by: Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow exploded. "What the hell does that mean?" she
cried. Oz took her
hand to calm her down, but she yanked away from him and glared at Cordelia.
Cordelia's eyes were wide and sad and she shook her head.
"I think you should let her tell you," she murmured, gesturing to Giles's
office.
Willow nodded curtly and grabbed Oz's hand back, and then Xander's. Pulling
them for the office at a quick pace, they were stumbling behind her when
she
suddenly stopped. They lurched into her back and looked up to see her
staring through the window, watching what was taking place in there.
Cordelia, following, stopped too, and stared with Willow.
Angel was holding a bruised and injured Buffy in his arms, tenderly stroking
her hair back as she cried raggedly. She clung to his shirt as though it
were life saving and let torrents of tears wash her face. Staring up into
Angel's eyes, Buffy mumbled something Willow couldn't hear and burst into
tears again. Angel took her gently back into his embrace, and Willow found
herself near tears with what she saw next.
Angel was weeping.
Finally, she opened the door and walked over to Buffy slowly, sitting next
to
her on the couch. She took Buffy's hand, and Buffy looked up at her, eyes
shimmering and red with tears, her face scraped, dirty and bloody.
"I was raped, Will," she whispered dully. "I was raped."
With that, she fell back towards Angel, grateful when he wrapped her tightly
in his arms. Angel looked at Willow with eyes so full of grief that it was
painful to see, and Willow slowly joined the hug. Xander and Oz looked at
each other for a moment, faces soaked with shock and then came over to the
couch. Xander placed his hand on the top of Buffy's head, hopelessly hoping
for the knowledge of what to do. Oz sat down next to Willow, and placed a
comforting arm around her, his hand brushing Buffy's. Cordelia kneeled down
near Angel and wiped away the tears as they came.
They wept together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Giles watched through the open door, his misery almost matching the young
girl's in there, whom he cared for more than life. Placing his head back
in
his palms, he took some deep breaths, hoping they would calm his racing
heart. But they didn't, and the tears pressed his eyelids for release, which
he refused to give.
A hesitant, scared voice broke through his thoughts, and Giles snapped his
head up to find himself staring at Joyce. He swallowed painfully and
gestured to the chair next to him, which she cautiously sat down in, her
eyes
focused on what was happening in his office.
Giles tried to keep his voice low. "Mrs... Joyce. Joyce, I don't want to
have to tell you this, I don't even want it to have happened, but Buffy asked
me to..." His mouth was suddenly dry, he licked his lips. Joyce took his
hand and searched his eyes.
"I already know that it's worse than ever before," she started softly, "so
please, just tell me."
"Buffy was... She was..." Giles's throat closed up, and a few tears escaped.
"She was raped. By two men, not far from here, in an alley."
Joyce stared blankly at him for several moments with an uncomprehending look
on her face. A slow, dawning understand finally swept over her features and
she looked almost confused, glancing fearfully back at the office. "But,"
she rasped, "I thought... Couldn't she h-hurt them? Couldn't she... kill
them?"
Giles stared passed her, to the wall and shook his head, resolving not to
fall apart in front of Buffy's mother. "Whenever Slayer turns eighteen, she
loses her powers for a period of three days," he explained dimly. "She was
walking home from Angel's house and they... apparently, they attacked her.
She's horribly bruised and cut, in several places, but I think... I think
it's worse on the inside. She refuses to get medical attention for it."
At length, he pried his eyes off the wall and turned back to her. Joyce had
one hand at her throat, and her face was horrified, stricken. The urge to
be
with her daughter warred with the urge to find those men, and to hurt them,
and the urge ask him again, to make sure he was positive. Maybe he was
wrong, maybe her little girl really wasn't hurt at all.
The words were about to leave her mouth, but she stopped, her eyes locking
with Giles's. No, those eyes held too much pain to not be sure, those eyes
wanted to die for what had happened, wanted to weep and rage and kill.
Those eyes couldn't take anymore questions, they could barely contain all
of
the questions they already held.
Joyce whispered, "What should I do?"
Giles shook his head tiredly. "I don't know." He nodded towards the office,
where the children and Angel were still surrounding Buffy. "She has so much
support," he said to himself, "That I'm not sure whether or not it's
appropriate to interrupt. I don't know what I can do."
Joyce laid her eyes on him evenly, and saw a man who had aged overnight,
a
man who was as brokenhearted as she. "Do you love her as much as I do?" she
asked softly.
The answer wasn't hesitated. "Yes."
"Then it's entirely appropriate," Joyce murmured, her throat full of
suppressed tears. "Come on," she advised, getting up out of the chair and
heading for the office. Letting her tears go, she felt something inside her
chest rip in half as she watched her daughter and her daughter's friends
crying, as the whole revelation of it slammed into her mind. Strained,
gasping sobs started, and she stood in front of the circle of friends,
crying. Giles haltingly placed his arms around her, and relaxed when she
turned to him gratefully, needing someone to cry with, needing someone to
hold onto.
He needed someone as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a long while, Buffy pulled out of the group embrace and sat apart from
them, her breaths slow and even. She looked at them, her voice beginning
soft and then hardening. "You know, you all know now. And I'm fine. I'm
not seriously injured or anything, and... I don't want to talk about this
anymore. Ever. Like it didn't happen, okay?"
"But Buffy!" Willow spoke up, her eyes wide and rimmed with tears.
Buffy turned to her best friend, a smile softening her face. "Thank you,
Willow. But really, please. If you want me to get better, I need to forget
about this. I'll be fine." Angel sat silent, watching her with his dark
eyes, and she turned away from his gaze.
Joyce broke in. "Buffy... Honey, it's okay to need help. And you do for
something like this. It... it wasn't your fault, baby."
Buffy looked down angrily at her hands. "Fine. Whatever. I just don't want
to talk about it. It's over, you all know, we've all cried together, it's
done. Done." She looked at them pointedly and then repeated herself for the
third time. "*Done.*"
Giles cleared his throat. "Buffy..."
"Giles," she cried, "I don't know why I even talked about it in the first
place! I just want to forget, okay? Just let me forget!"
Cordelia stared at her hotly. "You don't forget, Buffy. It gets worse and
worse until it's eating away at your insides. This isn't something you
forget! You *can't* because it's *not* possible. This took part of you
away, and maybe you think now everything is okay, but it won't ever really
be
if you just fucking forget!" Her voice rose in volume until she was yelling
her words. Lifting herself up off the ground, she spun on her heel and
started stalking away.
She stopped, though, a foot from the door. Turning around, she met Buffy's
shocked gaze. "You really don't ever forget, Buffy, no matter how much you
would like to, no matter how much you think you have. It doesn't go away,"
she finished softly and then left the room. The rest stared after her in
silence until Buffy spoke again.
"Well, she's her and I'm me. I'm trained to fight, and win, and I'll win
over this. All right? No talking about it, okay?"
Against their better judgment, under the worried eyes of Angel, the rest
of
them gave their assent.
CONTINUE