Email me: sergiusmagnus@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: All BTVS and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Faith: *Punch* … *Punch punch punch BREAK SHATTER punch*
Camera hidden in shower wall: *Film film film*
Faith: WESLEY!!!

Voice: Hello, Angelus.
Angelus: Huh?
Voice: I think it’s time we had that talk.
Angelus: Oh, great, now I have Walter Cronkite in my head.
Voice: WHAT? I am not Walter Cronkite!
Angelus: Really? Just repeat after me: “President Kennedy died…”
Voice: This is silly. “President Kennedy died…”

Connor: Hey. Who’s this Kennedy guy who died? Did Angelus do it?
Cordy: Never mind.

Wesley: *Dial dial dial*
Faith: Wesley, what the hell is that camera…
Wesley: Hello, Buffy? Yes, it’s Wesley. Could you come over to Los Angeles very quick? There’s a demon in my shower. And she’s all wet.
Faith: *WHACK*

Connor: Cordy just wanted some… soup. And some ice cream with a pickle on top.
Lorne: Ewww, that’s disgusting! Not again!
Connor: I swear, nothing happened!!!
Lorne: I keep telling Cordy that ice cream goes better with sardines!
Fred: I’m going to throw up now.
Connor: (And you’re not even pregnant)
Cordy: CONNOR!!!

Fred: You can’t hurt me. We have this whole anti-demon spell… thing…
Angelus: Ah, but I’ve got this… *dangle dangle*
Fred: What it is?
Angelus: It’s made with the tooth fillings of all the people I killed.
Fred: Squeak.

Fred: Hey, anybody wonder why I was able to hit Angelus but Connor wasn’t?
Gunn: Maybe Connor’s a demon.
Connor: Am not!!!
Gunn: You have no chest hair, but you’re fooling around with Cordy. That’s evil.
Connor: So? You haven’t got any head hair! What does that make you?
Gunn: I bet you don’t have any hair elsewhere either.
Lorne: Not waking up… I am so not waking up.
*CLICK*
Connor: *CLICK* ?
*CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK*
Connor: What’s that sound?
Gunn: It’s the sound of TV sets being turned off all across the city.

Wesley: Angelus is an animal. The only way to defeat him is to be just as vicious as he is.
Faith: Can I be a wolverine?
Wesley: Not the type of vice I had in mind, but it’ll have to do. *wink wink*
Faith: STOP IT!!!

Voice: ANGELUS!!! I am not well pleased!!!
Angelus: Well, I would imagine. Retirement must really suck, hey Walt?
Voice: I hate you.

Fred: All the little mouse could do was squeak at him!
Gunn: Well, that’s all past now.
Fred: So what comes next?
Gunn: Well, behind door # 1, you get to pose for FHM, behind door # 2 you make out with me but I walk away, and behind door # 3 you get conned again by Angelus in the next episode. So what’ll it be?
Fred: Squeak.

Connor: Cordy, I don’t even know what I am.
Cordy: I do.
Connor: I am NOT a demon!!!
Cordy: I wasn’t…
Connor: I can prove it!!! *UNZIP*
Cordy: Connor, please, don’t!
Connor: Oh, right, you couldn’t handle it in your state.
Cordy: No, the ratings couldn’t handle it in their state.
Connor: But I do have hair!
Cordy: Of course you do, sweetie. On your head. By the way, do I sound like Walter Cronkite?
Connor: Walter who?

Girl: Hey, you look pretty, wanna make out?
Faith: Yuk!!! Why does everybody have to bring out that lesbian thing?
Girl: Not bring it out. Bring it on.
Faith: OK, let’s see. *WHACK* for the implication, and *WHACK* for the bad pun.

Wesley: Oh, you have a problem with a little torture now?
Faith: WHAT?
Wesley: Well, if I remember correctly, there’s the five torture groups.
Faith: Um, no, there’s four.
Wesley: No, five. Hot, cold, sharp, blunt… and kinky.
Faith: Can I go back to jail now?

Angelus: You know, there’s only one way to make the pain stop.
Faith: Yeah? What’s that?
Angelus: A good cup of… lesbian tea. Ask Willow. Oh wait… that’s in the next episode.
Faith: I don’t know how Buffy puts up with all these *WHACKS* in her dialogue.
Otts: Hey, it’s good promo. Hit him, girl, hit him!
Faith: Nah. That’s not who I am anymore. I’m not like Angelus here.
Angelus: But you will be. *BITE*
Faith: Squeak!!!
Fred: Hey, that’s my line!