with her, my arms gripping her shoulders and pushing her away so I could look into her eyes. "You didn't know. You were hurt, and you lashed out. It's okay. You can tell Doyle that you understand now. He needs you."
"He doesn't need me. I'm a horrible person." She whispered, refusing to meet my eyes as she continued. "I actually thought he did it to get rid of the visions. I blamed him for them."
"You didn't know." I repeated, lifting her chin up to look at her. "Now you do."
She stared at me; her breath coming in short gasps as she struggled to stop the tears. "How can I apologize for what I said? I was so cruel."
"He'll understand." I whispered, begging anyone power that was listening to let me be right. "But, Cordelia, be gentle with him. He's suffered a lot. I don't think he's okay with being all demon yet."
"Oh God." She shook her head, pushing away from me and climbing from the bed. "I have to go to him. He's been all alone with this, he needs me."
"I don't know where he is." I told her, pulling her back to the bed. "Reiff said he'll return to teach in the morning."
"Oh." She nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears. "I met one of his students. She thinks he's perfect."
I smiled back at her, feeling one weight lift from my chest. "You can talk to him after his classes."
"I don't want to wait." She argued mildly, leaning her head against my shoulder. "But I will." She snuggled under my arm, her breath slowing. "Angel?"
"Yes?" I answered.
"We have him back." Her voice was teary again, and I squeezed her tightly as I leaned back against the headboard.
"I know." I answered, surprised that my own voice was choked with emotion. Closing my eyes, I repeated myself. "I know."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 15
Doyle--
I walked back into the village with the dawn. Angel would be tucked away from the sun by now, and I wasn't worried about Cordelia searching me out. Her words still rang loudly in my head, her anger and disgust still churned inside my stomach. The long night alone hadn't helped any. I sat down by the fire, staring blankly into the ashes.
"Mr. Doyle?" A small voice inquired. I turned slightly, watching as Belina made her way to me, her worn teddy bear hanging from one hand. She stopped in front of me, her bare feet brown from the dust on the ground. "Are you sad?"
"It's early Beli. You should be sleeping." I answered, avoiding her question. I couldn't lie to her, and she was too young to understand the truth.
"I couldn't sleep." She pouted, forcing her way onto my lap. Leaning her head back on my shoulder, she closed her eyes sleepily. "Mommy gave my room to the new people."
My eyes lifted before I could stop them, looking across the village to the house that Cordy slept in. She hated me, and my heart still leapt at the thought that she was so close. "They'll be gone soon." I reassured her, rocking her gently back and forth. Closing my eyes, I leaned against her small head.
"Daddy says they won't." Belina replied drowsily. "Daddy says they're your friends."
"They were." I whispered, my vision blurring slightly. "Once upon a time they were."
"Aren't things that start with once upon a time supposed to end with happily ever after?" Another voice questioned huskily, and I tensed. My eyes opened slowly as I lifted my head to face her. She was standing in front of me; her eyes bright with unshed tears.
"Sometimes they don't." I whispered, unable to tear my eyes from her. She was so beautiful, the early morning sun behind her back, making her hair shine. Her feet were as bare and dusty as Belina's, and her shorts and shirt were obviously meant only for sleeping. My breath caught in my throat. "Some people never get happily ever after."
"Doyle." She breathed my name, taking another step towards me. "I don't even know how to tell you how sorry I am."
"Sorry?" I asked dumbly. Her expression was so different from the anger of the night before. The hurt was still there, and the sadness, but the rage had disappeared.
"I didn't understand." She whispered, bowing her head and running her hands through her hair. "I didn't know. I thought...I thought you just left us."
"I did."
"You didn't." She argued, lifting her eyes to meet mine. Moving forward a step, she reached out towards me. I pulled back, holding Belina tighter as if the small child could protect me. Cordelia's eyes dimmed, and she stepped back slightly. "I know it's not fair to ask you to forgive me...for what I said..."
"I forgive you." I said shortly. I wanted her to leave. It was too bright, I was too visible. Every spike was showing, and I didn't want her looking at me. "It's not a big deal."
"It is a big deal." She replied, blowing out a soft breath. "Doyle..."
"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered, looking down at the child in my arms.
She started to speak, then paused, her eyes going to the child in my arms. "We have too." She whispered. "But I'll wait until after school."
She didn't speak again as she sat down on the log beside me, her long legs crossed in front of her as she stared up into the sky. I watched her in spite of myself. My eyes wouldn't let me look away. Belina stirred against me, her little body wiggling free of mine. Then she caught sight of Cordelia, and snuggled back into my arms. "That's the lady that took my room."
Cordelia slid her gaze to Belina, blinking away the sunlight in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She said softly, her lips curling in that careful smile of hers. She has a million different smiles, Cordy does. Smiles that wound, and ones that bite. Smiles that tell you everything's going to be okay, and make you believe it even when the world is falling down around you. She has smiles that make you feel like she'd never smile like that for anyone else, and smiles that make you feel like no one in the world will ever care about you again. Then she has a smile like this one, a smile that makes you feel warm and safe, just by being in the light of it.
Belina responded to it like everyone does. She fell totally and completely in love with her. Leaving the shelter of my arms, she walked cautiously over to Cordelia. "Mr. Doyle says you're leaving soon, but Daddy says you won't."
"Your daddy is right." Cordelia murmured, her eyes lifting to meet mine as she spoke. I turned away not wanting to see the challenge I knew was there. When I turned back she was focused on Belina again. "What's your bears name?"
"Sammie." Belina whispered, leaning closer to Cordelia. "I like your hair."
Cordelia laughed, reaching up to run her fingers through the dark locks. "I didn't even brush it this morning."
"Why not?" Belina asked, her eyes wide with interest. I almost smiled at the expression on her face; usually it was reserved for me. Not that I could blame Belina, I had fallen for Cordy within minutes of meeting her too.
"I wanted to see Doyle...Mr. Doyle." She replied softly, her eyes darkening with sorrow again. "I haven't seen him in a long time, and I missed him."
"He missed you too." Belina told her, looking at me over her shoulder with a huge grin. I shook my head at her, not wanting to hurt her feelings by telling her to be quiet. She was too young yet to understand that you didn't always tell everything. Although, one of the nice things about this island was that keeping secrets wasn't really necessary. "I listen sometimes at night when he talks to Reiff about you."
Cordelia's eyes lit up with Belina's words. She leaned forward, speaking in a stage whisper to the little girl. "Does he say nice things?"
"Most of the time." Belina whispered her joy at getting all of Cordelia's attention obvious. "But sometimes he's sad, and he talks about how you couldn't ever accept him. Why couldn't you?"
Cordelia's face paled as she pulled back from the child, her dark eyes bright with tears as she answered. "I think that maybe he thought I wouldn't because sometimes I say things that I don't mean, and it hurts peoples feelings. Maybe he was afraid I would hurt his." She paused, looking directly at me as she finished. "But he was wrong."
"Oh." Belina said, looking over her shoulder at her house. "Mommy's up." She announced, stepping away from Cordelia. "I have to go."
"Okay." Cordelia answered, smiling at Belina's back as she ran towards her home. Then she turned to me, her smile fading as she met my eyes. "Will you sit with me for a while?"
"I should get ready for my class." I answered, my skin itching with the need to hide away from her. It was nice to be sitting with her, too nice. It reminded me of what I could never have. If I closed my eyes, I would be back in our office, listening to Cordy tell me about her night, or complaining about a job Angel was making her do. If I closed my eyes I might believe I could have all that back.
I couldn't. It didn't take a mirror to tell me that. The demon had changed me inside too. I was more aware of her than I had ever been. I could hear every breath she made echoing inside my head; I could smell a dozen different scents on her body. When I looked at her, I saw more details than I had before, small lines that wouldn't dare become wrinkles for years, faint hints of green in the brown of her eyes. She was even more beautiful to me now, which only meant that I had to get away faster.
"Oh." She breathed, her face falling with disappointment. "Then later?"
"I don't think so." I answered; relieved that my voice sounded calm when I spoke. "I think it's better if we just leave it alone."
"What?" Cordelia said, her voice deceptively soft. She swung around on the log, her eyes pining me in place. "You want me to leave? To go back to LA and pretend that this never happened?"
"Yes." I whispered, "That's what I want."
Her eyes flashed dangerously for a second, and then dimmed. She leaned forward, her shoulders rounding. "Why?"
"Why what?" I asked.
"Why do you want us, me, to leave?" She breathed the words, as if saying them any louder would break her.
"Look at me." I replied, the same way I had the night before. I lifted my hand to my face, pushing at the spikes that littered my face. "I'm a demon."
"I know that." She reached out, her hand moving towards my face. I backed away quickly, my mouth setting in a hard line. "Doyle, please? I don't care if you're a demon."
I laughed bitterly, standing up and looking down at her. "Don't say that. It's not true." She opened her mouth, but I rushed on. "Don't tell me that my appearance is pleasing to the eye, I've seen it before. And don't tell me that it doesn't make any difference because it does. Do you think I'd be here if it didn't?" I stopped speaking, my breath coming fast. She was sitting quietly her eyes filling with tears as she stared up at me. "No quick comeback for that? Aren't you going to tell me that I'm being stupid? That I could just come back to LA and pick up my life again?"
"I don't know if you can." She burst in finally, tears spilling down her cheeks as she spoke. "The only thing I know is that I want you too. I want you to pick up your life again, because I want you in mine."
"With this face?" I asked her, struggling to keep my voice low.
Her lips trembled as she struggled to speak. "Yes." She looked down, her face flushed with color. "It doesn't mean anything to me."
"It doesn't mean anything to you?" I asked her bitterly. "The same Cordelia Chase who wouldn't date a man without seeing his head shots and stock portfolio now doesn't care if a man has spikes and blue skin?"
She let out a shaky breath, her face blank as she looked up at me. "You're my friend." She whispered, her voice begging me to believe her.
I shook my head, pushing away the part of me that wanted to collapse into her arms. "Your friend is dead." I whispered, turning around and walking away. I could hear her crying until I shut the door to my cabin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 16
Cordelia--
I couldn't stop crying. It didn't matter how many times I ordered the tears to stop, they kept on falling. I was wrong last night when I thought that my apology would make everything better. Doyle's pain went much deeper than my words, not that they didn't add insult to injury.
The village started to come alive as the sun rose higher in the sky. For the most part, the villagers avoided me, smiling gently in my direction from a safe distance away. Bydel did come near enough to offer me breakfast, but left quickly after I refused her. Even that small kindness seemed too much, and I finally got up and wandered towards the woods. A small voice inside my head warned me that I didn't know the area, but I ignored it, and headed into the cover of darkness the forest offered.
I walked for what felt like hours, but was probably less than twenty minutes, following a path that had been tramped down in the woods. It looked like it had been used often, and I felt somewhat safer thinking that I wasn't headed into unknown territory. It's so hot here, hotter than LA could ever dream of being. Sweat ran down my back, soaking through the thin T-shirt I wore. My hair was plastered against my head, and flies buzzed constantly around me. I didn't care about any of it. I just wanted to find a safe place, somewhere to lick my wounds before going back to find Doyle again.
I'll admit there was a small part of me that was hoping he would notice I wasn't in the village and come looking for me, preferably to tell me that he forgave me and that he forgave himself and that he was coming back to LA with us. But I forced myself to face the truth.
He's not going to. Not yet anyway.
I fought my way through the trees as the path faded slightly, only to come out into the most beautiful place I had ever seen. The trees hid huge rocks that circled around a small pond. I walked over to it, seeing the caves that cut into the tiny mountain. One rock jutted out, almost as if it was meant to be a seat. I climbed over to it, sitting down with my legs hanging over the edge into the warm water.
The sun pounded into my back, and I leaned back on my elbows, staring up into the sky I shared with Doyle again. This was the perfect place for thinking. And I had a lot of it to do.
The pain of his rejection had dulled slightly, letting me look at his words from a distance. He was protecting himself, I got that much. He didn't believe that I would be able to accept him as he was now. I wanted to get angry about it, to yell at him for not having enough faith in me, but I couldn't. It was all too easy for me to understand why he thought that.
When he was with us, I didn't do anything to make him believe I thought of demons as anything more than monsters. I doubt that my acceptance of his demon half made much of a mark against all the other things I had said to him. I know it didn't. He wouldn't be here if it did.
The tears welled up again, dimming my view of the world in front of me. I pushed forward, slipping off the ledge into the water below. I could feel my body cooling as I swam in small circles, letting my mind go blank. When I finally grew tired of swimming, I hauled myself back onto the rock, closing my eyes as I drifted to sleep.
When I woke again, my body was soaked with sweat. I ran my hand over my legs, feeling the slight sting that meant I was going to be bright red by the time night arrived. I slipped back into the water, enjoying the wonderful coolness of it compared to my skin. I paddled around aimlessly, knowing I should get back to the village, but unwilling to leave the peacefulness of this place.
A rustling in the trees startled me, and I swam to the edge of the rock, hanging on to it tightly as I spoke. "Is someone there? Doyle?"
A small face peeked through the branches, her dress snagged with leaves. "Hi." She said shyly.
"Belina." I greeted her, pulling myself back up onto the rock. "What are you doing here? Your parents will worry."
"This is my place." She replied, eyeing me with suspicion. "My secret place."
"I'm sorry." I answered, patting the rock next to me. "Will you come sit with me?"
"It's a secret place." She repeated firmly, stepping out of the trees and onto the rocks. She clambered skillfully towards me, sitting down a few feet away. "How did you find it?"
"I was just walking in the woods and I ended up here." I answered, not wanting her to know how easy it would be for anyone to follow her path. She deserved to think her place was sacred to her, even if I would have to tell her parents about it when I got back to the village. She could easily drown, or hit her head on a rock, or something equally horrible, and no one would know where she was. "You shouldn't come here alone."
"I know." She said, her face flushing with guilt. "I was going to bring Mr. Doyle here."
My heart tightened at the mention of his name, but I smiled at her. "I think that's a good idea. He'd love it."
"He took us to see some caves the other day. They were nice, but not as nice as my caves."
I looked over my shoulder to the caves that were behind me. My pulse sped up at the thought of this tiny girl exploring them on her own. "Do you go in them?" I asked sharply.
She flinched at my tone, her chin trembling as she answered. "No."
"That's good." I said, softening my tone. "You should never go exploring alone."
"You did." She accused me, and I nodded.
"You got me. But I was wrong." Climbing to my feet, I held out my hand to her. "Will you show me the way back?"
She frowned at me for a minute before getting to her feet and sliding her hand into mine. Holding on to me tightly, she led me back into the forest and towards the village. She paused as we came to the clearing that led into the fields that surrounded the town, pulling on my hand.
"Cordelia?"
"Yes?" I answered, smiling down at her.
"Are you going to tell on me?" She asked, her lips trembling as she spoke.
I nodded sadly, my eyes meeting hers as I answered. "Your parents wouldn't like you going there alone. It's not safe. But, if you promise to tell them about your secret place, I won't. Fair?"
"Fair." She echoed, her face brightening slightly. She let go of my hand, skipping off across the field to join her playmates on the other side. I watched her go, and then started my own lonely walk back to her home.
Angel was still sleeping when I got there. I tried to be as quiet as I could as I dug a skirt and a new shirt out of my bag. Slipping them on quickly, I settled into the corner of the room, laying my head back against the wall and closing my eyes.
The tears came back quickly, and I tried to stifle them, not wanting to wake Angel until it was closer to the time he could leave this room. He stirred anyway, his head peeking out from under the covers to glare at me. It faded quickly when he saw the tears and he threw the covers off. "Cordelia?"
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, still trying to keep the tears at bay. I was turning into a one-woman waterworks. "Long day?" I said, attempting to joke away the concern on his face.
"You saw Doyle." He said flatly. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed he stood, crossing the room to kneel beside me. "What happened?"
"Not much." I said, my voice breaking. I leaned into him, my shoulders shaking with the effort to remain in control. "He said he wanted us to leave."
He patted my head gently, his other hand running in soothing circles over my back. "He didn't mean it." He whispered. "He's just afraid."
"What if he does mean it?" I asked him, putting words to the nameless fear that had chased me all day. What if Doyle wouldn't ever let us back into his life? "What do we do then?"
"We change his mind." Angel said firmly. He sat back on his heels, lifting my chin so that I was looking in his eyes. "We will Cordelia."
"We'll make him understand how much he means to us." I whispered, trying to sound as sure as he did. I wanted to believe in Angel's belief. I wanted it more than anything, but I couldn't quite find it in me to have his confidence.
"Right." Angel smiled at me, patting my head once more before standing up and walking over to his cooler. He pulled a bag of blood from it, turning his head away from me as he drank. When he was finished he turned back to me, smiling ruefully. "We'll go see him as soon as the sun sets."
"You go." I whispered, leaning my head back against the wall again. "I think I upset him more than you do." My brave face faded and I swallowed back tears. "He's here because of me, not you. He's here because I made him think that being a demon was something shameful."
"You didn't make him think that." Angel disagreed, pulling a fresh shirt over his head as he crossed the room to me again. I waved him off, unable to bear any comforting. Angel sighed, settling onto the bed and continuing. "He thought that long before he met you Cordelia. This isn't your fault. It isn't anyone's fault."
"He knew me so well Angel." I whispered, ignoring his words because of my need to unburden myself, knowing he would listen, but not judge. "How can I convince him that I've changed? I keep thinking of all the stupid comments I made about demons. How many times did I say they were disgusting, or ugly, or evil? How many times did I stick a knife in him without even knowing it?" My voice got higher as I spoke, sounding more and more hysterical even to my own ears.
"You didn't know." Angel stated, leaning forward on the bed, his hands folded on his lap. "He didn't tell you."
"Because he knew me." I countered, my voice breaking as I spoke. Tears fell down my cheeks and I pushed them away. "Because everything I did made him think that I would reject him if he told me the truth."
"But you didn't." Angel whispered. "You found out and you didn't."
"Only because I was finally starting to get that not all demons are bad. If it weren't for the Scourge, would I ever have really understood that?" My words were spit out between sobs. I dropped my head, speaking into my chest as I continued; telling him the worst fear that haunted me. "I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't died that night."
"You said you would go on a date with him." Angel reminded me, his voice mild.
"But would I have?" I asked him, pleading with him to tell me I would have. I didn't know anymore, Doyle had been so certain I would reject him that he had given up his whole life. That had to mean something.
"Yes." Angel said firmly, standing up and coming over to sit beside me. He lifted my head, forcing me to look at him. "I don't know what kind of guilt trip you're pulling on yourself, but stop. If I know anything about you at all it's that you never would have told him to ask you out if you didn't have every intention of going."
I shook my head, my lips trembling violently as I asked my next question. "What would I have done if he hadn't come here? What if we knew he was alive from the start?"
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He asked me.
"Because I have to know." My voice was barely more than a breath. "And I don't. What if he had been lying on the floor of that hold before we left? What if I never knew what it felt like to lose him? Would I have just let him drift away, unable to handle having a friend I had to hide in the dark to spend time with? A friend that couldn't even pass for human in a crowd."
"Cordelia." He murmured shakily. "Don't do this."
"I have too." I argued, swinging my head up to stare into his eyes. "Because I want him to come back with us, and before I can ask him to do that, I have to be sure that I'm not just being selfish."
"You're not." He replied immediately. "Believe me, you're not."
I looked at him for a minute, my eyes searching his intently. Finally I nodded, my shoulders relaxing slightly. "I don't think I would have rejected him, but he thought I would. It hurts, knowing that he didn't think he was important enough to me. That he thought that how he looked meant more to me than who he was."
"He was wrong." Angel whispered, and I smiled weakly.
"He was wrong." I echoed. "But he wouldn't have thought it if I hadn't made him think it."
"You can't do this to yourself." He told me. "You didn't know what was going to happen to him, you didn't even know he was half-demon."
"That's what I keep telling myself. But it doesn't help." I shrugged, sliding across the floor to dig in my bag. Pulling out a sweater I slipped it over my head. "Is it dark yet?"
"Not quite."
I closed my eyes, my head dipping forward until my chin was resting on my chest. I could feel Angel's eyes on me, waiting for me to say something else. "Cordelia?"
I lifted my head, a soft sigh escaping my mouth. Talking to Angel had given me faith again; maybe he could do the same for Doyle. "Will you tell him? Will you tell him that it doesn't matter to me? Make him believe it?"
"I'll try." He promised. I nodded, telling myself that if he failed, I would try again. Between the two of us we would tell Doyle how much he meant to us until he had no choice but to believe it.
A soft rap at the door cut off whatever he was going to say next. I looked at Angel, feeling a sudden rush of hope. I knew it probably wasn't Doyle on the other side, but it could be. "Come in."
The door opened slowly to reveal Keidan. He smiled at both of us, holding out a bowl of soup to me. "I thought you might be hungry."
I took it from him, remaining silent as I held it in my lap. Keidan lingered, his eyes traveling back and forth between us. "Can I get anything for you?" He finally asked Angel. Angel shook his head and Keidan nodded, smiling quickly as he checked over his shoulder to see if anyone was in the kitchen. When he turned back, his face was harder, more determined. "Why are you here? Is there anything wrong? The scourge…"
I started, my eyes racing to Angel's as he opened his mouth to answer. I knew what he was going to say, and I couldn't let him. "We wanted to see how you were doing." I said quickly, my eyes narrowed in warning as Angel started to correct me.
Keidan smiled, relaxing against the door. "We're doing very well. We owe you both so much for helping us get to this place."
I shook his compliment off, a fake smile spreading desperately across my face. Angel frowned at me, obviously wondering why I was lying to Keidan "It's beautiful." I whispered, blinking away the tears that filled my eyes. "And we owe you more than you could ever owe us. You took care of Doyle for us."
"It was an honor." Keidan replied, his face becoming guarded when I mentioned Doyle. "He gave his life for our people. Without the ring, he never would have returned to life."
"What happened to it?" I questioned. "Did it come back with him?"
Keidan nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling the ring from it. Holding it in the palm of his hand, he stretched his arm out towards me. I set the soup aside, rising to my feet to take it from him. Cradling it in my fingers I smiled at Keidan. "Thank you."
"You're happy." Keidan stated. "You're- grateful to have him back."
I nodded, my tears springing free. "We are." I stepped forward, taking Keidan's hand in mine. "He doesn't believe I am though."
"He will." Keidan reassured me. "He's very stubborn."
"Not as stubborn as I am." I vowed, my eyes catching Angel's. He raised an eyebrow, silently telling me that he wanted an explanation. I shrugged, my eyes leaving his and returning to Keidan. I would explain to him as soon as we were alone again. "We want to stay here, as long as we can."
"You're welcome to this room, and anything we have." Keidan answered, "And please join us for supper. We usually eat at the main fire, you know where it is?" I nodded, forcing a grateful smile on my lips. "Whatever we have, you are welcome too. As long as you need it." He turned then, pulling the door closed behind him.
Angel climbed to his feet, walking across the room to face me. "Why did you lie to him?"
"I don't want Doyle to know about the visions." I replied, crossing my arms defiantly over my chest. "He hated them. I don't want him to know they got passed on to me."
"He's going to find out." He warned me. I shook my head, my lips tight with determination.
"No he won't." I took a step closer to Angel, opening my palm and showing him the ring. "Do you want it?"
He reached out, closing his palm over mine. I watched him, knowing what the ring meant to him, a chance to see the sun, a chance to walk in the light. He wouldn't take it; I knew that before I asked the question. "You keep it." He said finally. "It's too important to destroy."
"It brought Doyle back to us." I whispered, looking down at our hands. I could feel the metal on my palm. "Are you sure you won't use it?"
"Not yet." Angel whispered, taking his hand from mine. He flexed his hand a few times before shoving it into his pocket. He rocked back on his heels uncomfortably.
I nodded, walking over to my bag. Opening one of the little pockets, I slipped it inside. "It's dark." I whispered.
"I'm going." He answered, walking out into the night to find our friend. I sunk down to the floor as the door shut behind him; afraid he wasn't going to have any better luck with Doyle than I had. I sucked in a deep breath, reminding myself that Angel had experience with this, he had learned to accept his demon. Well, not accept really, more like tolerate. At this point, I would be happy for Doyle to have that.
I climbed up from the floor, pulling a sweater from my bag and tying it over my shoulders. I could smell the smoke from the fire, and I decided it would be better to sit with them than sit in the room and worry. They knew Doyle anyway, better than I did now, and maybe one of them could offer me something, a hint, anything that could help me get through to him.
And if not, at least I could make sure that Belina had told her parents about her secret place.