Summary: Sorry, if I told you I'd have to kill
you. And I'm a nice person,
so I can't.
Spoilers: Minor through the third season.
Disclaimer: Joss, baby, yeah!
Rating: PG13
Feedback: It's incredibly yummy.
Thanks to Tracy, always thanks to Tracy, who is a great beta-reader and
friend. And to Laura, who inspires half of my stories.
<g>
by:
Amy
* * * * * *
She had been dreaming about her childhood.
She remembered it very
distinctly, because the smell of flowers surrounding her was so vivid. It
was almost as if her whole life had been a dream, the horrible, traumatic
dream of a little girl who was afraid of nighttime monsters. Of course,
then she woke up.
The smell of flowers remained around her, and even before she opened her
eyes, she breathed in deeply to revel in it. Roses. There's no mistaking
the smell of roses, she thought dreamily. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open
and she sat up in shock, looking around her room. It was littered with
flowers. Roses, of every color... And violets.
Throwing the blankets off herself, she stood and ran to one of the bouquets.
The meaning wasn't lost. Roses are red, violets are blue. She smiled in
rapt adoration, wondering who could have made such a sweet gesture. Oz
couldn't have done it-- They had been broken up for months and had agreed
to
not talk for a while. Xander... Well, it couldn't be him. Could it? As
much as she would have been moved by him doing it, she searched my heart
and
could find nothing but friendship in it for him.
Damn.
Well, maybe it was because her feelings had been pushed away for so long.
Maybe if she... Maybe if she tried it with him one more time, things would
finally work out the way she had hoped when she was little. The way she
still hoped? Willow didn't know, but she couldn't shut out the possibility.
She walked to the phone and dialed his number quickly. He picked up on the
first ring.
"Xander?"
"Will?" he asked groggily. She heard him yawn and make the sound he did
when he was stretching. "Are you okay?"
"Sure I am," Willow grinned. Maybe she had forced the grin, but he didn't
know and never would. Maybe the grin would even grown on her. Back on her.
Like a tumor.
Or even something nice.
He yawned into the phone again and then cleared his throat. "Sorry. Late
night."
"I figured," she said coyly.
"Why did you wake up so early?"
"Like you can't figure that one out," she laughed.
Xander laughed too. "Yeah, sorry again. Hellmouthy things?"
"You could say that," she murmured, smiling to herself that he wouldn't admit
it.
"I just did," he informed me playfully. "So, why are you calling?"
She opened my mouth, but suddenly, it had gone dry and the words had
disappeared. Her mind shouted for me to give it a try-- Surely if Xander
had
done this, he wasn't only the friend she had resigned herself to. He could
be more, even if she didn't understand or feel it yet. But the feeling could
always come back.
He interrupted her internal battle.
"Willow? You there?"
"Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking. Do you want to go out tonight?"
"Sure," he said casually. "What?"
"Go out tonight," she clarified. "Together."
"On a... date? You want to go out on a date?" Was that hope or plain
confusion that she was hearing in his voice?
"Yes," Willow said simply. "On a date."
"Well.... Uh... This is sort of unexpected. Sure. Yeah, okay. Why not?"
Willow could hear his grin over the phone and smiled herself, relieved that
she had been right. And... somehow, a little worried too.
"Want to meet, or..." she trailed off, less certain about this part.
"No, no," he rushed in, "It's a date. I can pick you up. Your apartment at,
say, seven? Is that okay?"
She looked quickly at my calendar and breathed a sigh of relief and something
else to see that she wasn't working at the Magic Shop for another two days.
"Yup, fine. I'll see you then."
"Okay."
They made their good-byes and hung up the phones. And Willow still couldn't
shake the bad feeling hanging over her.
* * * * *
She headed into the library after her psych class was over that day. She
had
gotten a note from Giles that he needed her help, and when she got there,
she
realized how right he was. His office was a mess of books and papers strewn
about. He looked up warily as she entered.
"Oh, hello Willow." He gave her a small smile and she nodded, still looking
around.
"Hi. What happened?"
"I've been researching the demon Drasemen, and I can't seem to find the books
that hold the information. It's driving me completely insane, I must
confess."
"The one who sucks off the skins of its victims?" Giles nodded and she
wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Well, I've downloaded the whole book into
the computer, into your personal files. It should be there. And you loaned
the actual book to me last week, remember? I still have it at my apartment."
He sighed. "Yes, I know. However, I can't for the life of me remember the
password."
Willow laughed. "It's summer. I've told you this twice before," she
reminded him.
He smiled in relief. "Yes, thank you. Care to remind me why you chose that
word?"
"For Buffy," she explained easily. "People might try her last name, but it
wouldn't work without the 's.' "
"Ah, yes. Sorry." He peered at her. "How did you sleep?"
She shrugged. "Good. Fine. Xander left me some flowers all over my room
last night, and I woke up to them." Giles's mouth opened and his eyebrows
skyrocketed. "We're going on a date tonight," she suddenly volunteered,
wondering why she was telling him any of that.
"You are," he stated blankly.
She looked at him, confused. "Yes... Did you need me tonight? I could stay
and help you if you did," she said quickly. Too quickly.
Giles looked down. "No, thank you. Buffy and I will keep things under
control. You go and... have a good time."
Willow watched him shuffle the papers around on his desk. Her chest ached
strangely, but she nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later."
"Yes, goodbye."
She left the office in a hurry, because she was suddenly blinded by tears.
Something hormonal, she told herself, but that didn't make sense.. Dust,
she
then said, which very well could have been true because of the books Giles
had been looking through. Yes, dust.
She passed Buffy on the way out, and Buffy gave her a bright, "Hi!"
"Hey," Willow mumbled. "Listen, I have to get to my next class and go get
ready for tonight. I have a date..."
She grinned widely. "You do?? Yay! Well, I'll let you go and you can tell
me all about how much you wanted this later. Okay?"
Buffy's words stuck in her mind, but she didn't understand them so she merely
nodded and left.
* * * * *
Buffy set her backpack down on the counter and walked into Giles's office.
"Giles? You around?" She finally spotted him at his desk and winked.
"Looks like I'm a better schemer than I thought."
"I should have never let you get involved in this, Buffy," he muttered.
She paused. "Huh?"
"Willow is going on a date with Xander tonight." He coughed. "I'm sorry to
disappoint you."
Buffy rushed over to the desk. "I'm sorry to disappoint *you*, Giles! I
know how much you wanted this. Why is she going out with Xander? They're
just friends."
"Apparently, the 'just' got lost somewhere," he said sadly. "I really think
it's best if..." Giles trailed off, not sure of how to say what he wanted
and not hurt her feelings.
"You want me to stay out of your personal life from now on?" she asked wisely.
"I simply think it might be best. I shouldn't have these feelings about
Willow, and I definitely shouldn't have pursued them. I apologize for
letting you find out."
"Giles," she said dryly, "I accidentally saw it in your Watcher's diary.
It
wasn't something you could've avoided or prevented if you wanted to. Which
I
don't think you do. And I was the one who pushed you, so don't blame
yourself. Really. I'm so sorry."
His eyelashes fluttered and he finally met her eyes again. "Thank you. It's
fine. Perhaps Xander is the one she belongs with. I think I'll go back to
her apartment tonight while she's out and remove the card she apparently
overlooked. How late do you suppose they'll be out?"
Buffy raised her eyebrow, her mind working fast. "Very. Probably not until
after midnight." She stood, smoothing out her tank top. "I need to go.
Will you be all right here?"
"Yes. Fine. But, Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Do please stay away from this situation. It would be best for all of us."
She nodded mutely and exited the office, grabbing her backpack and slinging
it over her shoulder. Once she was out of his earshot, she murmured to
herself. "The hell I will."
* * * * *
Willow uneasily tapped her straw against the table. She sighed for what
seemed like the millionth time. It was usually so easy to have fun with
Xander. So natural and... fun. But she wasn't having fun.
In fact, she thought it would be more fun to give puncture her own eye with
the straw.
Xander came back from the bar with the drinks. "Have you decided what
toppings you want?"
"No," she said quietly, depressed. <Why can't I summon those feelings
anymore? They used to be at my beck and call, on the tip of my tongue and
heart....>
Xander looked at her, amused. "No?"
She suddenly snapped to attention and smiled tightly. "Sorry, yes.
Pepperoni will be fine. What do you want?"
"And olives okay?"
"Sure," she mumbled.
Xander looked at her closely. "Look, Will, if you're not having fun or not
feeling good, we could do this another time." He gave her the crooked grin
that used to send a spark of energy through her heart. "Remember who you're
talking to here. You can tell me anything."
She nodded, swirling around her drink in its glass. "I know... I guess I
just feel guilty. I feel like I should be helping Giles research or
something. I don't know."
Xander laughed and leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, it's weird to have a
night off."
"Were you guys talking about something imaginary?" Buffy's voice cut into
their conversation and they both looked up to see her standing beside their
table.
"Buffy!" Willow said, surprised and shamefully pleased for the interruption.
"In the flesh. And clothes," she winked.
"What are you doing here?" Xander asked.
Buffy blinked. "I... Wanted pizza. Mind if I join you guys?"
Willow and Xander locked eyes for a moment and then nodded, breaking into
laughter. Buffy looked shocked. "You guys mind?"
"No, no," Willow said through giggles. "Go ahead. Sit."
Buffy sat with a smile and Xander stood. The girls looked at him and he
shrugged. "Pepperoni and olives okay by you, Buff?" She nodded and he left.
Buffy leaned forward, relieved that Xander was gone. "Willow, are you
serious about this?"
Willow sighed. "I don't know-- Maybe. You should have seen what he did for
me last night. He came into my apartment and filled it with flowers, roses
and violets. You know how much I love violets."
"Yeah, but does he?" Buffy raised an eyebrow.
Willow opened her mouth silently and then shut it with an audible click.
She
tilted her head, thinking. "He must. He's known me my whole life
practically. And if he can be that sweet, maybe I could still feel something
for him."
Buffy smiled sadly. "You do feel something for him. Friendship. Could that
be all?"
Willow shook her head, brushing her hair back with her hand so it didn't
fall
in her face. "I don't know. But would that be fair? Would it be fair of me
to make him feel the way I did for years and ignore the possibility that
something is there? After he did such a wonderful thing for me?"
"No, I guess not," Buffy murmured. "But what if it hadn't been Xander who
had done it? What if it had been someone else? Someone you were really in
love with...?"
Willow stared at her, her cheeks flushing. "What do you mean?"
Buffy stood, picking up her purse off the table. "It was just an idle
comment. I make a lot of those." She smiled. "So what did Xander's card
say?"
Willow exhaled loudly, pursing her lips. "There wasn't a card."
"Are you sure? And if there wasn't, why are you so sure that it was Xander
who sent them?" Buffy winked and, before Willow could reply, walked away.
Willow stared after her silently, barely registering when Xander slid back
into his seat and set the steaming pizza on the table. He looked around.
"Where'd our favorite Slayer go?"
"Xander, kiss me," Willow burst out.
His mouth gaped open. "What??"
"Kiss me. I need to-- I just have to know-- Just kiss me, okay?"
His brow furrowed in concern, he nodded and positioned himself in the seat
next to her. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips lightly across hers.
Willow watched his lashes flutter and close as the kiss got deeper. After
a
moment, he pulled away.
"What did you feel?" she demanded quietly.
Xander looked at her, dumbfounded. "Willow, are you okay?"
She swallowed. "Yes. What did you feel?"
He gave her a half smile. "I felt that I love you."
Her eyes closed tightly against the sadness that she felt with that
statement. "You do?"
"Yeah," he said softly, "But, Wills, I don't think it's in the way that you
want."
"I know," she confessed, opening her eyes.
They stared at each other, slow smiles creeping over their faces. In unison,
they spoke. "Huh?"
"Xander," Willow rushed, "I'm not in love with you. I only wanted to give
this a shot because of the flowers and I had wanted you for so long that
I
thought it would be unfair of me not to and.."
Xander interrupted you. "You're in love with someone else."
"I don't know. That's what Buffy thinks, but I don't know who it could be
if
it's not you or Oz."
Xander smiled. "You'll figure it out. We all have. It's sort of why I was
so surprised you called this morning wanting to go out with me. And what's
this about flowers?"
Her eyes met his for a long moment and then she stood. "I need to go."
Willow rested her hand on his shoulder. "Talk to you later?"
His eyes slid to the pizza. "Sure, yeah"
Willow laughed. "Go ahead and eat, Xander. I know it's been at least an
hour for you."
He laughed with her and Willow found herself running out of the restaurant
without another thought.
* * * * *
Her apartment was dark and quiet, and the lingering smell of flowers invaded
her nose. She smiled to herself, flicking on a lamp and looking at the
stunning bouquets closely. She walked slowly around the room, from vase to
vase and jar to jar, each filled with red or blue. Finally stopping at the
last one, her eyes fell on the small white card among the tangle of blue
flowers. She stroked a petal softly with the tip of one finger while tearing
open the flap of the envelope with her free hand.
She removed the card, which was simple and white. Opening it, she read it
aloud to herself. "In thanks to the person who inspires me to better things,
and helps me whenever I need it. The small poem that accompanies these
flowers can say more than I'll ever be able to." She sighed, her chin
trembling. It was signed 'R.'
She whirled around, running for the door. Swiftly she opened it, and stopped
dead in her tracks when she saw Giles standing there. He looked about ready
to open her door with a key that... Willow smiled. A key that Buffy must
have given him.
Giles caught his breath as his eyes fell to her hand, which still contained
the card. He licked his lips nervously and Willow held it out. "Looking for
this?"
The words were soft and inviting and Giles's heart began to pound. "Yes,"
he
rasped.
Willow tilted her head to the side, her eyes large and green and shining.
"Small poem?" she asked, knowing full well what he had meant.
He licked his lips again and her eyes were drawn to the unconscious gesture.
"Roses are red.." he began, trailing off softly.
"Violets are blue," she whispered back. "I love violets."
He stepped into the room and the frame of time, the single beat, seemed to
last an eternity. His eyes wandered over her face in a gentle and warm
caress, the smooth and creamy skin of youth, the glittering gaze of a woman
in love. His mouth curved up into a smile and his hand reached up to touch
her face. It smoothed back her hair and then floated to her cheek. Willow
leaned against the feel of it, the rough calloused tenderness in his touch,
the strength and heat of his palm. A drifting sigh escaped her mouth.
Willow relaxed under the feel of him. A rakish, understanding grin lit up
his face. "I think I'm falling in love with you."
"That's not how the poem ends," Willow said, smiling up into his eyes.
"It is when I say it," he whispered, his breath warm on her cheek.
Willow's eyes slipped closed and she felt Giles lift her chin with his
finger. Melting into his arms, she returned his light kiss with ardor. Her
hands wound around his neck, tangling through his short hair and scratching
his scalp gently. His lips grazed hers, his tongue licking her lips, asking
passage. She eagerly opened her mouth under the skilled brush of his own.
His tongue slid into her mouth and the kiss heated quickly. Tingling pants
overcame her body and she moved her body closer to his.
Hot, sweaty, amazing.
Right.
At length, he pulled away from her red and swollen mouth. Giles continued
to
hold her close, looking down seriously into her eyes. "I should go," he
whispered.
"Why?"
"Because if I don't leave now..."
Willow's hands slid down to the small of his back and she pressed herself
even closer to him, feeling his arousal and wanting him to feel hers. "You
won't ever, was the end of that sentence, I hope."
Giles flashed her that sudden smile again and kicked the door closed. They
walked over to the bed, with Willow still wrapped in his arms.
And as the night went on, the heady smell of violets continued to rest in
the
air.
The End
* * * * * *