Anya:
This is the man that I plan to entangle- Isn't he fine.
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle- vengance was mine!
But I'm out of the biz,
My name I made a trade for his,
The only trouble is- I'll never tell.
Xander:
She is the one- she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace.
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight- embrace, tight embrace!
I'll never let her go,
The love we've known can only grow,
The only trouble is- no, I'll never tell.
Anya and Xander:
'Cause there's nothin to tell.
Anya:
He snores.
Xander:
She wheezes.
Anya:
Say 'housework' and he freezes.
Xander:
She eats these skanky cheese that I can't describe.
Anya:
I talk, he breezes.
Xander:
She doesn't know what pleases.
Anya:
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!
Anya and Xander:
The vibe gets kinda scary.
Xander:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary.
Anya:
Like it's all just temporary.
Xander:
Like her toes are kinda hairy.
Anya and Xander:
But that's all very well, cos God knows I'll never tell.
Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behimd his Buffy,
Now look he's getting huffy
'Cos he knows that I know.
Xander:
She clings, she's needy,
She's also really greedy,
She never-
Anya:
His eyes are beady!
Xander:
This is my verse, Hello?
She-
Anya: {spoken} Look at me, I'm dancin' crazy!
Xander:
You know, you're quite the charmer,
Anya:
My knight in armour
Xander:
You're the cutest of the scoobies,
With your lips as red as rubies,
And your firm yet supple- tight embrace!
Anya:
He's swell,
Xander:
She's sweller,
Anya:
He'll always be my feller,
Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified.
Anya:
I've read this tale,
This wedding and betrayal,
I know that come the day I'll want to run and hide.
Anya and Xander:
I lied,
I said it's easy,
I've tried,
But there's these fears I can't quell,
Xander:
Is she looking for a pot of gold?
Anya:
Will I look good when I've gotten old?
Xander:
Will our lives become to stressful if I'm never that sucessful,
Anya:
When I get so old and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?
Xander:
Am I crazy?
Anya:
Am I dreaming?
Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?
Anya and Xander:
We could really raise the beam in making marrige a hell,
So thank god I'll never tell.
Xander:
My lips are sealed.
Anya:
I'll take the fifth.
Xander:
Nothing to see, move it along.
Anya and Xander:
I'll never- tell!