G: But I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and...and reflexes. There's a sort of wary watchfulness I've developed over the years. It's like another sense...

*at the same time*
G: Hey! You're not in pain.
  S: Hey! You're not the First.

S: Anya said you were the First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all go-through-able.
G: Then what the hell did you tackle me for, you burke? What's that supposed to do?
S: I, uh, I didn't think of that.

Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) I don't understand a word any of you are saying.

B: Ah, you just heard the horror stories. Wear hoops, they'll catch on something, rip your lobe off. Lobes flying everywhere.

B: You mean Spike not having a chip. Free range Spike?

B: Guess it was instinct, like you were talking about.
G: I made that up! I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked.

B: Oh, nothing much. He was in the school basement, holding a shovel, acting evasive. Plus, he's got that whole "too charming to be real" thing going on. I'm looking into it.

X: Hi, can I help? You seem kind of confused.
Lyssa: You aren't wearing a green apron.
X: Confused, but sort of randomly observant.

Lyssa: I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
X: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational. By which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing...not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun. In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.

Lyssa: I have a kayak.
X: Again with the random. I like it.

X: Wanna have coffee with me later?
Lyssa: What?
X: Oh, you're the only one that gets to be random?

B: Now, if I were a sign of being evil, where would I be?

PW: Um, what're you doing tonight?
B: Preparing for tomorrow's counseling sessions.
PW: No, really.
B: Watching a reality show about a millionaire.

PW: I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.

B: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
PW: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.

B: I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right?
W: Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen.

B: Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
W: *laughs, then gets serious* Oh, right, that...that makes sense too.

B: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
W: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.

B: That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
W: Not really a shower.
B: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.

B: He's good-looking, and he's...he's solid, he's smart, he's normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice 'cause I don't want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I'm attracted to him?
W: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.

X: Guys, guess what happened.
W: Buffy got a date!
X: No, I did. Fine. Way to steal my thunder.

B: If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First.
X: Also, like ten years older than you, right?
W: Which is like 100 years younger than your type!
B: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution.

W: I think they're gonna end up making out. "Oh, Principal Wood," she'll gasp, "I love your lack of wicked energy."
B: Watch it, or I'm gonna make you talk about your new girlfriend who you hold hands with under the dinner table and think we don't notice.

W: How 'bout yours, Xander. Is she evil?
X: Well, she's interested in me, so there's a good chance, but I'm hoping for the best.

G: Dear lord, I hate that mall. The shop assistants are rude. And everything in the Food Court is sticky.

G: I was concerned that my Mandarin is a little thin, but as it turns out, she speaks Cantonese, which is thinner. But we muddled through, and, as I suspected, ice cream is a universal language.

Caho-Ahn: *subtitle* Like many from Asia, I am lactose intolerant. I'm very uncomfortable.

B: What'd she say?
G: She's grateful to be in the land of plenty.

FE!Jonathon: You don't need a manual, it's intuitive. There's a button marked "Clock Set" for pity's sake. What kind of a nerd are you? No wonder you crashed your jet pack.
Aw: No, get thee behind me. *pulls out a cross* I rebuke thee. Take that, The First!

Aw: What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First?

FE!Jonathon: You think she'll ever let you in? You're a murderer.
Aw: Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow and Spike.

FE!Jonathon: Willow brought something to this house‹something good, something you can use.
Aw: The new microwave?

B: Well, it is unclear. That's why I chose a top that says, you know, I'm comfortable in a stodgy office or a swinging casual setting...or killing you, you know, if you're a demon.
A: It also says I sometimes get blood on my shoulder. Or it might be pizza.

A: I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.
B: Well, it's not working.
A: Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my...my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.

A: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.

B: You don't have to...
S: What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.

S: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.

B: You should try this too. The going out thing, I mean. I mean, there's that girl you brought to Anya and Xander's not-a-wedding.
S: Oh, yeah, right. There's always girls who like the look...bad boy, you know. Does it for some of them.

Lyssa: It's hot cocoa.
X: Well, sometimes I don't sleep too good. I just lost macho points, didn't I?

W: I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more.

G: Those are flashcards. I...I made them to facilitate her training. Chao-Ahn never had a watcher. The language problem...
W: You showed her these?
G: I wanted her to understand the seriousness of her situation.
D: Holy crap!

G: Buffy has a date?
A: Yes... Didn't you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date. Willow's been completely making out with this girl...
K: Hey!
A: Xander's out with some hardware-store-whore. It's Date Fest 2003.

W: Actually, Buffy's investigating Principal Wood. It's not a date.
G: Really.
W: Might be a date.

G: For God's sake! How can anyone think about their social life? We are about to fight the original primal evil. These girls are in mortal danger. Didn't you see the flashcards? This isn't right.

B: Well, it is one of the nicer dark alleys.

B: And you know who I am?
PW: You're the slayer.
B: Right. OK, um, so I'm guessing that you don't work in an office 15 feet above the hell mouth because you enjoy educational administration?

B: So, you didn't hire me for my counseling skills?
PW: *laughs, then gets serious* They're valuable too.

PW: OK. See, when I was a little boy, my mother was one. The one, actually...the slayer.

B: So, you decided to tell me?
PW: That's right.
B: In a darkened, little romantic French restaurant?

FE!Jonathon: Did you find the gun?
Aw: Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things.
FE!Jonathon: Show me.
Aw: Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants...
FE!Jonathon: Show me the gun.
Aw: Oh.

Aw: Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I'm gonna work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies?

Aw: Are you...are you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away?
FE!Jonathon: You're asking a lot of questions.
Aw: Yes, well, I, uh, because... 'cause I'm evil, and I want to do the best I can at that, so I want to...know stuff like when...when do we kill Buffy?
FE!Jonathon: Are you wearing a wire?

Lyssa: Thanks for your help selecting the ropes. The one I picked wasn't strong enough.
X: Yeah, that would've been bad.

X: It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a reason.
Lyssa: You just seem like a nice guy, that's all. And I wanted to get to know you.
X: And kill me?
Lyssa: Sure. Do the ropes hurt?
X: Yes.
Lyssa: Good.

S: You tried to recall the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally piss it off?

Aw: God, I never should have gone in wired. Redemption is hard.

Aw: Ow. I'm frightened. And my chest hurts where the tape was.
D: It's OK, Andrew. You did good. You stood up to it. That's really amazing.
Aw: Thank you. You're a peach.

W: Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals.
Am: Signals?
W: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me."
K: You don't remember which?
W: It was a long time ago.
D: Well, if we play the percentages...
G: Something's eating Xander's head.
A: Say, that's gratifying.

X: I don't think you understand what you're getting yourself into.
Lyssa: The seal opens, and a vicious feral vampire creature comes out.
X: Well, then you do understand. But, uh, what makes you think that's, like, a good idea?

A: Where are they? It's after 2. I can't believe Buffy hasn't brought him home yet. His slut ate him up.
W: His slut didn't eat him up. And besides, I thought you were all angry at him.
A: My feelings are changeable but intense.

Chao-Ahn: *subtitle* Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking?

G: She says she can't sleep. Um, I made myself some warm milk. You can have it.
Chao-Ahn: *subtitle* You're trying to kill me!
G: She's shy.

A: Xander all right?
D: Looks OK.
A: Damn him!

X: I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay.
W: What?
X: You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?
Aw: Captain Archer...
X: Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here.
B: What if you just start attracting male demons?
D: Clem always liked you.
A: It would serve you right.
G: Children, enough.
X: I'd need some stylish new clothes.

FE!Nikki: Would you like to know who killed me? I know you went looking for him.
PW: You don't know anything.
FE!Nikki: Is that right? Well, you can check it out after I tell you. Check the timing.
Re-read what the witnesses said, and the people in the subway station...
PW: Who is it?
FE!Nikki: You met him. You know him. You fought at his side.
PW: Spike.
FE!Nikki: Now, what do you say?
PW: Thank you.

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