Summary: A love is realized.
Spoilers: I'll say all.
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they
were.
Rating: You watch the show, this is fine.
Thanks to: Laura for her love of this couple. How could I not try and write
them? And Tracy-- Maybe the ending will melt all that snow for ya! :)
by: Amy
I don't think it's right to love her like I do. I tell myself that everyday. Every morning, every night, when I look at the picture of the five of them. The picture is full of innocence and love, almost as if they had put away everything in them that wasn't pure. Boxed it up, nice little package. That's what I have to do with my heart when I look at her.
In the picture, she's sitting to the right of Buffy, Oz at her left, his arm slung around her shoulders casually. That makes my heart cry in grief, that arm around her. So simple, like it belongs there. Perhaps it does.
Xander and Cordelia are also in the picture. So many smiles scar my heart as I stare down at it. I didn't know before that smiles could scar. I do now.
Willow. I could utter her name forever. I sometimes feel as though when I just quietly mutter her name, she comes alive. I'm delusional. What would someone so young and full of life want with an aging man, who's destiny has already been sewn into the folds of Fate? What could I hope to offer her?
Other than my heart, that is.
I walked into the library after class, the sun spilling in the windows lifting my dark mood. Oz and I had broken up at lunch. Though I loved him-- Would always love him-- we both knew that something wasn't right. Maybe his lingering fear over Xander, maybe my secret love for someone else. Something.
But Oz always knew.
It ended on good terms, which I guess will help in the future. I mean, we're still friends, though I'm sure it'll probably be a little awkward at the Slayerette meetings for a while. I'm glad he's staying with us. That will help, too.
The library was so quiet when I got there. The sun lit the room nicely. I would always tell Giles that it's too dark. He says that it's fitting for the kind of work we do. I think he thinks it's more fitting to him. I think he fears that he has a dark soul. But I know it's not. It's beautiful.
I wish could save him from those fears.
"Willow!" Giles's exclamation of surprise startled me out of my thought. I looked at him, blushing. What would he think if he knew how I felt about him?? I knew what I was thinking about myself.
"Um, Hi, Giles. What's-- What's on the agenda for today?" My voice was shaky as the whole thing kind of got to me. Breaking up with Oz, having this weird relationship with my best friend.... Loving someone I would never be able to have.
Giles looked at me in concern. "Why, Willow. What's going on? Is everything all right?"
I didn't know how to tell him. I wanted to, all that happened, all that I was feeling, but my throat closed up on the first word and sobs overwhelmed me as I collapsed in a chair. He rushed over, putting a hesitant hand on my back. A feeling of shock coursed through me as he sat in a nearby chair and slid his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. Letting me cry.
I'm sure he was confused. God knows I was. I'm sure he thought it was his duty to help me. I'm sure he thought I was just a little girl, crying over a childhood heartbreak. But I wasn't. I was crying over everything.
Especially him.
When she burst into tears, I had nothing to say. Groping my mind for a thought, any thought, I rushed over to her. My hand floated in the air above her trembling back for a second too long as I debated whether or not to let myself touch her. She needed comfort, I finally reasoned, placing my hand on her shoulders.
I lowered myself into a chair and pulled her close. I did it without thinking. And for once, not thinking had gotten me what I wanted. Only.... She was sobbing in my arms.
Not exactly the ardent little lover I had craved beyond all reason, but a frightened, hurting young woman. I wished I could heal her pain. I would silently kiss away her tears and she would look at me with her luminous green eyes. Something to hope for. Something impossible to hope for.
Hiccuping softly, she lifted her eyes and looked at me. Her sobs slowly subsided. Her eyes were full of questions, and her voice full of tears as she spoke.
"Giles?"
I jerked back. I had been leaning in.... Something dangerous for me to do. I had been about to kiss her. Something more stupid than it was dangerous. And how insensitive! I had always prided myself on being a sensitive chap, and here I was, about to take advantage of this confused, hurting young woman in my arms.
Standing abruptly, I walked several paces away from her to catch my breath and regain my sanity before facing her again. Her face took on a different look, almost like... Almost like I had hurt her feelings.
"Are you all right?" I asked. My voice was rough and I cleared my throat. She shook her head.
"Not right now, but I will be. Oz and I broke up," she explained. "And.... And there are some other things." Her eyes dropped bashfully and I suddenly had the feeling one gets when they are looking at something and not seeing it.
"What-- What other things, Willow? You can tell me," I coaxed. My voice was lowered and my heart started to thud in my ears.
She looked at me uncertainly. "You."
I couldn't believe I had said that. The word had just escaped from me, taking with it any self respect I had left. Taking with it any respect he had for me. I expected Giles to blush and stammer and leave as soon as he could.
But he didn't.
Instead, he looked at me squarely and, never taking his eyes off mine, walked back over to where he had been sitting. Again, he sat, taking my hand in his. His grip was warm and strong. His eyes urged me on. "Why me?"
Such a simple question. So many answers flooded me, I opened my mouth to talk, but I couldn't think of anything. Floundering, I looked at him helplessly. Giles took his free hand and reached up, softly closing my eyes so I wasn't looking at him. My breath shook as he softly lowered my eyelids with his fingertips.
Suddenly, the fog in my mind cleared, and I was left with one, beautiful thing that I could say.... One simple thing that I could give to him. "Because I love you."
His breath caught and I still didn't open my eyes. I wasn't afraid anymore. With his touch, the sound of his voice, the trembling of his hand in my own, I knew. I knew that I was with who I was destined to be with. Forever. His hand slipped up to my cheek and I leaned against it.
Giles tilted forward and brushed his lips with my own.
After I gathered all of my courage, I leaned towards her and gave her a soft, lingering kiss. The feeling of her lips on mine, her lips kissing me back, her arms suddenly winding themselves through my hair, told me that I had just committed the bravest act in my life. And the most assured.
There had never been anything to be afraid of. Not with Willow. She knew all that there was to know about me, and she loved me just the same. My heart quivered as I replayed her words in my head. "I love you." Such an honest statement, said with no regards to what was in the future. But she knew. She knew that I would take care of her. The kiss continued, sweetly, making my breath come faster and my arms pull her to me closer.
She knew all this because I loved her.
With everything in me.
The End