The Second Try

by: Amy

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A knock startled Willow out of her book. She lifted her head up curiously, as she knew that Buffy was on patrol and wouldn't be back to their apartment for a while. Giles was supposed to be with her. Her brow furrowed and she stood, heading across the floor of the living room.

She opened the door.

And stopped breathing.

Xander stood there. His face was thinner that it had been when she saw him last, and his hair a bit longer, but his eyes were still warm and playful, still dark and intrusive to her thoughts and after a moment of stunned silence, she launched herself into his arms.

"Xander!" she cried happily, holding him close. His head dipped to her hair and he inhaled deeply, relishing the smell that radiated off of her, everything sweet, apples and flowers and pure Willow. He rubbed her back fondly, not wanting to release her from his embrace.

She pulled back, tugging his hand to lead her into the room. They sat down on the couch and she turned to him with delighted eyes. "What are you doing here! I thought you wouldn't be back until summer."

He shook his head. "I took off early. I missed... everyone."

Her expression grew warm, soft. "We missed you too, Xand. So, tell me what's been going on! Have you..." she faltered for a moment, and then regained her enthusiasm. "Have you met someone? Is that why you came home, to share it with us?"

He looked at her, amused. "We talked two days ago. You think I could have met someone that was so important that I came here to tell you immediately?" She blushed, nodding. He continued, traces of humor in his voice. "Well, you're right. She's right outside." Willow looked up, shocked. "And she's a supermodel."

She socked his arm lightly, loving the fact that she could do that, that he was there, in front of her, instead of a lonely voice over the phone. "Ha ha."

He pretended offense. "You don't believe me?"

"Well.... I might..." she thought for a moment, noting his grin, "If she were some kind of hellbeast."

He pulled her close again. "God, Wills, I've missed this. I don't think I can even tell you how much."

Her voice was soft. "You don't need to. I know."

He let go and looked at her intently. "Do you?" Grabbing her hand, he stood suddenly. "C'mon. Let's go."

"Xander!" she laughed. "You just got here! I haven't seen you in three years because you've been 'on the road' and you want us to leave the moment you arrive?"

He nodded and she laughed again, finally allowing his hand to coax her off the warmth of the couch. They left the apartment together, holding hands and laughing like they had done when they were young.

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After they had stopped for ice cream, he started with the probing questions that she had known were coming. They started walking through the town aimlessly. His voice cut through the silence of the dark. "So are you ready to tell me what happened?"

She rolled her eyes and licked her ice cream. "No," she said firmly. "I just don't want to talk about it, Xander. It's over, it's done, and it's not worth talking about."

"You still love him, then?"

"What?" she choked. "I didn't say that, and no, I don't."

"Then why can't you talk about it, Willow?" He spoke softly, but his words carried a lot of weight. "I mean, the only thing I can think of is that it hurt you so badly that just mentioning what happened *still* hurts you. That you loved, and still love him *so* much, that you can't mention his name without it bringing you pain."

Willow made up her mind in a second at his caring tone, and broke the new, heavier silence that had descended. "Not pain," she corrected. "Embarrassment."

He cast her a look sideways. "Well, it's just... When you and I happened before homecoming..." She looked at him questioningly and he nodded, signaling for her to go on. "Well, when all that was over with and I was back together with Oz, it seemed perfect. I suppose it was perfect, at the time. And I don't like admitting failure. So when he moved and we decided to keep things together with the whole 'us' department, it was a horrible shock to find out about him and Cordy. Not that I blame either of them," she hurried to explain. He nodded, understanding. "But when they became a couple, it hurt that I wasn't *his* girlfriend anymore, that I couldn't claim him as *my* boyfriend. It hurt that I had failed at something I had tried so hard at succeeding at. And I liked being someone's 'girl,' as old-fashioned as that sounds."

They stopped walking, and Xander's eyes were soft as they met hers. He smiled tenderly. "You were always *my* girl," he offered quietly. Her eyes widened. "If that helps."

"It does," she murmured, and believed it. "It makes me not only feel less, well, failure-y, but it gives me a nice happy inside." He laughed and slung one arm over her shoulders as they started walking again.

He spoke affectionately. "I always loved your Willow-isms."

"My whats?"

"Your Willow-isms," he explained casually. "You know, 'a happy, failure-y, Slayerette, those things. The things you make up that are cute just because you say them."

They stopped again, and Willow looked at him for such a long time that he became nervous, automatically assuming what all males do in his position. "I'm sorry for what I did."

Surprise registered on her face. "What did you do?"

"I don't know. But you're looking at me like I did something. So I'm sorry. I take full responsibility. You can hit me!"

Willow giggled suddenly, doubling over. She clutched at her stomach as she tried to control the gales of laughter that overwhelmed her as Xander watched in complete and utter confusion. On her knees, she looked up and then began laughing again.

"Well, what?!" he finally demanded.

"I'm... sorry," she gasped out. "That was just... so... funny. I mean, you can't imagine how many times I wished you would have offered to let me hit you when we were young. And this time was for nothing!" She burst into somewhat calmer giggles and looked back up. His Xander-grin completed his face, understanding making him a happy man.

"Well, the offer stands," he told her, only half-playing.

She stopped laughing and smiled. "There's no need to hit you anymore." She licked more of her ice cream, which had begun to melt and drip down the cone. Xander took his from her hands as he helped her stand up. She straightened, the smile still clinging to her features. Features, he noted, that were prettier than the last time he had seen her, and she had been damn pretty then. Her face was softer, more mature, and her eyes, if possible, seemed brighter and greener. Or maybe it was the pink flush that had been on her face all night. Whatever it was, he was obviously enchanted.

As she dusted herself off, he asked the question that he had meant to before jumping to conclusions. "So why were you looking at me like that then?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about when we were kids, me the brain and you the bronze, and how you used to stick up for me because of all of my 'Willow-isms.' " She looked at him thoughtfully again. "A lot of the things I said got you into trouble."

"Not as much as that 'boys have a penis, girls have a vagina' thing you did in kindergarten, when the teacher wouldn't listen to you using such filthy language," he informed her seriously.

"I had just seen a movie!" she defended. "I mean, I knew that it was true, and they said it on the movie, so why shouldn't I have?"

He snickered and she went on. "That was no excuse for you to go around the rest of the day, you the little rebel, saying penis and vagina as much as possible to prove a point and make Miss Williams mad."

"I was defending, remember?" He put up his hands in a helpless gesture. "The things I do for the love of a beautiful woman."

She laughed and he stopped, suddenly noticing their surroundings. As a grin stole over his face evilly, Willow felt somewhat apprehensive and looked at him inquiringly.

With a speed that surprised them both, his rushed at her, lifting her from the ground and hauling her to the nearby wall that stood about three feet high. She looked around in confusion, not taking in the tree, the cement wall, and the cemetery behind her.

"Xander, what are you..."

He cut her off, playfully bringing his ice cream up to her nose and touching the tip with it. He spoke softly, reminding her, but husky, warm, a completely different voice than he had used all those years ago. "I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish guy."

Her eyes lit with understanding and something else. A smile edging over her lips, she answered the question that he was really asking. "Witness," she dead-panned. A pause and then, "My nose is cold!"

He smiled, leaning up. "Here, let me get that for you," he offered gleefully, intending to lick it off her nose. She lifted her hands up just in time, and pushed him away, very gently. "Xander!" she giggled.

"I'm sorry, your nose just looks so tasty..." The soft smile was back, and he reached up with a napkin to wipe the sticky dessert off her face with more tenderness than she had imagined would ever happen. Her hands crept up his shoulder uncertainly, and wound themselves around his neck. The world slowed, her heart sped up, and all she could see was him.

He lowered the napkin and then lifted his hand up again to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. His fingers strayed, reveling in touching her, and his free hand slid up to her waist, pulling her closer. Her breath was on his cheek and he traced her jawbone warmly, his hands leaving a ghost of coolness on her flushed skin. He glanced into her eyes, eyes that he loved and that had haunted him the whole time he was gone, and they were wide and alive with love and laughter and happiness.

Finally, finally, after so many years of friendship and uncertainty, after heartbreaks and a first kiss so shattering that they were both rocked to the core, things fell softly into place, and Willow adjusted in his arms, feeling comfortable and safe, but more than that: she felt that she was everything she had ever dreamed she could be.

His fingers wound themselves through her hair, and as they breathed and looked at each other, there was one last moment of hesitation, one last second of leaving the past behind, and deciding to move on in the future.  Their lips met, and it was more earth-shaking than their first kiss.

He tilted his head to get better access of her mouth and she opened her mouth under his tentatively. His tongue met hers sweetly, softly tracing it, and then fervently battling with it. The kiss went from warm to hot in a matter of seconds and her arms curled around him tighter, even as he was pulling her closer to him. And then it was passion and love and lust and everything hot and almost impossible to put together.

When they finally broke away from the embrace, they were both breathing heavily, with bright eyes and flushed faces, each more shaken than they had been the first time. He looked at her, his eyes alight with the warmth and affection that came after a perfect, perfect moment.

"Well!" he burst out, grinning. "That's the way it should have happened the first time, isn't it?" Willow laughed at him, and then nodded. He took her hand and she hopped off the wall and they headed for home.

She couldn't have said it better herself.

The End

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