X: Sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, "Where's Riley? Oh, wait, the central republic of Where In the Hell."

A: Xander, if you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second, no, the red one, and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. Like that, okay?
X: Check. Big bomb clock.

X: Yeah, relationship debris is kind of piling up on the Buffy highway.

A: Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em, you start going, my goodness, young lady, maybe you're doing something wrong here too.

B: So, um, about being a nun. You know, um, with the whole abjuring the company of men, you know? How's that working for you? The abjuring.
Nun: Um, good.
B: Yeah, do you have to be, like, super-religious?
Nun: Well, uh...
B: How's the food?

G: The resources that the Watcher's Council have at their disposal... I mean, the central library alone is--
B: Don't talk about the books again. You get all... And sometimes there's drool.

B: It's just I trust these Watchers about as far as you could throw them.
G: Thank you very much.

B: These things happen. People break up and they move on. For a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but big picture...
G: Not so huge.
B: Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world. Don't you listen?
//uncomfortable pause//
B: I'm teasing. Sort of.

W: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
T: I said "quirky."

G: Um, Anya, while I completely trust you to take care of the inventory and the money, um, dealing with people requires a certain... finesse.
A: I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods.
X: See there? She'll be great.

W: It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape.

X: So, how goes the slaying?
B: I killed something in a convent last night.
X: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us about the killing, Buff.
B: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
X: Okay, now we're back to frightening.

B: No more bathrobe.
J: I looked at it today, and there it was, all fuzzy and blue, and I just couldn't stand it any more.
B: I don't think the rest of us will miss it much, either.
D: It was getting a little ripe, Mom.
B: Maybe we should burn it.
D: It would keep the bugs away.

D: Can I hang out in here?
B: Don't touch anything.

B: It wasn't like that. I was never angry with him. Okay, that's a lie.

B: Stop being insightful. It's creepy.

S: Uh, there's something I gotta tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. I didn't mean to... Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed -- by him, not me. I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you, best intentions. You know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right, while he's toddling halfway around the bend. Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side. Me, doing you a favor. And you being dead petty about it! Me getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and-- you ungrateful bitch! Bitch!! Buffy, there's something I wanted to tell you...

T: Hellebore. One of my favorites.
W: It's powerful stuff. I tried to use it to de-rat Amy and it didn't work, but I think it might have made her really smart. She keeps giving me these looks like she's planning something, rubbing her paws together.

W: There Buffy is, middle of the night, and she finds this whole nest of vamps. And then she just goes "Presto!"
T: Only it won't be "Presto", exactly.
W: And voomph! There's a floating ball of sunlight. Vamps get dusty.
T: You don't want to look right at it, though.

W: It's so cute. He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl. And-- but don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years.

W: I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?

W: We could show you how to do some stuff. You could be floating pencils by the end of the day.
A: Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and have drugs.
W: Look how easy.
A: Hey, don't float the merchandise.

A: Willow's stealing. She's a burglar.
W: Right. the cunning, broad daylight in front of everyone burglar.

X: Hey, hey, Judge Xander requesting a recess here.

W: Oops.
A: The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god!
W: I'll fix it, I'll fix it! Recursat! There. All back. Good as new.

A: She endangered the money!
W: Of course, that's what she cares about. "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
A: Xander, she's pretending to be me!

W: Hey, Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain.

W: He's not a ball of sunshine.

B: New semester, new classes, whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by.

B: I really don't need a daily two-o'clock knife in the heart.

T: Willow says that things always happen for a reason.
B: Yeah, but you ever notice people only say that about bad things?

B: Xander left Anya?
T: No... Not left her, left her. He just left. It was only a little thing, really.
B: Little thing? See, the thing is, little things get bigger. You know? And, and if you don't catch the little thing, and then boom! You have this whole huge thing! Not them, with the little things. They can't break up! They have a beautiful love.
T: I think they'll be fine.
B: //sobbing// They have a miraculous love!

W: I released him? No, this was definitely a "we" thing. Or, or a "you" thing. It definitely feels like a "you" thing.

A: Well, I don't know how to put the top up. I only just figured out what the left pedal does. It makes us stop!
W: You don't know how to drive? Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive?
A: Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I?

W: There's a troll on the loose and you're gonna crash Giles' car!
A: It's likely. We're going very fast.

W: Giles can be an idiot. The smart kind, but still.

X: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
S: Lovely thought.

S: No need to talk about her, then. I'm sure she's merrily slaying some pals of mine, having a grand old time.

Olaf: You do well to flee, townspeople. I will pillage your lands and dwellings. I will burn your crops and make merry with your more attractive daughters.

X: Sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this look. This what-the-hell-do-you-see-in-her? look.
S: I know that look. A lot of people never really got Dru, you know?
X; Well, she was insane.

X: So, uh... think I should run and get Buffy?
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
X: I'm gonna run and get Buffy.

X: Maybe you could fight him.
S: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.

A: You shouldn't be here. There's a troll.
X: A big guy, hammer? I think I noticed him.

W: I wish Buffy was here.
B: I'm here.
W: I wish I had a million dollars. //pause// Just checking.

Olaf: You seem determined to put an end to all my fun. Just like you always did when we were dating.
A: Uh, um...
X: You dated him?
B: You dated a troll?
W: And we're, what, surprised by this?

S: I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. Look at all these lovely, blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I knew you wouldn't like it.
B: You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?
S: Well, yeah.

W: I'm taking everything on relocation spells, suspension spells, and, what the heck, spells to make him really sleepy, because, slightly better.

W: You're so rude. I mean, sure, at first-- ex-demon: doesn't know the rules. Well, you've been here forever. Learn the rules.
A: Rules are stupid.

W: You spent, what, a thousand years hurting men? You got your thousand-years-of-hurting-men gold watch.

A: Is this the spell?
W: Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which... let's not.

A: I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you and your lips.
W: No, it was not! Well, yes, it was so.

W: Hello, gay now.

Olaf: I could be out pillaging, devouring babies, making merry with the local virgins! But instead, I had to come all the way back here to kill you.

W: "E conspectu abeat monstrum." //cash register disappears// Damn.

W: Distract him from Buffy. Piss him off.
A: I don't know how.
W: Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.
A: Oh, thanks.

Olaf: My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were.

B: Where did you send him?
A: The land of the trolls. He'll like it there -- full of trolls.
W: It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.
A: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
T: There's a world without shrimp? I'm allergic.

G: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
B: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
G: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers