Overall Rating: 8.95
Matt: 8.6
Eric: 9.3
Writer: Jane Espenson
Director: Marita Grabiak
Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn Summers, James Marsters as Spike, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg.
Main guest stars : Danny Strong as Jonathan, Tom Lenk as Andrew, Adam Busch as Warren, Iyari Limon as Kennedy, Sarah Hagan as Amanda, Indigo as Rona, DB Woodside as Robin Wood.
Original broadcast date : February 25, 2003
My one-line description: Hell, if the ME demon can say it
We are goooods!
Tis the time for Masterpiece Theatre, with your host
Andrew! Sitting in a leather chair by a roaring fire, smoking a pipe, the nerd welcomes us gentle viewers to
Buffy, Slayer of vampires. He tells us about Buffy and her mission as the camera shows the Slayer patrolling in a cemetery. He narrates as she fights one, two, three vampires, gets thrown against a headstone, rallies and dusts the villains. Back in his favourite chair, Masterpiece Andrew continues narrating
but a knock comes on the door, and Anyas voice calls. It seems Andrew is actually in
the bathroom, and Anya is complaining that hes been there for 30 minutes. She enters to see him sitting in front of a camera, and asks why he cant be masturbating like the rest of them
Buffy fights and dusts a vampire, as Andrew shows up behind her with his camcorder. Hes excited that hes gotten her on film dusting the guy, but shes just annoyed she doesnt want him filming her. He argues that the video is going to be a story for the ages, but she just walks away.
Back in reality, Anya asks Andrew what hes doing taking up the bathroom. He explains that he wants to make a video for future generations, but she thinks its a waste of time until he tells her hell interview her later.
In the basement, Andrew puts the viewer in context with his infamous whiteboard he shows the high school, the Hellmouth beneath it, the Ubervamp emerging from it, the First masterminding it all and, of course, the Bringers, who he says are very mobile for blind people. (Very interesting drawings he has there has Giles been giving lessons?)
Camcorder recording, Andrew enters the kitchen, where the SITs are busy fixing themselves breakfast. He comments on the women in the kitchen, which leads to Xander speaking up he feels excluded. Andrew mollifies him the same way he did Anya by promising an interview, as Xander is the heart of the group
Buffy and Spike walk in, and Andrew announces its time for introductions. Amanda takes this as her cue to say hi to the camera, but he tells her theyre starting from the top. First, theres Buffy
A fantasy vision of Buffy in slow-motion, her hair blowing in the wind, sensually pouring cereal in a bowl as Andrew comments that shes beautiful, with a lions heart and the face of an angel. A bare-chested Spike moves close to her, and they almost kiss
as Anya waltzes past them, sensually licking some grapes with her tongue. Andrew introduces her as a feisty waif with a fiery temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides, even from herself. The camera pans, still in slow-motion, across a lovely girl
whose name Andrew doesnt remember.
Back to reality Buffy has just noticed that Andrew is filming again, and wants it stopped. Willow half-heartedly argues that the girls can watch themselves train, and Xander and Anya confirm that its good documentation. Buffy asks Spike what he thinks he says he doesnt care as long as its not pointed at him. Buffy turns her annoyance into a heartfelt speech to the girls, which Andrew promptly gives us a break from. He uses the camera to introduce himself a former villain.
Fantasy scene time again: in a lab full of bubbling potions, Andrew tells Warren and Jonathan about his latest plan make Buffy super-magnetic, so that all metal, including knives and swords, will be attracted to her
Warren and Jonathan are almost on their knees before Andrews genius!
Commenting that Warren was cool and Jonathan the cutest thing, Andrew picks up his camcorder and moves to the kitchen but Buffys speech is still going. He catches Willow, in the corner, half-listening while Kennedy caresses her sleeve. Andrew notes that the two girls were in a bad place, but are slowly making up after Kennedys unhappy brush with Willows magic. He then tells of his own personal experience with Willows magic
Flashback: dark evil Willow confronts Andrew and Jonathan at the Magic Box. She lets loose with the magic, but this time things are different Andrew confidently stops the bolt of energy as Jonathan cowers behind him. Whoa, didnt see that coming! says Willow an actual scene cut but Andrew talks down to her, hinting that shes a novice. She goes at it again, but he bats the energy aside. Thats an effective counterspell, she says again, a cut and again he talks down to her, calling her little one.
Andrew snaps back to reality, notices that Buffys speech is finished and decides to go see whats left for breakfast.
Buffy hurries down a school hallway and walks up on two boys fighting, being encouraged by a small gathering. She breaks up the fight, and the bell rings, sending the students on their way. As the corridor clears, she sees a sad girl leaning against a wall
slowly fading out of sight. She rushes to the girl, urging her not to do this but the girl is completely gone. Buffy slaps her, bringing her back to visibility. You noticed me! the girl says happily. Buffy starts to tell her itll be OK but another girl emerges from the bathroom, sobbing. The mirror said I was fat! she wails to Buffy as she walks away. No time to react Buffy hears a nerdy guy with huge glasses and a pile of books complain to two other guys that if schoolwork keeps up, he feels hes going to explode. Buffy strides over to him and tells him to calm down and she asks the two guys to give him a foot rub!
Buffy marches into Woods office, saying that somethings going on, but stops short when she sees him dabbing a wound on his forehead. Someone threw a rock at him as he was getting out of his car. Buffy helps him put a plaster on it, and explains that in the past some things at school tended to become real but shes never seen it happen all at once. They conclude that Hell is busting over.
(Insert of Andrew tapping the Hellmouth on his whiteboard with a pointer stick)
Buffy explains to Wood that the school experience is like a war the teachers are out to get the students, the Chess Club is out to get the French Club, etc. They have to do something right now, or theyll have a riot on their hands
or worse. Just then, the overworked nerd screams in the corridor, theres a pop, and some guts splatter on the walls. Really shoulda had that foot rub, Buffy quips.
The camcorder focuses on Dawn, seated at a table, as Andrew introduces her sweet with a hunger for fun, and with a smile that lights up the room. Dawn grins and waves hello, and Andrew adds that she used to be a Key.
Soon, Andrew is off to show the viewers something more interesting in the living room Willow and Kennedy, sitting on the couch and kissing passionately. He focuses the cam on them
then on the window sill above them he compliments Xander for the fine work he did on it.
As Buffy and Wood look at the school blueprints, he marvels at the fact shes seen so many things like this before. She thinks all the madness is coming from the Seal all evil is trying to escape it, and its getting all
Focusy, he finishes for her. Buffy jokingly worries that hes starting to talk like her.
This is Xander and Anya interview 1 for Buffy, Slayer of Vampyres, Andrew announces, as he films the ex-couple on the couch. Anya doesnt like the title, and Andrew says hes also thinking of calling it Buffy, the Slayer Who Knew No Fear. Xander likes this title better. Andrew opens up the interview by asking how Xander feels one year after leaving Anya at the altar. Xander is shocked, but Anya agrees its a good question and asks him what he has to say. Xander embarrassedly says that he apologized, but it wasnt something he had to apologize for it would have been wrong, and now its over. Anya disagrees, arguing that they still spark she still loves him, and she knows he still loves her. Is this true, Xander? Do you still love her? Andrew asks. Xander remains silent, not knowing what to say.
In the basement, Buffy and Wood find the Seal uncovered, which leads Wood to comment that it wants to turn students into monsters and doesnt want to remain hidden. Buffy reveals to him her vision of hundreds of Ubervamps, and tells him about the one Ubervamp that was originally released by the Seal. Wood goes to investigate, actually standing on the Seal which somewhat unsettles Buffy. She says Willow investigated the markings and couldnt find anything. Wood asks if he trusts her, and Buffy says she does. Hes not sure, though her friends have all been evil at one time or another. She admits theyve been through some bad patches, but she herself hasnt been evil. Evil is what evil does, he replies, his voice strange. And I know what youve been doing. He raises his head, and his eyes are all white. He accuses her of screwing a vampire and calls her a whore. He advances on her, but she knocks him into the wall. Back to his old self, Wood asks what happened. She tells him the Seal got control of him. He says they have to close it somehow, and she replies they have to start with the guy who spilled the first drop of blood
Spike is very unhappy at Andrew filming him. I told you to piss off with this camera, he growls, advancing on Andrew. The nerd interrupts, saying that Spike stepped forward and has the light behind him. Spike obligingly walks back to a better spots, prepares himself and
I told you to piss off with this camera
Meanwhile, Xander and Anya are still sitting on the couch shes trying to get him to admit he still loves her. Xander finally says yes, he still does and always will, but isnt sure if it still means anything anymore. She reluctantly agrees. As they talk, the camcorder left on the table records
Andrew watches the recording and mouths the words along with Anya as she speaks of Xanders bravery. He rewinds to watch it again, but Buffy and Wood appear. The Slayer announces its his turn to help them; Andrew is less than thrilled, but Buffy insists he knows more about the Seal than anybody else.
In the school basement, five students in a trance enter the Seal room and start circling the artefact. As they chant, the Seal begins to glow
Mexico, 2002. In a small shack, Andrew and Jonathan are sleeping in a rickety double bed. Both of them are tossing and turning in the same dream: Bringers, the Seal, the Ubervamp, the SITs being killed
They both jerk awake and talk about the dream Andrew reports the voice saying Desme abdo Tay Deborah"; they dont know what it means. They move on to talking about their current status, arguing about whether Jonathan was really evil or not.
OK, I think were getting a little off track here, Willow comments. Shes sitting in front of Andrew, who is holding a glowing rock a means for Willow to get inside his mind. Hes jittery and wants to talk about other stuff, but the gang surrounding him wants information, and order him to get back on topic.
Jonathan gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Warren/The First appears beside Andrew. He asks the nerd if he got the knife, and Andrew says he did after some useless talk, he takes it out of a box and presents it to Warren. Andrew calls out to Jonathan to know if hes OK in the bathroom, and Jonathan impatiently replies that he is. Andrew tells Warren he isnt sure about the killing part, but Warren says that that boys blood is special, and if all goes well, theyll be gods. Andrew thinks about this and daydreams
We are as gods, we are gods, we are gods, sing the three nerds, wearing togas and dancing in a bucolic field with flowers and butterflies (ugh!).
Warren tells Andrew to Drive the words deep into him and everything will be good. Andrew repeats the information if he kills Jonathan, theyll be gods.
Willow interrupts Andrew, asking him to go back to that last part. Hes not sure which, so
We are as gods, we are gods!
NO, not that part, she snaps impatiently (thank you Willow!). She asks him to go back to the part about the knife she thinks it may be important, and sends Kennedy to get it in Andrews belongings. He stops her, saying the knife is with the cutlery in the kitchen. The gang is shocked that he used a murder weapon as a steak knife
Spike asks whats so important about the knife, and Willow explains that if Warren said Drive the words deep into him, there may be writing on it
Kennedy returns with the item and hands it to Willow. She gives it to Andrew and asks him how he is with demon languages. He says the writing is in Tuarik, and reads off the knife "The blood which I spill will concecrate the oldest evil." Buffy asks whether Willow can do something with this, and the redhead says she can.
I think its worth a shot, Willow says as she closes her laptop. Buffy moves back into the living room and tells Andrew theyre taking a little trip to the Seal it seems to know the language, so maybe they can talk with it. She recruits Spike and Wood to come along as well.
Night time. The school is a war zone, with trashcans blazing and graffiti spray-painted everywhere. Buffy, Spike, Wood and a camcorder-wielding Andrew move through the mayhem. Wood sarcastically says to Spike that hed probably love this opportunity to take advantage of the crazed students. No love lost there. They make it to the end of the hallway passing students in bad need of Ritalin when Wood gets hit in the face by a student with a fire extinguisher. Other students attack, and Buffy, Spike and Wood take them on while Andrew films. Buffy reminds Spike that theyre just students; Theyll live, he growls as he punches one of them.
When they reach the basement door, Buffy and Andrew go down alone while Spike and Wood guard the door. As they descend, Buffy grows impatient with Andrews filming and takes the camcorder from him. She doesnt want a biographer whos a murderer. Andrew asks her to stop calling him that, and tries to explain the influence Warren/The First had on him.
Flashback to the murder scene Stab him! urges Warren as the two nerds dig up the Seal. Andrew expresses reluctance, which causes Jonathan to wonder whats going on. Warren continues to pressure Andrew, who finally takes out the knife making Jonathan panic. The two start wrestling, and Warren again urges Andrew to kill Jonathan. Andrew stabs his friend, who falls to the floor dead. Nooooo! screams a distraught Andrew.
Buffy comments that Andrews story isnt unlike what happened to Wood earlier.
New flashback Andrew and Jonathan are digging up the Seal; Andrew suddenly turns, his eyes white, and smiles as he stabs Jonathan, who falls dead onto the Seal. Get out of my brain! Aaaaah! cries a distraught Andrew.
Buffy is amazed that Andrew just changed his entire story. As they walk up to the door to the Seal room, they can hear the students chanting. Andrew moves to leave, but Buffy holds him, cautioning him to be prepared they dont know what may have happened to the students. They open the door and the five students raise their heads their eyes are gone and crossed out, like the Bringers
At the house, Xander and Anya lie on Spikes cot, in the afterglow of sex. They talk about how good it was, but agree that it felt like just one more time.
Spike and Wood are still guarding the door, wondering whats taking Buffy so long. Suddenly more students attack, and the pair wards them off. As Spike crouches, his back to Wood, the principal spots a wooden board with nails and grabs it. He goes for Spike, intent on staking him
but is thrown off by another attacking student.
Down in the basement, the Bringer/students attack. Buffy retaliates as Andrew films, commenting on her fighting skills. When shes finished with the students, she walks towards him with the dagger, saying its his turn. He starts walking nervously away from her, and they circle each other around the Seal. She asks him if he really thought she brought him here to talk to the Seal; Andrew nervously replies that she cant give it blood, itll open it and thats bad. Buffy confidently says that Willow did some research, and it turns out that the blood of the first person to open it Andrew could close it. Andrew protests that hes not a murderer, that hes seeking redemption, but Buffy impatiently cuts him off. She asks him to stop making everything into a story where no one is responsible. Andrew argues that hes upset that he lost his friend, but she corrects him he didnt lose his friend, he murdered him. Andrew pleads with her not to kill him, theyll get through this, just like she said. She says she made it up and shes tired of making speeches where theyre all going to live, because they wont. Good people are going to die, maybe her, maybe him
maybe right now.
She grabs Andrew and holds him over the Seal, the knife ready to stab. Andrew breaks down and sobs that he knew it wasnt Warren he was seeing, that he murdered his friend and now hes going to die. His tears roll down his face and drop onto the glowing Seal
and lo and behold, it stops glowing. Buffy lets go of Andrew, who falls onto the artefact. It didnt want blood, she softly tells him. It wanted tears. He thanks her and asks whether shes going to stab her. I wasnt going to stab you, she says. He wonders what wouldve happened if the tears hadnt worked she just looks at him coldly and walks away.
Upstairs, Spike and Wood are still fighting the student, when suddenly
it all stops. The students just start to walk around in a daze, and the pair realizes that Buffys done it.
At the house, Andrew faces his camcorder in the bathroom. "Here's the thing. I killed my best friend. There's a big fight coming, and I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't even think I'm gonna live through it. That's, ah, probably the way it should be. I guess I...
Unable to continue, Andrew reaches out and shuts the recording off.
Summary by OttsFiveByFive
Special thanks to Loey.