|
Harm's Way
Fred: Spike!
Gunn: Been wondering when you’d turn up.
Fred: Where have you been? It’s been days.
Spike: Out enjoying freedom from my ghostly confines, luv.
Fred: There hasn’t been any side effects since you recorporealized, has there?
Spike: Bit of a hangover. But that’s to be expected from all of the drinking.
Spike: Yeah, here’s the thing. Could use a little walking around money. How ‘bout a few hundred?
Angel: How about ‘no’?
Spike: Typical, you cheap sod. Right, then. Settle for some wheels.
Angel: If it’s gonna get you out of her faster, fine. Just not the Viper.
Spike: Viper it is, then. Have you got a message for Buffy?
Angel: Tell her you’re a moron.
Harmony: What? I don’t get a good-bye because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex?
Spike: Keep it simple, Harm. It suits you.
Fred: My lab managed that upgrade to the weapon scanner like you requested.
Angel: Foolproof?
Fred: I’d say yes, but then some fool would just come along and sneak something past us. But it’s still state of the art.
Harmony: I just wish I was more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science and not having a lot up front. I mean, you have two hot guys after you.
Fred: I do?
Harmony: All the girls, they think it’s Knox and Gunn. Course I know that it’s Knox and Wesley. Not that they’d listen. It is Knox and Wes, right?
Fred: Yes. I mean, no. I don’t know. We all work together, and there’s a lot of baggage. . . and why am I telling you all this?
Harmony: Because we’re totally bonding! We’re like gal pals. This is awesome. You can teach me about life and I can teach you how to dress better.
Fred: Oh.
Harmony (to guy in her bed): Um, Tim? Trevor? George? Apparently you and I . . . you know. I’m sure I rocked your world and all, but I gotta go to work so . . . . Hello? [finds out the guy is dead] Ooops.
[Harmony’s to do list]
To Do:
Big Demon Summit:
- Remind Security of Summit
- Arrange Transportation
- Return Camel
- Confirm Catering
Wes: And the police called you because. . .
Angel: Apparently we own them.
Gunn: Makes sense.
Wes: Course.
Angel: That, and they found my card on the victim. It was the liaison between the feuding clans.
Gunn: Toby Dupree?
Harmony: Toby! That was his . . . [Gunn, Wes, and Angel look at Harmony] name. Really? You just don’t hear unusual names like that anymore.
Angel: We’re going to have to do some serious damage control.
Gunn: You think? Demon rights activist gets munched by a vamp on *our* watch?
Harmony: He told me he was an astronaut.
Gunn [in Vingee]: All is well, oh, powerful one. The summit can proceed.
Vingee clansman: Killer must be found! Killer must be punished!
Gunn: They’re looking for vengeance.
Angel: Tell them we’re on it.
Gunn [in Vingee]: You have our oath.
Angel [in Vingee]: Be disemboweled!
Vingee clansman: Filthy man whore! How dare you! You --
Gunn [in vingee]: He meant, be patient! The whore man is a novice in your tongue and makes foolish errors. We make fun of him, yes?
Fred [into tape recorder]: Bite marks are seventeen millimeters apart, six millimeters deep on the right side of the neck.
Harmony: Well that doesn’t sound like much to go on.
Fred [into tape recorder]: The size and depth of the wound indicate a female vampire.
Harmony: Or gay!
Harmony [talking to bound and gagged Lorne, Fred, and Rudy the lab tech]: I’m totally sorry I have to do this, and you guys are being super understanding. It’s just till I clear my name. I so owe you guys dinner.
Harmony: You’re gonna tell Angel the truth!
Tameeka: You wanna know the first thing I’m gonna do when I get your desk? Smash all those stupid, ugly ass unicorns!
Harmony: Then you’re gonna tell Angel how you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood and how you tricked me. . .
Tameeka: My lips? Sealed. The key? Lost it.
Angel: You should a just come to me.
Fred: Gee, I wish I woulda thought of telling her that.
Harmony: I’m really, really sorry you guys. I totally wouldn’t have hit you over the head and put you in the closet if I didn’t have a really good reason. It’s just, I was scared. . . and. . . I know you never wanted me as your assistant, and. . . Ok, I made some bad choices. I mean it’s not like I have a soul. I have to try a lot harder.
Spike: I was on my way. Had a boat ticket and all. Then I put a little thinking into it. A man can’t go out in a bloody blaze of glory, saving the world and then show up three months later tumbling off a cruise ship in the south of France. I mean, I’d love to. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s hard to top an exit like that.
Harmony: Come on. Girls don’t care about stuff like that. Just one look at you and she’ll forget herself. She’ll get all tingly. And it won’t matter how horribly you treated her in the past, and how you took her for granted . . .
Spike: I never took her for . . . . Oh. [long pause] I’d expect Buffy would be happy enough to see me. It’s just I gave up my life for her. If I show up now, flesh and bone, my grand finale won’t hold much weight. All of it. Won’t matter.
Harmony: Yeah. Not mattering. I know that feeling well.
Spike: Oh, come on, Harm. You matter to someone.
Harmony: I do?
Spike: Yeah. Girl tried to frame you, didn’t she? Must have mattered to her. Everybody’s talking about it.
Harmony: You’re right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter.
Please credit Hellmouth Central with these quotes when using them for any publication.
|