Mal: Morbid and creepifying, I've got no problem with, as long as (River) keeps her voice down.

Mal: You know, they move just as fast if you lead 'em.
Jayne: I like smacking them.

Simon: I'm very sorry (River) tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.
Mal: I'm starting to think you have a little too much time on your hands, doctor.

Mal: (talking about cows) Milk and hay, three times a day, fed to them by beautiful women.
Jayne: That was something to see.

Jayne: Here we go.
Mal: It never goes smooth. How come it never goes smooth?

Book: I might be needing a preacher.
Mal: That's good, you just lay there and be ironic.

Jayne: ('reading' from Simon's journal) 'Dear Diary. Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today we were kidnapped by hillfolk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever!'

Zoe: The captain'll come up with a plan.
Kaylee: That's good, right?
Zoe: Apparently you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

Patron: The girl's a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she's our witch. So cut her the hell down.

Simon: So finally a decent wound on this ship and I missed out.

Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You're on my crew.
Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?
Mal: You're on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?

Mal: It looks like we arrived just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.