Summary: Wesley and Angel decide to protect Cordelia from her newest date.
Sillyfic.
Spoilers: Through To Shansu In LA.
Disclaimer: Joss.
Rating: PG13
Distribution: Just ask.
Feedback: It's a perfect yum.
Author's Note: All my thanks go to Tracy and Laura. We should all treat
them with honor. :)

* * * * * * *

"So he's a what?" Angel raised his eyebrows. "An actor?"

"Yes," Wesley answered, his lip curling up in distaste. "She met him at
rehearsal. Apparently, he's playing the lead."

"I don't think we should let her go out tonight," Angel said slowly,
thoughtfully.

Wesley glanced up with a smile. "Exactly what I was thinking. After all,
she's known the boy for barely three weeks and suddenly they're going out on
a date? Besides which, we haven't looked into his background yet. We
wouldn't want anything like last time happening."

"Yeah." Angel nodded resolutely. "And anyway, she's not completely back to
her old strength since the hospital. Sure, she *says* she's fine, but who
can really tell. She's an actress, after all."

They both paused at that, thinking it over, and then decided to let it slide.

"So. You're going to tell her that she doesn't have the night off after
all?" Wesley prompted.

"Me? I thought you would do it." Angel subtly began backing into his office.

"Yes, but... But...." Wesley stammered, looking at Angel helplessly.
"You're much more strong than I am. She... She might kill me, Angel!"

"Yeah, well. If it looks like she's going to do that..." Angel spread his
hands diplomatically. "Then run."

"I'm not telling her!" Wesley called out as Angel shut the door. "We'll just
have to follow her on that bloody date if need be, but I'm not saying one
word about her having to work tonight. Do you hear me?"

Angel's door was thrust open again and the vampire sighed impatiently.
"Fine. You want to follow her, follow her. At least I'll know she's safe."

"I'm not going alone," Wesley said firmly.

Angel rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"As afraid as I am that she'll kill me if I tell her that she can't work
tonight," Wesley explained, "I'm doubly afraid of what she'll do to me if she
found me spying on her date with 'the richest and best looking man in LA.'
Apparently he comes from old money and drives a Porsche. I'd prefer torture
from Faith to her finding out that I... That I...."

"Fine. We'll both go. He's not picking her up until after the sun sets,
right?"

Wesley nodded. "Right. He's picking her up here at eight."

"Okay. We should be here, though, when he picks her up. You know, to check
him out. See what kind of a person he is."

Wesley puffed up with pride. "I won't let her down."
* * * * * * *

"Hi David!" Cordelia smiled warmly.

David's eyes widened. "Wow. You look amazing," he said, nodding to her
fitted green dress. He leaned forward and brushed her cheek with his lips.

"Yeah. Thanks." She glanced behind herself nervously. "Um, so let's go."

"I thought your boss might be here. You talk about him so much, I was kind
of looking forward to meeting him," David said in confusion as she began
yanking him out of the door.

"Oh, you wouldn't like meeting him. He's... Really, *really* dead," she said
firmly.

"I'm dead?" Angel stepped out of his office.

Cordelia glared at him. "Well, you are." She looked back at David, lowering
her voice. "You know, um, personality-wise."

Wesley stuck his head out. "Oh! Leaving, Cordelia? Where are you off too?"
He walked over and kissed her temple.

Cordelia stared at him, stepping away. "What *is* it with you two?"

"Nothing, love." Wesley stroked her shoulder lightly. "So, you're going out
with a friend?"

"I have a date," she said firmly, looking at him like he was insane. "Have
you gone insane?"

Wesley chuckled. "Well, do have fun. I'll see you later tonight, I hope."

"Why would you hope that?" She shrugged off his touch, looking at David
apologetically. "Sorry. They get a little... Weird... Around my dates. I
guess they're overprotective or something."

"It's okay," David said honestly. "I like that you have people that you can
call family." He nodded to Angel, extending his hand. "It's nice to meet
you."

Angel took his hand, gripping it tightly. "You too. So where are you off
to?"

"Bistro. It's a little place in Santa Monica," David explained, wincing as
Angel's grip grew tighter. Finally, he yanked his hand away, smiling weakly.
"But we have to go soon if we want to make our reservations." He began
stretching his hand towards Wesley but thought better of it, nodding to him
instead. "It was nice meeting you."

"Yes," Cordelia said stiffly, her mouth tight. She looked caught between
mortified and furious. "People are always so happy to meet these two
lunatics. Let's go."

Angel and Wesley watched the couple leave and then looked at each other.
"That went well, don't you think?"

Wesley narrowed his eyes. "I don't like him. Something about the way he
looks at her. He's..."

"Shifty and untrustworthy?" Angel suggested.

"Yes, that's it." Wesley heard the downstairs door close. "We follow now?"

"Yeah." They began downstairs. "And nice touch with the kiss."

"Thank you."
* * * * * * *

"Um, Cordelia?" David's eyebrows knitted with worry. "I don't mean to be
rude, but I think your boss and... The other guy are following us."

"What?" Her mouth dropped open. "Where?"

"Three cars back." David sighed. "I'm not sure, but I thought I caught a
glimpse of that Wesley guy's face in the taillights of the car in front of
him. Maybe I didn't make the best first impression, but why would they be
following us?"

"You did fine," she assured him, glancing in the rearview mirror. She
groaned. "Yes, it's them. Listen, they've been a little wacky ever since...
Well, let's just say that I went out on a date with someone who didn't turn
out to be all that trustworthy. And just recently, I got sick and was in the
hospital for a few days. So my life hasn't been... Perfect, per say. So
they try to look out for me." She made a sound like a growl. "But this is
*way* over the line. I'm gonna..."

"I think it's kind of sweet," David said simply, glancing in the mirror
again. "But it doesn't really make for the best of dates, if it's bothering
you. I can pull over and ask them to leave."

"They wouldn't," she sighed miserably. "The only way to... Oh!"

"Oh, what?"

Cordelia sidled up next to him, a sly grin on her face. "Would you mind if
we rescheduled dinner for another night and made a couple of... Different
stops tonight?"

David laughed, catching the look in her eyes. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, first my apartment."

"Why?"

She smirked. "I have to change."
* * * * * * * *

"We're not going to Santa Monica!"

"I know." Angel's voice was worried. "We're heading to Cordelia's
apartment." He paused. "Well, maybe she forgot her purse or something.
This could be totally normal, there's no point in jumping to conclusions yet."

"I reserve the right to jump to them later," Wesley said.

"Agreed."
* * * * * *

They got to her apartment and Cordelia quickly led him inside. "Okay. Wait
here. I'll be a couple of minutes."

"Are... Are you sure this isn't too mean of us?" David asked with a grin.

"Oh, no," Cordelia called from her bedroom. "I've done way meaner things to
both of them. This year alone. Anyway, they deserve it. Following me," she
scoffed. "And thanks for going along with it, by the way. Most guys
wouldn't..."

"Most guys don't like you as much as I do," David answered.

She laughed lightly. "It's nice to know." She was silent for a couple of
minutes, and only the whispering sounds of zippers and clothing could be
heard. After she was finished changing, she emerged from her bedroom and
twirled around for him. "Well?"

His mouth dropped open. "I... I..."

She winked. "Cool, isn't it? I got it as a Halloween costume a couple of
years ago, but never ended up wearing it. I went as a cat instead."

"You look..."

"It's okay," she smirked. "Hand me my coat?"

He complied immediately and Cordelia wrapped the soft black sheathe around
her, covering her outfit. "It'll do no good to let them see me before we get
where we're going," she explained. "Come on. Let's go."
* * * * * *

Wesley narrowed his eyes. "Did she change her clothing?"

"Hmm." Angel peered at Cordelia, who was stepping inside the other car. "I
think so. Maybe she got a run in her stockings and decided that her dress
didn't work anymore. Or maybe she just got her coat and we can't see her
dress because of it."

"No..." Wesley shook his head slowly. "I'm certain her shoes were
different. And her hair as well."

Angel glanced at the younger man sideways as he started tailing Cordelia
again. "I don't know why she doesn't see it."

"See what?"

"How much you like her," Angel said casually, weaving his way in and out of
traffic.

Wesley looked at him disdainfully. "I really have no idea what you're
talking about, Angel."

"Please." Angel sighed. "You noticed her shoes."

"And that means what, exactly?"

Angel shrugged. "Figure it out yourself."
* * * * * *

"Okay, ready?" Cordelia asked breathlessly.

"I hardly think I'm dressed for this sort of thing," David began, "But I'm
with you if you want to go out in public like that. Have I ever mentioned
that I like a woman who's fearless?"

"Well, you found the right one," Cordelia said, stepping out of the car.
Carefully, she took off her coat and threw it on the seat before shutting the
door. David shook his head in amusement and held out his arm. "Don't worry
about how you look. You can be my manservant or something."

David threw back his head, his laugh as rich as his car made him look. "I'll
play the part as much as I can," he promised her as they walked up to the
door.

Shaking her head with a grin, she entered on David's arm.
* * * * * * *

"The Threshold?" Wesley looked at Angel in confusion. "Why are they
stopping here? I thought they were going to a restaurant in Santa Monica."

Angel's eyes widened as understanding swept through him like a tropical
hurricane. "It's... It's... They're going to..."

Just then, Cordelia stepped out of the car. With practiced ease, she threw
off her coat and squared her shoulders.

Wesley and Angel spoke in unison. "Oh my God."

The black vinyl unitard she wore hugged every curve of her body. The silver
zipper that reached from in between her breasts to her pelvic bone gleamed in
the moonlight. Her dark hair was up in a high, playful ponytail and it moved
like air with every step she took. She smiled with her darkly painted lips
and took David's arm. Bright silver, corkscrew earrings dangled from her
ears.

And she carried a small whip.

"It's an..."

"Please don't say it," Wesley pleaded.

"S&M club," Angel finished, dazed.

Wesley shook his head wildly, gasping for air. "Can't... Breathe... Very...
Well... Is there a paper... bag in here that I could... breathe into?"

"Wesley!" Angel took a hold of Wesley's arms and shook him gently. "Come
on. This wasn't her idea. It couldn't have been. He must have not told her
where they were going..."

"Her clothes..."

"Maybe he gave them to her as a present and then forced her to put them on
when she tried kicking him out of her apartment," Angel suggested, hoping for
the smallest chance that he was right.

Just then, she, cast a look behind her that fell between a simple, incarnate
lust, Hell's fury and the smug satisfaction that only an actress can feel
when she knows she's being watched. Wesley and Angel halted as she
disappeared from sight.

"Do you think she knows we're watching her?" Wesley whispered.

"I don't know," Angel whispered back. "No. She couldn't."

"Why are we whispering?"

"I don't know that either."
* * * * * * * *

"Um, Cordelia?" David hollered over the din, "Not that I'm not having fun
tormenting your friends-- because believe me, I am-- but do you know how much
longer we're going to be here for?"

She winced as the strobe light kicked on, her eyes glazing over as she
watched a man in leather underwear get locked up in a hanging cage. "Not too
much longer, I hope," she yelled back. "How long have we been in here?"

He held his watch close to his face to check it; it was hard to see in the
dark lighting. "Almost an hour."

"Yeah, okay. Let's leave." She turned to him and began unbuttoning his
shirt.

"What are you doing?" he asked, bewildered.

"We need to fix you up a little for them," she reminded him. Her hands found
his belt. "Is this okay?"

David sucked in his breath and then nodded. "Yeah. Go ahead."
* * * * * * *

"I think we should go get her," Wesley insisted. "Angel, I don't wish to go
into that den of sin any more than you do... I'm guessing... But we need to
get her out of there. They've been in there for at least three hours, I'm
sure. She could be hurt, or in danger."

Angel growled, low in his throat. "All right, come on."

They started out of the car and then hurriedly jumped back in, banging heads,
as they spotted her and her date exit the club. Wesley sighed with relief.
"At least she's not in any immediate danger now that we can see her."

"I still don't like it," Angel muttered, gunning the engine. "Look at him."

Wesley tore his eyes off of Cordelia and finally looked over at David, whose
necktie was tied around one of his wrists. His shirt was unbuttoned, his belt
was roped around his neck and his shirt was untucked. He carried his own
shoes in his free hand.

"My goodness," Wesley breathed. "What has he done to her?"

"What has *he* done to her?" Angel repeated incredulously. "She looks
exactly the same. He looks like he's been through... Like she's... Like..."

"Don't!" Wesley held up one hand. "Don't finish that sentence, I beg of
you. And I only meant... He must have done something to her *mind.* We were
right in not trusting him. He's been performing spells on her! You know as
well as I do that Cordelia would never act this way under ordinary
circumstances."

"Well..." Angel's voice sounded choked. "Maybe we've just never seen this
side of her. She's... She's been through a lot in this past year. Maybe
she's finally snapped under the pressure."

Wesley sighed. "If one more strange thing happens, I don't care what, I'm
marching over to their car and pulling her out of it. And then I'm going to
beat the bloody pulp out of that boy."

"Oh my God," Angel said quietly.

"What?"

"I just realized where we're going."
* * * * * * *

"My ears are ringing," David told her loudly.

Cordelia nodded. "Mine too. Sorry about this whole thing. I know it wasn't
the sort of thing you had planned."

"Well I thought maybe a nice dinner, a walk on the pier..." He shrugged.
"That's almost the same as visiting an S&M nightclub. Only without the food."

Cordelia cringed delicately. "There was food there."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Anyway, this should be quieter. And at least we'll have a chance to talk.
Besides, what are they going to do here? Watch us talk through the window?"
she said with a smile, unbuckling his belt from around his neck as they
parked. "I could hardly hear you in that place."

"Do you really want to talk?" David winked at her.

Cordelia smiled. "I'd like to, a little. If you don't mind. I mean, we've
been practicing together for three weeks and I hardly know anything about
you. It's called make-out point, but we don't have to. Tell me something
about yourself?"

"My middle name is Joseph," he chuckled. He slung his arm around her and
they were quiet for a moment. The sound of crickets from the woods
surrounding them filled the night. "I love ravioli's. And I really want to
kiss you."

Her eyes were warm. "One kiss. And then talk?"

"Promise."

He leaned forward and grazed her mouth with his before he began to deepen the
kiss. Just then, though, cold air whipped through the car and David was
yanked out onto the dirt.

Cordelia's door was opened and Wesley began pulling her out. "Come on."

"I'll handle him, you get her to the car," Angel said, standing behind the
struggling man, restraining him. Wesley nodded once, pushing a sputtering
Cordelia into Angel's car and then headed back.

He looked David in the eye.

And then decked him.

Angel's eyes widened. "You don't like her, huh?"

"He disgusts me," Wesley answered, staring at David, who was on the ground
clutching his jaw.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?!" Cordelia screeched, shoving
Wesley out of the way. She knelt next to David's side, pulling his head into
her lap. "Oh my God. Are you okay? I didn't even know Wesley could hit
like that! What the HELL did you think you were doing?" she demanded again,
looking back up at the vampire and ex-Watcher.

"He's... He's done something to you, Cordelia," Wesley explained quickly.
"We don't know what yet, but we'll find the answer and fix it."

"You ninnies," Cordelia growled. "I knew you were following me the whole
time. I made David take me to that club to teach you both a lesson. God,
you're fools. And go away!"

Wesley and Angel glanced at each other, sheepish.

"We're... We're sorry, Cordelia," Angel began.

"Save it." She helped David up. "I'll see you at work tomorrow. If I
haven't decided how to kill you by then." She turned back to her date. "Are
you okay?

David nodded weakly. "I think so," he mumbled, rubbing his jaw. "What
exactly happened?"

"Turns out these two morons *could* do something here," Cordelia said,
glaring at them. "I'm so sorry."

"Who wouldn't take a punch for a beautiful damsel?" David said, trying to
smile but not quite managing it. He rubbed his jaw again, sagging against
her. "Um, do you think you could drive?"

"Sure, sure." Sending one last look behind her, she helped David into the
car and then got in herself. They zoomed off, kicking up dirt behind them.

Wesley coughed and Angel blinked.

"Well." Wesley nodded awkwardly. "That went well, I think."

Angel raised one eyebrow, staring after Cordelia's car. "Splendidly."
* * * * * * *

Cordelia opened the door slowly, hanging up her coat. Silently, she observed
Angel and Wesley, who were both standing in front of her desk, repentant
looks on their faces. Without a word, she proceeded to her desk and sat
down, busying herself with the files she had left on it the night before.

"Hello, Cordelia," Wesley started tentatively.

"How are you?" Angel picked up the thread of lame conversation.

She ignored them both, her lips tight and eyebrows raised.

"Um." Wesley cleared his throat. "I bought donuts. I thought you might
like first pick?" He walked over and retrieved them, holding them out in
front of her as an offering. "I think I got the kinds you prefer."

"Yeah, and..." Angel floundered for a moment. "I was just about to go out
and get you some... Some... Magazines!"

"And burst into flames in the broad daylight while you're at it, I hope," she
muttered under her breath, standing and walking over to the file cabinet,
placing some files inside. The men exchanged looks and Cordelia turned
around with a sigh. Her eyes were deadly serious. "Listen to me now. If
you... If either of you ever... I swear to God... And I mean it."

"I'm sincerely sorry for what happened last night," Wesley said morosely,
looking at her pathetically. "I was wrong. We both were, but it was my idea
to follow you."

"I wouldn't let him go alone," Angel broke in, unwilling to let Wesley take
all of the blame for what had happened. "I insisted on coming. We... We
wanted to protect you."

"I appreciate the thought," she said dryly. "You could have killed him."

"You know, to be fair," Angel said diplomatically, "We wouldn't have ever
pulled him out of the car if you had just gone to the restaurant like you had
said you were going to."

"And hit him," Cordelia added, a touch of anger in her voice. "And maybe,
yeah. But where would that have left me? Waiting for you to follow me
around the rest of the night? Maybe for the entire time I was dating him?
Having no privacy while you waiting for a perfectly nice-- and rich and good
looking and funny and smart, I might add!-- guy to screw up and/or turn into
some sort of Hellbeast? Geez, I thought *I* was cynical."

"I didn't mean to hit him," Wesley defended weakly. "I thought he was
hurting you."

Cordelia's eyes softened slightly but she glared at both of them and they
shifted from foot to foot under her hard gaze. "Fine. We won't bring this
up again. And you won't follow me ever again. And you don't ever get to
meet my dates ever again. And, you each buy me something expensive."

"Fine," Angel nodded.

"Yes, fine," Wesley echoed with relief. "From where?"

"Neiman-Marcus," Cordelia specified with a firm nod.

"So we're good then?" At Cordelia's tight smile, and sighed. "Then we
should get back to work. Cordelia, could you go through on Miss Lewis' case
file?"

"Got it."

Wesley and Angel made their way back into Angel's office. Wesley shut the
door behind them and then looked at Angel seriously. "We were lying about
not protecting her anymore, correct? Because I don't know how I feel about
Cordelia going out on her--"

Angel cut him off. "Relax, Wes. We were lying." He winced. "Though not
about buying her something expensive."

"Good. And..." Wesley sighed. "I know."

And Cordelia watched them through the window, her eyes narrowed. She allowed
herself a small smile before she resumed glaring at the two morons she worked
with.

"Great," she mumbled, her voice resigned. "I'm never going to have a
boyfriend."

The End


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