Mal: We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.

Wash: Yes, this is a fertile land. And we shall rule over it and call it...umm, 'this land'.

Badger: The situation is...fluid.
Jayne: The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay our wage.

Mal: The wheel never stops turning, Badger.
Badger: Only matters to the people on the rim.

Jayne: 10 percent of nothing is...let me do the math. Nothing, and nothing, carry the nothing...

Mal: Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might want to see to that.

Mal: How's business?
Inara: None of yours.

Book: Captain, do you mind if I say grace?
Mal: Only if you say it out loud.

Kaylee: Being a doctor is important.
Jayne: She just wishes you were a gynecologist. (laughs)

Simon: What do you pay him for?
Mal: What?
Simon: I was just wondering what (Jayne's) job was on the ship.
Mal: Public relations.

Simon: Are you out of your mind?
Mal: Just about.

Mal: I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that'll stop Kaylee from being so cheerful. Sometimes you just want to duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.