BtVS Quotes

(B=Buffy, X-Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, D=Dawn, A=Anya, G=Giles)

A: Shouldn't we stab him through the chest? Isn't that what we do when these things happen?
W: Look, Buffy knows what she's doing.
A:Well, Xander, you know what we're all talking about. I mean, you've always been part of the "Spike is evil" faction.
X: I've got a house to put back together.
A: Fine. You guys keep your heads buried in the sand, but I think we should prepare ourselves for the possibility that William the Bloody is back.

Warren: Excellent. We've got work to do.
Andrew: I have to do work right now? Can't I just walk around for a while in my coat?

Warren: Pretty bitchin', right? I'm like Obi Wan?
Andrew: Or Patrick Swayze.

Jonathon: You know, it wasn't that bad. It was like a sharp pain, then a burning, then a general queasiness. It's kinda like when I used to get ulcers in high school, only at the end I became one with light and hope.

D: I just wanted to tell you that Buffy won't be coming in today. She's really sick.
PW: Oh, no.
D: Yeah, last night she was vomiting, and then this morning she was vomiting some more, and then, just when we thought she was done, she was vomiting again.
PW: Yeah, we got that stomach flu going around.
D: Her exact words were, "I've got stuff coming out of both ends."
PW: Thank you. That's very helpful.

Quentin Travers: The girl knows nothing. And we need to find Rupert Giles...as soon as possible.

B: He's been feasting on humans for weeks. He's having some pretty bad withdrawls. I think we need to get him some blood.
W: Do you want me to kill Anya?
B: No, we should probably try to wean him off humans. He'll have to make do with animal blood.
W: I'll go get some.
B: You don't mind?
W: No, I have to get out of the house. Xander's installing the new windows, and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk ‹ not my thing.

Andrew: Babe 2: Pig in the City was really underrated.
Warren: Don't think about Babe.
Andrew: Right.
Warren: You're Conan. You're the destroyer. It's you against nature. You're the hunter, you're primal, you live off the land. You're Andrew. Everyone knows you. You play by your own rules. It's kill or be killed.
Andrew: That'll do, pig! *charges at the pig*

Andrew: I'd like 12 pork chops, 2 pounds of sausage, 8 quarts of pigs blood, 3 steaks, um, halibut, and, uh, some toothpaste...
Butcher: This is a butcher's shop, Neo. We don't sell toothpaste.

Andrew: I am bad. I'm bad, I'm evil, but I'm protected by powerful forces. Forces you can't even begin to imagine, little girl. If you harm me, you shall know the wrath of he that is darkness and terror. Your blood will boil, and you will know true suffering. Stand down, she-Witch. Your defeat is at hand... W: *pushes him* Shut your mouth. I am a she-witch, a very powerful she-witch, or witch, as is more accurate. I'm not to be trifled with...
Andrew: But I... W: I'm talking. Don't interrupt me, insignificant man. I am Willow. I am death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true. OK?

*to Willow* Andrew: Hey, your hair's not even black anymore.

X: What're you doing back in town?
Andrew: You'll get nothing out of me, carpenter.

X: Now, we can do this the hard way, if you want. But believe me if I tell you, this will go much easier if you just tell us what you know.
Andrew: Ow. You're barking up the wrong asparagus, man. I don't know anything.

A: You think this is a game, junior? People are dying. *grabs Andrew* Friends lives are in danger.
X: Hey, Anya.
A: Now you want to waste time on deceptions? Not on my watch! *smacks Andrew*

A: *giggles* Did you see that? I actually made him cry.
X: You were perfect. I was worried I overdid it with the whole "easy way, hard way" thing.
A: No, you were great! And I wasn't sure if I should slap him, but then he made me want to slap him, so I thought, OK, slap him!
X: He'll be singing in no time.

B: How's your guy?
A: The weasel wants to sing. He just needs a tune.
X: He's primed. I'll be pumping him in no time. *akward beat* He'll give us information soon.

B: When did your chip stop working?
S: I wasn't aware that it had, you know. Not 'til now.
B: And the losing time? How long has that been going on?
S: Oh, things have been wonky since I got back, ever since...
B: You got your soul.

S: Saw a man about a girl. I went to seek a legend out. Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a demon.
B: Just like that?
S: No, not just like that. There was a price. There were trials, torture, pain and suffering... of sorts.
B: Of sorts?
S: Well, it's all relative, isn't it?
B: Meaning?
S: Meaning I have come to redefine the words pain and suffering since I fell in love with you.
B: How can you say that?
S: Apparently, I just slaughtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I'm not really worried about being polite anymore.
B: So, that's what this is about. You feeling sorry for yourself, Spike?
S: I'm feeling honest with myself. You used me.
B: Yes.
S: You told me that, of course. I never understood it though. Not until now. You hated yourself, and you took it out on me.
B: You figured that out just now?
S: Soul's not all about moonbeams and pennywhistles, luv. It's about self-loathing. I get it. Had to travel 'round the world, but I understand you now. I understand the violence inside.
B: Violence? William the Bloody now has insight into violence?
S: Not the same. As bad as I was, as evil and as wretched as I was, I never truly hated myself back then. Not like I do now.

Andrew: That chick's psycho.
X: You don't know the half of it. She's a vengeance demon, you know. She's bad news.
Andrew: This one time I saw her having sex with Spike.
X: She's killed more men than smallpox.
Andrew: Does smallpox still kill people?
X: She's killed a lot of men. She tortures them. Anyone who incurs her wrath. One time she... No, nevermind.
Andrew: What?
X: It's not important.
Andrew: What'd she do?
X: Well, there was this one guy...there was this one guy, he, uh, he hurt her real bad, so she paid him back. She killed him, but she did it real slow. See first she stopped his heart, then she replaced it with darkness, then she made him live his life like that. But he still had to go do his job and see his friends and wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, but he had to do it all empty. Without anything to look forward to. Ever.
Andrew: Sounds bad.
X: Well, then she tore out his intestines and rubbed it in his face and took pictures of it.
Andrew: Oh, God.

A: You lying son of a bitch! You're gonna tell us what we need to know, and you're gonna tell us right now!

A: Get off me, Harris! *slaps Xander and gives an "I'm sorry" look* Come here, you pipsqueak! *shakes Andrew's shoulders*

D: How is what's his name?
X: He's got a good chunk taken out of his neck, but he'll be all right. Had to tie him up again, but mainly just to keep him from scratching at his bandages.

B: He was talking to someone. I heard through the door, he was having this conversation. And then he started singing.
A: Maybe it's another musical. A much crappier musical.

X: Trigger.
A: The horse?
X: No, in his head. It's a trigger. It's a brainwashing term. It's how the military makes sleeper agents. They...they brainwash operatives and condition them with a specific trigger, like a song, that makes 'em drastically change at a moment's notice.
W: Is this left over from your days in the Army?
X: No, this is left over from every Army movie I've ever seen. But it makes sense. We've had ghosts or something haunting us, right? Well, what if Spike's ghosts have figured out a way to...not only haunt him...what if they figured out how to...how to control him?

B: This trigger. How do we holster...safety, or...I don't know guns. How do we make it stop?
X: Well, usually the operative completes his task and either blows his head off or steals a submarine.

S: Did I hurt anybody?
B: You took a good bite out of Andrew.
S: Who?
B: Tucker's brother.
S: Oh.

B: Xander has this theory that you're being triggered.
S: Kill me.
B: What?
S: Buffy, you have to kill me.
B: You don't understand. When I left the room earlier, I heard you talking to someone...
S: Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?
B: I was in the cellar with you. I saw what you did.
S: I'm not talking about the cellar. The people in the cellar got off easy. I'm talking about me. Buffy, you have never met the real me.
B: Believe me, I'm well aware of what you're capable of.
S: No, you got off easy too. Do you know how much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die? I do. You see, the trick is to drink just enough to know how to damage them just enough so that they'll still cry when you...'cause it's not worth it if they don't cry.

S: You wanna know what I've done to girls Dawn's age? This is me Buffy. You've got to kill me before I get out.

S: Have you ever really asked yourself why you can't do it? Off me? After everything I've done to you, to people around you. It's not love. We both know that.
B: You fought by my side. You've saved lives. You've helped...
S: Don't do that. Don't rationalize this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it. You like men who hurt you.
B: No.
S: You need the pain we cause you. You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the slayer.
B: No. I don't hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore. You think you have insight now because your soul's drenched in blood? You don't know me. You don't even know you.

B: You're not alive because of hate or pain. You're alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance.
S: Window dressing.
B: Be easier, wouldn't it, it if were an act, but it's not. You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man.
S: Buffy...
B: And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike.

X: They were so fast. And organized.
B: They were after Spike all along.
X: And we were just in the way.

B: I know these guys. I fought them before. We aren't being haunted. This isn't some demon. It's all the same thing. Spike's ghosts, the people you guys saw, from beneath us, it's all the same thing. I know what we're up against. The First.

Quentin Travers: Ladies and gentlemen, our fears have been confirmed. The First Evil has declared all-out war on this institution. Their first volleys proved most effective. I, for one, think it's time we struck back. (paces) Give me confirmations on all remaining operatives. Visuals and tacticals. Highest alert. (stands still) Get them here as soon as possible. Begin preparations for mobilization. Once we're accounted for, I want to be ready to move.
Watcher: Sir?
Quention Travers: We'll be paying a visit to the hell mouth. My friends, these are the times that define us. Proverbs 24:6. "O, by wise council, you shall make your war."

The First in Spike Form: Oh, don't look at me that way. I wanted to do this more subtle-like. My Harbingers have a tendency to call attention to themselves.

The First in Buffy Form: I have to admit, I'm glad it worked out this way. I was going to bleed Andrew, but (sighs) you look a lot better with your shirt off.

The First in Buffy Form: To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of subtle. I think it's about time we brought some authority to our presence. Now, Spike, wanna see what a real vampire looks like?