Summary: A little five-minute fic. Giles's pov in one of the many scenes
from Innocence that broke my heart.
Spoilers: Through Innocence.
Disclaimer: Joss made the characters. I just write some fanfics.
Rating: G
Author's Note: This is for Tracy, 'cause she's a rockin' betaer. And for
Tony, because he hasn't gotten *nearly* enough screen time this season.

* * * * * * *

So it comes down to this.

Two women.

One choice.

The love of my life, or the reason I'm living? The woman who's taken me out
of the ether that I've been in almost all of my life, or the girl who I'm
sworn to protect from harm, the girl I've grown to love?

Their voices resonate in my head. I feel the seconds tick by far too slowly
for this to be reality, but it is.

"Is there anything I can do?" I can see her in my mind, probably holding her
hands in the way that she does when she's nervous or hurting. Standing in
the doorway, just waiting for something, anything, that says that her
presence is wanted. Just waiting for the smallest sign of forgiveness. Just
waiting for me to turn around and nod, waiting for Buffy to sigh and give in,
waiting for... anything to happen.

And then something does.

Buffy's words are quiet, with a tinge of sadness underneath, as she says,
"Get out."

I never thought it was possible to actually feel your heart breaking, but it
is. This moment has taught me that much. And then Jenny says, "I... I just
want to help," with tears in her voice, and I want to run to her and hold
her, but know that this second contains the most important decision that I'll
ever have to make.

I think of Jenny, forgiving me for almost killing her. I think of her
passion and wit and quiet brilliance. I see how fond she's grown of Buffy,
and of Willow. I like to think that perhaps Willow will grow up like her,
using her intelligence without feeling the need to apologize, remaining
subtly beautiful in her own right. I see how Jenny loves me, though she
hasn't yet said so, and I've known... for months now... How much I love her.

She's my heart. She touches something inside of me that I thought had
thought was lost forever, something that had been dead or hidden until she
came along. Something that's flared to life, something that makes me feel...
whole. When I kiss her, I feel as though my life is just beginning. When
she touches me, I feel as though my skin is on fire. When we're in the same
room together, I can sense her without turning, anticipate her expressions
and gestures as if they were my own. I don't want to be without her.

I love her.

And I look down at Buffy, who I can see is waiting for me to make my
decision. Who will I choose? Buffy is standing, very silent and very small
at my side, and there is unbelievable sadness in her eyes, belying the
hardness of her lips and face. I think of the day I first met her, the fear
that she had, the traumas that she had gone through, the traumas I hadn't
been there to comfort her for. I think of the desperation she must have had
the previous night, alone with Angel and in his arms, trying to make *her*
decisions, *her* choices. I think of her loyalty to me. I think of how her
heart has the capacity to love so fully, demonstrated by her love for the
very thing that she was born to kill.

I think of how her heart must be breaking now as well. I think of the pain
that she's gone through, and having just turned seventeen how hard it must be
on her. I've lived longer than she, but this young girl needs the chance to
live out her aggression, her pain. The only question that remains is...

Will I let her do that?

I hear Jenny's statement echo in my mind, and wonder how long I've been
standing there, silent. It feels like years. But no, Buffy is still
standing beside me, and Jenny is still waiting for my answer.

And so I answer her.

"She said get out," I say quietly, and turn back to the rocket launcher that
Buffy is now staring at, trying not to cry. I can feel the tears spring into
my eyes, too. I can feel my heart ache.

I can feel Jenny leave the room.

I turn to look at her, and I catch a glimpse of her back as she leaves the
library. I've never known such pain before.

And yet...

I know I've done the right thing. I know that my job is to give Buffy what
she needs, to help and guide her, and I've done that. And while I regret
that I had to do it in this fashion, I don't regret the action because I love
my Slayer.

I would do anything for her.

And now I have.

The End

Here's where the feedback goes
Giles
Something else