Summary: B/X/W/A pov's.
Spoilers: Through the season premier of the second season. :) (Am I being
vague enough?)
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they were.
<sigh> They belong to Joss Whedon and the WB I have to live with borrowing
them for my stories.
Rating: You watch the show, this is fine.
For Brenda: Soon, I promise, soon.
And for Laura: Who has been a sweetie over the last few days, offering to
write me a sequel and all... Oh wait... You didn't offer? Don't you think you
should? hee hee

I carefully stepped into the Bronze, swaying my hips slightly. Sliding my
coat off my shoulders, I slung it over my arm and walked to the edge of the
dance floor. I was attracting a lot of stares, like I should have. I looked
stunning-- And I knew it.

Angel caught my eye and headed over to me as I felt my heart thump. A sudden
anger washed over me as that happened. I didn't want to want or need or love
anything. Anyone. I rolled my eyes as he reached me, making sure he saw what
I did.

"So, is there danger at the Bronze? Should I beware?" I let the sarcasm flow
thick off my tongue. I couldn't afford to let him think he meant anything to
me-- Not in my line of work.

"I can't help thinking I've done something to make you angry, " he started.
His face was drawn with concern as though he thought I was about to burst into
tears. Why would he think that? He continued. "And that bothers me more
than I'd like." I gave a light smirk.

"I'm not angry. I don't know where that comes from." I shrugged, dismissing
something in his voice that made me *want* to cry.

"Well, what are you afraid of?" I suddenly felt very small, like the music in
the room was climbing over my face, smothering me, not allowing me to breathe.
His next questions washed that away. "Me? ...Us?" he ventured.

I gave him a mean smile, hating myself for what I spoke, though I knew it had
to be true. There was only one way this could happen. I was here tonight to
make sure that it went that way. "Could you contemplate getting over yourself
for a second? There's no us. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to
spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on." His face was
drawn and hurt, and all I wanted in that moment was to be away from him.
Stalking away to where my friends were, I muttered under my breath, but still
loud enough for him to hear me. "To the living."
*****

Angel didn't look happy. I restrained a laugh, not wanting to look like the
normal, insensitive male. Buffy was smirking at him, an expression I had
never seen on her face before, certainly never at him. I bit my lip to keep
from letting my glee show.

As she moved past him towards us, I saw her mouth move. Angel flinched at
something she said, something so quiet only he could hear it. Whatever. An
insult is an insult, public or not.

Reaching us, she handed me her coat in a girlfriendly gesture. I took it
quickly, glad for something to do with my hands, something that would help me
ignore the worried crease in Willow's forehead and the emptiness in Buffy's
eyes.

"Hey!" Buffy said, sounding perfectly fine. I told myself to just not look
too intently at her. As long as she sounded fine, she probably was. Yeah.
We greeted her back.

Willow ventured a question. "What's wrong with Angel?"

Buffy shrugged. "Beats me." Turning, she gave him a dark look that was smug
and sly at the same time. Like she was gloating over something. I sent
Willow a mock sadface. Her eyes were still dripping worry.

Buffy looked at me, a strange light filling her eyes. Leaning in close, her
chest grazing my arm, she tugged on the bottom of my shirt. "Let's dance."
She pulled on my hand as though there was no doubt that I would say no or give
any protest. And she was right. How could I say no to someone that smelled
like her? The perfume was clinging to her dress and hair, and I allowed
myself to be led to the dance floor.

"Oh... Kay."
*****

I looked at Buffy leading Xander out to dance. My stomach heaved briefly and
I felt like throwing up. She was my best friend! How could she even think
about doing this to me... No matter what was wrong with her. I felt cold and
betrayed as they stopped. I couldn't pull my eyes away to what was unfolding
in front of me.

She was writhing in front of him, completely disregarding anything that she
had ever known was wrong. Lifting her hands above her head, she moved,
dancing slowly, making sure he was watching her. And that he was dancing too.

My mind was pulled back to the other night as I watched, as I was forced to
sit there and do nothing. I hadn't been doing nothing the other night when
Xander and I had been interrupted, I thought bitterly. It's not like me to be
bitter, but I seemed to have a lot of reasons lately.

Xander had looked at me with his eyes, so dark, that night. His stare burned
and melted my insides, and for a minute, I knew what it was like to be someone
he wanted. My heart got so light I thought I would drift away. He pushed a
stray strand of my hair behind my ear and leaned in. I felt his breath on my
lips, warming them.

I shouldn't even entertain the thoughts. Something was wrong with Buffy. She
moved her hips tantalizingly in front of Xander. The look on his face made my
heart stop... Made me want to cry. It had always been her. I was a fool to
think otherwise.
*****

I swallowed hard. It was like trying to swallow my heart. Never had she been
like this. Even before she knew she was the Slayer, never had she turned on
her friends like this, using them, hurting them. Hurting me. I couldn't even
comprehend why or how I was so hurt. It wasn't like I had the right to feel
anything else.

But, somehow, I had allowed it. I had let the emotion that I hoped would save
me creep into my heart, filling it with something akin to contentment. She
had made me feel human. She had made me feel worthy of being loved. I
wondered what was going on in her heart right now.

I had no doubt as to what was going on in her mind. The completely normal
sixteen year old boy, perfectly alive and handsome in his youth swayed against
her as she wiggled her little frame against him. My jaw hurt from clenching
it.

I felt something I hadn't felt in years. Human jealousy is something foreign
to vampires, as all they can think of is being the most important, the most
remembered. But this just wanting someone away from her, this pain that was
clutching at my heart as I watched her move so close to him, was so different.
I wanted to die.

For the first time in almost a hundred years, I wanted to die for a different
reason.
******

The light played with her hair. I lifted my head to avoid kissing shoulder,
her hair, anything of hers as she brushed against me. Trying to be a
gentleman wasn't working, my sixteen year old body was betraying me. Not like
I could blame it. This was every guy's dream come true.

Grinding her body to mine, her back against my chest, I looked at the ceiling,
trying to regain some restraint. She didn't stop the grinding. Slowly,
deliberately, she placed her palm against my face. I could feel the heat
radiating off her in waves. I had once told her I wanted more, that I wanted
to dance with her.

It occurred to me that I hadn't meant like this.

Turning around, she leaned up, her lips grazing my ear. I wasn't able to hold
back a shudder, though I was now sure that something was wrong. Wrong with
the whole situation, wrong with her. "Xander?" she murmured in a sweet, husky
voice. "Did I ever thank you? For saving my life?"

I managed to speak, my voice sounding like dried leaves, rough with wanting
her. "No."

She wound herself around my body, her hand sliding from my stomach to my back.
Parts of me that should have stayed still moved, and the parts of me that
should have kept moving went still. I stopped dancing, only swaying slightly
to her gestures.

She again leaned up, and I could feel her hair, so soft and cool, tickling my
neck.

"Don't you wish I would?" And with those parting words, Buffy left me alone
with the feelings she had created.
********

I spared Willow barely a glance, ignoring what I had done to her and to our
friendship with one dance. Ignoring all she had done for me, and what I had
just done to that. Her face wore an utterly betrayed expression, but I forced
myself not to care as I smoothly picked up my coat and headed for the door. I
reminded myself once more that I couldn't afford to care.

Angel stood in the same place he had been minutes ago, staring at me in
confusion and something that looked like betrayal. Well, he couldn't belong
to me, so I wouldn't belong to him. He had no right to feel so hurt. No one
did. I was finally doing what I wanted to, and it felt great. I tried to
convince myself of that.

It didn't work. I shot him a triumphant look as I breezed past him. This was
going to be over. I needed to be alone so I wouldn't hurt anyone else. The
thought hit me harshly as I left, and I didn't look back.

Reaching the door, I walked out, into the cold, into the night that was as
dangerous as I was.

The End

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