Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com Clem: Hey, you!
Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Buffy: Hi! Hey, nice Beetle you’ve got there.
Clem: Yeah. I’m a man of bugs.
Buffy: I didn’t need to hear that.
Buffy: Hey, Xand. I’m here. *sniff*
Xander: Aw, Buffy…
Buffy: Sorry. I think I have something in my eye. *chuckle*
Xander: Do you see me laughing?
Buffy: Well, usually you’re the one who gets, um, j-ocular at times like these. *chortle*
Xander: Willow, make her stop!
Willow: What do you want me to do, a spell?
Xander: Anything!
Willow: I’ll need… an eye of newt. *chuckle*
Buffy: *chortle wheeze*
Xander: OK, you two are off the will.
Caleb: You’re scared. Just the way I like my girls.
Buffy: Why are you so angry?
Caleb: They cancelled my show!!!
Joss: CUT!!!
Amanda: *hic*
Dawn: Yo Faith, cool dance moves!
Faith: What? I’m not dancing.
Kennedy: Well what’re you doing thrashing around with all those guys?
Faith: I’m mating.
Amanda: *hic* Uh oh. There goes our *hic* PG-13.
Faith: Actually, I think it went last season. We have TV in jail, ya know.
Buffy: Faith, another word out of you and I’m smashing you.
Faith: SMASHED! That’s the episode where the PG-13 went.
Buffy: *WHACK*
Faith: I can tell you something right now. I’m not going back to jail.
Cop: That’s not our plan either.
Faith: What, you’re gonna kill me? Whatever happened to nice cops, like the one in the Village People?
Cop: We’re going to hit you now.
Kennedy: That cop doesn’t look like he’s going to move. We need a plan.
Dawn: Let’s go into research mode, like Buffy would. What do we know about cops’ weaknesses?
Amanda: Well *hic* there’s that thing about *hic* the police cruisers taking on *hic* fire when you *hic* hit them from behind.
Kennedy: Or we could attack them with water pistols.
Dawn: They’ll never see it coming.
Kennedy: FAITH! We’re here!
Faith: It’s OK, I took care of’ em.
Dawn: What happened? Where are the cops?
Faith: I had coupons for donuts and coffee.
Kennedy: Meh. That’s a classic.
Dawn: Do you have any left?
Buffy: I have an idea. Let’s go back to the vineyard and get massacred.
Rona: Bad, bad plan.
Faith: Anyway, Caleb won’t even be there. The place is gonna be empty.
Buffy: And how do you know that?
Faith: Just look at the title of the eppy, B. It’s called Empty Places.
Buffy: You’re a very literal-minded person, aren’t you?
Faith: Not really. For example, right now I’m pretending not to want to take your leadership away, when it’s actually my plan.
Buffy: I rest my case.
Faith: Well hey, Einstein, whadda *you* think Empty Places means?
Buffy: It’s obvious. It refers to all the cool places now for rent in Sunnydale.
Kennedy: *groan*
Rona: When you two are finished playing dim and dimmer, can we move on to throwing Buffy out?
Dawn: Buffy, I love you, but you have to leave.
Buffy: You know you’re still not getting your spinoff, right?
Dawn: This is Sunnydale. Weirder things have happened.
Faith: Buffy, I swear I didn’t want this to happen.
Buffy: Sure you did. You said so in there.
Faith: Oh yeah, right. Well, so long, B. Just because I said no to a spinoff doesn’t mean I don’t get a Faith-centered eppy.
Buffy: I thought people were supposed to get better in jail, not worse.
Faith: Hey, I did get better. Just ask the BuffyBot about last night. *chuckle wink*
Buffy: The girls are doomed.