* * * * * * *
~Willow~
It had been a long time since any of us had come up against something real.
We weren't expecting it. But when we all got together in Giles's living room
it was like... Perfection. Like we were all different parts of the same
clock, totally attuned to one another, completed and working as we should
have been.
I looked around at all of us and was comforted by the sight and sounds that
had accompanied me through most of high school and college. I saw every one
of us, part of a puzzle, making the full picture.
There were a thousand metaphors for what the seven of us were.
But I especially watched Buffy.
She seemed to tingle in her seat, almost like she was itching to get out
there and fight. I knew that, how ever much she would deny it, deep down
she
missed the late nights of studying the evil and then slaying it. She missed
the buzz that she got when she had won the fights against some of the more
evil demons, missed the exhilaration of knowing that she was special.
Not that she confessed any of that to me. I just knew.
I knew because sometimes I missed all of those things as well. I think we
all did. We were all special in a way, a way that no one but us knew about.
I used to be a little sad at times, knowing that I was only one of maybe
a
dozen people who would know what the seven of us did, but gradually that
very
fact made the whole situation even more special to me. There was magick in
the air that night; my whole body could feel it. It hummed underneath my
skin, calling to me. I saw Giles shift in his chair and knew that he could
feel it too.
We didn't say anything, of course. Because how could we describe a feeling
that was indescribable? Magick does that to you.
And then Angel came, and the air was even more charged with energy than it
had been before. Everyone noticed the look that passed between the Slayer
and her vampire, and I felt sorry for Buffy; something that I hadn't done
since the last time she had seen Angel.
I held onto Oz's hand tightly, feeling luckier than I had in a long time.
I
sometimes took him, everything, for granted. Not in a way that made me
selfish, I don't think... Just in a way that someone is likely to, when
they've been with someone they've loved for years. He squeezed my hand back,
and I smiled at the feel of his soft palm giving me strength, those hands
that I loved.
Finally Giles dismissed us for the night, and we each slowly left his
apartment. As soon as we were outdoors, I turned to Oz.
"It's sort of scary."
He gave me his usual small, close mouthed smile that I loved. "A little."
"And... exciting?" I ventured.
He put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer as we walked to his van.
I
snuggled next to him, relieved at his next words. "A little."
"Do you think that it's wrong that it's exciting?" I bit my lip. "Like,
sort of disturbed?"
Oz shrugged easily, opening the door for me. I got in and he went around,
getting into the driver's side. He paused, thinking. "I don't think so. I
think we were all feeling it in there, you know? Something different was
happening, different and the same. I think it's normal-- or as normal as
we're likely to get in Sunnydale-- that we're all... looking forward to what
comes next."
I smiled at him, reassured. A moment later I put my hand on his arm as he
was about to pull away from the curb. "Wait."
"What is it?"
I didn't say anything; didn't have to. His eyes followed the direction that
mine were in, and he turned off the van for a moment. We watched in silence
as Buffy and Angel spoke in hushed tones in the middle of Giles's complex.
My heard ached for her again as Angel put his hand on her arm and she
flinched, too much pain and love showing in her eyes. His eyebrows were
drawn, worried, and she slowly flashed a smile at whatever it was that he
said next. Then she nodded, leaned up and gave him a small kiss on the
cheek, and turned away. Angel went back into Giles's apartment.
"I feel bad for her," I whispered. "For both of them."
Oz nodded, patting my thigh. "I know you do, Baby. We all do."
* * * * * * * *
Oz and I made love like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow. Which... Maybe
there wasn't going to be. We clung to each other and kissed and it held all
of the wonder of our first time together, except it was even better, more
familiar. Our skin was sticky with sweat when we were finished, and we lay
in each other's arms for a long time. I looked out the window and sighed
a
little, glad that Oz wouldn't have to be a wolf again for nearly a month.
I couldn't seem to stop touching him, letting myself be sure of him, sure
that he was there and with me, and that the whole night-- my whole life-
hadn't been a dream. After a while, his breath slowed and became steady,
the
sound of him sleeping, the sound I knew by heart.
I slipped out of his arms and lifted the phone, dialing Buffy's.
It answered on the first ring.
I somehow knew she was still awake.
"Hello?"
"Hi," I said quietly, careful not to wake Oz. "I just wanted to call to...
Well, are you okay?"
There was a long silence, and when she spoke, her voice was sad. "Yes. No.
I'm not really sure right now. I guess.... I guess parts of me are better
than okay. It's not the fight thing, even though that's a little bit...
nerve-wracking... It's--"
"I know," I whispered.
She laughed a little. "It's that obvious, is it?"
"If a person was blind, they would see it," I said with a smile.
For some reason, that made her laughter freeze and then die. "I guess. I
just... Don't know what to do anymore, Will. It's like, before he left me,
I
didn't lack for anything to say to him, and now I don't either, but I feel
sort of shaken everytime I look at him. I didn't used to have that, to feel
that way. Even after he lost his soul, I didn't feel that way. But..."
"It's been years," I pointed out logically. "Everything is going to hit you
harder than you expected it to. That's okay, though, you know? Sometimes
emotions are magnified when you haven't gotten to feel them in a long while."
"Yeah," she said slowly, the word sounding a little hollow and worried.
"Thanks."
"Buffy?"
"Hmm?"
"I... Saw you talking to him in the courtyard," I confessed. "What did he
say? It looked kind of intense."
"He just..." I heard her swallow. "He said things that made the whole
situation even more confusing. It's hard to be around him, but I can't help
wanting to. I still love him, you know."
"I think I figured that out," I grinned.
She laughed again, and then we disconnected. I sat there for a moment,
hearing to the obvious change-in-subject that she had given me when I asked
what was said, but it didn't bother me. Buffy would keep it secret for now,
like she always did when something was too close to her heart to talk about,
and later she would tell me if the time came up. I trusted that she trusted
me that much.
I slipped back into Oz's arms and pulled the blankets up around us, looking
forward to and a little fearful of the days to come.
CONTINUES