Wash: Screw you!
Mal: Get in line!

Mal: And they say people don't look like their pets.

Zoe: Jayne, this is something the Captain has to do on his own.
Mal: (fighting for his life) No...no it's not!
Zoe: Oh. (shoots)

Book: I'd forgotten – you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now.
Simon: No, but I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

Inara: I just want the councilor to feel comfortable. By which I mean alone.

Mel: Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in combat boots. Shut up!!

Kaylee: No power in the 'verse can stop me!

Wash: I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.

River: What am I?
Simon: You are my beautiful sister.
River: I threw up on your bed.
Simon: Yep, definitely my sister.

Kaylee: They look so glamorous together.
Jayne: I'll be in my bunk.

Wash: I've been in a firefight. Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.

Wash: You wouldn't spare Zoe in this situation. You would be planning and plotting, and possibly scheming.

Mal: There's plenty of my orders she didn't obey.
Wash: Name one.
Mal: She married you!

Zoe: We're getting him back.
Jayne: (staring at Mal's severed ear) What are we going to do - clone him?

Zoe: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on kneecaps.

Mal: Haven't you killed me enough for one day?

Simon: I've never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet.

Zoe: Take me, (Mal). Take me hard.
Jayne: (just arriving) Something about that's just downright unsettling.

Jayne: (last line of episode) Oh, hey! Free soup!