“I'll Never Tell”

Anya:
This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is...
I’ll never tell

Xander:
She is the one she's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I’m right
In her tight--
embrace,
Tight embrace
I’ll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that--
No.
I’ll never tell

Both: 'cause there's
Nothing to tell

Anya: He snores

Xander: She wheezes

Anya: Say "housework," and he freezes

Xander: She eats these Skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

Anya: I talk,
He breezes

Xander: She doesn't know
What pleases

Anya: His penis got diseases
From a chumash tribe

Both: The vibe gets kind of scary

Xander: Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Anya: Like it's all just temporary

Xander: Like her toes are kind of hairy

Both: But it's all very well
'Cause, god knows,
I'll never tell

Anya: When things get rough
He just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

Xander: She clings,
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never--

Anya: His eyes are beady

Xander: This is my verse,
Hello? She--

Anya: Look at me!
I'm dancin' crazy!

Anya: You know
You're quite the charmer
My knight in armour

Xander: You're the cutest of the scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple--
Tight embrace

Anya: He's swell

Xander: She's sweller

Anya: He'll always be my feller

Xander: That's why I’ll never
Tell her that I’m petrified

Anya: I’ve read this tale
There's wedding
Then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

Both: I lied
I said it's easy
I’ve tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

Xander: Is she looking for a pot of gold?

Anya: Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?

Xander: Will our lives become too stressful
If I’m never that successful?

Anya: When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

Xander: Am I crazy?

Anya: Am I dreamin'?

Xander: Am I marrying
A demon?

Both: We could
Really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So, thank god,
I'll never tell
I swear
That I’ll never tell

Xander: My lips
Are sealed

Anya: I take the fifth

Both: Nothing to see,
Move it along
I’ll never
Tell