G: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
B: I'm aerobicising. I must have the beat.
G: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.

X: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there were only 12 grades.
B: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
W: C'mon, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
B: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed. Giles!
G: Oh, there you are.
B: Hey, morning. Say, is that tweed?

B: So, what's on tap tonight that's so important? Uprising? Prophesied ritual? Pre-ordained deathfest?
X: Ah, the old standards.
G: A medical transport is delivering a monthly supply of blood to the hospital.
B: Hmm, vampire meals-on-wheels.

G: I'll bring the weaponry.
B: I'll bring the party mix.

B: Have I ever let you down?
G: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?

JC: Morning, England.
G: Oh, hello, Ms., uh, Jenny.
W: Feel the passion.
JC: Willow...
W: Coughing, not speaking. *cough*

X: Those poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday.
JC: 9AM okay with you, Xander?
B: You got a bit of schlub on your shoe, there.

JC: Cordelia's going to meet us.
X: Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.

JC: This weekend.
G: Would you like to go out?
JC: No, I think I'd like to stay in.

JC: Saturday night. I'll see if I can make you squirm.

C: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First, I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday. Now I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?

C: Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way!

B: All's well that ends with cute E.R. doctors, I always say.

B: I'm worried about Giles. He was supposed to meet me here.
A: Maybe he's late.
B: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
A: You're right.

JC: All right, guys, the first thing we're going to do is... Buffy.
X: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?
W: Aw, you miss your friends?
X: Sit here, Buffs. De-militarize the zone between me and Cordelia.
C: Yeah, and de-louse him while you're at it.

B: He was acting, well, very anti-Giles.

B: I think he was drinking.
JC: He was home alone drinking?
W: But... tea, right?

X: My Uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you ever met - by day. By night it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?
B: He was alone.
X: Give it time.

C: I didn't think it was important.
X: We understand. It wasn't about you.

B: Honesty. Nice touch.
E: It's one of my virtues. Not really.

G: Is everyone all right?
C: Super. I kicked a guy!

X: Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial. Been meaning to thank you for that.

E: Hello, Ripper.
G: I thought I told you to leave town.
E: You did. I didn't.

C: Why did he call him Ripper?
G: You should have left when I told you.
C: Ohh!

C: This is what happens when you have school on Saturday.

B: Xander, how do you feel about digging though some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
X: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? ....Nah.

X: Okay, Giles and orgies in the same sentence. I could have done without that one.

B: The dead guy's all puddly now.

Ey: Oh, you've never had the stomach. But that's okay, 'cause I'm about to rip it out.

B: Don't be sorry, be Giles.

B: Come on, we fight monsters, this is what we do. They show up, they scare us, I beat them up, and they go away.

E: How does Ripper inspire such goodness?
B: Because he's Giles.
E: And I'm not. Still, lucky me!

B: I'm not much into running.
E: Aren't we manly?
B: One of us is. You're going to hide until it's over.
E: Excellent plan!

C: I've got the solution right here. "To kill a demon, cut off its head."
X: Oh, yeah, we'll find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey, she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice?
C: Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain.
X: That's it! Twelve years of you, and I'm snappin'. I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwing down. Come on!
C: I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you.
X: Give it your best shot.

E: Well, I hate to mutilate and run, but...

A: I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years. Just waiting for a good fight.
B: Winner and still champion.

X: I think that Ethan guy disappeared again.
B: Darn, I really wanted to hit him until he bled.

B: Hey, maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.
W: Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress.
X: And the dental plan's crap.

B: Is she okay?
G: Um, the hills are not alive.
B: I'm sorry to hear that. I think.

G: Bay City Rollers - now, that's music.
B: I didn't hear that.