Disclaimer in part one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They watched as the love filtered around the room, shining, sparkling and
tangible in a way that only the Higher Beings could see. One of Them reached
out to touch it gently, touch a strand that floated by, and then pulled back
immediately, burned and dazzled by the stinging emotions.

And They watched as the lovers fell asleep in each other's embrace, trusting
that the other be there when they woke up. Knowing that even if one of them
*was* gone, the love would still be there, and waiting, when they got back.

It was a stunning sight.

The two humans, exhausted from love-making, glowed a faint gold, wrapped in
each other's arms. One of the Higher Beings smiled beatifically.

And They watched for more.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I closed my eyes for a moment, but they wouldn't stay closed. Finally, I
opened them back up to look at her, to memorize her every sleeping feature,
to drink in the curve of her neck and cheekbone. I inhaled, smelling the
subtle scent of her vanilla perfume, and then I kissed her sleep-warmed
mouth. Buffy let out a small sigh, a contented murmur, snuggling against my
side, and then was quiet.

I smiled, brushing aside her hair, tracing my fingers in a light dance upon
her skin. They dipped under the covers and trailed along the warmth of her
stomach, the crevice in her breasts, her collarbone. Everything about her,
every nuance, was precious to me. And I was in awe that she was mine.

I don't know how long we laid like that together-- hours, days, minutes and
years all seemed to melt into each other when I was with her. Time had no
meaning. Nothing had any meaning. Nothing but the feel of her in my arms.

Sometime later, a lot later, I heard someone open and close the door to my
apartment. I gently extracted myself from her arms, careful not to wake
her, and slid on my boxers before going out the door to check who it was.

It was Doyle. With bad news.

He explained to me that the Mohra demon had revived itself. I nodded,
understanding, and threw on my shirt and some pants before heading for the
door. His hand on my arm, though, gave me pause.

"Don't you think we need somebody a little... Supernatural?" he asked
hesitantly.

I simply stared at him a moment, not understanding what he wanted me to do.

He jerked his head toward my bedroom door. "Don't you want to wake the
girl?" he clarified.

I looked through the crack in my door to see Buffy, her face as relaxed and
angelic as I've ever seen it, a small smile edged around her lips, her hair
tousled and beautiful. I whispered my answer, overcome with love for her.

"Not for the world."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't really go to sleep when Angel told me to. Instead I just laid
there, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me, the smell of him, the
warmth. My head was on his chest, and I was having a good time feeling the
rise and fall of steady breath in him, hearing his heart thud beneath the
skin.

He leaned down and kissed me softly, as softly as he's kissed me in my
dreams, and I let out a sigh, snuggling against his warm frame.

It was wonderful. He let his slip through my hair, tenderly touching my
scalp, then down past the blanket, slowly gliding to my stomach and breasts.
I felt a small, warm flutter in my heart. He wasn't going to leave me this
time. It *was* possible to attain and keep a true love. We were living (I
smiled to myself at that-- Living. Angel was *living*.) proof of just that.

I finally *did* fall asleep, though I don't know how. Maybe it was the
rhythmic thumping in his chest, or his breathing, or the heat coming from his
skin that relaxed me so much that I could.

When I woke up, though, he was gone.

I smiled to myself, thinking that he was upstairs. I stretched luxuriously,
reveling in the feeling that being in his bed gave me. Just then, moments
after I woke up, his clock radio came on. I looked at it, trying to be
annoyed but failing to feel anything but happy, and reached out to slam my
hand down on the off button when the lyrics caught my ear.

"I can feel the magic floating in the air;
Being with you gets me that way.
I watch the sunlight dance across your face,
And I've - never been this swept away.

"All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze,
When I'm lyin' wrapped up in your arms.
The whole world just fades away; the only thing
I hear... is the beating of your heart.

"'Cause I can feel you breathe,
It washes over me,
And suddenly I'm melting into you.
There's nothing left to prove,
Baby all we need is just to be -
Caught up in the touch,
Slow and steady rush...
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe...
Just breathe!

"In a way I know my heart is waking up,
As all the walls come tumbling down.
Closer than I've ever felt before,
And I know, and you know;
There's no need for words right now.

"'Cause I can feel you breathe,
It washes over me,
And suddenly I'm melting into you.
There's nothing left to prove,
Baby all we need is just to be -
Caught up in the touch,
Slow and steady rush...
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe...
Just breathe!

"Caught up in the touch,
Slow and steady rush...
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe...
Just breathe!

"I can feel the magic floating in the air;
Being with you gets me that way."

"That was Faith Hill with 'Breathe," the announcer informed me, and suddenly,
without knowing why, I was crying again. My shoulders shook, and I was
filled with such gratefulness, that I was only sad that Angel wasn't there to
share it with me.

I wiped my eyes and slipped on my clothes before heading upstairs to look for
Angel.
* * * * * * * *

Maybe I did it to prove that I could still take care of myself and Buffy,
human or not. I suppose it was a pretty striking blow to my ego to find out
differently, to learn that fingers that got broken while hitting someone
didn't heal in an hour, and that taking a fall of more than ten feet could
very well break my neck. And having Buffy come save me, as proud as I was of
her in that moment, also made me angry because *I* was the one who *she* had
leaned on, one of the only people who could save *her* when she needed to be
saved.

I wasn't angry at her, you see.

I was simply angry at the human body that had given me so much pleasure.
Which might be one of the reasons it was taken away from me. Perhaps I
didn't deserve it, and never have. The reasons are inconsequential now,
anyway. They don't matter, like nothing matters, now that the Fate has been
decided.

I wondered a long time ago, when I first got my soul back, if I would ever be
allowed to feel again. I had been so secluded from emotion for so long, that
I thought I was numb to it. And then it came back to me in shocking waves;
grief and remorse, pain over the pain I had cause others.

And then I saw Buffy. And the other feelings came.

I wasn't really numb after all. I was just... waiting for the right
feelings, I guess.

But none of this matters, either. It's just talk. Talking to myself never
prepared me for anything I had to do, so I don't know why I bother to do it
anyway. The grief will show in her eyes when I tell her what the Oracles
said, what they granted me, and why I asked for what I did. I'll see sorrow
and anger, but especially hurt, which I would rather die than to cause her.

So I told her, and we argued about what my reasons were, and then her face
crumpled, and I my heart crumpled with it. Every hope, gone. Every dream,
vanished. Everything that was attainable to us in the last twenty-four hours
is no longer so, and it's all my fault. We both knew it.

So I pulled her into my arms and cradled her head against my chest, feeling
her tears soak through my sweater and burn my skin. I wanted to let her know
that for every tear that I've made her cry, I've cried a hundred more in
regret, and for every hope that I've made her forget, a thousand dreams that
could never be weighed heavily on my mind. But I didn't. I just held her.

We whispered words to each other, an explanation from me, a denial from her,
and then she simply stared at me, and touched my chest longingly.

"I felt your heart beat," she whispered with infinite sadness, and I wanted
to die a thousand deaths at the break in her voice when she said that.

We kissed, aching and hungry for something that would never be. Her hands
slipped up to my shoulders, and she pressed herself closer to me, her breasts
crushed against my chest, and I hugged her waist tightly, wanting the moment
to last forever.

But of course, like all moments, it was just that. And it wasn't going to
last.

The next thing I knew, our promises and secrets and happiness were broken by
a blinding light, and my arms were empty of her. And a cold chill settled
over my heart.

I wouldn't fight this one, I decided.

I would let myself feel nothing.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I suddenly wanted to cry as I looked at him, reading his face as well as I
did. He was keeping something from me, I could see it, but I refused to ask
what it was, though he probably wanted me to. Instead, I finished the speech
I had carefully prepared, and stared at him evenly, *wanting* to feel
nothing, but not quite accomplishing that.

I should have known. None of the things I want are ever really accomplished.


That's just the way things are.

Seeing Angel, even for only the five minutes I had, I felt warm and cold
inside, at the same time, like I had been touched in a way that I couldn't
fathom. We hadn't kissed, or even grazed each other as we passed, but there
was something that I was missing, and I had a feeling that he knew what it
was.

But, again, I wasn't going to ask. Get in, tell him what you need to say,
and get out as quickly as possible, or else you might lose your heart, were
my rules for going to see him. And I knew that I had to stick to them
because as much as I didn't want anything to happen, I wanted *everything* to
happen, and wanting everything never panned out well for me. I always ended
up getting hurt in the long run.

So I started to leave, and we got attacked my a demon, and for a split second
I felt déjà vu, and amazement, and familiarity as I watched Angel kill him.
Like old times, right? Remember that sort of thing with fondness? I bet it
would be a lot easier to do that, if the simple act of remembering didn't
hurt my heart like hell.

And then I left.

Maybe I stared at him for a little longer than I should have. Maybe I let
him say one too many words before I ran out of the room, or maybe it was just
that I loved him too much to remind myself of him in any way and not be
affected.

As it was, I felt the tears start as soon as I left.

But I hoped they would leave soon.

I planned on being good and numb by the time I got home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Higher Beings witnessed this all in awe of the anguish that existed
between the two of them. One of Them touched Her cheek, shocked to feel a
length of water running down Her cheek. "Water?" She asked in amazement.

The Other was looking at her, quite surprised as well. "A tear, I believe,
holy and rare. You should keep it," Her Brother said with a smile.
"Crystallize it. Tears come so little to Us that they are priceless," He
explained.

She smiled at him. Their minds connected swiftly, and in an instant, the
Fates were again decided.

It wasn't their fault that the Vampire was more noble than they had
anticipated. They, even in Their infinite wisdom, didn't have the insight to
see into people's hearts, to read their minds. So They decided to work it
out. This time, it would work. And the Slayer would be contented, and the
Vampire's love sated with her.

That is, if everything went according to the plan.



CONTINUE