A Hole in the World
Roger (Freds Dad): I dont see why it has to be this way. There are plenty of good schools in the area.
Fred: I know and have a nice room and I could meet a nice boy and we could get married and we could live in my nice room.
Trish (Freds Mom): Hed have to be a smallish fella.
Fred: And have sweet little babies that could sleep in the drawers.
Roger: I do not see a down side to this plan.
Fred: Daddy, I love you like pancakes but Im getting the hell outta here.
Trish: Language.
Roger: She should say it. Thats where shes goin. Hell-A.
Fred: Its Los Angeles. The city of Angels, remember?
Roger: If you meet one angel there Ill eat the dogs. Bunch a junkies and spoiled movie actors, thats who youre gonna meet.
Fred: In the graduate physics program at UCLA.
Roger: You dont know.
Trish: Sweetie, why dont you check the Chevy one more time.
Roger: Chevys fine. Slept in the drawer til I was three. Didnt stunt me none.
Spike: Fuss, fuss. The thing was about to strike. It was on your back. What was I supposed to do?
Angel: Ask me to turn around.
Spike: Heat of battle. Wasnt time.
Angel: You just like stabbing me.
Spike: Hah! Im shocked, *shocked* that youd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.
Angel: You know we only asked you along because we felt sorry for you.
Spike: Werent for me youd be bug food so stop wincing.
Gunn: Whats up?
Wes: I should ask you. You seem unutterably cheery.
Gunn: I am. I am. Look, I gotta be straight with you cause this is kinda blowing my mind.
Wes: Tell me.
Gunn: Fred and I are getting back together. She was so keyed up from last nights fight she asked me over and we ended up talking for hours just like old times. Then, all of a sudd--I cant even keep this up cause your face is going to make me weep. Wes I am *so* messing with you.
Gunn: And to add the necessary boiler plate, you ever hurt her Im gonna kill you like a chicken.
Spike: Its bollocks, Angel. Its your brand of bollocks, from first to last.
Angel: You cant ever see the big picture. You cant see *any* picture!
Spike: Im talking about something primal, right? Savagery. Brutal, animal instinct.
Angel: And that wins out every time with you. You know the human race has evolved, Spike!
Spike: Into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope to hold up to aggressors.
Angel: Were bigger, were smarter, plus theres a thing called teamwork not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors!
Spike: You just want it to be the way you want it to be.
Angel: Its not about what I want!
Wes: Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?
Angel: No.
Wes: It just sounds a little serious.
Angel: It was mostly. . . theoretical.
Spike: We were just working out a . . . . Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?
Wes: Ah. . . . . Youve been yelling at each other for forty minutes about this. . . . Do the astronauts have weapons?
Angel & Spike (in unison): No.
Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts dont stand a chance against cavemen, so dont even start.
Angel: Look. I cant do this anymore.
Spike: Admitting defeat, are you?
Angel: You and me. This isnt working out.
Spike: Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
Angel: Im saying you should go.
Spike: You really cant stand the competition, can you?
Angel: That is the . . . The way I figure it, Lindsey brought you back as a spirit bound to this place so youd become invested in it. He only made you corporeal again once youd gotten used to it. Attached to it.
Spike: Im not attached. I just dont have anywhere else to go.
Angel: What if you did? Look, Wolfram & Hart has got offices in every major city in the world *and* a lot more out of it. Ill give you the resources you need to go anywhere. Cars, gadgets, expense accounts. You fight the good fight. But, in style. And if possible, in outer Mongolia.
Spike: Roving agent. Sort of double-oh 7 without the poncy tux. Go anywhere I want?
Angel: Anywhere. Everywhere.
Spike: Huh. Anywhere but here.
Fred: But that doesnt make any sense.
Lorne: I jut call it like I see it.
Fred: But the cavemen have fire, thats what they live with in their caves. The astronauts should have some sort of weapon.
Fred: Hmp. Its my boys. I havent had this many big, strapping men at my bedside since that night with the varsity LaCrosse team. That was a joke.
Lorne: You sure gave us all a big scare, Freddles.
Angel: You just need to rest. Labs doing some blood work.
Fred: Im a mummy, arent I?
Spike: Ive fought plenty of mummies, and none of them are as pretty as you. Almost none.
Fred: Now you all are being too comforting. Whats really up?
Gunn: Youre sick and youre making it worse by worrying.
Knox: Weve got that sarcophagus under the scope. If it gave you anything well isolate it in a few hours.
Fred: So you dont know what it is?
Angel: Yet.
Fred: Ok.
Angel: Were gonna work this. Shouldnt take long.
Fred: Handsome man saves me.
Angel: -chuckle- Thats how it works. Lets get cracking.
Fred: Get cracking. Such an old fogey. . . . . I know youve got to go be book man.
Wes: Yes. Just hit that line Ill be here in a heart beat.
Fred: Assuming I still have one.
Wes: Hush.
Angel: Wes and Fred?
Spike: You didnt know?
Angel: I didnt know.
Angel: Hows she handling it.
Wes: Shes smarter than all of us put together. She knows its bad.
Gunn: How bad? What do we know?
Knox: Whatever shes got it doesnt match up with any of the pathogens in our archives. Its mystical and its not ours.
Angel: What about the sarcophagus?
Wes: My team is cross checking the symbols but its also new territory for us.
Gunn: Angel what exactly is happening to her? You talked to the doctors.
Wes: Do they have something?
Angel: Yeah, I, uh. . . Some parasitic agent is working its way through. . . I mean, as near as they can tell. . .
Wes: Get to the point.
Angel: Her organs are cooking. In a days time theyll liquefy.
Spike: No. Not this girl. Not this day.
Angel: Wes you gotta tell me what was in that box. A name, history, anything.
Knox: We cant get it open, not even the lasers.
Wes: Where did it come from?
Knox: It just showed up. No return address, didnt recognize the guy who brought it in, come to think of it, the middle of the night.
Angel: This was deliberate.
Lorne: Senior Partners?
Gunn: Doesnt add up, but Ill hit the White Room. Talk to the conduit.
Angel: Now look, if the Senior Partners didnt do this you gotta get them to help us.
Gunn: Any way I can.
Spike: What about Doyle, uh, Lindsey? Man likes to play his games.
Angel: I was looking to work the streets *and* weve got his address. For all we know hes probably sitting there, laughing. If theres muscle work to do. . .
Spike: Lets make it twice as fast.
Lorne: And baby makes three. In case anybody feels like singing.
Angel: Guys?
Wes: You dont have to say it.
Angel: Ill say it anyway. Winifred Burkle. Go.
Gunn: Hello? Here kitty kitty? Look I know theres someone in here and it aint just me. Im not going any wher--[gets hit by Conduit-Gunn] Well whaddaya know. It *is* just me.
Conduit-Gunn: I am not your friend. I am not your flunkie. I am your conduit to the Senior Partners and they are tired of your insolence, oh yeah, they are not here for your convenience.
Gunn: I didnt come for a favor. We can make a deal.
Conduit-Gunn: Deals are for the devil
Gunn: You want someone else, a life for hers, youll get it. You can have mine.
Conduit-Gunn: I already do.
Angel: Well. Ill be damned all over again.
Eve: Why would we do anything to Fred? Why would we care about-- [smack!]
Lorne: Ooooh! Im sorry that was a knuckle-buster. Im Jake LaMotte over here, its pathetic. Oh. Heres the thing, Eve. Youre going to sing for me and Im going to read you, right now. And heres one more thing. Winifred Burkle once told me after a sinful amount of Chinese food and in lieu of absolutely nothing, I think a lot of people would choose to be green. Your shade if they had the choice. If I hear one note, one quarter note, that tells me you had any involvement, these two wont even have time to kill you. Oh, and anything by Diane Warren will also result in your death. Well, except Rhythm of the Night.
Angel: Come on. Lets save the day.
Fred: I am not. . . I am not the damsel in distress, I am not some case! I have to work this. I lived in a cave for five years in a world where they killed my kind like cattle. I am not going to be cut down by some monster flu, I am better than that.
Spike: Hey, after we save Fred we should hit the West End. Take in a show.
Angel: Ive never seen Les Mis.
Spike: Trust me. Half way through the first act youll be drinking humans again.
Angel: I cant lose her, Spike.
Spike: You wont.
Angel: I lost Cordy.
Wes: Angel and Spike are on their way to finding your cure. And I shouldnt like to be the thing standing in their way.
Fred: Its terrible. At a time like this Im worried about how crappy I look.
Wes: Youre the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen.
Fred: You always liked the splotchy girls.
Wes: Its my curse.
Spike: Strategy?
Angel: Just hold my hand.
Spike: St. Petersburg.
Angel: Thought youd forgotten.
Knox: I mean, I dont just care about Fred, I practically worship it.
Gunn: You said it.
Knox: What?
Gunn: Not her, you said I worship it.
Knox: Oooops.
Gunn: You did this. You did all of this.
Knox: Technically thats not the case. I just played my part.
Gunn: Why? You couldnt stand the thought of Wes winning her so you kill her?
Knox: No! I meant everything I said about her. I chose Fred because I love her, because shes worthy. You think Id have my God hatched out of some schmuck?
Gunn: What are . . .
Knox: This was all set in motion millions of years ago, Charles. And theres just no way to stop it.
Gunn: Angel and Spike.
Knox: Oh, theyre really on track, but it doesnt matter. Angels not going to save her.
Gunn: You dont know Angel.
Knox: Im not being clear. I dont mean that Angels going to *fail* to save her. I mean that hes going to let her die.
Knox: Theres only a few of us now. I came to L.A. because I knew thats where its kingdom had been. It was supposed to teleport back to the base of its power, but the continents drifted. Which they do. I had others help me get it here, but then it got stuck in, would you believe it, Customs. But you took care of that. You signed the order to bring it into the lab so you could get another brain-boost. Its like I said. Im just one small part of a greater machine.
Gunn: Angels gonna save her.
Knox: What hes fighting against is older than the concept of time. I couldnt stop it. Theres nothing left to do now but wait. Wait and try to figure out exactly what you want to tell your. . .
Spike: Yeah, its been freed. Why do you think were here? And whats your favorite color? Whats your favorite song? Whos the goalkeeper for Manchester United? And how many fingers am I holding up? You wanna kill me? Try. I dont have time for your quirks.
Truman: The power to draw back Illyria lies in there. It requires a champion who has traveled from where it lies to where it belongs.
Angel: Youve got two of those right here.
Truman: I didnt know it was free. If we bring the sarcophagus back to the well it *will* draw Illyria out of your friend and *into* every single person between here and there. It will become the mystical equivalent of airborne. It will crawl into every soul in its path to keep from being trapped. In time tens, maybe hundreds of thousands will die in agony. If you save her.
Angel: No.
Spike: Thats madness.
Truman: This is a place of madness. Ill prepare the spell. Your choice.
Angel: Hell with the world.
Fred: I walk with heroes. Think about that.
Wes: You are one.
Angel: Spike.
Spike: This goes all the way through. To the other side. So I figure, theres a bloke somewhere round New Zealand, standing on a bridge like this one, looking back down at us. All the way down. Theres a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known.
Fred: Will you kiss me? Would you have loved me?
Wes: Ive loved you since Ive known you. No thats not . . . I think maybe even before.
Fred: Im so sorry.
Wes: No, no.
Fred: I need you to talk to my parents. They have to know I wasnt scared. That I went quick. That I wasnt scared. Oh, God.
Wes: You have to fight it. You dont have to talk, just concentrate on fighting. Just hold on.
Fred: Im not scared. Im not scared. Im not scared. Please, Wesley, why cant I stay?
Illyria: This will do.
Please credit Hellmouth Central with these quotes when using them for any publication.
|